


May I Love You

by MissSnowFox



Series: Love's First Kiss [2]
Category: Merlin - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-02-07
Updated: 2012-06-20
Packaged: 2017-10-15 17:22:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 132,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/163104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSnowFox/pseuds/MissSnowFox





	1. Book 1: Prologue

Morgause slowly glided out of the early morning fog; smiling, almost triumphantly, at the two male silhouettes by the lake. The cold, white mist danced around them, as though devouring them whole, whilst the Prince cradled the smaller boy within his strong arms. She could hear his sobs echoing through the crisp, frigid air and as she drew ever closer she could almost _see_ the tears trickle down his cheeks, and drip onto the boy's pale face below.

Her form now appeared out of the shadows and she swiftly neared the two men; her pace now quickening as she tasted the opportunity for her long awaited revenge. The Prince's gaze drifted up upon the sound of Morgause approaching the lake, though the utter hatred she witnessed within his eyes and etched upon his face, was enough to startle even her. But the eye contact only lasted for a brief moment, as he seemed unable to look at the young witch for any longer. She allowed a few seconds to pass before extending her arm towards him; revealing a golden chalice.

* * *


	2. The Bet

The sky was completely clear, as the crisp, white sun rose over the castle; the early morning rays shining brightly through the windows into Prince Arthur's chambers. The cloudless sky just intensified the harsh light that flooded the dark room and fell upon the faces of the two sleeping men.

But nothing could wake the Prince this morning. He was in a peaceful, blissful sleep, his arms wrapped tightly around Merlin's waking body in front of him. The exhausted body that had only fallen asleep mere hours before, held the skinny boy against his own, as his chest lowered every time he exhaled gently; Merlin smiled as he woke up and felt that familiar warm breath on the back of his neck. His eyes remained closed for a while longer due to the intense light invading the room through the crack between the curtains and just enjoyed the feeling of The Prince's sleeping body behind him.

Even though he would have done anything to go back to sleep and rest, he somehow didn't mind waking up so much if it meant feeling this way, wrapped in Arthur's arms. The Prince was obviously still asleep; he was always the last one awake in the mornings.

Merlin moved his elbow back a little to tap Arthur lightly in the chest, to which he squirmed and moaned into the pillow. Merlin smiled, snuggling deeper under the sheets, to prevent the cold air entering the bed.

"You call that an early night Arthur?" Merlin asked quietly "I don't know about you, but I only got about two hours sleep!" he laughed, putting his hand on Arthur's, causing the Prince to tighten his grip possessively on his manservant.

"You just try and pretend you didn't enjoy it," Arthur mumbled proudly into the pillow, barely loud enough for Merlin to hear.

"Oh, I enjoyed it, I'm just wondering how me and you are going to be able to stand up on our two feet at the meeting this morning."

"What meeting?"

"Council meeting? Keep up Arthur!" Merlin rolled his eyes at the Prince's forgetfulness.

"Sorry, I don't think well when I'm this tired," Arthur complained. Merlin could tell from the tone of his voice that it was going to take a lot to get him up today, and of all the days when he needed Arthur up as quickly as possible!

"Well you should have thought about that last night! I did remind you that you had to be up early," he rebuked him.

"After which you proposed an early night!" Arthur retorted.

"Yes Arthur!" Merlin laughed "An early night that was meant to consist of us _sleeping_ , not of you banging my brains out till the early hours of the morning."

"Well, how am I supposed to tell the difference between you being serious and you using a euphemism? It's usually always the latter with you."

Merlin let out a short laugh under his breath, knowing that Arthur was all too right about that. Ever since they had first made love, Merlin couldn't get enough of his Prince. Ever since he had fallen in love with Arthur, he just seemed to find him so much more attractive. So much more appetising. He often found himself trying to catch Arthur's attention in public; making eyes at him, whilst making sure no one was looking. It inevitably led to Arthur motioning to the door with his head and Merlin following the Prince to his chambers for the rest of the night.

Arthur was no less guilty, however. More often than not, whenever Merlin was working for him in public during a feast or even during dinner with the King, he would whisper suggestive comments to the boy under his breath as he filled his cup with wine, enjoying the flushed look on Merlin's face as he walked away, and knowing that he put it there.

"Yes, well, you should have though less with your balls, and more with your brains, now get up, we're probably going to be late now," Merlin complained, realising that they had been in bed much longer than he had intended. He hurried out from under the covers and went to look for his clothes, that were no doubt thrown around the whole room; it was always a challenge trying to find his clothes the morning after, and today was no different.

"Come back to bed love!" Arthur said, trying to make his voice sound as persuasive and suggestive as possible. Merlin chuckled slightly "Don't you ever run out of steam Arthur Pendragon?" He finally found his trousers, and pulled them on, rolling his eyes when he heard the Prince groan and turn over onto his front; pulling the covers over his bare shoulders.

"I don't want to get up! Screw the council," he mumbled sleepily, with a hint of childish stubbornness.

"Arthur, I'm dead on my feet too, but you've got to get up, now come on!" Merlin pleaded as he pulled his tunic over his head, before tying a red scarf round his pale neck. He moved to the foot of the Prince's bed and sighed in frustration; Arthur didn't seem to intend on letting up any time soon.

"No! Come back to bed!" he moaned into the mattress. Merlin folded his arms in annoyance.

"Arthur, stop being so pratty, please!"

"No!" Arthur protested still. Merlin gave a loud sigh, and with one swift movement, pulled the white sheets off the bed. Feeling the cold morning air hit his warm skin, Arthur jumped up into a sitting position, gasping loudly at the change in temperature. It took all of Merlin's self control not to burst out laughing at Arthur trying desperately to cover himself with the pillows.

"MERLIN!" he shouted.

"There you go! Up like a shot!" Merlin said, clapping his hands. He rolled his eyes as he saw the young Prince attempting to adjust the pillows that were barely covering him, "Arthur, trust me, there's nothing there that I haven't seen before!"

The prince gave a short, sarcastic laugh and said, "I will get you back for that, don't you worry!"

"Great, now _up_!" Merlin insisted, not even taking notice of the Prince's mood swings.

"I don't want to!"

"I don't care! Arthur, if you make us late, I'll probably get thrown in the stocks!...Again!" He tried. It was true, more often than not, if Arthur was late for something, Merlin would end up taking the blame for him, and get put in the stocks for the rest of the day.

"You love it," Arthur told him.

"And how did you work that one out genius?" Merlin asked.

"Whenever you get put in the stocks, you blame me for it."

"Naturally," he agreed.

"And then you get really mad at me when you get out, which means we have great make up sex afterwards." Merlin's mouth dropped like a stone.

"Oh, is that so, your highness?" he asked, raising his eyebrows "Well, let me tell you something, if I get put in the stocks, or punished in any way, because you made us late this morning, I swear to God, you won't be getting any for a whole month." He heard Arthur laugh very loudly at this last statement.

"You couldn't live without it for a whole month Merlin!" the Prince protested in amusement "You live and breathe me!" Even though this was half true, his manservant still laughed in astonishment.

"Look who's talking, you prat! You're the one who's lying there, _begging_ me to come back to bed, when we have sex less than three hours ago."

"I do not beg!" Arthur stated, his voice suddenly becoming very serious.

"Oh, you will do by the end of this month, trust me!"

"Hang on; I thought you said that was only if we were late!" The Prince protested, clearly liking Merlin's idea less and less.

"Worried are we Arthur? Scared you're not _man_ enough to take a little temptation? A little abstinence too much for you is it?" Merlin was on the verge of bursting out with laughter at Arthur's expression. This really was going to be fun.

"Right, you've stirred up a bloody hornet's nest now Merlin! I'll take you up on that offer, and I'll bet that you'll be the one who's begging at the end of the month!" The determination in Arthur's face worried the young warlock slightly. He was sure that Arthur was serious, and that meant that he had a good chance of winning; once the Prince set his mind on something, it would always get done.

Nevertheless, Merlin couldn't help but inquire,

"What are the stakes?"

"What?" Arthur asked.

"Well, with every bet, there have to be stakes. Where's the fun otherwise?"

"Oh, I see... well..." He tried to think for a moment, but Merlin interrupted.

"If I win, I get... the rest of the week off after the bet and... during that week, I'm allowed to... read for as long as I want in bed. Fair?" He knew that it really pissed the Prince off when he kept a candle burning until the early hours, when he was trying to sleep, and Arthur only let him read late into the night when he wasn't tired.

"Fine!" he said with obvious reluctance "If I win... I want... the warmer side of the bed for the rest of the week after the bet."

"Not fair!" Merlin protested "I earned that side by being skinny and temperature sensitive!" Arthur merely shrugged.

"Not my problem. We need to fatten you up a little then," he teased.

"You work me like a dog, how am I meant to fatten up!" Merlin whined. He finally sighed, and said "Fine, you'll get the warmer side for the week if you win."

"Deal." Arthur said, with a glint in his eye. It was a shame they hadn't thought of this earlier; they were having fun already.

"But you know I will win." Merlin mumbled. Arthur laughed, knowing how much Merlin loved having the last word.

* * *

 

Merlin intended on having as much fun with Arthur as possible during that month-long bet, and he took full advantage of the fact that Arthur had never been able to resist, by making eyes at him throughout the council meeting. He even stifled a laugh at one point when he noticed that Arthur was staring at him for about five minutes as if he was something to eat whilst his father tried to get his attention. Arthur really was quite adorable when he blushed.

"That's all for this morning, thank you everyone," said the King as the knights began to rise from the table. Arthur too began to get ready to leave when the King called him over.

"Tell me Arthur, how is it that you keep arriving late for my meetings. I believe I told your servant yesterday that we had a meeting today, and yet, you turned up late." Uther looked truly annoyed, and Arthur racked his brains for a way to get Merlin off the hook; otherwise he might increase their betting time two months, and that would truly kill him.

"Um... well..." Merlin rolled his eyes from where he had been standing and walked up to them with a sigh of frustration.

"It was my fault sire," he said, causing Uther to turn his attention towards him.

"Yours?" he asked; an eyebrow raising.

"Yes. When you told me about the meeting yesterday, I forgot to tell Arthur because..." he smirked inwardly as he said "he needed me to polish his sword, sire." He heard Arthur cough loudly and nearly stifled a laugh. Uther didn't seem to notice the obvious awkwardness between the two boys "So I was very busy attending to the Prince's need- he had me working till the early hours of the morning and didn't let him know until a short while ago," he finished, looking over at Arthur who was red with both embarrassment and the struggle not to laugh.

"Do you have any idea how important these meetings are? I could have been planning an extremely important battle plan, and yet you _forgot_?" he demanded.

"Yes," said Merlin with his usual blank, innocent face. He knew he was getting sent to the stocks anyway, so decided to make the best out of a bad situation "In all fairness sire, Arthur's sword is very hard to polish. It's so awfully big and long. It takes me a long time to do the whole thing."

He could have sworn that he heard Arthur suppress a snort of laughter at the back of his throat, but at the same time, when he chanced a look at the young Prince, he could see that he had _that_ look; the look that said _I want you to get outside right now, before I take you right here in front of my father_ look.

"Father," he heard Arthur say in a choked voice "Perhaps I will deal with this," he suggested. The King just waved his hand in dismissal, obviously too busy to be bothered with Merlin's 'incompetent' ways. "I need you back here in one hour Arthur- I wish to talk to you about something very important. On second thoughts, make it an hour and a half. I want to make sure that you teach this idiot the error of his ways."

Arthur smiled and grabbed Merlin by the back of the neck as he walked out of the room. As soon as the doors fell shut behind them, he pulled his manservant into a dark corner of the corridor, where they were hidden from view, and threw Merlin up against the wall.

"Did you think that was funny?" he asked in a low voice, kissing him harshly, not even giving him a change to reply. When he finally broke the kiss, Merlin was breathless and his gaze pleading.

"Don't like being toyed with, do you Merlin? I can't believe you would talk that way in front of my own father! If he ever knew what you were really talking about..." The young warlock didn't give him a chance to reply as he pulled him in for another kiss.

"Goddamn you and this stupid bet, Merlin!" he said through gritted teeth. The young warlock couldn't but smirk playfully at the Prince's words.

"I'm only too happy to do whatever you wish sire, but that would mean that I would get the week off and that you would be sleeping with a candle burning every night. Not to mention the fact that your pride would suffer terribly, but I don't think it would hurt forever." He smiled as Arthur kissed him again, holding Merlin against the cold hard wall as his weight pressed upon him. His manservant was sure at that point, that Arthur would cave and that the bet would be his, but the Prince merely looked him square in the eye and said,

"I never lose Merlin. Remember that." His lips curled into a confident smile, "But you will." He moved his lips down to his neck and bit down hard, smirking when he received a loud moan in response.

"Arthur, that's not playing fair!" Merlin complained as the Prince continued his assault on his pale, sensitive skin. He knew that he could manipulate him like a doll if he pushed the right buttons. Unfortunately, his neck was one of those buttons, and being bitten by Arthur was another; he had hit two in one go.

But he was determined not to lose to the Prince, and tried to distract him whilst he sucked the tender skin on his neck. Merlin grabbed hold of Arthur's shoulder and jumped up, wrapping his legs around the Prince's waist, holding him tightly and pressing hard against his abdomen. His whole body, now almost hot to the touch with the heat of their actions, was held upon Arthur's firm frame.

He heard Arthur groan into his neck and he smiled coyly. "Two can play at that game _darling,_ " he whispered. The young Prince could take it no longer; he loosened his hold on his manservant, causing his legs to drop and for him to stand straight. Arthur looked Merlin straight in the eye; piercing them with the lust that glazed his own and whispered softly, "You will pay for this Merlin." The promise in his voice made a shiver run through the brunette's entire body, and he whimpered at the loss of body contact as the Prince stepped away from him, looking him up and down.

"Now get back to doing your chores. My sheets need washing."

Merlin's brow cocked; _I_ _wonder why_. If he hadn't have been so hot and bothered at the present moment, he might have laughed at Arthur's request.

The Prince began to walk away, though before he became completely out of earshot, he turned; amusement playing in his voice.

"Oh, and Merlin?" The young warlock looked up, hoping that he had changed his mind. He hadn't. Instead he was greeted with a smirking Arthur, who eyed him up and down once again, before saying rather slyly, "I would take a little... _alone_ time before you go down to the kitchens if I were you."

Merlin cursed him under his breath for leaving him in such a state, and promised to make _him_ pay before the end of the month. He attempted to fan himself with his hand, but not even the ice cold wall against his back could chill the burning inside him. He wondered whether he would ever stop feeling like this around Arthur. It scared him a little; the amount of love and lust that they held for each other and the way it built up like it had done moments ago was really, quite scary. But he loved it, and he wouldn't have had it any other way.

After taking one last, deep breath, he began making his way back down the hall, deciding to visit Gwen to take his mind off the young Prince.

But first, he needed to take a little... _alone_ time.

* * *


	3. Uther's Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note for this chapter- yes, I AM aware that Pride and Prejudice wasn't published till centuries later than this, but it adds a little humour into this chapter, and in later chapters, it might add some tenderness between the two boys. Also, as you will see, the characters are really similar to the ones in Merlin. Sometimes you just have to say 'hell to historical accuracy!' right?

Merlin made his way to Gwen's house shortly after the council meeting, quite surprised to find Morgana inside, drinking tea and chatting to her maidservant.

"Oh, good morning Merlin!" Gwen said happily as she noticed him walk into the room. Not only did her smile glow incandescently, but her eyes lit up in a way that he had never seen before; not even when she had first married Lancelot.

"It's good to see you too Gwen," he told her as he walked over to the table. He simply nodded in Morgana's direction; trying not to meet her gaze.

"Morgana," he said. He wished that he didn't find it so hard to be around her; even though two months had passed since the traumatic events that had beheld Camelot, Merlin's relationship with her hadn't quite healed. He had trusted her _so_ much, but now things had changed, and he hoped every day that their terms would improve and things would go back to the way they were before. The fact that Morgana had knowledge of his secret made him feel even more uneasy around her; as if she would jump up and declare to the whole Kingdom that he was a traitor.

He sat down almost hesitantly, as Gwen brought a pot of tea over to the two of them. "What are you doing here?" Merlin asked the young Ward, casually.

"Gwen wanted me to visit," she told him "She has something she wants to tell me." Merlin looked over at the serving girl and witnessed a cheeky, secretive smile emerge across her face. She came and sat down with the two, only to jump up a second later when the front door opened again.

Lancelot came into the house, obviously exhausted from having been on guard duty all night at the castle. Despite his fatigue, his expression lightened at the sight of his wife coming over to embrace him tightly.

"You must be tired," he heard her say "Sit down, we're having some tea, and look; we have guests." She smiled and pointed to Merlin and Morgana.

"It's so good to see you two!" he said "Especially you Merlin, you hardly ever come to visit anymore."

"I know, I'm sorry... Arthur is a very demanding person to work for," he said, taking a sip of his tea. It wasn't until the hot liquid ran down his throat, that he realised that he hadn't yet broken his fast that morning, and how hungry he was. His stomach rumbled as he took another sip from the cup, and a light blush formed when Gwen emitted a giggle.

"Take some bread Merlin, you must be hungry," she told him, moving the bread basket nearer to him. He took the food gratefully and broke off a piece, proceeded to munch on it quietly.

"So how have you been?" Lancelot asked Merlin, sitting down beside him at the table. The young warlock shrugged.

"Oh, you know...working for Arthur leaves little time for a social life."

Morgana finally spoke up, a knowing smile forming on her lips, "Perhaps working for Arthur brings its own social life?" Merlin nearly coughed at this statement, and looked at her to judge whether she meant what he thought she did. His suspicions were confirmed, as Morgana gave him a little wink and went back to drinking her tea.

Merlin felt himself go awfully red, and ducked his head to prevent the other two from seeing his embarrassment, though as he dared a glance, he could have sworn that he saw Gwen giving her mistress a wink of her own.

"Yes I think you're right Morgana," he heard her say "Merlin does seem to be working for Arthur a lot more these days... it must be very hard." This time Merlin did cough; nearly choking on the bread he had in his mouth as he did so. "I mean _difficult_ ," Gwen emphasized, with a light-hearted giggle.

Upon the look of horror on the boy's face, Lancelot laughed loudly and slapped him roughly on the back.

"Oh, come on Merlin!" he chuckled "Do you honestly think that we didn't know?" The young warlock surveyed the three faces around the table; each looking at him with a smile on their face.

"What... how... wh... I don't... how?" was all he managed to get out.

"Merlin, you've been practically _dancing_ around the castle these past two months," Gwen commented.

"You never seem to mind doing extra chores for Arthur," Morgana added.

"Your eyes light up whenever he walks into the room," said Lancelot.

"They do not!" Merlin protested.

"Oh yes they do!" Gwen giggled "And you sometimes even go red when he looks at you during feasts and meetings. How did you think that we would miss it?"

"I... oh God!" he moaned, burying his face in his palms.

"We won't tell anyone," Morgana said.

The young warlock looked up; shock evident upon his face, "Really?" he asked, genuinely surprised.

She let out a little laugh, "You really are something Merlin! Of course we won't. We've known for months now; we could have told Uther if we had wanted to." Morgana's words truly touched Merlin, more that she could realise; for the first time in a long time, he felt like he could trust her, even if it was only a little.

"Thank you," he said awkwardly.

"That's all right."

"I honestly thought I was being quite... discrete." He heard the two girls laugh out loud at his comment. "What?" he asked.

"Merlin! You two couldn't have been _less_ discrete if you hung a huge sign on Arthur's door saying _please do not disturb_." This made Merlin blush yet again and he had a sudden urge to change the subject, and thus asked, "So, what did Gwen want to tell us then?"

Gwen was now the one who looked slightly uncomfortable and awkward as she looked over at Lancelot, who took his wife's hand gently.

"Well..." she began "Lancelot and I wanted you two to be the first to know, as you are our best friends. We're erm... going to have a baby." Upon hearing this, Morgana leapt up from her seat and hugged Gwen tightly, squealing like a little girl. Merlin also leaptup, though he didn't squeal, but rather flashed his trademark smile and gave Lancelot a manly hug.

"Congratulations Lance," he told him, as he patted his friend on the back. The young Ward ran over to Lancelot, having practically squeezed the life out of her friend, and began hugging him instead. Gwen skipped over to the warlock's open arms, and he embraced her tightly, lifting her up, off the floor and twirling her around.

"Merlin, I'm getting dizzy!" he laughed softly as he put her down.

"I knew there was something different about you when I walked in!" he said happily "You just looked all lit up inside."

"I feel all lit up inside," she told him.

"So when did you find out?" Morgana asked, finally having hugged Lancelot to the brink of death.

"Yesterday," she said "I went to see Gaius after I'd missed my course, and he told me I was with child."

"So how far along are you?" asked Merlin.

"Two months, we think."

"So... so that means..." Morgana asked excitedly.

"It could have been," Gwen said with a giggle.

"You know Lancelot, I think I may have some good news for you too," said Morgana.

"Really?"

"Yes. Word is going round that Uther might be knighting you by the end of the month."

"Don't be silly!"

"I mean it!" she persisted "Arthur told Uther that you were back in Camelot and that he wants you knighted. He said that Uther owed you a great deal, after all you defeated the griffin, and volunteered to help Arthur fight the Great Dragon." Merlin could see Lancelot's eyes almost light up with hope as she told him more.

"The King asked Arthur to come to the council chambers later this morning," Merlin said "He said he wanted to talk to him about something _very_ important."

"Lancelot, I think it's finally going to happen!" Gwen squealed as she jumped up and down in excitement, like a giddy teenager.

"Hang on Gwen, we don't know what Uther wants to talk to Arthur about yet," Lancelot reminded her, trying to be reasonable; he didn't want to get his hopes up.

Though after a moment of thought, the idea of having his knighthood returned to him made his smile return and soon he picked up his wife and began dancing around the room with her.

* * *

 

"You wanted to see me father?" Arthur asked as he walked into the council chambers. His father was standing by the throne, his back to his son.

"Yes," he said, turning around to face him. "Arthur, this is something I should have addressed a long time ago," he began "as soon as you were crowned in all fairness."

"Father, what is this about?" Arthur asked, feeling that familiar sense of frustration when his father beat around the bush. He stood in silence, waiting for the King's next words, but nothing, absolutely _nothing_ could have prepared him for what he was about to hear.

"Arthur... I think it's time that you settled down... and chose a bride." The Prince's eyes widened a little in shock, and a wave of icy panic shot through him.

"I know that this may be hard to talk about; we have never addressed the issue before... but I think it's time Arthur. You know that I will not be around forever, and I need to know that my Kingdom is safe."

"But... father, you are still strong, still healthy! Surely there's no need to rush into anything like this... there... there isn't even anyone that I would marry... no one I love." This was a blatant lie, but he needed some sort of argument to fall back on. His head started spinning at the prospect of marrying someone and betraying Merlin so completely, but at the same time he knew that if his father was set on this, there was no way out, and he could even disown Arthur if he refused to marry.

"Perhaps it's about time you meet some eligible young ladies your own age, Arthur. I so seldom see you with anyone nowadays." Of course he didn't see anyone; he was always with Merlin.

"Father... you have sprung this on me rather suddenly. You must give me time to think."

"Of course Arthur. I just wanted you to know that I am taking this matter very seriously." That was what scared the young Prince even more, he needed to change the topic quickly and take his father's mind off of the subject of marriage.

"What about Lancelot?" he blurted out.

"What?" the Kind asked, his voice suddenly angry, "Lancelot? To _marry_? Arthur, have you lost your mind? Do I need to fetch Gaius?" Arthur felt like bursting out in laugher, but he managed to hold it in.

"No, father, I meant what of Lancelot's _knighthood_. You did promise me you would think about it." Uther rolled his eyes in annoyance "Don't do that father; you promised!" Arthur reminded him.

"Arthur, do you realise what you are asking of me?" he growled "If I knight this man, it will make me appear not only weak, but a fool, and it will shame Camelot. A _peasant_ receiving a knighthood, Arthur! I would never recover."

"I do not see what is shameful about knighting a respectful, courageous and deserving man, _more_ deserving I might add, than some of the nobles we have serving us at present."

"Do not speak that way Arthur; you dishonour everything this Kingdom stands for!"

"I will never let this go father," Arthur pursued "And if you do not knight him, I will only wait until my rein to do so." Uther nearly gasped at this, and felt himself tense up with rage at his son's disobedience.

"Leave," he told him; his voice hoarse. Arthur gave his father a slight bow, before heading out, through the door.

* * *

 

That evening, Merlin finally climbed into bed after an extremely long day. The news of Gwen's pregnancy had been extremely exciting for all of them, but the news that everyone knew about he and Arthur startled him a little. Only because, if the three of them could see their love so easily, then how many others at court knew that he and Arthur were together?

His thoughts were cut short when he heard the latch upon Arthur's chambers 'click'; the Prince walking in, having just returned from training. He sighed and fell onto the soft mattress with a dull thud, before leaning over and giving Merlin a quick kiss.

"What did you do today?" he asked, stretching and yawning simultaneously in the process.

"I went to visit Gwen this morning," he told him, moving nearer to the Prince.

"Oh really? Any news from them?"

"You could say that!" he laughed "She's with child." Arthur laughed quietly.

"That didn't take them long!" he said, making Merlin giggle also, before the Prince exhaled deeply, "I'm exhausted!"

"Then get undressed and come to bed!" Merlin told him; pushing him to encourage him to get up. He did so with a groan and after shedding his many layers of clothing, he climbed back underneath the covers; lifting his arm up to allow Merlin to lay on his chest and snuggle up beside him.

"What are you thinking about?" Merlin asked, as the young blonde stroked his hair.

"What do you mean?"

"Something is wrong...you're all tense, I can feel you. Tell me." Arthur sighed; sometimes he hated the fact that he couldn't hide anything from Merlin, and that he _always_ sussed out _everything_.

"I spoke to my father this morning," he said.

"I know. What did he say to upset you?" The Prince knew that telling Merlin would break his heart, but neither could he bring himself to lie to him; they didn't keep secrets.

"Father wants me to get married," he said eventually.

"I know."

"What?" he asked, more than shocked at the response; he expected tears, screaming, begging, but not this.

"I know," he repeated himself "and I agree with him. You have to get married some day. We knew that when we started this. I told you it wouldn't be easy." Merlin had prepared himself for this day for such a long time, but the reality of those words hurt a lot more than he'd anticipated. But Arthur needed to be convinced into doing the right thing.

"Merlin, not you too!" Arthur complained. He was hoping that his manservant would agree with him and support him in his decision to defy his father, but Merlin's passiveness scared and worried him more than a little. "I told you before; I will never marry. I will never be unfaithful to you." Merlin smiled in spite of himself.

"Arthur, you told me once that we would cross this bridge when we came to it. Well, now we've come to it. We've had two months of absolute bliss and happiness, but now it's over, and both of us have to accept the truth; that you will be King, and you _need_ a wife." The past two months truly had felt like a beautiful dream, and all the worries that Merlin had felt about Arthur before, disappeared, and he never thought of anything other than them. But now, he felt something familiar, the same thing that he had felt all that time ago when he saw Arthur kissing Gwen in the tent; jealousy. He didn't want to be jealous. He knew it wouldn't help and would only make things worse for them both, but he couldn't help it. He needed to talk about something else.

"Well, you see, now I'm really depressed!" he laughed, stretching like a little kitten "I won't be able to sleep. Do you mind if I light a candle and read?" he asked.

"Fine by me," said Arthur "I can't sleep now either." Merlin smiled and leant over to the candle sitting on the table next to his side of the bed. "Would you grab my book for me?" he asked, "It's under the bed." He felt the weight on the mattress shift, as Arthur bent over to get the item, and whilst his back was turned, the young warlock muttered _bearne_ under his breath; lighting the candle in a flash.

"Is it this one?" he heard Arthur ask as he sat back up, handing him a dusty book with a well-worn front cover.

"That's it, thanks," he said as he took it into his own hands.

"How many times have you read that? It's completely battered!"

Merlin laughed, and opened the book to the last page he'd reached. "A few times," he said, and began to read.

The silence in the room was almost unnerving, and Merlin could hear Arthur's breath echo around the empty space. After a few minutes, the Prince sighed loudly; almost causing Merlin to jump.

"Alright then! Tell me what this book of yours is about!" he said "I can't sleep, so the boredom might make me tired."

"Hey! It's not a boring book!" Merlin retorted.

"Well, seeing as you won't have sex with me, I need to find another way of getting to sleep, so tell me what it's about," he persisted, moving nearer to Merlin and putting his head back against the pillow. "What's it called?"

" _Pride and Prejudice_ ," he told him.

"Sounds stupid."

"It's not, it's really good. Well, you've got these five daughters that live on this estate, and they're all really different. You've got Jane, the eldest, who is really gentle and modest, and kind to everyone... kind of like Gwen," he smiled, realising the similarity "Elizabeth is the second sister, and she's the heroine of the book. She's the complete opposite of Jane. She's very ambitious, and head strong, and often defies her parents about certain things... like... like..."

"Like Morgana," Arthur mumbled; receiving a laugh from the brunette.

"Yes, I suppose you could say she's like Morgana," he said "Anyway, the other three sisters aren't really that important, apart from Lydia, who gets herself in a bit of trouble later in the book. But at the beginning, they all go to a ball, where they are meant to meet the young man who has just moved into the area and rented a place called Netherfield Park. Now this is really exciting for them, because they're all single and all on the lookout for husbands, and the new man, Mr Bingley, is very rich."

"Gold diggers," Arthur grunted, this time receiving a slap on the arm from Merlin.

"You're ruining the story; they're not gold diggers, that's just the way the world works. Anyway, Bingley is very similar to Jane in terms of character. He's very shy and sometimes stumbles over his words when he's around girls, but he's always very cheerful and happy."

"Like you then Merlin," The Prince commented.

"Thanks," he smiled "Anyway, Jane and Mr Bingley get very friendly at the ball, and they seem to like each other very much. But Mr Bingley has bought his best friend with him to Hertfordshire, Mr Darcy, who is the hero of the book. When we first meet him, he's very depressing, and melancholy, and won't dance with anyone at the ball. Just an all around bastard to begin with. Now I wonder who _that_ reminds us of?" he asked, receiving a poke in the ribs from Arthur.

"Watch it you!" he warned him, though after a moment his brow arched in childish curiosity, "So...is this Darcy handsome?"

"Yes, he's described from the beginning as being _very_ good looking," he paused "If you're looking for a left-handed compliment..."

"I didn't say anything!" Arthur defended himself, laughing. "Carry on."

"Well, basically, it tells the story of how all the different relationships develop and resolve themselves within the book; Jane and Bingley, Elizabeth and Darcy etc, etc..."

"Elizabeth and Darcy get together? I thought you said he was a moody git!"

"I'm not saying that they get together," he teased "And, he isn't _just_ a moody git, it's more complex than that. Like you, you're not a prat _all_ ofthe time, are you?"

"Thanks," he mumbled. Merlin could tell that he was falling asleep by the way his words were slurring and he smiled; happy that the young Prince would have a restful night's sleep, without worry or anxiety to plague him.

"Do you want me to read you a bit?" he asked, and upon receiving a moan from Arthur, which he took as a sign of encouragement, he smiled and flipped back to the first page; reading in a quiet voice.

" _It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. However, little known the feelings_..." He stopped, as he heard a muffled snore sounding from the still form next to him. He laughed to himself, and turned to the candle; quietly extinguishing the flame and putting the book underneath his pillow.

Merlin moved lower down into the bed, and laid his head upon Arthur's chest, like he always did when he slept. The regular beating of the Prince's heart, and the slow rising and falling of his chest soon sent Merlin into a beautiful, blissful sleep.


	4. Sir Lancelot

It had been a week since Arthur had spoken to his father about re-instating Lancelot's rightful knighthood, and he still couldn't believe that his request had been fulfilled. He watched his father look at Lancelot with obvious dislike, but he knew that he was doing the right thing and that Lancelot would serve Camelot more loyally than any other warrior.

Arthur smiled coyly to himself, proud that he had been able to change his father's mind. That morning was still fresh in his mind when Uther had called him to the council chambers and told him that even though he didn't want to break the knight's code, that Arthur would do as he wished when he became King anyway, and that there was no point in fighting a losing battle.

" _You're making the right decision father," Arthur told him, putting an arms on the King's shoulder._

" _No I'm not," he growled, not wanting to look at Arthur "But I'm doing for you." Of all the things that Arthur had expected Uther to say, that was something he was not prepared for. Of course he knew that his father would do anything for him- he had risked his life for Arthur several times, but this was different. This was Uther finally doing something little, but something that meant so much to his son. He suddenly felt so happy, like he could skip out of the council chambers and break into song, but he knew the guards outside the door would find that a bit strange!_

 _Instead, he patted his father lovingly on the back and said, "I won't forget this father. Thank you." Uther didn't reply, but he didn't need to. What Uther had said meant more to him than he would ever admit._

"Arise, Sir Lancelot," he heard his father announce through his cloud of daydreams. It wasn't till he heard the sound of hundreds of clapping hands and several cheers, did he mindlessly begin to clap as well. He walked over to his newest knight and slapped him on the back. Lancelot looked at the Prince, and gave him a slight nod- he knew how much this opportunity meant to him, and he didn't need to say it.

"Enjoy the festivities," Arthur told him, before looking round the room to find Merlin. Not that he was hard to find- one just had listen to wherever a plate was being smashed, or a drink was being knocked over, and Merlin would soon be seen at the scene of the crime. However, Arthur saw him across the room, chatting to Gwen as they helped themselves to food.

He smiled, making sure that he didn't stare at Merlin too much in public- that would look too suspicious. He did, however, walk over to his manservant, revealed when he saw Gwen leave and run off to her newly-knighted husband.

Arthur snuck round to stand behind the curtain which Merlin was standing next to. This meant that he would hear him, but not see him.

"Psst!" Arthur whispered, causing Merlin to look around for the source of the noise. When he couldn't see anyone, he went back to pilling a few cakes onto his plate. Arthur cleared his throat and said,

"You know, you really shouldn't eat so much, you'll get fat." Merlin laughed, finally realising who the voice was coming from.

"You're the one who said I should gain weight, you git," he retorted without turning around.

"Indeed you do," Arthur agreed "I need something to hold onto." Merlin laughed at this, biting the cake that he was holding. "But you should look at more... healthy choices of food Merlin. You want to have muscle, not fat, remember?"

"Indeed," Merlin said, smiling coyly to himself as he picked up a strawberry from the neighbouring dish. "You mean... something like... this?" he moved his hand so that Arthur would be able to see it from where he was standing, but he still kept his back to him. Merlin didn't give him a chance to respond, as he put the strawberry to his full lips, making sure that Arthur could see everything he was doing.

Keeping his eating as natural as possible, but seductive enough to make Arthur uncomfortable, Merlin bit down _very_ slowly on the juicy red fruit, enjoying the tangy, sweet flavour that filled his mouth. He couldn't see Arthur's face, but he could imagine that it was a picture as he sucked lightly on the remainder of the fruit that was on the stalk.

He could have sworn he heard Arthur gulp as he finished the strawberry of, giving a long sigh for added effect. He decided to turn his head half way, so he could see the Prince out of the corner of his eye. He gave Arthur a short wink, before leaving the table to speak to Lancelot.

* * *

The feast that followed the knighthood was nothing special in particular, but for Merlin, Arthur, Lancelot, Gwen and even Morgana, it was a very significant occasion, and neither of them could believe that they had won and that they had gotten their own way, least of all, Lancelot himself. Merlin had never seen him wear a smile as big as he did during the feast- because this time there was nothing to hide, and he was truly himself. He believed that this was a great step forward for Camelot and its people.

Merlin decided to leave the celebrations slightly earlier than he had last time, afraid of what might happen if he was tempted to join in the drinking games that the other knights were playing. Not to mention, the last time he had had too much to drink, he had ended up in Arthur's bed the next morning, with not much memory of the previous night. Not that under their current circumstances that would be such a bad idea, but he just liked to remember what had happened to him.

He walked back to Arthur's chambers, the little amount of wine he had drunk already making him slightly drowsy. He cursed the fact that he couldn't hold his ale. Not to mention that it gave Arthur a perfect opportunity to tease him about it at every possible occasion.

The empty room seemed so quiet without the Prince, but not for long, as Arthur soon arrived, his chainmail making very loud clanging sounds as he walked in.

"Would you undress me Merlin, and prepare me a bath?" he asked, sitting down at the table.

"Sure," he answered, coming over to the Prince and undoing the various knobs and screws that had to be undone on his armour. Once he was done, Merlin called for a bath of water, and, as he always did, warmed it up with him magic while Arthur was undressing behind the screen. Their routine hadn't changed much in that respect, as Merlin still prepared everything for Arthur, and still fetched his bath water. Arthur, however, no longer came out from the behind the screen wearing his thin towel- something that Merlin liked very much.

Merlin watched in envy as the Prince lowered himself into the steaming water, imagining the soothing effect the heat must have made on the Prince's sore joints from having worn the uncomfortable armour for the whole day.

"Don't just stand there gawking like a starved animal, Merlin, get in!" the Prince told him, his eyes still closed in total bliss. Merlin smiled in appreciation and shed his clothes, making sure not to trip on his trousers as he walked over to the tub, and lowered his own tired body into the water.

"Mmmm," he moaned to himself as he shut his eyes.

"Come here," Arthur told him, putting his arms out to emphasize his point. Merlin all too happily acquiesced to his master's request and moved over to lie with his back on the Prince's firm torso, enjoying Arthur's strong arms around him- the way he always did when they bathed together.

Even though he knew that he was asking for trouble, Arthur couldn't help but bring his lips to the soft flesh behind Merlin's neck, smiling at the sound that he gave from Arthur's actions.

"Don't do that," Merlin pleaded.

"Shut up Merlin," the Prince mumbled into his neck "I've got a bet to win." Merlin snorted a laugh.

"Over my dead body," he told him. Arthur moved his hands away from Merlin's arms, and began to massage his small shoulders.

"Oh, that is sooo relaxing," Merlin purred, as he squirmed under Arthur's touch. Arthur's breathing became heavier and more laboured at the touch of Merlin's sweet, soft skin that felt so much nicer when it was soapy with the water he was sitting in.

He brought his lips to his servant's ear, kissing it, before whispering,

"I saw you earlier with that strawberry," he accused him, his voice husky and dripping with desire.

"Arthur..." he breathed, leaning back into Arthur's touch.

"Wouldn't you rather have your lips on _me_ , Merlin?" he asked.

"Don't..." He didn't listen to him. Instead, Arthur took hold of Merlin's hips so he could flip him round to face him. The look of lust in Merlin's eyes on his face startled the Prince to say the least, as he traced a single finger across Merlin's full and ready lips. A week's abstinence was really taking its toll on both of them, and they weren't sure how much longer they could take. The very core of Arthur's being burned for Merlin, especially when he looked at him like... like... good Lord, like that!

"Kiss me," Arthur breathed. Without a second thought, Merlin brought his lips down onto Arthur's moaning as he did so, and sucking gently on the Prince's bottom lip. Arthur welcomed this attention whole-heartedly as he placed a hand on the back of Merlin's dark head, pushing his cleaver tongue deeper into his hungry mouth.

As soon as Merlin started squirming round in his lap, he knew that he was goner, and Merlin didn't even try to push Arthur away when his hands roamed his wet body. Arthur began to place passionate kisses and licks onto Merlin's neck, just like he knew he loved. Merlin's mouth, now free, began to elicit beautiful moans of ecstasy as Arthur continued to drive him insane with his tongue. Merlin's skin was almost burning him, despite the water becoming increasingly cold.

Arthur groaned when he heard a loud knock at the door, but he still kissed his way down Merlin's neck.

"Did you lock the door?" he asked, not taking his mouth off the task at hand.

"Shit, no!" Merlin gasped, making Arthur look up in shock.

"What do you mean no!"

"I forgot!" Merlin said, trying to look as innocent as possible. The door was knocked again, and Arthur shouted,

"Do not come in! Wait!" He and Merlin both jumped out of the tub, spilling some water in the process. Arthur grabbed the back of Merlin's neck as he pulled him towards the wardrobe, pushing him in.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!" Merlin whispered angrily "I'm not wearing anything, you prat!"

"Too bad! Just for a second, till I get rid of them!" He began to shut the doors on his servant, but looked him up and down just before he did so, saying, "You look sexy, _darling_." He gave Merlin once last wink, before shutting the doors, not seeing Merlin's roll of the eyes.

Arthur quick scrambled around for a robe behind his screen, and told the person to enter once he was decent. He let out a sigh and rolled his eyes when he saw who it was.

"Morgana!" he complained "What the hell do you want!" Morgana smiled at him affectionately, with a knowing glint in her eye.

"I just wanted to come and check if you were alright," she said "You left the feast early; I thought you might be ill."

"Oh... uh... no, I uh... too much wine," he eventually said, rolling his eyes at his own lame excuse. He tried to think of a way to get Morgana to leave thinking of Merlin freezing his ass off in the cupboard.

"Actually Morgana, I was just about to go to bed- as you can see, I was undressing before you came in." Morgana nodded, trying not to laugh at the real reason why the Prince was half naked. She wished that Arthur would just tell her about him and Merlin himself. She wanted him to know that he could trust her, but she guessed that it would just have to wait.

"I'll say goodnight then," she said, before heading out the door. Upon hearing the door click shut, Merlin jumped out of the cupboard, being greeted with a blanket from Arthur.

"I'm sorry love, I couldn't put you anywhere else," he told him, taking Merlin into his arms for a moment, trying to warm him. I rolled his eyes, not being able to stay mad at Arthur when he did that.

"Let's go to bed then, it's late," he suggested. Arthur looked at him sceptically.

"Are you sure it's a good idea that I sleep in the same bed as you after what just happened in the bath?" he asked. He was kicking himself inside for having nearly lost the bet, and he secretly thanked Morgana for having interrupted them. Merlin smirked his very annoying smirk.

"Too much for you am I sire?" he asked.

"Shut up Merlin," he retorted "I'm thinking of your pride when _you_ lose the bet." He walked over to the bed and got under the covers, Merlin joining him immediately after.

"Are you sure you're ok with this, Arthur?" he asked, hesitantly moving nearer to snuggle next to him like he always did. Arthur extended his arm to him.

"Don't worry; I'm not some hormonal teenager, Merlin." Merlin laughed, and laid his head on Arthur's shoulder.

"Would you..." he started.

"What?" Merlin asked.

"Well... last week... when I couldn't sleep... and you read to me. Perhaps you would do it again? Having you so near is quite distracting." Merlin smiled and reached for his book, opening it on the last page that he had read to Arthur.

"You do realise that this is the worst book I've ever heard of," Arthur emphasized.

"I get it," Merlin told him.

"I'm only asking for it so I can go to sleep."

"Point taken. Shall I start?" he asked. Arthur nodded, and Merlin began to read, " _'My dear Mr Bennet,' said his lady to him one day, 'have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last'_..." He continued to read to Arthur for half an hour, before he could see the Prince's eyelids become laboured, and so he out the book under his pillow like he had done last time, and laid his head on Arthur's chest. Arthur had been silent throughout most of the story, only speaking to ask questions about what was going on, but he spoke for the first time in about ten minutes, saying,

"That Collins guy really annoys me." Merlin laughed.

"Me too. He is a bit of a twit. At least he's honest."

"I suppose. Honesty is so important." Merlin opened his eyes wide at the Prince's words, and despite Arthur stroking his hair, he felt he couldn't settle after what he had heard. If that was the case, then how would Arthur react when he told him about his magic? He knew that he could trust Arthur with his whole existence, but every time he found the courage to tell him, he remembered the words that Arthur has spoken so long ago- insignificant to Arthur at the time, but they had become imbedded in Merlin's mind, _"It is once again clear to me that those who practice magic are evil and dangerous."_ He wondered whether Arthur's view extended as far out as to the man that he loved, and it hurt him right to the core of his soul to lie to Arthur every day. He heard Arthur's soothing voice say,

"Sleep love," and he soon found himself relaxed again. There was something about the way that Arthur handled him that was just so hypnotic and calming, that even when he was most stressed, Arthur always made him feel better.

"I love you darling," Merlin said in a quiet sleepy voice, this time no sarcasm in it at all.

"So do I, love."

* * *


	5. Loud

Arthur wasn't exactly hung-over the next morning, but perhaps a little 'slow'; he was secretly pleased that his manservant had already woken up and was probably busy attending to his duties. He rolled over onto his stomach and stretched his weak limbs across the bed sheets.

However, he abruptly rose when he heard a tranquil, harmonious humming sound coming from inside the room. He turned his sleepy eyes to the direction of the noise, and was more than shocked to hear it coming from his manservant, who was in face, inside the room, and preparing the Prince's breakfast tray.

Arthur stared and listened for a moment in total awe, having never heard such sweet sounds come out of Merlin's lips, even when they made love. It was truly like listening to a rare songbird, but better.

Upon hearing the Prince's awakening, Merlin turned around, looking slightly embarrassed that he had been caught humming like a girl, but gave Arthur the early morning smile he loved so much, nonetheless.

"Morning darling," he said cheerfully, as he walked over with the wooden tray to join the young Prince in bed. Arthur smiled as he welcomed Merlin under the covers; neither caring that the boy was already dressed for the day.

"I never knew that you could sing," he said to him, despite Merlin's nervous modesty. He felt him shrug underneath him.

"Not really singing sire- just... being silly."

"No, it was beautiful," he assured him. Merlin laughed it off, and decided to change the subject.

"Hungry?" He asked, offering his master a grape from the plate.

"Only if you feed me," he told him; receiving a laugh from the young male.

"Lazy git," Merlin mumbled, before positioning himself at a good angle to pop the fruit into the Prince's mouth. Arthur grinned sleepily, and let the brunette place grape, after grape into his hungry mouth. Soon, the plate was empty, and Merlin placed his own lips onto Arthur's instead; it was tender and light, as he knew the Prince was far too tired to kiss him back passionately.

"You really shouldn't drink so much wine," he rebuked him, before kissing him lightly on the nose, "Take a leaf out of my book."

Arthur laughed, "If I took a leaf out of your book Merlin, God knows how I would lead my army."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he insisted.

"It means that you are a chicken; I can even hear your knees knocking every time we go hunting."

"Those bears are very vicious," Merlin said, trying to defend his poor corner. Arthur let out a small giggle and kissed his manservant on the forehead.

"But I wouldn't have you any other way you complete idiot. At least you've got me to protect you, eh?" Merlin almost laughed at that comment, finding it awfully ironic that everywhere they went it was actually he who always found himself having to protect the Prince; rather than the other way around.

"Are you gonna get up then?" he asked the Prince, even though he felt himself grow lazy under Arthur's fingers; the tips running through his hair hypnotically.

"Just a little longer," he said soothingly "I just want to hold you." Merlin smiled and just relaxed into the larger man's arms. How could he refuse him when he asked like that?

After a couple of minutes in silence, Merlin spoke up, "You snored tonight."

"I did not!" Arthur retorted.

"You did too! Like a bear!"

"Well you talk in your sleep," The Prince told him.

"Now you're just making things up!" he whined.

"I'm not actually!"

"All right then, what do I say?"

Arthur snorted in amusement, "You don't want to know! I only hope that your... ' _dreams'_ weren't happening when you were staying with Gaius. I don't think his poor, old ears would ever recover." Merlin blushed, but only a little, and stifled a short laugh.

"I'm so tired," Arthur complained with a groan.

"How can you be so tired when you're always the last one up?" Merlin laughed softly.

"I'm not the last one up Merlin."

"Yes you are! I always wake up with you snoring in my face."

"Well, that's not what happens actually...You see, I always wake up first; haven't I told you this?"

Merlin shook his head; curiosity now sparking in his eyes, "Never."

"I haven't? Well, I'm always awake before you, because you wriggle like a little ferret in your sleep, and you always kick me. So I just stay awake and watch you sleep. You look so peaceful when you dream, it relaxes me, and sends back off to sleep, and that's why I'm always the last one up!"

"I had no idea..." The young warlock admitted, snuggling into Arthur more.

"What do you dream about?" The Prince whispered affectionately.

"I dream about being able to hold you like this in public, without fear that your father will have my head the next morning." Arthur felt a horrible twinge of guilt and pity at his words.

"Nothing, Merlin, _nothing_ could make me hand you over to my father like that."

"Really? Do you really mean that?" he asked; so full of hope.

"Of course I do you fool! I would sooner sharpen my own axe than allow you to be killed."

Merlin could have sworn that his eyes lit up, but not magically. Or perhaps it was magic; the magic of their love, after all, was stronger than any magic he did or would ever possess. He suddenly felt like he could tell Arthur everything; surely those words he had spoken _proved_ that he was trustworthy, and that Merlin could tell him his secret? It had been pressing down on him like a painful weight for many months now. It was even worse than the time he had kept the secret of Arthur's memory spell from him, because now they were in love and trusted each other deeply.

"Arthur..." Merlin began, taking a laboured breath.

"Yes?"

"I..." '' _It is once again clear to me that those who practice magic are evil and dangerous''_ The warlock's happiness was brought back down to earth with a soul-shattering thud, as he realised what he had come so close to doing. Of course Arthur wouldn't understand. He _couldn't_. He had been raised by Uther, and taught his methods and opinions. The teachings of a life's upbringing could not be broken after a few, mere months of them being together, and he cursed himself for being naive enough to believe otherwise.

"Nothing," he finally said, his eyes welling up in self-realisation; Arthur would never be able to find out the very essence of the man he was in love with. "So... what do you dream about?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

Arthur shuffled uncomfortably in the bed, "Nothing," he said. Merlin didn't believe that, and turned around so he was facing the Prince.

"Yes there is, tell me!" he persisted.

"It's nothing!" Arthur laughed, but the brunette didn't let up however, and began to tickle his Prince; taking his moment of weakness as an opportunity to pin him to the bed.

"Tell me," he told him; a smirk creeping onto his lips.

Arthur sighed, "I..."

"Yes?"

"I dream about being with you forever."

Merlin raised his eyebrows and smiled, "Well, well, well, what do you know, Arthur Pendragon has a sensitive side. Oh, if Morgana could see or hear you now; she would _never_ stop teasing you."

"If you tell _anyone_ what I just said..."

"Yeah, yeah I know, 'you'll make my life a living hell' I get it!"

"Glad to see you listen sometimes," Arthur told him.

The young male rolled his eyes, "I don't _need_ to listen to you Arthur; you always say the same thing." He laughed and moved from the Prince, sitting back up against the wall behind the bed. "Sorry," he said.

"What for?" Arthur asked.

"For kicking you during the night; I didn't know I did it."

"Don't apologise. It's actually one of the things I love about you." Merlin felt his insides melt a little, and he smiled the smile that he only ever wore for Arthur.

"Really?" he asked, hardly able to grasp the idea that Arthur might love his clumsy ways, though the nod he felt behind him confirmed what he couldn't quite believe.

"Do you know what annoys me about you, that I can't help but love anyway?" Merlin asked.

"What?"

"You always hog the covers." He shook his head at the memories of him trying to wrestle Arthur in his sleep for the bed sheets. The Prince laughed and ruffled Merlin's hair affectionately; soon receiving a groan of disapproval.

"Is there anything else you like to hate about me then Arthur? While you have your 'pratty cap' on?"

The Prince thought for a second, "Well, I must write a letter of thanks to whoever taught you how to control that gag reflex," he said, making Merlin role his eyes.

"You prat, you know no one taught me; I suppose you could call it... learning on the job."

This made Arthur laugh out loud, and his trademark smug grin emerged on his face for a second time that morning; the thought of him being such a good 'teacher' tweaking a kind of proud amusement.

Merlin moved closer to his master once again and cuddled him; even though he knew that his clothes were getting creased.

He felt Arthur's chest rise as he sighed, "Listen, Merlin, I know that we joke a lot, but I want you to know that what I said earlier... I really did mean it."

"Which bit?"

"I want to be with you forever. I don't ever want anyone else." His voice was full of utter sincerity and not a hint of sarcasm was present in his tone; something which made Merlin smile. He snuggled his head into Arthur's chest, breathing in his manly, exquisite scent.

"I know you meant it," He said "But...what about when you get married?"

"Even if it that becomes the case, which it won't, yes. No matter who shared my bed in the past, only you matter," he told him. The words truly rang like the sweetest music in Merlin's ears, and he found his eyes welling up slightly at the thought of being truly and utterly wanted. No one had ever wanted him, with the exception of his mother and Gaius. Now he really felt like he had a someone who only ever saw him, and loved him in all the same ways that he did.

"Do you feel the same Merlin?" Arthur asked, his voice slightly vulnerable and full of hope that his feelings were being met with the same ferocity. "Do you want to be with me forever?"

"Will you share the covers?" Merlin asked, stroking the arm that was holding him, to show that his answer was a positive one.

"You can have all the covers if you want, love." This did cause one, single beautiful tear to roll down Merlin's pale cheek. It was not noticed by Arthur, but the young brunette did not want him to see and think that he had become distressed. He was so happy. He was _so very_ happy.

"Well then I guess I'll just have to make do," he said.

* * *

Arthur had a pretty hectic schedule that day, as it was Lancelot's first day of training. Naturally, nothing much was gained from practice that day, as half the knights were still in bed nursing massive hang-overs and the other half that only had a mild hang over and where strong enough to be on the field, found that their co-ordination has suffered immensely and that they were now absolutely useless.

Feeling sorry for his men and trying to recover from his own hang over, Arthur ended practice early and decided to get some sleep instead. Unfortunately, things were never that nice or that simple, and when he opened the door to his chambers, he found Morgana, sitting cross legged on his bed and flicking through what looked like ' _Pride and Prejudice'_.

She put the book down when she heard Arthur enter, and smiled, "I never knew that you were into this kind of reading, Arthur," she teased.

Combined with his tiredness, and general unawareness of what was going on around him, Arthur had the stupidity to say to her, "Oh, that's not mine, Merlin's been reading it to me to help me sl..." the moment the words left his mouth, the Prince abruptly directed his gaze to Morgana; keen to study her and to attempt to see how she may have interpreted his comment. It looked like she was trying to stifle a laugh, and she had a self satisfied smile plastered upon her lips.

"Shit!" he swore, nearly slapping himself in the forehead at his own foolishness. He took one more attempt at redeeming himself "I meant that Merlin sits in my room before I go to sleep and reads to me." But he knew it was no use, and by now Morgana was laughing hysterically; clutching her sides in a desperate attempt to keep herself from falling.

"Arthur Pendragon!" she gasped, "You honestly think I'm stupid enough to not have realised what's been going on between you two for the past few months?" she asked; her giggles finally ceasing as she studied Arthur's perplexed expression.

He, being the proud Prince he was, decided to play dumb, "I don't know what you mean by 'what's been going on'" he said, ignoring her raised eyebrows.

"Would you like me to draw you a diagram then Arthur?" she asked, and began to make awkward hand gestures, to which Arthur put his hands up in a make-shift shield.

"God no, Morgana! Stop! God!" she chuckled in triumph and waited for Arthur to come down from his embarrassment.

He looked at her suspiciously, "How did you even know?" he asked, in obvious shock.

"Well, it doesn't take a genius to work out that you haven't taken a whore into your bed in over two months, plus, you just seem uncommonly happy recently. I knew that you two were in love, but it wasn't until your _lovely_ manners began to emerge, that I realised you'd finally got some." Arthur shuffled around on the spot uncomfortably; the conversation had just gotten a lot more awkward than he had wanted.

He then looked at the young Ward sceptically, "Is that the _only_ way you guessed about us?" he asked, witnessing Morgana's 'innocent' smile emerging on her face.

"Well, it may have had something to do with the fact that when I went to see Gaius a couple of months ago, he _may_ have mentioned that Merlin hadn't slept in his bed for over a month."

"I'll kill him!" Arthur growled in frustration, making the pretty female laugh.

"You know you can't hide anything from me Arthur," she told him.

He rolled his eyes, "And don't I just know it!" he complained "Smug Princess," he muttered.

"Arrogant git," she retorted.

"But seriously, you won't tell anyone, will you?" Arthur asked, a little doubt creeping into his tone.

Morgana sighed, "Of course not! Do you think I would _ever_ send Merlin to the executioner's block! He's one of my best friends, and God knows he's done more for me than I could ever repay him for. For _all_ of us in fact. You on the other hand...well, although the image of you being sent to the block is somewhat preferable, I think I can overcome the temptation..." she teased.

"Thanks," he muttered sarcastically.

"You know, I could even help you if you wanted."

"What do you mean?"

"Well... I could help you get away more often, so you could see him. After all, I won't get sent to the stocks for covering for you, will I?" she suggested.

"Really? You would do that?" Arthur asked; half surprised by Morgana's efforts.

"Yes! I want to see you happy; God knows we'll all suffer if you're a grumpy git like your father." Arthur chuckled softly and smiled.

Morgana smiled too, but hers was took on a smug, teasing edge, as she added, "Although... you might want to keep your... _activities_ a touch more private, you know." Arthur looked up at her in shock.

"Meaning?" he demanded.

"Meaning that... how can I put it?" she thought "You do remember that my chambers are directly above yours, don't you?" She nearly broke out into another fit of giggles when she saw Arthur's horror-stricken face.

"Oh shit!" he cursed to himself, "Merlin, you bloody idiot!" he muttered, not going unheard by Morgana.

"Don't be so... pardon the pun... hard on him Arthur. It's actually you that's the guiltier party."

"What?" he exclaimed, "I resent that! Take it back!" he demanded.

"But it's true!" she joked, "You're bloody loud Arthur! You might want to keep it down if you don't want the whole castle to know that you're lovers."

"I don't know what you mean!" he persisted "I am _not_ loud!"

"You don't know what I mean?" she raised her eyebrows "Would you like me to give you a demonstration?"

"No! God no!" Arthur shouted, putting his hands over his ears. Morgana giggle lightly, and continued to taunt her brother, by wrapping her arms around herself mockingly and moaning in an over exaggerated tone.

"Morgana, please stop!" Arthur begged. She didn't let in however, and made loud kissing noises, whilst running her hands all over her shoulder blades.

"Oh _Merlin_!" she mocked, "Don't stop, _please_!" Arthur gasped.

"I do _not_ do that!" he whined.

"Do to!" Morgana giggled "That a good enough demonstration for you?"

"Too good..." Arthur said, shivering in unease, "You are _so_ annoying!" he complained.

"Likewise," she said "So, when are you going to see him again?" she asked, swinging her legs off the edge of Arthur's bed.

"He's working right now, and I'm tired, so I'm going to bed," he told her.

"Whatever," she said, before getting up and walking over to the door.

Just before leaving, she turned; the amusement now fading from her eyes, "But seriously, do something about that, because I don't think Uther would take it as well as me if he ever happened to be passing by."

The mention of his father in the conversation made Arthur feel a little queasy, and he merely said, "I'll see what I can do."

"I think a gag would prove quite effective," she suggested, with a little smirk, "You could even wear it during the day; give us all a holiday."

"Very funny Morgana!"

* * *


	6. The Warmer Side

True to her word, Morgana had done all she could for the two boys, so as to give them the opportunity to see each other, even more often than they did already. Arthur often found he fell 'sick' whenever Uther held a council meeting, whilst he and Merlin would instead sneak off and spend some quality time together.

The next three weeks passed in absolute bliss, and neither of them had ever spent such an amazing time together. Arthur had always been so busy before, and they had never been allowed the chance to appreciate their time together; now that they were also not sleeping together, there was even less of a distraction.

He had always wanted to make a point that his relationship with Merlin was not just based on his physical longing, which although very intense, was not the sole reason that he wanted to spend time with the young brunette. He just loved being in his presence. It was as simple as that.

He knew that it annoyed Merlin whenever he would just stare mindlessly at him whilst he ate or during some other activity, but he couldn't help it; most of the time he didn't even know he was doing it. He would just take one look at the male's angelically beautiful face, and his gaze would involuntarily remain fixed.

Arthur had decided to take Merlin on a picnic down to the river; the weather hadn't been too good recently, and it was one of the rare moments when there had been no rain, and a spell of blazing sunshine, so he made to take advantage of the good luck, and take a little trip.

By the time they had arrived at the site, the sky was crystal clear, and the air was perhaps a little cooler than in Camelot, but warm enough for Merlin to remove his jacket and neck scarf, which was quite something, as the young warlock was very temperature sensitive; something Arthur knew all too well!

"Thank God for Morgana," Merlin sighed, as he sat down on the blanket that the Prince had brought with them.

"I never thought I'd admit to this, but you're right Merlin," Arthur replied, sitting down next to his servant. "Hungry?" he asked, offering him a chicken leg. The boy nodded eagerly and took the meat, biting into it fiercely whilst Arthur laughed.

"Someone obviously didn't break their fast this morning, did they?" he teased. The young warlock shook his head; remaining silent due to the food in his mouth, though he managed to mumble out something that sounded somewhat like "Busy."

Arthur smiled affectionately and laid back on the ground, enjoying the smell of the early spring grass all around them. The silence between them, and the fact that there was no one else around for miles, meant that he could hear every sound; the wind blew lightly through the blades of grass and whistled ever so gently. There seemed to be a million birds chirping all at once, but it wasn't annoying or loud; on the contrary, it sounded like all the birds in the area had congregated just to perform for the two of them.

He could hear Merlin rustling about next to him as he shuffled, but when he felt his warm lips against his own, he sighed in surprise; his arms instinctively making their way around his lover's neck and soon he was stroking the dark, soft hair there.

The brunette finally broke their kiss, and moved his head back a little, so Arthur could see him better. The sight before him couldn't have looked more perfect. Merlin's head was directly blocking the sun from the Prince's face, and the golden rays spread around his dark head, and lit it up like an aura or a halo; he truly looked like an angel.

Arthur smiled coyly, and flipped his manservant over, so he was now lying on top of him.

After giving him a quick kiss, he lowered his head to the young male's ear and whispered, "Do you know what day it is today, Merlin?" He felt him shake his head, making him chuckle knowingly.

"The last day of the month," he purred, letting the last word hang in the air, to allow Merlin a shiver of anticipation.

"Is it?" he asked in a shaky voice, obviously yearning for Arthur's touch after so long. The Prince nodded slowly, and kissed the tender skin behind Merlin's ear. He moaned in appreciation, and arched into his master's gentle touch.

The Prince continued to kiss and nuzzle the back of Merlin's ear, already making him squirm underneath him. He had always loved the way that the young brunette writhed beneath him whenever he attacked his neck or the back of his ears like that. It was truly a sensitive spot, that Arthur had all too much fun taking advantage of.

He moved his mouth to Merlin's earlobe, and suckled gently on his tender skin, this time receiving a loud moan in return. Arthur smiled knowingly; it wouldn't take long before he would have him exactly where he wanted him.

"You're wearing too much," The Prince reminded him in a husky voice. This immediately gave Merlin the signal to take off his shirt, and he did so in a matter of seconds. Although the air was warm enough, the gently breeze that drifted across his skin was still enough to make him shiver slightly from time to time. He didn't pay much heed to that however; as he knew he wouldn't feel chilly for much longer if his master had anything to do with it.

Arthur sat up only for a moment to remove his own shirt, and his lips were soon back on Merlin's neck, kissing his way down the contours of his skin; making his kisses lighter and more subtle, to cause Merlin to whimper in frustration.

"Something the matter, Merlin?" he asked in a lightly innocent voice "Is there something you want? Well you should have thought about that before you betted me. You know that I'm a betting man, and I _always_ win."

"What are you talking about?" Merlin managed to say "We drew. We both lasted the whole month."

Arthur gave a deep, seductive chuckle from the back of his throat, "Don't you remember what the original bet was, Merlin?" he waited for a response, but it didn't come "Well then, let me remind you. The bet was to see who could be brought to begging first."

He heard his manservant groan loudly, as if to say ' _oh no'_ , and he smirked to himself. "Prepare to lose my love," he purred, before kissing him on the forehead; he knew Merlin wanted his lips on his, but he wouldn't give him that just yet. Instead he kissed the younger boy's chin, and traced light, feathery kisses along his jaw line, and then up towards his cheek.

"Arthur!" Merlin sighed; tired of his master's gentle, teasing caresses.

"Yes?" the young Prince asked, not looking up at his companion.

"Hurry up!" he demanded through gritted teeth.

"You're going to have to learn how to ask nicely before I do anything for you Merlin," said Arthur, running his fingers along Merlin's bare arms. His hands drifted down to the ties on the brunette's trousers, and soon enough, they had been removed from his body. The rest of Arthur's own clothing was soon gone and forgotten, and his naked body was pressing down on Merlin's vulnerable frame.

The young warlock moaned loudly into Arthur's mouth as he felt his fingertips rub over the edges of his hips, before slowly moving his firm hands higher and higher; rubbing his pale skin as he did so. If Merlin had ever felt cold before this, he certainly didn't feel it now. Instead all he could concentrate on was the feel of Arthur's hands as they drifted to his shoulders and wrapped themselves around them protectively.

"Arthur..." he moaned, suckling on the Prince's bottom lip to hopefully convince him to hurry his ministrations. He felt Arthur shake his head as he kissed him, making him moan in frustration.

"Come on Arthur!"

"One little word, Merlin, that's all it takes," Arthur reminded him, kissing his way down his chest.

Merlin's breath was coming fast now, as he felt the blonde's cold lips on his burning skin, "Go to hell, you prat!" he bit out, making the young Prince halt his teasing actions and look up.

"Ooo, not very friendly," he said in a monotone, sarcastic voice "Perhaps I'd better teach you a few manners, Merlin? What do you think about that?" He heard his manservant whimper at his words, knowing that he was unfortunately being quite serious.

"I'll never give into you," he told him.

"We'll see about that." He kissed lower, drawing dangerously near to Merlin's belly button; without a doubt, the most sensitive region on his entire body, save one. The young warlock shuffled nervously as he drew closer; afraid of what his reaction would be is Arthur used his weakness against him.

The Prince gently kissed the tender skin just above Merlin's excitable button; causing him to moan through gritted teeth.

"Arthur... don't!" he pleaded; but he had not been brought down to the level of begging just yet.

Arthur didn't listen; he had a lesson to teach. He had to show Merlin what happened when he tested him, and the penalty he had to pay for teasing him for four weeks straight.

"Don't, don't... ah!" he gasped as the Prince dipped his tongue into Merlin's belly button for a split second, withdrawing it the moment he heard a high pitched gasp escaping his servant's lips.

He returned his tongue, though this time applying more pressure, and thus causing Merlin's hands to fist the grass around him, ripping whole handfuls out at a time.

Arthur could hear his lover trying to keep his vocal pleasure under control, and took a break from his task to say, "Don't suppress it love. I want to hear you. _Do it_."

The Prince's voice alone never failed to make the young warlock light-headed, and upon hearing an order from him, him elicit a loud moan into the hot air around him.

Feeling that he now had Merlin _exactly_ where he wanted him, the young Prince decided to move his gentle teasing further south; kissing and biting playfully as he went. He loved to mark Merlin as his own; to remind him that nobody would ever touch him like this or make him feel the way he could.

His lips soon brought him to the very top of Merlin's thighs, where he paused for a moment; taking the time to caress and pay particular attention to the soft, touchable skin there. He brought his tongue to the outside of his creamy thighs, and then to the inside. He repeated this movement teasingly, till he had Merlin writhing under his touch, and making babbling, embarrassing sounds, that he would probably deny making later.

He was _so_ close now. Merlin could feel his hot breath prickling against him, and he nearly let out a scream when the Prince merely blew lightly; not even touching him with his skin.

"I... really... hate you!" he managed to gasp between moans. Arthur chuckled; his breath burning and needy upon the brunette's waiting skin.

Feeling somewhat generous, he finally gave into Merlin's silent pleas and took him into his mouth; slowly and tortuously.

"Ah! You... bastard!" he bit out, his hands flying to Arthur's golden head, trying to pull him deeper.

Arthur smiled; not having any of Merlin's mischievous ways. He soon put a stop to his tries, and took his hands away, pinning them down hard into the ground. The young male practically mewled under Arthur's purposely unsatisfying actions. He tried in vain to buck his hips upwards, making Arthur chuckle; the vibrations from which made him moan loudly, but not as loudly as the moan in frustration he gave when the Prince simply moved his lips away from Merlin's efforts.

After a while, Arthur took his sweet lips off him completely; making Merlin pant and whimper like a little lost animal.

"Arthur..." he whined. When his master looked up at him, for the first time in some time, he was shocked at how his expression had changed. There was a mixture of desire, need and such raw passion that had exploded in his lust-hazy eyes, after having been stored up for so long. His face was so sweaty and flushed, that he one might have even mistaken him for having a fever.

"Arthur..." he repeated, trying to control his breathing as best he could. The Prince shuffled up Merlin's body, until his gaze was level with his manservant's and stroked his sweaty face; trying to relax his needy lover.

"Shh," he whispered "I'm here love, I'm here."

The young Warlock gulped loudly; giving Arthur the signal to continue his unfinished work. But Arthur was not nearly so generous or merciful. Instead of giving into Merlin's silent pleas, he attempted to get them from him verbally; that was, after all, the bet.

The Prince brought his swollen lips to his companion's ear, and whispered seductively, "What do you want, Merlin?" he asked, knowing full well that the young male could barely think, let alone talk. "Do you want me? Is that what you want?"

Merlin nodded frantically, "Yes!" he panted "Now!" The young blonde smiled.

"You know, Merlin..." he said "I've gone through my fair share of torment this past month because of you." He made sure to keep his hands on the male whilst he was saying this; stroking his arms, his stomach, his legs... everywhere except where he wanted him most. "Don't you think that _you_ deserve a little teasing after what you've put me through?"

Merlin didn't answer, though not because he knew Arthur was right, but rather that the Prince's soft actions on his neglected body were driving him so close to insanity, it hurt and left him unable to utter a word. He was on fire, and Arthur did not seem very willing to put it out just yet.

"But I think I'm feeling nice today..." Arthur began, making Merlin sigh lightly in relief. However, then Arthur finished, by saying, "... _if_..." The young warlock couldn't stop the _Oh no_ frompassing through his head "... you beg for it." Merlin groaned in annoyance, though the desire was still evident.

He truly contemplated revealing his magic to Arthur right there on the spot, by pinning him to the ground using nothing but his eyes. Though the thought was blown from his head though the moment Arthur reached between his legs, and just to emphasize his point of who was in charge, squeezed him _ever_ so lightly.

"I hate you... so... much!" Merlin groaned.

"Now you see, that doesn't sound very nice, does it Merlin? Would you like to re-phrase that?" He knew that his companion was very close to his breaking point, and Arthur was intent on enjoying every second of his sweet revenge.

"I... would really appreciate... it if... you would just... get on with it _sire_!" He bit out somehow. Arthur cocked his head to the side, and made a face like he was seriously contemplating the young male's words.

"Still doesn't sound very much like begging Merlin," he reminded him.

"I will not beg to you Arthur," The young warlock said; his pride getting the better of him, for now at least.

Arthur looked at his manservant with hungry, lustful eyes, and purred, "If you want it Merlin... you'll beg for it."

He gave him one last chance; trying one last time to break him by licking the underside of his throat and although this made Merlin moan, and ever so nearly cave in, it wasn't enough. Instead he just screwed up his eyes and shook his head.

Arthur growled softly into his ear, "Bend over."

Merlin didn't have to be told twice to obey an order like that, and within seconds, he was on his hands and knees; the dirt from the ground rubbing into his pale skin as his master came up behind him and kissed the nape of his neck.

Then it dawned on the young warlock; Arthur had definitely not decided to take mercy on him. He was going to make him beg one way or another; this realisation made him shiver in anticipation, and he nearly jumped when he felt his teeth bite down hard on his sensitive earlobe.

"Are you ready to ask nicely now?" he growled into his ear. Before Merlin had a chance to answer, Arthur had begun to kiss his way down the back of his neck, causing any possible words that might have escaped Merlin's mouth to disappear into thin air; only to come out as incoherent and shameless babbling.

Arthur slowly made his way to the top of Merlin's back; licking off the single drop of sweat that fell off his own forehead onto the male'spale, delicious, edible skin. He kissed the spot that he had just licked, before kissing his way down his spine; scraping his teeth gently over his manservant's, now, super-sensitive skin, immensely enjoying the sounds that this action created.

The Prince continued his soft, teasing kisses all the way down the length of his lover's back and around to the inside of his tiny waist; causing a wonderful tickling sensation that made Merlin's skin explode with sensitivity.

"Are you ready?" Arthur panted; now feeling drained himself from the raw need burning deep within his core. Merlin nodded frantically, making the Prince chuckle.

"Look at you," he said, rubbing the male's hipbones with his thumb, just like he liked it "Always so ready for me; always so _wanton_ Merlin. Does anyone else do this to you?" he breathed into his ear. Merlin mumbled something and shook his head. "Good," Arthur growled "No one will ever see you like this Merlin; no one will see you so flushed and shameless underneath them like this."

"Only you," Merlin moaned, hoping it would get him what he wanted. But beyond the raw animal lust, the words were completely real; he was Arthur's. No one would ever touch him. No one could make his skin blaze just by looking at him. No one's gaze could pierce into his very soul like Arthur's did. No one knew him like Arthur did, and certainly, no one would ever love him like Arthur did.

"Arthur..."

"If you want me, Merlin... you know what to do." The Prince knew how stubborn the young male could be, and even when he was so aroused that he could _smell_ it on him, he wasn't going to let up. But then, Arthur was just the same.

He kissed Merlin's back one last time, before reaching underneath his servant to gently touch him; alternating between soft, teasing strokes, and harder ones that made him gasp and writhe so hard that his knees dug into the soil beneath him.

The young warlock's mind was somewhere so far away that he didn't even notice that his skin was covered in now drying mud. He was seeing stars behind his shut eyelids, and he never wanted Arthur to stop. As he approached his release, he panted and waited for the overdue bliss to assault his hungry body, but it never came; instead he felt Arthur remove his hand, and kiss his back again instead.

Merlin truly felt as if he would collapse there and then, if Arthur hadn't of put his arm under his stomach to support him.

"You wouldn't dare!" Merlin wheezed, knowing that the Prince could be horribly sadistic when he wanted to be, and that he would do _anything_ to get his way.

"I want you so much, Merlin," he heard him say through his own cloud of pleasure "I want to take you right now; over and over again until the very ground beneath us melts with the heat of our lovemaking."

The young warlock moaned brazenly, "Then... do it."

"Beg," Arthur persisted, once again teasing him to bring him _so_ close to the edge, but always backing away at the crucial moment.

"Arthur... p..." Merlin panted, not wanting to say it. He knew his pride was long gone, but he wanted to keep the small amount of dignity he had left. Though he knew he wouldn't be able to keep it up for much longer, and that the Prince would sooner or later have him pleading for him to take him.

"Yes, love?" The Prince purred tantalisingly; the sweat from his hair dripping slowly onto Merlin's shoulder, which he kissed gently. He could smell the male'sscent now; it was musky and strong, and totally intoxicating and utterly addictive. The skin at his manservant's neck and shoulders was a pale kind of pink, and his eyelids became heavy with desire at the thought of that blush spreading across his whole, stunning body.

"Pl..." Merlin breathed, the words stopping before he could utter them fully.

"Say it," Arthur bit out; his own need now driving him.

"Please," Merlin whispered, feeling his last shred of dignity leave him; but it felt wonderful.

"Louder," Arthur insisted.

"Please Arthur!" Merlin said, a lot louder this time "I need you, I need you now! Pleeease! I can't take it anymore!"

The Prince managed a cocky smile, and whispered, "Good boy," before plunging into his companion; going so deeply so quickly, that it made both male's cry out an earth-shattering scream.

A whole month's worth of longing and passion seemed to explode, and all Arthur could do was stay still; recovering from the shock to his system at being so close to his lover after so long.

Merlin seemed to be thinking the same thing, as he moaned, "Too long." His companion nodded in agreement. "Move... you... prat," he growled, receiving a hard thrust of the hips from Arthur.

He yelled out and clenched his fists till they were snow white, his whole body drowning in the beautiful over-dose of ecstasy that the Prince was giving him.

"Harder," he begged.

Arthur began slamming into him with a renewed passion at his lover's obvious need, and with every push, they both screamed more and more; their vocal pleasure now, no doubt echoing all around the nothing would be able to stop even if Uther himself had walked through the trees at that point and found them there. They were long past 'the point of no return' now. The pure animal instinct was over taking any pride or reasoning, as they both approached their long awaited release.

"Merlin!" Arthur panted in his ear "I'm going to..."

"Me too..." he told him. The young blonde gripped the boy's slim hips and increased his pace, until he heard Merlin scream his name underneath him in utter bliss.

Upon hearing his release of ecstasy, Arthur soon followed; screaming and collapsing his whole body onto his manservant's back.

Neither moved for several minutes, until Arthur finally softened his protective and loving hold over Merlin, before rolling over to lay on the now far more muddy ground next to him. The young warlock was still lying on his front, panting like a wild animal, and Arthur couldn't help but smile in satisfaction at the effect he could have on the boy. He moved over a little so he was closer to his manservant, and affectionately kissed his shoulder, causing Merlin look around at him in complete awe.

"That..." he said "was a very fun game." Arthur chuckled lightly; his exhausted body not letting him let out a louder laugh.

"I get the warm side of the bed, darling," he reminded him, making Merlin groan in realisation that he had lost the bet. "I really hate you," Merlin told him." The Prince, now lying on his back, raised his eyebrows in amusement.

"Well Merlin," he said "If you ever love as well as you hate..." he paused "Heaven help me!"

* * *

Not surprisingly, soon after the sweet, perfect love-making that had just occurred, Merlin and Arthur fell into a blissful sleep; only awakening when a clap of thunder shook the air around them.

Arthur groaned in annoyance, but the brunette shot up like a startled deer, and grabbed the blanket in obvious fear.

The Prince glanced up at his manservant, and upon seeing his obvious distress, he put his arms around the boy in an effort to comfort him.

"Hey, hey, what's this?" he asked, cradling Merlin in his strong arms. He hadn't been aware that his companion was afraid of thunderstorms.

"Sorry," Merlin mumbled, burying his frightened face in Arthur's chest.

"Don't apologise silly, I just didn't know that you were afraid of storms. You never had a problem with them in Camelot."

"But it's dangerous here," he reminded him.

"Don't be scared," The Prince whispered softly "Shall we go back home?" he suggested. Merlin nodded into his chest, and broke away from his master to get dressed.

It wasn't too long after both men had redressed themselves that rain began to pour; slowly at first, but gradually getting heavier.

"We'd better hurry back to Camelot before you catch something, Merlin," Arthur told him. He nodded in agreement, and led his horse up the hill to where he could mount him safely.

The day was beginning to grow cold, and Merlin could feel the rain starting to saturate the thin layers of cloth that encased him. The lush glass was soon becoming a muddy slush as he attempted to climb the hill with his horse, slipping once in a while because of the now drenched ground.

There was a strange sense of unease about where they were and Merlin was sure that the rustling he could hear from the bushes around them was a lot louder than if they had been played by just the slight breeze alone.

"Arthur," he whispered. The Prince turned to face him, obviously not fazed by the sounds at all. "I think we're being watched." Arthur looked around him for a moment, completely still and waiting for any signs of movement. The fact that the young blonde had not brought his sword with him made him even more anxious about where they were.

Suddenly, without warning, a clocked figure leapt from the bush nearest to Arthur, knocking him off his feet. Merlin stood for a split second, totally stunned and unable to think of what he should do.

Arthur struggled with the figure that was now pinning him down rather effectively and holding a knife against his throat. The person's face was completely hidden by a black mask; the only thing visible was the tiniest piece of blonde hair which loosely fell out from the side, hardly big enough to be noticed if the young male had not been so close to their face. But within the blink of an eye, the hair had disappeared.

* * *


	7. To Die For

With a kick of his strong leg, Arthur launched the intruder into the air and on their back. The Prince quickly looked round to see Merlin standing by, obviously ready to run in and help him. The assassin once again attacked Arthur, pinning him up against a tree trunk and attempting to stab him. The assassin put their hand to Arthur's throat, squeezing it tight. He could see out of the corner of his eye, Merlin running towards the two of them

"Run Merlin!" Arthur managed to scream through his struggles to breathe. Merlin obviously wasn't going to listen, and ran as fast as his legs would carry him to the assassin, jumping on their back and poking two fingers in their eyes. The killer screamed and released their hold on Arthur, who fell to the ground with a thud, clutching his throat painfully, and trying to stand up, but failing.

Merlin looked at the assassin, who was now charging towards him, ready to attack him for his interference earlier. His magic was useless in this situation, as Arthur was sitting a mere three meters away from him. He tried to move out of the way as the killer launched themselves onto him, but he wasn't quick enough. All Arthur saw from where he was, was the assassin seemingly punching Merlin hard in the stomach, and his servant doubling over in more pain that he would have thought. Merlin fell to the ground, receiving one last punch in the face from the killer, after which, he was rendered unconscious.

Arthur ran at the assassin, and attacked them from behind, managing to grab the knife that was in their hand, and stabbing them in the back. But they did not fall to the ground. Instead, the assassin simply disappeared into thin air. Arthur stood back in shock at the empty space before him, remembering the dreadful time when Camelot had been hit by a curse, and he had killed a man in the forest. He too disappeared into thin air. It had to be the work of magic.

Those thoughts, however, were thrown far from his mind as he looked upon Merlin's unconscious body before him, and ran up to him, taking him in his arms.

"Merlin!" he shouted, shaking him violently, trying to wake him up. He wouldn't. "What did he do to you?" he asked, hoping in vain that he would achieve an answer from Merlin. Realising he was somewhere too far away to be woken like this, Arthur scooped the boy into his arms, grunting with the effort it brought. He looked around and sighed in pure anger when he realised that their horses had run away in the commotion. He laid Merlin down on the ground for a brief moment, before taking off his jacket, and anything else that would get in the way, and then picked him up again and began to run.

* * *

He ran for two hours straight- not even stopping to rest or to drink, pr even to breathe. His thin shirt was many shades darker by the time he arrived in Camelot, with the amount of sweat that had poured from his tired, tired body. He couldn't stand a moment longer. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't even see clearly with the utter exhaustion that his body felt, and he plodded inch by inch to through the courtyard. Merlin was still out, heavy and limp in his arms, weighing him down so much, that Arthur's knees eventually gave way, and he fell over, still holding onto the young warlock. After a moment, he felt the weight of Merlin's body lessen, and he looked round to see Lancelot next to him, taking Merlin in his own arms. Gwen ran over to the three men, putting Arthur's arm round her shoulder, and encouraging him to stand up.

"What happened?" she asked in panic. Arthur panted slowly, and pointed in direction of the castle in front of him.

"Gaius," he wheezed, giving Lancelot the signal to take Merlin to the physician. Lancelot nodded and ran up the steps into the castle. Arthur tried to follow, but Gwen kept her strong grip on his arms and in Arthur's weak state, he could do nothing but stay where he was.

"You're not going anywhere, Arthur," he told him "Merlin will be fine now. You are coming in doors with me for something to eat and to sit down." Arthur sighed, but followed Gwen's directions, still handing on her small shoulders, until they reached her new house that the pair had been given as a result of Lancelot's knighthood. It was much larger than their old house, and much nearer the castle.

Gwen managed to drag Arthur through the front door, and helped him stagger into a servant's chamber that was, luckily, downstairs. Arthur fell back onto the bed gratefully, his breath slowly becoming normal again, and his skin returning to its normal colour. Gwen ran into the kitchen and brought back a mug of water for Arthur, who drank it gratefully.

"What happened?" she asked.

"We... were... attacked- assassin," he panted.

"What!"

"Merlin, he... I don't know what happened... got punched I think."

"What were you two doing so far from Camelot alone with no knights?" she asked. Arthur blushed a little, remembering the events that had occurred before they had been attacked. This seemed to give Gwen all the information she needed, as she went,

"Oooooh," and didn't push the subject any further.

"Guinevere, this is very kind of you, but I must go and see Merlin," Arthur insisted, as he began to sit up.

"Arthur, you can barely stand!" Gwen reminded him.

"Then I'll crawl!" Gwen sighed at the Prince's stubborn nature, and got up to help him get to Gaius' chambers in one piece.

Merlin was lying on the bed in the middle of Gaius' chambers, awake, but seemingly weak.

"How is he?" Arthur demanded, kneeling beside the bed and taking Merlin's and in his.

"I managed to wake him up, and I've given him something to boost his strength," Gaius explained "He must have been kicked very hard to be knocked out so badly." Arthur nodded, not looking up at Gaius while he was talking.

"How are you feeling, love?" he whispered. Merlin smiled sweetly, and moved his head forward so he could lean his temple on Arthur's. Gwen and Gaius both smiled, and decided to leavethe room and give the two of them some privacy.

"Why in the hell did you not run like I told you to," Arthur asked.

"Because you would have died, and then I'd be out of the job," he answered, making Arthur laugh, and sit back, giving Merlin a punch on the arm.

"You will be alright though?" he made sure. Merlin nodded.

* * *

Merlin was moved by Arthur to his chambers shortly aft they arrived back in Camelot, as he wanted to be sure that he was comfortable enough. The young warlock fell asleep almost immediately when Arthur put him to bed, and the Prince just sat by his bed, not even going to dinner when he was called for by his father.

By the time evening came, Arthur decided that Merlin had to eat something, as he had been asleep the whole afternoon, and needed to eat to keep his strength up. Arthur knew that he was probably making a mountain out of a molehill, but he couldn't rest until he knew that Merlin was completely and utterly ok. He had been so close- _so_ close to losing him before. When he was poisoned, and he couldn't do anything to help. He couldn't even be there with him, he couldn't even see him. He had promised himself that if anything ever happened to Merlin, or if anything could ever possibly happen to Merlin, he would do anything he could to help him. That's why he drank the poison instead of him when Camelot had been under a curse, and that's why he was being so fussy around him right now.

Arthur came over and sat on the spongy, soft mattress and stoked Merlin's cheek, trying to wake him up gently. When he didn't stir, Arthur sighed, realising that he would have to wake him up more violently, which he really hated doing. He tapped Merlin on the shoulder, wishing that he would jus wake up naturally.

After a few prods, Arthur began to lightly shake his servant, agitation being replaced with worry when he would stir.

"Merlin?" he said, shaking him a little harder "Merlin!" he said a little louder. He quickly put his ear to Merlin's chest, taking a sigh of relief when he realised that he was still breathing. But something wasn't right. It wasn't till he touched Merlin's hand that he realised he was burning hot. His brow was also on fire, and his skin definitely looked flushed as if he was ill.

Without further ado, Arthur ran out of his chambers and straight to Gaius, telling him to come to his room quick.

Gaius took one look at the sleeping boy, and told Arthur to undress him. "He has a fever, you said?" he asked the Prince.

"Yes, his skin is burning hot. It wasn't like that earlier, I swear."

"I know," Gaiusassured him, putting his fingers to Merlin's wrist and measuring his pulse. "His pulse is awfully fast," he said worryingly. Arthur began to panic, but continued with his task, and tried to remove Merlin's sweaty shirt from his body.

"This is my fault," Arthur said.

"Don't say that sire."

"But it is- if I had paid attention. I didn't even see... I..."

"There's no need to panic, I'm sure that he's just caught a chill. You were caught in the rainstorm on the way back to Camelot?"

"That's right," Arthur remembered "Yes, you're right... it must just be an illness... but why won't he wake up?" he asked, doubt creeping into his voice. It wasn't until he had gotten Merlin's shirt off completely, did he gasp in utter shock. Gaius quickly looked down to see what had happened, and he too gasped when he saw a knife wound in Merlin's lower abdomen.

"He's been stabbed!" Gaius said in horror "What happened, Arthur?" He had to tap the Prince on the shoulder to bring him out of his state of dumbness.

"We... we were attacked- in the forest... Merlin... he... I thought... I thought he only punched him, I... oh God!" he buried his face in his hands and let out a loud sob, not knowing what else to say.

"How long ago was it?" Gaius asked.

"Hours and hours ago- no wonder he's passed out if he's had that wound untended since the morning- how could we have missed this? How could _I_ have missed this?" he cried.

"It's not your fault. I should have examined him properly. Arthur, listen to me now- I need you to fetch me boiling water, towels, and Gwen, and tell her to bring her sewing equipment." Arthur's eyes widened in shock at Gaius' words.

"What do you need that for?" he asked, his voice becoming shaky with panic.

"Arthur, please, we have very little time, do as I say." The Prince nodded mindlessly, and ran out of the room to fulfil Gaius' errands, starting with the water. Or should he get Gwen first? No, the water was better first. Once he had ordered the boiling water to be taken up to his room, he ran to Gwen's house, who looked quite shocked to see him to say the least.

"Gwen, you have to come with me- it's Merlin, he's very ill. Gaius says you have to bring your sewing equipment."

"What!" she exclaimed.

"Gwen, please hurry!" she nodded quickly and ran to the other room to gather her things. Once she was ready, the two of them ran out of the door.

"So what's wrong with Merlin?" she asked breathlessly as they ran.

"He's been stabbed," Arthur told her "He w stabbed by the assassin in the forest." En gasped, though this went unnoticed by Arthur, as her breathlessness due to the running masked her gasp of terror.

"Do you think Gaius will be able to cure him?" she asked. Arthur looked at her sceptically, his eyes welling up with tears at the memory of the last time she had asked that question. It was when Merlin had been on his deathbed- the vision came back to Arthur, clear as day, his beautiful, beautiful lover lying on Gaius' bed, Gwen kneeling beside him and patting his forehead with a shaky, scared hand. Wherever Merlin had been at that point, he looked so distressed, so scared, as the three of them stood around him, trying desperately to find a cure to the poison. But there was nothing that Arthur could do this time- he couldn't find an antidote. And what was worse- this was all his fault. If he had made sure Merlin got away. If he had killed the assassin earlier. What if Gaius couldn't help him? What if Merlin...

"I hope to God he can." He answered her as one single, painful tear rolled down his cheek.

* * *


	8. Scared Of Lonely

"Is he awake?" Arthur asked in a panic as he burst through the doors to his chambers; Gwen right at his side, carrying her equipment. Gaius was sat on the bed next to Merlin, doing, what seemed like measuring the boy's pulse. The boy's eyes were still shut, and the old physician looked up, shaking his head.

"We've got to do it now," he told them. The Prince merely nodded, not even knowing what 'it' was.

"Did the water get here?" Arthur inquired.

"Yes, would you pass me the bowel, Gwen?" She nodded and acted quickly; after all, she'd had experience of tending to Merlin when he had fallen ill before. Arthur, on the other hand, didn't seem like he'd be any help, as he stood, struck dumb with fear, just staring at Merlin with tearful eyes.

"Will he be all right?" he asked, almost afraid of what the answer might be.

"I don't know, Arthur," Gaius answered honestly "The wound isn't terribly deep, but it isn't that shallow either. Also, it hasn't helped him one bit that it was left so long; the wound has become infected and if he's to stand a chance, we have to clean it now and sew up the damage." The Prince felt his breath stop in his throat for a moment; coming out as a half gasp.

"Sew?" he whispered "Won't that..." he couldn't even finish his sentence, as tears were creeping into his already fragile voice "Won't it... hurt him?"

"It's unlikely, sire. He's so far away right now."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know," Gaius said, dipping a white towel into the hot water the young girl had brought to him. Arthur finally moved over to the bed, and took Merlin's hand. If he could be of no help medically, he hoped that his companion could feel his loving touch and that he would stay asleep through what they were about to do to him.

Gwen looked to the side to see Arthur's grieving expression as he stared at the boy's frail form, and she reached out and took one of his hands in her own.

"It will be all right," she tried to assure him. He looked around for a moment to witness the kind, caring smile that she owned, etched across her own worried face.

It didn't take very long to wash Merlin's wound, and soon after, Gaius began to sterilise the needle he would use, by heating it up in the Prince's fire. Once he was finished, the physician took up his previous place on Arthur's bed, and leant over the young warlock's abdomen, sewing up the offensive wound. Arthur couldn't even bare to look at what he was doing to his lover, and looked only at Merlin's face, which was so pale and so delicate, that Arthur was afraid his body would just dissolve underneath him.

"What happens now?" He asked, looking like a scared, little puppy, as he looked to Gaius for some information.

"Now, we wait..."

* * *

That night was one of the worst the Prince had ever had to endure. Gwen had gone to the ante-chamber outside Morgana's room, so she could be close to Merlin should he need her. Even though she was no longer her servant, her former mistress welcomed her friend wholeheartedly to sleep in the servant's chambers. Gaius and Arthur both stayed with the patient that night, and even though the old physician told Arthur to sleep, he wouldn't listen.

"Sire, you ran all the way from the forest earlier today, you must rest if you are to function," he reminded him, trying to make him see sense. However, Arthur's stubborn nature, combined with the utter fear he felt for Merlin's condition made him shake his head slowly.

Darkness had fallen upon Camelot, and the only light that was present in the room was from the fire in the Prince's chambers, which crackled and made popping sounds every now and again. The flickering of the bright flames against the stone wall, and against Merlin's pale, feverish skin almost hypnotized Arthur, and there were many moments when he found his eyes becoming laboured, and sore with the fatigue which he forced upon them; his head jerked up whenever he felt this however, and he forced his eyes open once again.

Gaius soon fell asleep himself; something which Arthur was very happy about, seeing as he was an old man and needed his well-deserved rest.

Arthur leant over to check his companion's head. It was still awfully hot, and his pulse was racing. He tried to calm down and tell himself that this was only because it was night-time; people's fevers always increased during the night.

Looking upon Merlin's pathetic, frail body, he felt like crying once more, and fully allowed himself to; tears showing no signs of stopping as they flooded his cheeks. He leant closer to the young brunette, so that his face was nearly beside his own.

"You stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid..." he chanted, tears cloaking any coherent form of speech. Instead of talking, he leant in and placed a light kiss on Merlin's sweaty forehead.

"Why did you have to go and get in the way of that assassin?" he cried. He wanted to hold him. He wanted to wrap his arms around him and cradle him back to health, but he feared that the young warlock's body would break into a thousand little pieces if he so much as touched him. Merlin's breath was calm and slow, as if he was telling him not to worry; though this only made Arthur cry even more, if his tired, laboured eyes could push any more tears out of them.

* * *

Morgana had heard about Merlin's condition from Gwen when she came to visit her during the night. After making a flying visit to breakfast, and realising that Arthur was nowhere to be seen, she decided to go to his chambers with Gwen to look for him. The Prince had not eaten since the previous morning, and he would himself become ill if he did not put some food into his system, so the two girls collected the breakfast that was laid out for him, and made their way to his chambers.

What she saw when she arrived there, melted her heart to say the least. Merlin's pale, frail hand was in Arthur's protective grasp, and the Prince's body was slouched over the mattress; his eyes closed in an obviously unwelcome sleep. From what it looked like, Arthur had just collapsed in exhaustion where he had been sitting.

Gaius was nowhere to be seen, so Morgana approached her sleeping brother with caution and a sense of guilt; not wanting to disturb the sleep she knew he desperately needed. Nevertheless, she tapped the Prince gently on the shoulder, causing him to stir and groan. The moment his eyes were fully open and he remembered where he was, he jumped up, despite the _terrible_ pain in his neck, to check his companion's head, his pulse and that he was still breathing.

"I can't believe I fell asleep!" he said in a state of panic, his gaze checking over Merlin's body "What a selfish idiot, what was I thinking!" he continued to say to himself.

"Arthur, calm down!" Morgana said, making him turn around to face her. He relaxed a little when she put a comforting hand on her brother's shoulder, and pushed the plate of food she had brought nearer to him. The Prince took one look at the plate, and grabbed the morsels of food like a starved animal. Morgana smiled a little, glad that at least he had eaten something, but what worried her more was the fact that Arthur had gotten himself into such state, that now she was afraid to leave him on his own. She studied him whilst he ate the bread greedily, and felt her heart melt when she noticed his cheeks were raw with the amount of salt water that had trickled down them. In fact, she could have sworn that if she looked close enough, she could _see_ the tracks of his tears.

Trying her best to lighten her brother's mood, she said, "Sorry to tell you this Arthur, but you look bloody awful!" Even Arthur, in his depressed state, gave a small laugh at her comment.

"Now, see, that's better!" she smiled. The Prince turned his head back to Merlin and his smile soon faded.

"Hey..." Morgana said soothingly "Chin up, ok? He'll be ok; Gaius will cure him, you'll see." Arthur didn't bother answering. He knew that she wanted to make him feel better, but false hope was no way of achieving that. He wasn't at all sure if the physician could do any more to help than he had already.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" She asked. Arthur looked up at her with tear-glazed eyes, like a lost little puppy dog, and nodded, not thinking about the vulnerability he was showing. She smiled, and moved nearer to him; crossing her legs, and encouraging him to put his head in her lap.

"Try and sleep, Arthur," she said "Gwen and I will stay up to keep an eye on Merlin." Despite her efforts Arthur shook his head.

They all jumped up when they heard the door click open, Gaius walking in soon after. He smiled at the two girls and came over to the bed to check Merlin's progress.

"Has father been asking questions?" Arthur asked, his voice low and laboured with fatigue. His sister shook her head.

"He's too busy to notice anything at the moment." The Prince nodded, pleased.

"How is he?" he asked the physician, noticing that he had finished his check. He sighed and sat down.

"His fever hasn't gone down much since the last time I checked it, even though we've stitched up the wound and washed it.

"What does that mean?" Arthur persisted "Is there something wrong?"

"I'd prefer not to jump to conclusions till I'm absolutely certain, Arthur. There's no need to worry anyone."

"Gaius, if there's something you're not telling me, so help me, I'll get it out of you one way or another. Please, tell me what's wrong with him." Arthur pleaded; the weeping echoing in his tone made it hard for Gaius to ignore. He sighed as he began to cave.

"I think we may be between a rock and a hard place," he told them.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that Merlin's wound has not only become infected, which is what's causing the fever, but unless I'm mistaken, the knife that he was attacked with, pierced him deeper than I originally thought... there may be some internal damage."

"So... is there nothing you can do to be sure? You could be wrong? You could be wrong, couldn't you Gaius?" The Prince asked, his voice so full of hope that it hurt.

"Yes, I could be wrong, but it's difficult to tell. If there is internal bleeding, we may not know until it's too late." Arthur truly didn't know if he was breathing at this point. Too late? What did he mean by 'too late'?

 _Surely not... surely not..._ he didn't even allow the word to access his mind. To do so would almost definitely ruin him inside. Merlin would not... no. He wouldn't. He wouldn't, because Arthur was too scared.

He wasn't just scared though, he was _terrified_. He was scared of lonely.

* * *

That day was the most painful and nerve-racking the Prince had ever experienced in his entire life. Even Morgana, who had been so calm that morning, had begun to cry at what was happening, and all three of them ended up comforting each other. Merlin's fever had gone down a little more during the day, and things seemed promising after all, however, by the time night fell, his skin was burning up just as badly as it had been the previous day. He was so hot, that Gwen found herself running out every five minutes to wet the towel on his head anew, to keep him cool; though it seemed in vain.

"Couldn't it just be a nightly bad spell?" Morgana inquired during the night.

"Possibly," Gaius said, obviously not believing a word of it himself "But, I'm afraid it may be as I feared." Arthur head shot up to listen.

"There's damage inside his body?" he asked.

"I'm afraid there might be, yes." Morgana whimpered like a puppy, and felt Arthur put his arm around her, as he too began to cry. Why was there nothing that he could do? Was there no way that he could just... do anything? Take his place, maybe? No, that was stupid, and impossible. Instead, he just had to sit and watch his lover's body wilt away upon his bed.

"Will he live?" he had the courage to ask. Gaius remained silent a little too long for Arthur's liking, and he held his breath to wait for the verdict.

"I cannot pretend that his condition is not very serious," he said, the fear building up in his own voice. "If... if there is damage inside, like I fear there is... then I'm afraid there is nothing more I can do for him... I would prepare yourselves for the worst." Arthur was shocked to see a tear roll down Gaius's cheek as he spoke the very words that he had tried to block from his mind. His sister was now weeping into his shoulder, but Arthur was beyond weeping. He was crying, of course, but he was still. Completely still, as the millions of tears just poured out of his open eyes, and dripped onto Morgana's hair.

"How long?" he dared to ask. The physician looked at Merlin for a moment, before turning to Arthur; his gaze not able to meet the Prince's.

"Perhaps till morning... if the infection doesn't get him first." Arthur shut his eyes painfully, and felt his insides churn in anger at the guilt he was carrying. God knows that if he could save Merlin's life by stabbing his own heart right now, he would welcome the knife that did it, and have it remembered for centuries to come.

"Could I... I mean... if it doesn't matter anyway... could I just... be alone with him... just for a moment?"

Gaius gave him a weak smile and nodded, leaving the room, along with the two ladies. Morgana held her belly in pain, as her body convulsed in grief. Both she and Gwen approached the bed and kissed Merlin's sweaty forehead, before leaving the room in an uncontrollable passion on tears. Gaius too left the room, after he had kissed the boy's forehead; leaving him and Arthur alone.

For a moment, the Prince was totally afraid of approaching him. He looked dead already; he looked like a corpse that had been put on Arthur's bed, and now he was scared to touch him. To look at him. To even think about him or what was inevitably going to happen to him tomorrow. Merlin's death was something that he had pictured so many times, because he had been so close so many times. He wondered if any amount of thought could have prepared him for the feeling he had at that moment. Thinking about his death was one thing, but actually standing face to face with his pale, dying body was quite another.

The Prince edged his way nearer to the bed, and finally sat on it. He was afraid to move, as if in the back of his head, he thought he may wake Merlin from his slumber. Then, he had to remind himself that his companion was not asleep and would not be woken. He was dying. Dying right before his eyes; his energy and life pouring out of his soon-to-be shell of a body with every passing second.

Arthur somehow found to courage to edge nearer to the young warlock, and to touch his hand. He moved nearer still, and put his arm around his delicate body to bring him closer. The Prince lay on his own back, ignoring the wetness that he felt underneath it from Merlin's own sweat, and tried to move him over so Merlin's head was resting on Arthur's chest; like he _always_ did when they lay in bed together. This familiar position brought him some comfort, and he found himself stroking Merlin's raven hair and holding him tight, as if he could stop his death approaching through this protectiveness alone.

A part of him, the part that felt so at home and safe the way he was holding Merlin right now, wanted to stay like this forever. The other part, wished with all its might that he himself could just wilt away and perish along with Merlin, so he wouldn't have to hurt any more. He thought about what life would be like when Merlin was gone tomorrow.

He wouldn't eat; he knew that much. Would he be able to sleep? No, he doubted that too. His companion had always been there whilst he slept. He would, no doubt, cry himself to sleep every night, tossing and turning until his body wasn't able stay awake, and he would fall into a torturous nightmare. And what of his father? Would he ask questions about his son's sudden depression? No doubt he would, and he would simply marry Arthur off to the highest dowry. It hardly mattered any more whether he married or not.

Arthur's thoughts were cut short however, when he felt something hard poke him in the elbow as he moved it back. He reached under the pillow curiously, and gasped when he pulled out Merlin's copy of _Pride and Prejudice_.

He couldn't help the bitter-sweet smile that emerged through the tears at the thought of how much Merlin loved this book. And although he had never admitted it to his companion, he had grown to love the book just as much; in fact, he couldn't get enough of it. But what he loved more was hearing Merlin read it to him. That soft, bird-like tone that he had, skipping over the words and making them so interesting, that Arthur requested it most nights.

The Prince wiped a fresh bout of tears from his eyes, before whispering, "Would you like me to read to you, Merlin?" it was almost like he expected a reply, but when one didn't come, he opened the book anyway, at their last page, and altered his position slightly, so he could see the book.

He cleared his throat, before speaking in a horse and tear-laden voice, " _As no objection was made to the young people's engagement with their Aunt..."_

He didn't know how long he was reading for, perhaps only a few minutes, before he fell asleep. But those few minutes had been the happiest Arthur had spent since they arrived back in Camelot. Holding Merlin in his arms and reading the book he loved in bed seemed like such a familiar activity, that Arthur almost forgot about everything; about the knife, about the wound, about his companion's coming death, and simply smiled as he drifted off into a beautiful slumber, where _everything_ was perfect.

* * *


	9. A Debt Repaid

Merlin felt on top of the world. He wasn't sure where he was; Avalon, maybe? No, Avalon was for people who were close to death. But then, if he wasn't dying, where was he? He had been floating aimlessly from place to place for what seemed like days. Maybe it really had been that long, but he had a feeling that time didn't work the same here as it did on earth, wherever 'here' was.

Eventually, silhouettes began to emerge from the fog in which he now stood. They looked an awful lot like people; yes, they were people. In fact, they were people that he _knew_. That was his father walking towards him, and he could see Will there as well. And...

" _Freya_?" he gasped. But these were all people who had died. There was no way he could be seeing them now!

The three forms drew closer to him. They all looked perfect, particularly Freya, whom he had never seen so beautiful before; very different from when they had first met and she was locked up in that cage. His father came up to him and embraced him so tightly, that he felt that he might squash him.

"My boy," he whispered. Merlin smiled at the sound of his father's voice, after being denied it for so long.

"Where am I?" he asked.

"Who knows?" his father laughed, giving him a heavy slap on the back "We're all in paradise!"

"Does that... does that mean that I'm... _dead_?" he asked; his voice nothing more than a whisper.

"No, you can't be. If you were dead, you'd look better. You look a mess, mate." This time, the voice belonged to his old friend, Will, whom proceeded to hug him closely.

"It's so good to see you!" Merlin said, happily.

"You too!" The young warlock's smile dropped at the thought of the last time they had seen each other.

"I'm so sorry for what happened with Arthur, Will," he told him.

"Don't worry about it," he said, almost too cheerfully "If I hadn't of died..." he walked over to the very beautiful Freya, and put and arm round her "I wouldn't have fallen in love." She smiled up at him and giggled.

"Wow! I... I'm so happy for you both!" he exclaimed, squeezing the pair of them in a tight embrace.

"God, I... I felt so guilty," he said, referring to the fact that he had fallen in love with Arthur.

"I know you did," Freya said, speaking for the first time "I could feel it. I was watching over you, Merlin. Like I promised I would. But I was happy."

"You... you were?"

"Of course," she smiled a sweet, genuine smile "We were both happy. We've been watching over you together," she told him.

"Can't keep them away actually," Balinor said, chuckling. Merlin suddenly felt awfully uncomfortable at the thought of what the two of them might have been looking in on.

 ****"So you've, um... you've been... looking in on me... all the time?" he inquired, extremely nervous as to what their response would be. He witnessed Freya giggle nervously, and her cheeks flushed with a light pink, in contrast with her now pale skin.

"Well... not _exactly_ ," Will said "We don't ever look... well, you know... but... Freya... she didn't mean to," he assured his friend, who was now more confused than ever.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, we were both checking up on you and Arthur to see how you were... you were having a picnic..." Merlin's head suddenly snapped up at the word 'picnic'.

"Oh, no!" he groaned, realising where this was going.

"Well, we saw that you were all right, so we left..." Freya explained "... and then we... came back." She finished, trying her best to withhold the laughter that threatened to arise. Merlin could barely talk by now, he was so embarrassed. Will, however, did not seem embarrassed at all. On the contrary, he seemed to think it would be fun to tease his friend.

"You know mate, you really shouldn't let that Prince toy with you that way; I know it was a whole month, but still! You were _mewling_!"

"Was not!" The young warlock retorted in annoyance.

"Were too!"

"Even if I was, which I wasn't! As you said, it was a whole month, and Arthur can be very..." he thought, trying to find the right word "...persuasive," Freya burst out laughing at this comment; unable to contain herself any longer.

"So, why am I here?" He asked "If I'm not dead, then am I dreaming?"

"No, this isn't a dream, it's all real. You're on the brink of death Merlin," His childhood friend told him.

"What happened?"

"Don't you remember?" Freya asked "You were stabbed by an assassin."

"Of course!" Merlin exclaimed, almost slapping himself on the forehead "They were trying to attack Arthur, so I distracted them."

"That's right. He carried you all the way back to Camelot in his arms, but you fell into... this," Freya said, directing with her hands what 'this' was.

"Do you know who stabbed me?" The two of them looked at each other nervously.

"It was Morgause," Balinor said.

"Morgause?" Merlin echoed in shock "Why would she want to kill Arthur? He's the one person who can bring magic _back_ to Camelot!"

"She doesn't know the prophecy," Will reminded him. The young warlock rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Been listening in on mine and Sparky's conversations, have we, Will?" His friend shrugged.

"It's funny watching you get wound up," he laughed "But as far as Morgause is concerned, anyone connected with Uther is her enemy, because _Uther is her enemy_. She wants revenge."

"And she would have had it if I hadn't of intervened," Merlin said, trying not to think about Arthur being assassinated instead of him. "It was a close shave really, wasn't it?" he smiled, glad that his lover had remained unharmed.

"Does he know?" Will asked.

"Know what?" Merlin answered.

"About your secret. Have you told him yet?"

"If you spy on me, then you should know that yourself," He reminded him.

"I don't spy on you _all_ the time Merlin; I do have other things to do with my day!"

He laughed a little before his tone turned solemn, "No, I haven't told him yet," He didn't like reminding himself that he was a liar.

"Don't you think you should have?" he asked.

"I've tried," Merlin said, trying to excuse himself "You've seen for yourselves what Arthur thinks of magic, especially after what happened with Morgause. He would never forgive me if I told him this. I will tell him... I will. As soon as all this is over, I will tell him. There'll be no more lies." He looked at the anxious faces of the others and asked, "What?"

"Merlin..." Freya began "You're dying," she reminded him.

"Yes, I know, but... I'll live, right? I'll be back?" The others didn't answer, and just shot each other silent looks "I'll... I'll live, right?" Merlin asked again.

"Son, listen," Balinor said "I know this is hard to take in, but you are going to die, Merlin."

"What?" He asked, his voice cracking within him "No, see... that's impossible... because... Arthur, and..." he trailed off, not even knowing how to finish the sentence.

"Son, they've tried their best for you, honestly they have."

"Who's 'they'?" Merlin asked.

"Everyone; Gaius, Arthur, the servant girl, even the lady."

"Morgana?" Merlin asked, shocked that she would even bother herself with him. If what his father said was true, and he really was dying, then at least he knew that Morgana really cared, and he would take at least some trust of her to his grave.

"That's right son. They all tried so hard, but... the wound was just too deep. It was also infected."

"But... Arthur..." Merlin said, feeling his eyes well up at the thought of his lover being left without him; unprotected and alone.

"I'm so sorry mate," Will said in a sympathetic voice.

"There must be something I can do!" Merlin insisted "I'm a sorcerer for God's sake!" He had to try and do anything to get back to Arthur. He couldn't leave him all alone. It would destroy him. He knew he would be as good as dead. As long as Arthur loved him, Merlin had to live.

"Merlin, you're here," Balinor reminded him "You're not there right now, look." He turned his son around and confronted him with the image of his own body lying in Arthur's bed, the Prince's strong arms wrapped around him as he slept, and what looked like a book in one of his hands. Merlin stared in awe, as he walked nearer and nearer to it. The Prince looked so tired. He looked so awfully tired. Merlin felt his own eyes well up at the sight of his lover like this.

"He's been crying," he said, his voice crumbling further under the overwhelming sadness.

"Yes," he heard Freya say, her own voice a little choked up.

"What's that he's holding?" he asked, looking at the book.

"He wanted to read to you, so you would feel more comfortable," Freya told him, a tear slowly rolling down her cheek. She gave a small, bitter-sweet laugh, and wiped her face.

"I remember," Merlin whispered "I remember him talking to me. It was like an echo in my head."

"That sometimes happens when you're near death," Balinor told him. The young warlock turned around to the three of them.

"Please tell me there's something you can do," he begged. They shook their heads slowly.

"But I didn't even tell him about my gift; there's so much we didn't do." Balinor came up to his son and hugged him, allowing him to cry upon his strong shoulder.

"I wish there was something I could do, son. But you're entering this world a little more with every second, look." Merlin looked down at himself and realised that he was a lot cleaner than he was when he first arrived 'here'. His skin was also becoming a lot paler than it normally was.

"What's happening?" he gasped.

"You're dying Merlin," his father told him "You have little time left. By the time Arthur wakes up... you will be dead."

"No!" Merlin shouted, turning his head to the image of himself "Wake up, you idiot!" he screamed at his sleeping form." Freya came up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder, tears pouring down her face.

"Please!" The young warlock shouted into thin air. He fell to his knees and sobbed, not paying attention to the arm that was holding him in vain comfort.

"Merlin, look at me," Freya told him. He looked her in the eye as she cupped his face fiercely "It will be all right," she assured him. He shook his head violently "Yes, it will," she tried to tell him "You will be able to watch over him all the time, and one day, he will return to you; like you've returned to us."

"But it's my... it's my..." he could barely get his words out through the rough sobs he was eliciting.

"Your destiny, I know," she finished for him, as he brought his wet face into her arms, and she cradled him like a little boy. "We'll all look after you Merlin... we promise," she said soothingly.

"It's nearly time."

Merlin felt her hands caress his hair and hold him close, trying to calm him down. After a few minutes, he heard a loud, echo of a voice thunder in his head. It was so familiar. It was too familiar. He broke away from Freya's embrace to listen.

Kilgharrah's noble voice sounded in his mind, and as he tried to make sense of what he was saying, he saw his friends eye him up suspiciously.

 _I promised you Merlin, that I would not forget your tremendous clemency_ his voice said _You saved my life Merlin; I owe a debt that must be paid. With the power I possess, I will grant you the same salvation that you did me._

"Do you hear it?" He asked. The others shook their heads, and tried to talk to him, but all he could hear was Kilgharrah.

 _Open your mind Merlin_ he heard him say _do not think. Just feel_ He tried his best to obey the voice in his head, and he found himself being offered some sort of extraordinary power. It was a similarfeeling to when the dragon had given him the knowledge of how to defeat Sigan. When he opened his eyes, they were freckled with a deep, golden glow, and he found himself uttering the words:

 _Thurhhaele_

Suddenly, he found himself in two places at once. He could hear voices coming at him from all directions. His skin was going back to its normal colour, but he could still see his father and his friends. They were fading slowly, but they _were_ fading.

"What's going on!" he panicked.

"We don't know! You should be dying! You're getting better. You're going back to their world," Freya shouted. He could barely hear her now. Gaius's voice was more evident in his other ear, as he shouted "What are you doing Merlin, what's going on!" It was an echoic sound, as if he was under water, but it was becoming clearer, as Freya's voice became quieter.

"Merlin! What on earth's going on?" he heard Arthur yell. He couldn't see him, but he could feel his tight grip on his arm. He could see his family's smiles as he began to return to consciousness.

"I love you!" he yelled through the mist that was clouding his vision. They blew him a kiss, and all of a sudden, the voices in his other ear gained a perfect clarity.

"He's healing!" Gaius exclaimed happily.

"He's healing! How?" The Prince shouted. Merlin's vision was becoming darker and darker, until suddenly, all he could see was black. Complete black. Arthur's laughter had stopped suddenly, along with the two girls, who stood completely stunned as huge blue swirled surrounded the young warlock as it healed him. The strength he had felt in the other world had disappeared, and he felt the weakness of the fever return. But even that began to lift, as the magic did its wonderful work, and brought him back to life. He had no idea what was going on, but he was certain the magic was helping him to recover. Even through the intense feeling of being healed in this way, Merlin remembered Arthur's voice in his ear. The Prince was in the room. He was there, watching him.

Then, the young warlock felt it suddenly cease. Everything stopped. He was healed. He was alive. He was back.

* * *


	10. Unable To Stay, Unwilling To Leave

Arthur was woken by the sound of Gaius's uncommonly loud voice echoing around the room. But he didn't want to wake up. He didn't want to open his eyes and realise that Merlin had in fact died. But it wasn't until the Prince was fully awake, that he came to realise that the old physician was shouting Merlin's name. Upon hearing this, Arthur leapt to his feet, and watched in astonishment as his lover began to turn an odd shade of blue.

"Merlin?" he said in a loud voice "Merlin, wake up! What's going on!" Arthur bent over and gripped his servant's arms tightly, hoping that this would be enough to wake him up. Something must have been attacking him. The warlock's lips parted, and he uttered only one word in his state of unconsciousness.

 _Thurhhaele_

The shade of blue that had been slowly circling the young boy, was now truly taking over his body. Swirls of blue light were dancing around him; the sounds from which had woken Gwen and Morgana, if Arthur's yells hadn't done so already!

The four of them stood in awe and just watched whatever miracle was taking place in front of them.

"He's healing!" Gaius exclaimed happily. He laughed out loud and welcomed Morgana and Gwen's embraces; the two girls literally _crying_ with happiness as they watched more of Merlin's strength return to him by the second.

Arthur, however, stood still. Completely still. Merlin had... oh God... he had used... he didn't even dare _think_ the word in his mind. That evil, _evil_ word that he would have never associated with the man he loved.

When his lover's eyes slowly flickered open, the Prince took a deep breath, as if he himself had just been heeled of some dreadful sickness. The injury had been the worry that he had felt over the past two days, but now it was gone, it had been replaced with something much worse. Gaius and the two girls ran towards the bed and all but threw themselves upon the boy, forgetting that he had been dying but five minutes ago; but Arthur couldn't bring himself to approach him. He was frightened. He was so scared right now. Perhaps Merlin had been possessed? Perhaps there was something wrong with him?

He looked his companion square in the eye as he was hugged by Morgana, looking for some sort of assurance that it wasn't him who had used the magic. That it had been someone else.

But the look he received from Merlin confirmed his greatest fears. The young warlock gazed at him with tearfully apologetic eyes that pleaded for forgiveness, but all Arthur could do was take a laboured breath that caught itself in his throat. The Prince slowly backed out of the room, trying his best to avoid Merlin's begging gaze.

Once the door of his chambers was shut behind him, he just stood outside in the corridor, not moving; his laboured breathing echo down the empty corridor. It bounced off the walls and the ceiling, reminding him of how alone he really was right now. He looked back at the door and felt his eyes well up at the feeling of painful betrayal in his gut. With that in his mind, all he the action he could muster was to curl up into a ball on the floor, the way he used to when he was a boy, and just cry.

* * *

It wasn't until Gaius and the two girls had left the room, that Arthur made to stand back up again. The physician approached the Prince, and put a hand on his shoulder. The girls looked at each other nervously, and decided to retreat while they still could.

"Sire," Gaius started "I know this is a difficult time for you right now, but..." he didn't know what the old man wanted from him, but his question came as a bit of a shock to him "I beg you sire... please do not turn Merlin over to your father. He has never done you any harm. _Please_." He had never seen Gaius plead for anything the way he did for Merlin's life. Arthur almost laughed out loud at his request.

"Gaius... I can promise you that I mean Merlin no harm." There was doubt in his own voice, but it seemed to satisfy the physician and he began to leave.

"Arthur," he said, as he halted slightly "He wants to see you." The young Prince did not answer, and merely stood outside the door, looking at the handle so hard that he could have burned a hole in it. He didn't know what to expect from Merlin any more. Would he look any different now he knew what he really was? Would he act any different? When had this even happened? It was the longing for all these answers that made Arthur finally place his hand on the brass knob and open it, revealing the inside of his room.

It had always seemed so inviting before. But now, even with the fire roaring, it felt cold and hostile. Perhaps it was nerves that the young Prince was feeling, as his eyes focused on the form that was lying in his bed.

For what seemed like several minutes, Arthur stood by his huge oak door, before slowly moving over to the warlock, inch by inch. Merlin seemed in no hurry to rush the Prince; he knew what he must be feeling, even if he was giving off such mixed signals.

Finally, Arthur sat down upon the chair that Gaius had placed by the bed, and leant his elbows on his knees, not wanting to look the boy in the eye.

"I'm sorry that I left you earlier," he said, almost forcefully "I should have stayed to make sure you were all right."

"I don't mind," Merlin replied in that soft angelic voice that never failed to make Arthur's heart melt; the current situation making no exception. The raven-haired boy's voice hadn't changed since the last time he had heard him speak. It didn't sound evil or possessed. But that didn't make sense! He had corrupted his soul with magic; there must have been something that was different about him. He couldn't be the same old Merlin any more, could he? Eventually he mustered the courage to speak.

"How long?"

"What do you mean?" Merlin stuttered.

"How long have you been hiding... _this_ from me?" He almost spat out that word, not wanting to use the appropriate noun, as if afraid of what the reality would do to him.

"I've had magic since I was a child. I was born like this," he said slowly, afraid of what the Prince's reactions would be.

"So since we met?" he asked, looking up for the first time. Merlin nodded, almost shamefully.

"These past few months..." he trailed off waiting for some kind of response. The young warlock merely nodded, unable to explain himself in words.

"I'm so sorry Arthur, I never meant for you to find out like this, I swear I wanted to tell you myself."

"So why didn't you?" he demanded. To any other ears, his voice would have sounded angry, but Merlin knew this tone all too well. It was pain.

"Because I was afraid," The boy answered; his voice weak, ready to crumble.

"Afraid of _me_?"

"No. Yes. No, I mean..." he trailed off, still trying to work out the answer for himself "I was afraid of your father. I was afraid of you. I was afraid of what your reaction would be. Especially since what happened with Morgause." Anger flashed across Arthur's gaze at the sound of the witch's name. "Sorry," Merlin said, remembering the pain that had been inflicted upon the Prince that night.

"Merlin... how could you betray me like this? I thought you loved me."

"I do! How could you ever think otherwise, Arthur?"

"You're a... you're a... _sorcerer_!" Arthur bit out, feeling total disgust at the word he had used to describe his lover "Why?"

"I told you, I was born with this. I can't help who I am, Arthur!" Merlin persisted, hoping so much that the Prince would just forgive him.

"How could a person like you be born with such evil, Merlin?" The young warlock shook his head, but not in anger. He pitied the Prince for having been brought up by a man like Uther. Arthur didn't mean what he was saying; this was Uther's doing, it was his fault his son thought like this. It had to be. If Arthur was the man he loved, it had to be.

"Arthur, I know that in your heart, you do not believe that magic is evil," He told him soothingly.

"It _is_ evil, Merlin. It corrupts your soul. It makes you do things... terrible things... look what magic has brought my father, this whole kingdom. Look at what happened with Morgause!"

"Arthur, please listen to me," The young boy persisted, his tone still calm and loving. He wanted so much to stretch out his hand and touch his lover's hand to comfort him, but in the Prince's present state, he decided against it.

"Magic isn't good or bad, Arthur," he continued "It just _is_. It isn't the magic that was evil, it was Morgause; she used the magic to do evil things."

"Magic has never done any good here in Camelot, Merlin." The young warlock chuckled a little at this.

"Not even me?" he asked. Arthur head almost shot up.

"You haven't been using magic here in Camelot, have you?"

"Yes I have. To save _your_ life," Merlin reminded him.

"What? How...?"

"All those times that your life was in danger and you needed help... it was my magic that saved you. My magic was used for _good_." Arthur shook his head, tears beginning to form in his eyes at the thought of Merlin practising evil.

"I just can't believe it," he said to himself.

"I'm so sorry Arthur."

"That's all you keep saying!" The Prince told him "But what good will it do, Merlin? You, not only decided to practise evil in my kingdom under my very nose, but you... you _lied_ to me. That's what hurts me the most. Perhaps... _perhaps_ I could live with the fact that you are a sorcerer. Perhaps I could accept it, I don't know. But how could you keep this from me?" The whimper in his voice was enough to melt Merlin's heart, and he found his own eyes welling up at the Prince's words.

"I didn't know how you would react! I _still_ don't know what you're going to do."

"What do you think I'm going to do?" Merlin looked down, not wanting to tell Arthur what he thought; the consequences he feared the most.

"I think... I think you're going to hand me over to your father. I've never seen you like this before. I've never seen you hate anyone like you hate me right now."

"Merlin..."

"No, listen," he insisted, tears rolling down his cheeks "I know that I've lied to you, and betrayed your trust, not only as my lover, but also as my Prince. I know that I do not deserve any mercy, but..." he paused, the tears choking up his already horse voice "... please... if you could... just don't let them burn me, Arthur, please. Please do what you can to make it as quick as possible."

Arthur's gaze softened, and he found that little by little, his anger was fading away with the young warlock's pleas.

"Merlin..." he started "I made you a promise once. That I would never hand you over to my father, and I am always a man of my word. I would never do it, no matter what you've done, or how you've hurt me. Don't believe for a second that that means I'm not furious with you, because I am, and I would quite gladly stab you myself right now," he told him. Despite Arthur's constant anger, Merlin smiled inwardly at the fact that there must still be love in his heart. "And I don't hate you, Merlin," he emphasized "I only hate... _this_ ; I hate what you've become. I don't hate you."

"What I've become? Arthur, I've always been this way. I haven't changed. Every night when I was in your bed and you were telling me you loved me... that hasn't changed. It was still me." He honestly didn't know how to show his companion that he was still the man that he had fallen in love with; magic or not."This doesn't have to change anything," he tried.

"Yes it does, Merlin. How do you think anything will be the same after this? It's just... I can't... oh God!" His emotions couldn't take any more. What Arthur had gone through in the last couple of days had been pure emotional torture; he felt as if he was being pressed down by an imaginary weight. He would have given anything to have Merlin back with him, anything at all; even his own life. But nothing could have prepared him for this, and the tears fell almost instinctively, one after another.

"I know you think magic is evil, Arthur," Merlin told him "Look at me," he almost begged. The Prince reluctantly returned his gaze, his eyes almost puppy-dog like, but redder, and much more heartbreaking. "Do you think _I'm_ evil?" Merlin asked.

Arthur stared at the young warlock for almost thirty seconds, but it could have been thirty years, what with the amount of thoughts and emotions that passed through his mind at that point. He looked Merlin dead in the eye, as if trying to look inside him and see what was really inside his heart; inside his soul. He knew he didn't need an answer. Of course Merlin wasn't evil.

"No," he finally said, ducking his head slightly "No, you are... kind, and... and good, and..."

"...And a sorcerer," Merlin finished for him in a quiet voice. Arthur squeezed his eyes shut to prevent fresh tears from falling at this latest statement. His cheeks were so raw and sensitive after these past couple of days, that he dreaded the effect of any more tears escaping.

"And you cannot separate one from the other," Merlin continued "My magic is just as much a part of me as your royal blood is a part of you. If I could get rid of it to make you happy, Arthur, I would, but I can't. Why do you despise it so much?" he asked "You are not your father. I know you're not. I've seen you, and you do not hate magic the way he does. You are good."

"Merlin... this isn't about... I mean... yes, it's about the magic, but... this lie... it... it kills me so much that every day you could have... you could have told me."

"I don't know how to show you how sorry I am, Arthur. Please say that you'll forgive me?" he begged.

"I don't know," Arthur said honestly "I don't know, because I don't know what to make of this myself. All those times that you told me that you would never lie to me, and that I could trust you..." He paused and tried to gather his thoughts without bursting into tears again "How can I ever trust you again?" He asked "How many other secrets have you kept from me? I have told you _everything_ Merlin. Everything I was feeling or thinking and you stood before me for _months_ and said nothing."

"I wanted to tell you so many times," Merlin sighed, hoping that he could somehow excuse himself. He knew it was in vain. He knew he deserved everything he was getting.

"I honestly don't know how to deal with this, Merlin. Tell me what to do." The tone of his voice was pleading, and so vulnerable, that the young warlock felt the guilt heavier than ever before in his life; he had caused Arthur to feel like this.

"I want you to forgive me," he said simply "But I know it's too much to ask, and I don't expect you to do it straight away, or even in the nearest future. I know it will take time for me to gain your trust again... but please tell me that we can try." Arthur shook his head.

"I don't know if I know you anymore. I want to say yes, but... I need time. I need time to... to know you again." He didn't even know if any of what he said made sense, but he had to tell Merlin how he felt somehow.

"Arthur, please don't do this, please! Tell me that everything will be all right. Tell me that you still love me, please!" he begged. Arthur looked him in the eye and just cried. He didn't need to say anything. The words 'I can't' were spoken all too clearly in his eyes. "I'm still me," he tried to say; although it probably didn't sound anything like what he meant, due to all the tears choking his voice. "Kiss me," he whimpered. He wanted to show Arthur that the man behind the magic was still Merlin. Clumsy, idiotic, stupid and lazy Merlin. The magic didn't change who he was. But Arthur wouldn't move. He wouldn't even lean forward to kiss him. A signal that made Merlin's breath catch in his throat in the sudden realisation that Arthur's love for him had indeed died.

Whatever feelings Arthur may have had for him, even that very morning, had vanished with Merlin's new lease of life. And for the first time, Merlin had never prayed for death to engulf him as much as he did at that moment. He wished with the depths of his being that this was all just a dream, and that he had actually died in his sleep. Died without letting Arthur know the truth. At least he would have died knowing that there was someone next to his bed who would mourn and remember him, but more importantly, love him. Arthur would do none of those things any more. He wouldn't even look at him.

He didn't want Arthur to witness his obvious agony, or the fact that he had lost all hope that Arthur would ever love him again. Instead, he just took a deep breath and said,"Well... perhaps... perhaps we both just need time... time apart, to... to think about... things."

Arthur still wouldn't look up. He just spoke with his head hung low, "If you wish it. Perhaps you are right. Perhaps... for even your own safety... that would be for the best." He then brought his head up, giving Merlin little vain hope that he didn't mean it, or that he had changed his mind. But the Prince's eyes flew to every corner of the room, except for where Merlin was lying.

"I will make arrangements for you to be taken safely to your home village. I assume your mother will keep you for the time being, without notice?" Merlin nodded, not caring if Arthur saw any more of his tears. The indifference in Arthur's voice hurt him much more than the anger. But the Prince couldn't be anything _but_ indifferent. It was the only way he could stay sane and process any of what had happened that morning.

"I..." he started, finally looking at his young servant "... I hope you have a safe journey," he said, before getting up and heading for the door. Merlin's eyes widened in shock at the Prince's last comment. As he got up from his chair, the young warlock made a sort of animalistic whimper that meant to come out as 'don't leave' but it seemed his words were not capable of processing themselves. Arthur stopped just before he left, looking at Merlin only for a split second. There was a flash of caring in those blue eyes for the brief moment that they were on him, but not enough to convince Merlin that he still loved him.

"Get some rest," Arthur said simply "You'll need your strength." He left the room swiftly after, allowing the young boy to crash his head into the pillow beneath him and collapse into an irrepressible outburst of tears.

* * *


	11. When He Loved Me

The situation that Merlin was in seemed painfully familiar. Only it wasn't just familiar. The feeling he had at that moment was the same one he had felt all that time ago when he had left Arthur, after erasing his memory. He was packing the same things, feeling the same sadness and loss. No, this sadness was worse, because he knew that Arthur didn't love him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered if he would have preferred it if the Prince had never come out of his state of enchantment; at least that way, he would have never known his previous love for Merlin, and it wouldn't hurt as much as it did now.

But the thought of erasing the events of the past few months seemed almost impossible. It was like asking a blind man to imagine not being able to see after he had been given his sight back for three months. It was impossible and as much as he tried to convince himself that he wished _they_ had never happened, Merlin wouldn't have traded that time for anything in the world. Whoever said that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all was all too right. Although it wouldn't be Merlin who would be doing the losing. He would love the Prince right through to his grave. Arthur would be losing him; not that he'd mind. The young warlock would imagine he'd be almost happy to be finally rid of the him.

But for some reason, he didn't feel angry with Arthur. Not one single bit. He was distraught, confused, and pitied the young Prince, but he wasn't angry with him. He felt sorry for him; that he couldn't see the beauty and awe that was magic. That he had only ever experienced the dread and pain that came with the practice of dark magic.

He had always wondered what it would do to him if he was forced to leave Arthur again. He had imagined it so many times, and he finally came to the conclusion that if it was what Arthur really wanted, then he would probably be able to get through it somehow. What would have hurt him more than this, would be the Prince being taken away from him by force; not knowing his secret and still loving and missing him. But he wouldn't miss him. So it was ok for Merlin to leave. As long as Arthur loved him, he had to stay. Now that time was over, so it was ok... it was... it was ok.

Having gotten over the strange sense of déjà vu, Merlin finally finished packing his belongings. He wouldn't need much. Only enough food to get to his mother's for the night and of course, clothes and things for the night ahead... and the morning.

Merlin picked up the envelope with Arthur's name on it that he had left on his bed and put it inside his jacket to remind himself to drop it off in the Prince's chambers before he left. He didn't want to spend any more time dallying in his chambers, but he found that he didn't want to leave. Why couldn't he just stay here, and just avoid Arthur? Wouldn't that be best? He then smiled a bitter-sweet smile at the memory of what had happened the last time he had decided to avoid Arthur. They had ended up rolling around between the sheets together. Such a sweet memory like that brought a prickly feeling to his eyes as they filled up with tears, and pulled his head back down from the clouds violently.

The young warlock took one last look around his messy, old room, trying to soak in every last memory from this place.

There was one that had always stuck in his mind; when he and Arthur had returned drunk from a feast one night, and the Prince had insisted on going back to of heading for his chambers, in their drunken state, the two boys had stumbled into Merlin's chambers, and collapsed on his narrow, uncomfortable bed, only to be discovered by Gaius the next morning with an extreme hangover.

Merlin somehow managed to tear himself away from the dingy, tiny room, and walked out of Gaius's chambers, having said his final goodbyes a few hours ago; there was no need in making the situation harder for all those involved than it already was.

He nearly walked passed Arthur's chambers on his way out, remembering only at the last minute about the letter that was burning his jacket pocket. He approached the great door hesitantly, hoping that he wouldn't be in. Then he remembered that the Prince always trained at this time, or he did in the past at any rate. Ever since they had been together, Arthur would always make an excuse to call off most training sessions by making some ridiculous excuse. He and Merlin would then tumble into bed together and stay there till some unwelcome page or guard would knock on the door and ask for the Prince's assistance in some trivial royal matter.

For obvious reasons, nothing would be keeping Arthur from his training this morning, and the young male was glad to find that the Prince's chambers were indeed empty. Or at least, on first consideration, he believed he was glad. What he really felt was regret that he couldn't see Arthur before he left forever. But perhaps it was for the best. He didn't need another excruciating ordeal with his ex-lover like the last time they had talked, almost two days ago now.

Merlin walked over to the Prince's huge bed and reached under the pillow that he normally slept on, feeling his eyes tear up when he felt the familiar hardness of _Pride and Prejudice_ underneath it. He took it out and opened it at the last page that he and Arthur had read together. He didn't know whether Arthur would even open this book again after he had left. Most probably not, seeing as he constantly complained about how boring and silly it was. Nevertheless, it was the only place Merlin could think of leaving the letter, where he was sure that Arthur would defiantly not find it until the evening, when he couldn't risk him reading it too soon after he had left, but nor could he leave it somewhere where the Prince would never find it. He had to read it. He had to know.

Placing one last kiss on the cover of the old book, Merlin replaced it underneath the pillow and left the room with tear-glazed eyes, trying not to think about all the beautiful, _beautiful_ moments he and Arthur had spent there, together.

But nothing was that simple or convenient. As the young warlock led his horse out of the stables, Morgana appeared out of the castle, running towards him with a worried look on her face.

"I went to see Gaius, because I couldn't find you, and he told me you were leaving Camelot?" Merlin sighed and looked her straight in the eye, trying not to show too much emotion.

"It's true," he simply said. She looked completely bemused by this.

"Why?" she asked.

"Arthur doesn't want me here any more," Merlin stated "He doesn't love me."

" _Nonsense_ ," Morgana spat out, the anger clear in her tone "Arthur has only ever loved you Merlin, I've seen it from the very first moment you two laid eyes on each other. Do you honestly think something like this will separate you? Over my dead body!" She said passionately.

 _No, over mine..._ Merlin thought, however, managed to keep himself from saying out loud.

"Morgana, I know you want to help, but there's nothing you or anyone can do. Arthur... _doesn't_ love me any more. So there's no longer a use for me here." _Or anywhere..._

"Is this about the magic?" She asked "I just don't understand why he would disregard his love for you over something so stupid!"

"Because he has his father's upbringing, Morgana," Merlin explained. But it was like explaining something unfair to a small child. She wasn't going to budge, and he desperately wanted to go. To get away, somewhere alone, so he could cry, or do _something;_ just not talk about it!

"Merlin," Morgana said to him with sympathetic, but still serious and determined eyes "Whatever I have to do, to make this right, I will do. I _promise_ ," she said, gripping the warlock's arms tightly to prove her point. "I owe you my life, and everything I have, and I will repay you with this."

He nodded, but felt the awful prickly feeling building up in his eyes. He didn't want to cry in front of Morgana; he was meant to be a man for Christ sake! But the way he had been holding back his emotions over the past two days, made it impossible, and he clasped his arms tightly around his friend and simply sobbed into her shoulder, in a similar way to how he had after Morgause had nearly killed them both. She didn't cry this time, however, and instead, patted and rubbed his back soothingly while he cried, trying to shush him like a little boy.

"I'm sorry," he muttered into her shoulder, ashamed by his actions, and towards a Lady no less. Morgana smiled a bitter-sweet smile, and stoked Merlin's hair, trying to signal that she didn't mind his out pour of emotions one bit.

"It'll be all right," she whispered, feeling the young male shake his head at this "Yes, it will. I'm your friend, and I love you so much. I'll do whatever I can."

"I love you too," Merlin said, with a sniff of his nose as he brought his head back up from Morgana's now soaked shoulder. He laughed a little at this, despite his tears.

"Oh, now look at your dress," he whined a little.

"Never mind about that."

"I should go," he said reluctantly "Thank you," the tone of his voice coupled with the look on his face when he uttered those words made Morgana's heart melt completely, and she almost forgot to answer him.

"For what?" she asked.

"I don't know, just... anything," he said "For... this," he motioned with his hands, to show her that 'this' meant the moment that they had just shared. It was so nice to feel that with someone he cared about before he went away for good. She smiled and gave him a tender, friendly kiss, before he turned around and led his horse out of the castle gates.

* * *

The ride to Ealdor was tediously long, and Merlin normally hated it, but for some reason, he didn't mind the fact that it would take him until the next morning to arrive in his home village. It gave him time to just think; which he desperately needed. He thought about all the people that he was leaving behind in Camelot, not least of all Arthur. No doubt his father would have him married off to an eligible lady soon enough. He was glad of that. At least with him out the way for certain, Arthur could focus on his duties to the Kingdom, and he would not have any emotional attachments preventing him from marrying. He hoped with all his heart that Arthur would fall in love with whomever Uther forced upon him; he couldn't imagine anything worse than sharing ones entire life with someone whom they hated.

His thoughts soon brought him onto Gwen and her baby that would be born in the months to come. He regretted that he would never again see her, Lance or the baby. He was sure that it would be a beautiful child; it had two very beautiful parents after all, both inside and out. He knew that Gwen desperately wanted a little girl to pet and cuddle and dress up, and although Lancelot would be happy with whatever they were blessed with, he had confided in Merlin that a little boy would be oh so fantastic. Merlin, at the time, had answered to this that even if it was a girl, he was sure that they would have many more children to come. He remembered Lancelot's mild blush at this comment. He had always been a very modest and... delicate man, despite his courage as a warrior. It was almost as if he were two different men, but the pair of them would be amazing parents. That he knew for certain.

He found, to his disappointment, that night had fallen a lot quicker than he had expected... that meant that Arthur would have probably found his letter, and would either contemplate coming after him, or he wouldn't. Even if he did, Merlin would already be in Ealdor by the time the young Prince could find him.

He tried to make himself comfortable on the hard ground, something that was incredibly difficult, considering the amounts of nights he had spent in the Prince's bed and having gotten quite used to it. Merlin groaned out loud, realising that he had found yet another way to remind himself of Arthur.

He couldn't even cry over him any more. He had shed so many tears since that awful day when Arthur made him believe he didn't love him, that they had almost dried up completely. He was reduced to a sense of indifference about his whole life, which worried even him.

The morning came all too soon, even though Merlin had hardly slept through the night. Little things, like insects and birds chirping around him during the night, that never bothered him before, frustrated him like hell now, and had hindered his sleep terribly. He gathered up his blanket and his rucksack quickly, and continued the few hours ride to Ealdor.

It wasn't a particularly warm morning, but the farmers were still out in the fields working, and as he rode into the village, he noticed his mother picking some food in a nearby field. Upon looking up and seeing her son riding towards her, Hunith dropped what she was carrying and ran up to the horse.

Merlin forced a smile as his mother ran into his arms happily, "It's so good to see you, son!" she said, still holding him "I didn't know you were visiting." Merlin shrugged.

"You know me; full of surprises," he answered.

"Has Arthur given you leave again?" she asked, now facing him.

"What?" he asked, a little perplexed.

"The last time you came to visit, you said that the Prince had given you a short leave," she reminded him. Merlin smiled inwardly at the fact that his mother still didn't know anything about him and Arthur, or what they had gone through. It felt like such a long time ago, that he was surprised she even remembered. But it had only been a mere three or four months ago. He felt he really should tell her about why he was really here and what he and Arthur had shared together, but he didn't want her to worry. It wouldn't make a difference by morning anyway.

"Of course, now I remember," he said.

"So has he?" his mother asked again.

"Has he what?"

"Given you leave, Merlin!" Hunith laughed at her son's inability to keep a conversation going.

"Oh, I, uh..." he mumbled, trying to come up with a good response. His mother simply laughed it off and kissed him on the cheek.

"You're tired, Merlin. Come inside and have a rest and some food." She put her arm around her son's waist and led him towards the house, where he sat down gratefully; the chair much more comfortable than the saddle he had been riding on for the past day and a half. He rubbed the tops of his thighs slightly, trying to sooth his aching muscles, the way that he always did for Arthur after a long training session, and the way Arthur always did for him when he was sore or in memory brought fresh tears to Merlin's eyes, but he managed to keep them from falling as his mother walked into the room with a bowel of hot water.

"I expect you'll want to wash," she said.

"That would be nice," he answered "But maybe later. I'd just like to rest first."

"Of course," she smiled, before kissing the top of Merlin's forehead "It's so good to see you, you know."

"You too mother," he said. Now that she was up close to him, she could see the fresh tears that had accumulated in his blue eyes, and looked at him with a concerned expression.

"Are you crying?" she asked.

"No."

"Yes you are, what's wrong?" She came and sat down in the chair opposite her son and waited for a response.

"I'm not crying, really, I'm just fatigued."

"Merlin, I'm your mother, do you honestly think you can lie to me that easily. Don't forget what a terrible liar you are." When he didn't speak, Hunith sighed "I don't suppose the reason why you're here has anything to do with it?" she asked. Merlin looked up at her, his eyes now drier, but no less pained or saddened.

"Arthur knows," he simply said, making Hunith gasp.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, putting her hand across her mouth.

"Yeah," Merlin said, concentrating on the suddenly fascinating piece of straw he held in his hand, before throwing it away.

"I wasn't expecting that," she admitted.

"It really doesn't matter any more," He told her, trying to get away from the subject.

"How did he find out?" she asked. This was exactly why Merlin didn't want to dwell on the topic. It brought back too many painful memories. He seriously contemplated just making something up, but he decided that his mother, of all people, deserved to know the truth about what had happened.

"We were attacked on our way back from... a hunting trip," Merlin explained, changing his story slightly in the nick of time "And I was stabbed in the belly. I was told that Arthur carried me back to Camelot. The last thing I remember was lying in Gaius's chambers and drinking something vile to help regain my strength. None of them knew about my wound, and I didn't say anything because I didn't want to worry them. I passed out shortly after that, and the next thing I know, I was spontaneously using magic to heal myself. Everybody saw," he finished with a deep breath. His mother, by now, seemed so shocked and worried, that even she couldn't speak.

"You could have died?" she eventually asked.

"I very nearly did," he told her "had it not been for my magic... I wouldn't be sitting here today."

"Oh God!" she sighed, placing her head in the palms of her hands.

"I had to leave."

"Yes, of course," she agreed "What did Arthur say about all this?" Merlin shuffled in his seat a little, before allowing one tear to roll down his face.

"He hates me," he whispered in a horse voice.

"Merlin," his mother said sympathetically as she came over and held her son "I'm sure he'll come round."

"No he won't," he cried "He _hates_ me."

"Shh," he soothed him, rocking him backwards and forwards like she used to when he was a little boy.

"Listen," Merlin said "I should have told you when I first came."

"What?"

"I'm not staying."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I'm leaving in the morning. I only wanted to stop here for the night, and I then I'll be on my way."

"What? Why? Why won't you just stay here with us?" she asked, seemingly hurt that Merlin didn't want to stay with her.

"It's time to move on, mother," he told her "My time with Arthur has come to an end. I have to find some other use for my life." Although she was close to tears herself, Hunith nodded and hugged her son gently.

"If that's what you want," she said, wanting to make sure.

"It is. I'm sorry," Merlin told her.

"Don't be. I only hope that wherever you go, you'll be happy. Promise me you won't forget about us, and that you'll come to visit?" she asked. Merlin looked at her pleading eyes, and felt the biggest surge of guilt he ever had ever experienced in his entire life. It would kill her, what he was going to do in the morning. But it had to be done.

"I will... look in on you whenever I can," he said; making her smile at the least.

She stroked his cheek once more, before saying, "You'd better get some rest. You've had a long journey."

* * *

The next morning, Merlin awoke just before sunrise; early enough so that his mother wouldn't be awake yet. He got up off the floor slowly, and reached around for his rucksack in the poor early light. There wasn't much in it, but whatever there was, he took out and placed next to the pillow that he had been sleeping on. He didn't bother washing. There was little point anyway.

The young warlock took the empty satchel in his hand and walked outside; being met by the coldest air he had felt in a while. It was icy and chilly, almost burning his skin with the coldness of it. The early morning mist hung low on the ground, preventing the far fields from being seen, like they would be on a normal day.

Bending down where he stood, Merlin picked up, from the slightly muddy ground, several large stones that had always been used to keep the doors from blowing open in windy weather. He hoped that the farmers wouldn't mind him taking their door stoppers.

He placed the stones into his empty rucksack and swung it around so he could put it on his back. It was much heavier than he would have imagined, and it had already started to make his back ache, but at least it would do the trick.

Taking one last look around his home, Merlin began to walk, slowly of course, due to the weight of the stones he was carrying. He could hear them rattling around on his back, as if reminding him of his bitter fate.

It seemed that he had reached his destination all too quickly, and as he stood facing the river, it was the first time that he felt any kind of doubt in what he was about to do, but then the simple task of remembering the words that Arthur had spoken to him earlier in the week, washed away any doubt or fear that he may have had. This would be the best thing for everyone. He only hoped that the Prince had found his letter, so he would at least know his feelings before... he wanted him to know that he held no feelings of anger towards him at all. In fact, he was doing this _for_ him in part. To free Arthur from the feelings of hate that he felt at the moment.

He took several steps forward, so the bluish water came up to his boots. The mud around the bank made him sink into the ground slightly, causing him to have to adjust his position a few times. The water looked almost hypnotising, like it was inviting him in. To free himself from every hurt that this world entailed, especially within the last few days.

He smiled. He smiled, because he realised that there would be no better way to die than this. Loving Arthur more than he had ever loved him in his life, and having totally made up with Morgana. Having seen his mother before the end. It was all perfect. Unlike the last time he believed he would die, this time, he felt no regret. In fact, he welcomed it like an old friend that he had not seen in years. Everything had been said, and there were no secrets. Even though Arthur's love for him had died, it didn't matter. That simply meant that Merlin's purpose for living had come to an end.

He didn't feel the coldness of the river until it was up to his knees. It was cold, but not unpleasant. On the contrary, it was like Merlin's long awaited escape, and urged him to step further in. The water was level with his shoulders before he noticed, and it was freezing against his sensitive skin. The weight of the stones on his back seemed to be doing the job, and he could feel the weight of his body being almost sucked down into the mud beneath him.

The water touched his neck for the first time, making him jump a little in shock at the temperature of it. He continued to walk forward, trying to use his arms to move, as the stones made it hard to walk in the deepening water.

Moments before his lips submerged themselves in the river's embrace, he smiled his last smile. The happiest smile he had ever worn in his life, and only one word escaped his parted lips.

"Arthur."

Soon after, the last trace of his raven hair disappeared into the depths of the river, and Merlin waited. Waited with the smile still etched upon his face.

* * *


	12. From Merlin With Love

_Two days earlier_   
_..._

It had been only a couple of hours since Morgana had spoken to the young warlock and he had cried on her shoulder like a little lost boy. She was so furious; she could have gladly punched any guard that would cross her path right now, but they wouldn't do. It was Arthur she really wanted to punch. She wanted to beat the living daylights out of him for being the biggest prat the world has ever known. She had never been so angry before, not even at Uther, and that was saying something indeed.

Arthur had been in training all morning, and so she was unable to get to him, although she had it in her mind to interrupt him and have the ordeal with her brother out, so everyone could see how stupid he was. She overcame that temptation, however, and decided to look for him around the castle instead.

Finally, after a lot of mindless wandering, Morgana stood outside the Prince's chambers and waited for him to show up, shortly after which, she saw her brother walking down the corridor towards her. By the look on his face, he didn't even seem to know how much hurt he had caused that poor boy, and that made her blood boil even more; if that was at all possible. The Prince stood still and smiled casually at his sister as she approached him, obviously not noticing her blazing temper.

He soon felt it, however, when Morgana's hand made hard contact with his face, making it snap back with the force she put behind the slap.

"What the-" he began, turning his head back to face her. However, his words were cut short when the young woman slapped the other side of his face, twice as hard; her eyes tearing up.

"What are you doing!" Arthur bit out, recovering from the two painful blows he'd just been given "What was that for?" he demanded. Morgana shook her head, almost in disgust.

"You really have no idea, do you?" she asked, her voice trembling with rage.

"What?"

"What you have done to Merlin!" she said loudly. Too loud for Arthur's liking, as he came closer to her, beginning to shush her and telling her to keep her voice down.

"What is it, Arthur?" she asked sarcastically, raising her eyebrows "Don't you want the whole castle to know what a brave man you are!" she said in an exaggerated volume that echoed with an unforgiving pang around the empty corridor.

"Morgana, please don't make a scene, not here. _Here_ ," He said, opening the door, and encouraging her to step inside. She did so with a scowl on her face.

"Now, I will try to ignore the fact that you just slapped me in the face- _twice_..."

"You're lucky I didn't rip your bloody head off, Arthur, you dickhead!" Even Arthur's mouth fell open slightly at his sister's words. He truly had never seen Morgana this mad, ever.

"Do you want to tell me what this is all about?" he asked.

"I'll ask you again, shall I? Do you know what you have done to Merlin?" He looked away a little from the female's accusing gaze, drowning in his own pool of guilt.

"I did what I thought was right," He said quietly.

"You thought it was right to betray the man you loved?" Morgana accused him.

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm the one who's been betrayed and lied to! He lied to me, not the other way round!"

Morgana shot her brother another look of disgust and said, "You can stand there and feel sorry for yourself, Arthur Pendragon. But just remember, while you do so, Merlin is probably curled up in the cold out there somewhere, crying his eyes out, because he thinks that you don't love him anymore!"

"It's not as simple as that!" Arthur tried to defend himself.

"Then tell me, what it's like. Because from where I'm standing, you betrayed a good man who loved you and protected you with his good magic since the day you met. If that is a crime, or any kind of betrayal, then I wouldn't want to live in your Kingdom, _sire_ ," she spat the last word at him so hard that it made Arthur shiver with self-disgust.

"How did you know that he's been practising magic since we met?" he asked, shooting her an inquiring look. "You knew?" he asked.

"Of course I knew, Arthur!"

"You knew, and you never told me!" he raised his voice.

"It was not my secret to tell. I found out by mistake, just like you. Only I had the brains and the heart to see that neither Merlin, nor his magic were evil. It seems you do not have either to see that."

"How can you just accept this so easily?" Arthur asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Because I love Merlin, and I thought you did the same." The Prince looked away again and leant over the roaring fireplace, as if to burn the guilt and the feelings that were built up inside of him right now.

"I... I don't know what I feel, Morgana."

"Well, I do," she said confidently "I saw you all that time when Merlin was ill. I've seen what the thought of losing him does to you. And not just the once. You need him Arthur. And he needs you, and you may have just lost him forever." Arthur shook his head in confusion "Do you love him, brother?" she asked outright.

"Yes, no, yes, I... I don't know!" he babbled, not even sure what was in his head, let alone in his heart "Yes, I... I do. I..."

"Well then, why did you send him away?" she asked.

"It was not my choice; he proposed to leave!" he defended himself "I won't lie and say that I'm not glad that I have some time alone to think things through, but I didn't send him away; he left."

"And you let him," Morgana pointed out. She wasn't going to give the Prince any mercy; he certainly didn't deserve any. "You don't _deserve_ Merlin," she told him, shaking her head.

"I _can't_ do this!" he cried, not turning around to face her piercing stare.

" _What_ can't you do, Arthur? You can't face up to the fact that you're a proud, arrogant fool?"

"Stop!"

"What is it about Merlin's magic that you don't like? He uses it to help _you_!"

"You wouldn't understand," he told her; making her laugh "You don't understand what it's like to feel betrayed like this. Everything I thought I knew about that man was a lie."

"No it wasn't!" she emphasized "He has always and will always be the same Merlin. Just because he had magic, it doesn't make him any different. He's not evil. Magic is not evil."

"Yes it is."

"Arthur, you are not your father, I know you don't mean that," she told him.

"I can't... I can't imagine... Merlin... my... my Merlin... he has such evil in him now," Arthur cried. Even in her rage, Morgana pitied her brother and walked over to him to put a hand on his shoulder.

"This is hard for all of us, and I know it must have been hard for you to find out this way, Arthur. But you have to accept magic for what it _can_ be if you give it a chance," Morgana explained "All those people that have used magic to attack your father and his Kingdom... they were the children of the people he _burnt_. Wouldn't you want revenge if someone killed your father and mother in cold blood?" she asked.

"It wasn't in cold blood. He had good reasons for what he did," Arthur bit out.

"You and I both know that's nonsense," The young lady said passionately "He is taking revenge for Igraine's untimely magical death, by killing anyone who even _passes_ a sorcerer on the street. It's ludicrous!" Although he was so emotionally unstable at the moment, Morgana's words did seem to make a lot of sense when she said them like that. But it didn't seem to make sense that his father would be such a hypocrite.

"I can't believe this," he said after a while "Why would Merlin hide this from me if his magic was so...good?"

"Because he knew how you would react."

"But every sorcerer I know is evil, and uses their magic to kill this family," Arthur reminded her.

"Not all sorcerers want to overthrow your father," Morgana told him.

"Name me one that doesn't," Arthur challenged her "Apart from Merlin."

She looked at him with such seriousness in her eyes that it scared even him. She parted her lips, and said with obvious hesitation, "What would you say if _I_ was a witch?" she asked "Would you think _I_ wasevil?" Arthur actually laughed out loud at this, nearly doubling over at his sister's comment.

"You know," he laughed "One thing I can always rely on is that you'll make me laugh!" When his laughter subsided, he realised that her face was still serious, and his own face began to look worried.

"Morgana, please tell me why you're looking at me like that," he said with caution.

"You know why, Arthur," she stated, her stare not subsiding. The young Prince made a face as though he wanted to throw up, and he turned around, putting a hand on his forehead.

"God in heaven!" he sighed, feeling rather faint all of a sudden "Please tell me this isn't real!" he asked the fireplace.

"It is very real, Arthur," she answered him "And you'd better live with it."

"You're a sorceress!" he exclaimed, turning around to face her.

"Yes."

"Oh God!" He sighed again.

" _God_ isn't going to help you Arthur, so you'd just better listen to me instead."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, feeling the same sense of betrayal that he had done when Merlin had told him about his magic.

"Would you believe me if I did?" she asked.

"No," Arthur admitted "Is there anything else you want to spring on me Morgana, whilst I'm at my lowest? How could you do... Oh God! How long has this been going on?" he demanded.

"Months," she answered with a completely straight face "Do you remember the night when the candle in my chambers burnt my curtain?"

"That was you!" he exclaimed "Why didn't you tell father?" She shot him a look that one would give an insane person "Point taken," he said "but... you don't expect me just to sit here and do nothing?"

"You won't do anything Arthur. No matter how angry you are with me, you won't hand me over to your father. And you didn't hand Merlin over either," she pointed out "And why is that, I wonder?" She didn't give him a chance to answer, before saying, "Because you don't think magic is evil, not really. It just kills you that he lied to you. But why can't you just forgive him and move on, Arthur!" she yelled, making him shiver "People make mistakes, not least of all when they're too damn scared to tell the truth. You used to treat him like shit every day, and he still never had a bad word to say about you; he served you and loved you more loyally than any other. He saved your life every other day, and smiled to your face, wishing that you could accept him and his magic. Do you know how many times he confided in me that all he's ever dreamed of is for you to know about his magic? And for you to _accept_ him? He is _heartbroken_ now. Because he thinks that you don't love him anymore. **"**

"But that's not true!" Arthur said, tears beginning to form from his sister's merciless accusations. He felt her rage piercing through his very skin and into his mind, as if she was controlling his thoughts, but he knew she wasn't.

"Then why don't you prove it?" she demanded "Prove that you're a man, _Arthur Pendragon_!"

All of a sudden, Merlin's face came into the Prince's mind; his beautiful, angelic, innocent face that had never done any harm to anyone. That smile... that sweet smile that he loved so much, and that had faded the very day that Arthur had found out about his magic. He could see him; eyes clear as day, as if they were staring at him once more, begging him for forgiveness. He didn't feel angry any more. He didn't feel anything. He just felt... he just felt...

"Oh God, what have I done!" he groaned; burying his face in his hands helplessly. The young lady almost smiled in triumph.

"I think the patient has been cured," she said. Arthur looked up at her and hugged her tightly as if to tell her that he'd been an idiot.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Don't mention it," she said "Now, what are you going to do about this?" she added, folding her arms.

"I'll ride out tomorrow evening for Ealdor," he said "And bring him back home." Morgana smiled sweetly and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"You're doing the right thing," she said.

"I know," he smiled, feeling free from worry for the first time in days. It literally felt like a weight had been lifted off by his sudden realisation. He looked to Morgana again and laughed, picking her up and spinning her around.

"I don't know how to thank you enough!" he laughed happily when he put her down. She shrugged it off.

"All in a day's work," she joked "You'd better get going, your father wanted to see you in the council chambers as soon as possible." He smiled at her once more, before making his way to the door.

Before he left, he turned around and asked her, "What you said... about... about you being a witch..."

"It was true," she finished for him "I'm sorry," she said. Arthur nodded, having secretly hoped that she'd made it all up.

"It's hard," he told her. He didn't want to accept any of this- why would he? But there was something about the sincerity in Morgana's voice when she spoke about Merlin's magic that really opened his eyes. That didn't mean, however, that he wasn't still furious at both of them.

"I know it is, but we'll all work this out together, I promise." She smiled at her brother once more; that smile that had always cheered him up and showed him that perhaps things weren't so bad after all. He nodded, a little solemnly, and left the room.

* * *

Uther was already waiting in the council chambers when the Prince arrived, and he sensed that he was about to talk to him about something that he wouldn't like. He had that face that made him anxious as soon as he stepped into the room.

"Father," he greeted him. Uther acknowledged him with a nod and walked over to him.

"You will remember, Arthur, that I once spoke to you about a matter of great urgency. It was some time ago, I know, and I purposely gave you some time to think things over. But I believe the time for thinking is up, and it's time for you to act."

 _Oh shit_ thought Arthur.

"Father, I..."

"Sooner or later Arthur, you will have to take a bride and produce an heir. I would never wish the same worries I had over only having one heir upon you. They eat you alive every day. Worrying that you will die before your only son is old enough to take the throne. To worry that something happens to _him_ and your Kingdom will be ruined. I never want you to feel like that, Arthur."

The Prince knew how much his father cared for the Kingdom, and he shared his love for Camelot just as much. The last thing he wanted was to let it fall into enemy hands, but he cared for Merlin more than anything else. The last week had proved to him just how close he had been to losing him, and what Morgana had told him mere moments ago, reaffirmed his stand on never leaving him; that included marriage.

"Father... you wish to prevent me from the worries you have faced by forcing me into marriage... but you fail to see that you will cause me a different kind of pain."

"What worries could you possibly have when you have a healthy, young wife and several sons to carry on the Pendragon line?" Uther asked, clearly not getting the point, which was surprising, considering how much he had loved his Queen.

"Father... you wish me to marry simply for the sake of heirs. You have not considered what is in my heart, or what I feel. Nobody forced you to marry my mother. You did it out of love. Shouldn't I be allowed the same chance?" he asked. He could have sworn that he saw his father clench his fist in anger at his last comment. Why would that make him so angry?

"Arthur, I cannot risk the future of this Kingdom because of these romantic sensibilities. I'm sorry, but you have a responsibility to the people above that of your heart. I'm sure that... love will come in time," he tried to explain.

"You can't force me to marry," Arthur challenged him.

"Enough of this. Now, I've invited King Brenuis and his family, including his eldest daughter, the Lady Branwen to come and visit our Kingdom. An alliance with their Kingdom would be very advantageous. Perhaps you two could... spend some time together. Get to know each other. You never know..."

"No," Arthur interrupted, receiving a shocked look from Uther.

"I bed your pardon?" he demanded.

"I said no. I will not be forced to fall in love through an arranged marriage. I am not weak, and I will not be bullied by you, father. I'm sorry." He stood completely still, trying to show signs of strength, but he felt so feeble under his father's stare.

"How dare you betray me like this?" his father almost growled "After all the sacrifices I have made for you. After everything I've done for you. I have protected you with my life, and given you everything you ever wanted, including the knighthood of that peasant. And this is how you repay me? By throwing this Kingdom to the dogs over some ser..." he halted mid-word before adding "Sensibility." Arthur didn't seem to notice, and almost felt sorry for his father when he put it like that. He knew his mind should have been set on the Kingdom, but it wasn't. His mind was a million miles away, set on winning Merlin's forgiveness. He couldn't do that by marrying another.

"I'm sorry father," he said "I know this must hurt you, but I cannot marry into what I do not love. I hope you can forgive me." Uther's stare was so furious now, that Arthur felt a little scared, though he knew better than to let it show. It hurt him that every time he and his father spoke of marriage, they quarrelled like this, but Uther just didn't understand. He could never understand what it was like to have a secret love that was so forbidden from you.

"You will meet with the Lady Branwen next week when she arrives whether you like it or not, Arthur," he bit out. The young Prince merely gave a slight bow and backed out of the room, keen to get away from his father when he was in such a mood.

* * *

That evening, Arthur snuck into the kitchens, cleverly having avoided the servants, and stole a couple of jugs of ale, smuggling them away before the staff would notice. His exhaustion after a long morning's training led him straight to his chambers, where he climbed onto his bed to catch a few winks before having to dine with his father that evening; something he was not looking forward to in the slightest after what had happened earlier.

Upon feeling something hard and uncomfortable under his hand as he lay upon his pillow, Arthur pulled out Merlin's battered old copy of _Pride and Prejudice_. He smiled, but quickly threw it on the floor and lay back down, not even noticing that a piece of paper had fallen out of the book he had thrown away so carelessly.

After Arthur had caught up on some well needed sleep, he took the ale he had stolen to Morgana's room, and found her lying in bed, reading a book. She put it down when she saw her brother enter, and sat up, crossing her legs.

"I thought we'd celebrate," he suggested, showing her the alcohol he had provided. She laughed and motioned for him to come and sit down, which he did; swiftly pouring two mugs of ale for him and Morgana. She lifted her mug up as if to make a toast, signalling for Arthur do the same.

"Here's to common sense," she said with a smile.

"Here's to love," Arthur corrected her.

She laughed and said, "Here's to love." The pair banged their mugs together and drank up almost all the liquid in one go.

"Refill?" Arthur offered.

"Please," she said eagerly. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

The Prince had spent the entire night in Morgana's chambers, and woke up at what seemed like past midday. He was slumped over the girl's bed, his head throbbing with a hangover. No wonder, considering that the pair of them had devoured all the ale that Arthur had supplied between them; the evidence present in the empty jugs lying upon the wooden floor. The birds chirped all two happily outside his sister's window, and he felt very much like finding a cross bow and shooting the blasted creatures. In his present state, the sounds were ringing in his ears with double the annoyance.

Morgana groaned as she also awakened, her hair looking like she had been dragged from the 'wise woman' stool, that was basically an old woman with a croaky voice pulling in visiting tourists from neighbouring Kingdoms.

"I feel like I've been hit by a carriage pulled by _two_ horses," she complained.

"Me too," Arthur agreed.

"What did we do last night?"

"We got... whatever you want to call 'this'," he explained. The pair of them just sat on her bed, trying to regain any sense of coordination after the night's activities. A couple of hours later, Arthur finally plodded out of her chambers to allow her to sleep off her hangover, while he headed for his chambers to sleep off his. He needed his rest if he wanted to be able to ride to Ealdor in the evening like he had planned.

When he reached his room, the Prince practically collapsed onto his welcoming bed with a thud. Despite his heavy lids, he noticed something lying on the floor by his bed, and it was only under closer inspection that he realised it was the book he had thrown away the previous evening. Picking it back up, he caught the remainder of the envelope that was still inside the old pages. He eyed the document curiously, seeing as it had his name on it, written in what looked like Merlin's hand.

Even though he was far too tired to do any reading, Merlin's handwriting sparked a curiosity that made Arthur open the seal on the back of the envelope. It was a letter. A letter obviously stained with many tears.

 _My Darling Arthur,_

 _First let me assure you that I am writing this with no anger in my heart whatsoever. I just want you to know my feelings towards you at this time, and the motives behind what I must do when I arrive in Ealdor._

 _You have been everything I hoped for, and I will love you forever, despite what has happened between us recently. I beg you with all my heart not to give yourself any blame over what will happen to me. I have no one to blame but myself for the fact that your love for me has died. I am a liar and I have betrayed your trust and your love. I promised myself from the very first day that as long as you loved me, I would fight with ever breath in me to live. To live for you. Now that you no longer love me, I have no further purpose in this life. I hope to be of some use to another in the life to come._

 _I promise you that I will watch over you every second of your life. I will make sure that you are safe and that you are enjoying your life without me there to plague it with what you believe to be such evil._

 _From what has occurred between the two of us, I know it may be hard for you to believe that I love you more than anything, but I never stopped loving you. If there is one prayer that I will take to my grave, it is that you will remember that and believe it in your heart. I pray that you will at least remember me. In any form. As a lover, friend, or even as your useless servant. I hope in vain that perhaps even when you stroll around your messy chambers in the morning you will remember how useless I was at cleaning them. But I do not expect any forgiveness or remembrance, as I know I do not deserve it._

 _Any possessions I have are worthless, or with me at this present time. I have, as you have noticed, left my copy of the book behind. I do not know what you will do with it. Do with it what you will. Burn it, keep it, I do not mind. Anything else I have is yours, should you want it. It will be of little use to me now._

 _The only possession I have that would be worthy to give to you is my heart; that has always been yours._

 _I often wonder if it would have been easier for all of us if I had just died in my sleep like I was supposed to. It would have spared you a lot of heartache, and I am so sorry that you feel such anger and hatred for me right now. If there is one regret that I will take to my watery grave, it will be that our last words that were spoken in this world were spoken in anger. If fate will ever grant us another chance in the next life, I pray that in the long and fruitful life you will have ahead, you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I know you will have many lovers and loves in your life to come. Although I have only ever loved you in my short life, I will take the terribly short time that we had together to my paradise and remember it forever._

 _I know I have no right to ask anything of you after what I did, but I must try. I must try to beg you to reconsider your thoughts on magic; I know that you have a great destiny ahead of you, and I know that you become the greatest King this land has ever known. Should you be wise enough to accept magic as a force for good, you will become a hundred times the man your father ever was and could ever dream to be. Because his fear of magic has turned to hate, he will always be weak. Do not make yourself weak, Arthur. Be the King that is inside of you._

 _Please, Arthur, give yourself no blame and do not feel any guilt over this. This is what was mean to be. I know that you will be a great King someday where magic and good will prevail. And I will be watching over you ever step of the way. I will be happy, knowing that you will be happy._

 _Goodbye, darling._

 _From Merlin with love_

Arthur's eyes were wide with shock as the words sank into him.

"NO!" he screamed, sharp panic setting in, as his voice rang loud enough to shake the very foundations of the castle itself.

* * *


	13. Anywhere But Here

Arthur threw the piece of paper where he stood and ran out the door, not even caring that he nearly fell over in the process on the slippery floor. His sister had finally emerged from her chambers and smiled as well as she could, considering her intense hangover. Arthur's own sickness had seemingly vanished after reading the warlock's letter, and he didn't even stop to smile back at her when she grabbed his arm to ask what was wrong.

"Morgana, please me let go!" he shouted, trying to get her hands off of him.

"What's happened?" she asked; her voice quickly becoming panicked.

Arthur, now having freed himself from her grasp, began to run, shouting to her as he did so, "He's going to kill himself!"

He could hear Morgana's gasp from behind him, but he didn't stop running; he couldn't. The looks of the servants as they witnessed their Prince charging through the hallways like a maniac must have been a picture to any outsider, but Arthur didn't stop to look. It didn't even occur to him to look. The only thing on his mind was getting to stables, and to his horse as quickly as possible.

Somehow, he made it there without injuring himself on the stairs or on the floors even once, and when Arthur had mounted his horse, with no food, no water, and not even a blanket for the night in sight, he charged out of the castle gates; not even the guards attempts able to keep him back.

* * *

He tried counting. Why did he try counting? It wasn't like measuring the amount of time he had was going to make his horse go any faster, or slow time down for him in case it was too late. Nevertheless, he held onto whatever hope he had left and began to count. Merlin had left on Monday, and that's when he must have left the note. So, he would have arrived in Ealdor on Tuesday. That meant that Arthur could have been too late already! But he knew Merlin; he wouldn't leave his mother so suddenly without saying some sort of last goodbye. It was this thought that caused him to increase his speed; if that was at all possible. By channelling all his thoughts on one person, he prayed he would get there in time to stop him.

He didn't think of anything else; not what people would say when they would talk about his actions earlier, nor of his father's reaction when he would be informed of his son's sudden absence.

It wasn't a particularly cold day, but Arthur could feel the unpleasant sting of the wind as he charged through the forest like an animal. There was no clear path laid for horses in the woods, but it was the quickest route to Ealdor, whilst avoiding the main roads. This mean, however, that Arthur was often hit and scratched severely by tree branches and sharp bushes, due to the speed at which he was travelling. They would no doubt leave terrible marks on him later, but he felt no pain at the time. It was as if his body was immune to pain, as too much was felt elsewhere. The pain he had felt mere days ago, the pain of losing Merlin, became all too clear a reality again. But this time it was completely his fault. If he would not arrive in time to save the warlock, he was sure that he would die too. Perhaps not in body, but in spirit, there would be no Arthur. The guilt would come for him like death itself, and eat away at his very being until nothing would remain except for a broken man; ruined by the grief that consumed him.

He prayed for night never to come. That would mean that it would be much harder to find his way in the dark. But he wouldn't stop. Even as dusk drew to a close, and the only source of light becoming the moon, Arthur still carried on; perhaps a little slower, but there was no way on earth that he would stop to rest. Even if he collapsed in sheer exhaustion, he would just die there and then, having at least tried his best to save his lover.

But he didn't feel tired. The adrenaline in him pumped through his veins, and helped him persevere; panting and sweating so much by now, that one might have mistaken him for having just fought some ferocious beast.

* * *

Night had by now fully fallen, and just as Arthur feared, it was much harder to grasp any sense of direction. But he had never seen a moon so bright; in all his life, he had never seen it shine so. This gave him even more hope. Some sort of power must be guiding him and helping in his trials. Last time Merlin had been at death's door, the Prince had been able to do nothing; just sit and weep like a wounded animal, helpless and involuntarily passive. Now, he would take control. He would not be helpless when it came to his lover any longer.

He could feel his eyes becoming heavy from the energy that he had used and from the huge hangover he had gained that morning. The Prince's legs were also aching from having been galloping for so long, and he had no idea how he managed to stay on his horse for such a large period of time. He could feel Torento becoming increasingly tired and fed up with having to ride the whole evening.

"Come on boy, just a few more hours for me, please," Arthur whispered soothingly as he felt the horse begin to slow. He knew it wouldn't be long. He recognised this part of the woods from when Merlin had gone to help his mother. This was where Arthur had joined the rest of the group, and the ride to Ealdor wasn't farther than a few hours from here.

But Torento could barely stand, let alone ride for another four hours. Arthur let out a sound somewhere between a cry and a scream as Torento sat down where he stood. He jumped off the horse and petted its mane, trying to encourage him to stand up and keep going. But the only reason why Torento got up again was to walk over to the river and drink. Arthur almost had tears pouring down his face as he felt helpless once more. He knew that his horse couldn't take another step, but nor could he sit there and wait for him to recover.

There was no other option, he would have to get to Ealdor alone. Soon after making his decision, Arthur took Torento by the reins and tied him as hard as he could to a nearby tree; he had always been a good horse when it came to sitting and waiting for his master. He hoped that he wouldn't run off during the night.

The Prince patted the tired animal on his head and whispered, "Well done boy," before running off into the woods.

He couldn't quite pin point where he was, but after some mindless wandering, he finally found his way again, and began to run like he had never run before; not even when Merlin was lying unconscious in his arms did he run this fast.

He was utterly exhausted, but for some reason, the adrenaline that had built up exploded downwards into his legs and they charged forward as if they had a need of their own.

* * *

By the second hour, Arthur's rush of energy had reduced and he began to slow down, in spite of himself. He willed with all his might for his legs to travel at their original speed, but not even his love for Merlin could control his worn-out muscles.

By the sixth hour, he was sure that he wasn't far from Ealdor. But the woods around him were becoming increasingly clear and a lot lighter; the sun was rising. Why this scared him, he didn't know. After all, he didn't even know if the warlock was still alive. He was solely following his fear, and his indescribable fear of the morning sun caused his legs, by some miracle, to move faster.

The fields of Ealdor were now in view, although not as clear as they would have been normally, due to the intense fog that surrounded the area, as if shielding him from his lover on purpose. It wasn't until Arthur stood face to face with the village that he realised that he had no idea where to even begin looking for Merlin. He didn't know if he was still alive, or anything. His head was spinning like a wheel with possible thoughts of where to start his search. Eventually he took the most obvious option and ran to Hunith's house, hoping that she wouldn't be awake at this early hour.

He practically stumbled through her front door; his legs having stopped running, were almost trembling with exhaustion, and he could barely stand up, both from this and from his own unbelievable fatigue.

Merlin was nowhere to be found. There was a blanket laid out on the floor, where he assumed he had slept, and a few of his belongings were scattered around this area. _That means that he stayed the night_ Arthur thought _he must still be alive..._

But further investigation showed that the young warlock was nowhere in the house at all. Arthur took one moment just to think. He hadn't thought clearly for hours. He had to _think_. Had Merlin given any clues at all in his letter as to what he was planning to do? Or when he was planning to do it? He could barely remember what had been said in that letter, it had shocked him so much. But as he delved deeper into his memory, one sentence burst into his mind, almost like a saviour.

 _'If there is one regret that I will take to my watery grave, it will be that our last words that were spoken in this world were spoken in anger...'_

"Shit!" Arthur swore as he ran out the house and towards the river. The ground was quite wet that morning, and caused him to slip up a few times along the way, but soon, he made it to the very wide and deep river that Ealdor possessed. He didn't even think twice about what he was doing, before his body was almost fully submerged in the icy river. He was sure it was cold, but he was numb to it, even when the water came up to his neck.

He couldn't feel Merlin anywhere. He was so close to passing out himself, that he was scared of diving underwater in case he drowned. But all selfish thoughts like that left his mind as soon as they came, and Arthur took one deep breath and lowered his head into the water; but not being able to open his eyes, due to the temperature, he simply felt around. He didn't know whether he hoped to feel something there or not.

The Prince came up for a deep breath before plunging down again into the deep river. On this attempt, he could feel the definite shape of a body. He tried to pull it, but it was no use. It was as if it was stuck in the sand beneath them. It wasn't until he felt around the form's back did Arthur realise he was wearing a heavy rucksack, which he disposed of as quickly as he could, and pulled the body out of the river with a gasp. He could barely breathe, even though they were now on the surface of the water. The Prince moved his legs as hard as he could to get the pair of them to shore.

Arthur leant his aching body on the land as they reached it at long last, Merlin still tucked away in his protective embrace. The thick mud rubbed the Prince's skin and embedded itself in his clothes, and as he placed his head on the ground to push the pair of them further up, the dirt rubbed into his hair and onto his face. He didn't even bother to wipe it off. For the first time since he left Camelot, Arthur just lay there and breathed, trying to re-power his cells, one by one.

After five minutes of resting in complete stillness and silence, Arthur finally prodded Merlin's side and turned his head to look at the man laying next to him.

"Merlin," he whispered, his voice not allowing for any louder volume. His lover didn't stir; his eyes still closed and his body still. Arthur sighed and propped himself up onto his elbows to get near to him, "Love," he said "Look, I came back, look I'm here. Open your eyes and you'll see. Look, I came back," he said as he forced his weak face muscles to stretch into a smile. Merlin didn't respond to the Prince, making him shake the young male a little to try and wake him.

"Merlin," he persisted "Look, Merlin, don't be an idiot, come on just... just wake up, ok?" He knew that the warlock often played these games with him when they were in bed together and wouldn't open his eyes on purpose just to annoy him. He was sure that this is what he was doing. He would wake up any minute... he would... he would wake up, he...

"Come on, just look at me, I'm here..." Arthur's voice began to wither a little with ever second that Merlin's body remained limp in his arms "Darling... please just get up, yeah?" The Prince's eyes now harboured very real tears, which he refused to allow to fall. There was nothing to cry about.

"Merlin, come on," he said in a mere whimper, not being strong enough to hold the tears in his eyes "Merlin, come on, we... we have to... we have to go home..." Arthur didn't want to sob. That would make this real. This wasn't real at all. It couldn't be real, because Merlin had said... he said himself... as long as Arthur loved him, then he would live, and... Arthur loved him, so... so he couldn't be dead. "Please, Merlin," he tried to say as casually as possible, as if he was asking him to wake up in the morning "We have to go home, love."

He even tried to shake Merlin a little to try and wake him up. But it didn't work. Arthur's silent crying began to affect his body as he rocked Merlin's limp frame in his arms. A second later, the Prince grabbed the back of his companion's head and almost violently brought it up to him so he could hold him closer. There was no use in trying to wake him up. He wouldn't wake.

Arthur sobbed in complete silence as he stroked the back of Merlin's muddy, wet hair and cradled him like one would lull a small baby to sleep. He prayed that through this action, Merlin would somehow feel his love for him right up until the very end, of his last moments on this earth.

He didn't know how long he had held him like that. It could have been hours for all Arthur knew. God knows he would have stayed like that for years if it could bring Merlin back for just one second. Just so he could say sorry. Just so he could find out if Merlin had forgiven him.

There was a quiet rustling that came from the bushes, and Arthur stole a quick glance upwards to see a figure gliding through the mist that was by now engulfing them both. He hoped that the thick fog would surround him so much that he would just suffocate and die where he sat.

The figure became clearer and clearer and she approached the two men. Arthur looked at Morgause with utter hatred and disgust in his eyes. Had Merlin not been laying in his arms, he would have taken the time to strike the witch down there and then. The almost triumphant smile planted on her face made his body tremble with anger, although his expression became almost inquisitive as the witch revealed a golden chalice from her right hand and extended it towards the two of them.

"Get out of my sight," Arthur growled, with less anger than he would have wanted. He didn't have the energy to show her his true hatred.

She simply smiled coyly and said, "Your lover is dead." This caused the young Prince to squeeze his eyes shut and grip Merlin's body tighter. Morgause's words pierced through the frigid air towards him and stabbed him in the heart. "But you have a chance to save him."

Arthur's head almost shot up at this, but he soon realised his folly and nearly laughed at his foolish trust.

"You're a liar," he said in a low voice, still horse with his tears "Now get out of my sight, or you shall join him. Haven't you caused enough suffering that you can't even let me grieve in peace?"

"I can grant your lover a new chance at life," she stated, not paying attention to the Prince's threats "It is your choice whether you should accept or not. I have never once lied to you."

He shook his head in disgust, and tried to look away from her, but he couldn't.

"Why should I trust you? You've tried to bring down my Kingdom and kill my father. And..." he trailed off, his eyes all of a sudden focusing on the locks of blonde hair around the witch's head. His mind was instantly transported back to when he and Merlin had been attacked; the event that had caused him to lay dead in Arthur's arms right now "...It was you," he said slowly, in painful realisation "You killed him!" he screamed, his voice surely echoing to the village itself

"I have not killed this boy. That was you, Arthur Pendragon. You have inherited your father's traits, and this is the outcome. Your love for this boy could not outweigh the hate you had for his magic. That is what killed him." The Prince's eyes were wide with anger and guilt; he hated Morgause for so many things, but now, he hated her for this. For being right. For branding him a murderer for the rest of his days.

"Do you want to save the warlock?" she asked simply. Arthur shed another tear at this question. Of course he did, but he knew it was impossible to bring him back, and even thinking about it brought his hope up. She was a liar and he couldn't allow himself to trust her. But he couldn't help it.

"I want that more than anything," he said in such a vulnerable voice, that it shocked even him.

"Will you do _anything_ to redeem his life?" she made sure.

"Anything. I would gladly lay down my life for him in a moment."

Morgause smiled triumphantly as she once again showed him the chalice.

"This," she told him "Is the cup of life. The very secret of life itself is held within it. If Merlin drinks the water from the cup, he will live." Arthur's eyes seemed to literally light up at her words, and he found himself reaching out instinctively for Merlin's lifeline. Morgause, however, took the cup out of his reach.

"Not so fast," she cautioned him "I need to know that you are willing to pay the price that will come with redeeming his life."

"What price?" he asked.

"For there to be a life, there must be a death," she explained "That is the law of magic. It is the only way I can save him. I need to know you are ready to pay it."

Arthur wasn't even sure if he was breathing at that point. Having just lost Merlin, and now finding a way to get him back seemed just too good to be true. Of course he would pay the price. It was his fault that his companion was dead. All his. This way, not only would he bring back Merlin's life, but he would recant for having killed him. He would die for him.

"I am ready to pay whatever price you set," he told her with more confidence than he felt.

"Very well," she said, trying to hide her inward smile. She finally handed Arthur the chalice, which already had water inside it. He looked hesitantly at it, in full knowledge that he was looking at his own death. But one glance at Merlin's limp body still in his weak arms made him banish all kind of fear from his mind, and he propped the male up on his forearm, pouring the contents of the goblet into his mouth.

Morgause smiled at this, finally being able to taste her revenge. She approached Arthur, who looked at her with some kind of hope. She reached out and grabbed his forearm with great force.

"The bargain has been struck," she said, almost causing the brave Prince Arthur to shiver "I hope it pleases you."

Then she vanished. It was done.


	14. Book 2: Prologue

Arthur stood at the end of the isle, palms sweating, head spinning with anxiety and nerves. There was only one thing on his mind. The person that was always on his mind- Merlin. What did he think about all this? Was it right to impose this on their relationship? Was he ready for this? Did he think he could cope with it, or would the strain simply make them drift apart?

He desperately tried to focus on something else. The perfect stain glass windows in the church, or the ceiling, that was so high, the Prince was losing his head in it. It was painted with all manner of angels and cherubs with bows arrows. Gazing up at the magnificent art all around him did help to relax the tense Prince, even if only a little. But his nerves soon flooded back as soon as he took one glance at the entire court sitting in the stools in front of him. All of a sudden, he felt a great sense of duty and responsibility on his shoulders, which didn't help the sweat that was congregating on his brow one bit.

Arthur nearly jumped out of his skin when the doors opened, and she emerged onto the isle, preparing for the long walk to her Prince. If he hadn't been standing so far from her, he could have sworn he could feel her own nerves pulsating down the church towards him. Arthur took one deep breath and gulped.

* * *


	15. If Tomorrow Never Comes

Upon seeing Merlin's weak chest rise a mere millimetre, Arthur gasped out loud and scooped the younger male in his strong arms; proceeding to run back to the village with him. He knew that he should be scared like hell over the fact that he himself would die because of this, but as he charged across the fields to the warlock's house, he just couldn't get rid of the smile that was plastered upon his dirty face. Merlin was back and he was back for good. Whatever time the Prince would have with him before he was taken for redeeming his life, would be precious.

In the short time that Arthur had been by the river, the sun had almost fully risen over Ealdor, and he could see the farmers beginning to go about their everyday work. Hunith was standing on her doorstep, sweeping some dry mud off her porch.

She looked up to see Arthur running towards her with Merlin in his arms, her face a little perplexed to say the least.

"Prince Arthur?" she asked, slightly panicked "What are you doing here, what's happened?" she demanded, trying to help the Prince carry her son indoors.

"He... tried to cross the river... fell and knocked himself out," he finished, not wishing to tell Merlin's mother that he had in fact killed himself.

"Silly boy," Hunith said to herself as they approached Merlin's bed roll. Before laying him down, she dashed into the other room and brought her own bedroll and cushion, placing them on her boy's own to make him more comfortable. Arthur took this as a sign to lay his lover down on the floor, and he did so as gently as possible, despite his still trembling muscles from the previous night's efforts.

"Is he all right?" Hunith asked, worried about her son's paler than usual skin and limp body.

"He'll be fine," Arthur promised "We need to get him warm before he catches a cold."

"He could have died," she whispered in horror. Arthur nodded

"But he didn't, and that's all that matters," he put a comforting arm on the woman's shoulder to stop her from crying. There was no need to distress her.

"Yes, I... I suppose your right..." she eventually agreed, although still seemingly in shock. The pair of them worked together to get Merlin out of his wet clothes, and dressed him in the only other clothes he had with him; the ones he wore to Ealdor. Hunith fetched several candles shortly afterwards to warm her son in his shivering state "What are you even doing here, sire?" she asked eventually as they both sat down next to Merlin's bed. The Prince hadn't thought about how he would answer that, even after his long ride there.

"I..." he started "Myself and Merlin... had a bit of a misunderstanding..." he tried to explain "I wanted to apologise for the way I acted towards him."

"Merlin told me you know about his magic," Hunith simply said, stumping even Arthur.

"Oh... I... I suppose he told you how I reacted?"

"Not in detail. Although he did say that you hated him because he was a sorcerer." The Prince felt like looking away in shame at her words, but he couldn't bare to look down at Merlin. It would make him feel even worse than he already did.

"I'm not proud of the way I acted, Hunith," he finally said in a low, shameful voice, hoping he could redeem himself "That's why I'm here." She eyed him suspiciously.

"Why would a Prince ride all the way from Camelot just to say sorry for shouting at his servant?" she asked "And how did you know where to find him?"

"Well... I came here first... and I saw that Merlin had taken his bag, so... I decided to see if he was leaving the village via the river. I saw him drowning, so I went in and got him out," he said, his explanation obviously lame, though he hoped it would get him out of answering the first part of the question. Hunith obviously didn't know about him and her son, and it was Merlin's job to tell his mother, not Arthur's. She nodded at the Prince's explanation, but she wasn't letting up on her interrogation,

"And the reason why you're here? Why would you go to so much trouble?" Arthur sighed, feeling a strange sense of déjà vu. This was just like the awkward moment when Lancelot asked him why he had ridden out especially to save Gwen all that time ago. He decided to give the same answer, hoping it would get him off the hook,

"Well, the truth is, in the end, I came because the Lady Morgana begged me to go after Merlin. I feel she may have a fancy for the boy," he said. Hunith nodded, deciding not to press the subject further, as Arthur was obviously very uncomfortable talking about it.

"Would you like some food?" she asked, getting up off the floor. Arthur didn't come to realise just how hungry he was, until after she mentioned it; his stomach giving a very embarrassing sound, making Hunith giggle slightly.

"I'll take that as a 'yes' then, shall I, sire?" she asked with a smile. He nodded and watched her walk off into the other room.

* * *

Merlin slept for most of that day. The Prince had never seen him so peaceful. Never. Not once. The peace he saw etched upon his perfect face made him wonder if the boy was indeed alive, and he checked several times during the day if he was still breathing.

Arthur didn't leave his companion's side for one second, despite his mother's encouragements to sleep or even to eat with the rest of them. Every time, he would just shake his head silently. If he was going to die, he wanted to have Merlin's face encrusted in his memory to carry him through the lonely years ahead in the next life. Just the thought of leaving the young male alone made his heart bleed.

There was too much still unsaid, too much that Arthur had to explain; things that Merlin had to explain to him. Would he be all right without him? Probably a lot better off, come to think of it. All Arthur had ever done for him was call him names, work him hard and then kick him to the side when he found out what Merlin was really made of. Even though he was still more furious than he could say, that his lover had lied to him, the issue of his magic was something he could have grown to accept... had he the chance to live.

Even if Merlin did, by the slightest chance, miss him when he was finally gone, he wouldn't be truly alone. He would have Gwen, Lancelot, Morgana, Gaius, and his mother there. All people who appreciated him more than Arthur ever did, and treated him as he deserved to be treated.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, knowing that the boy probably couldn't hear him " _So sorry._ " He took Merlin's hand in his and kissed it lightly, hoping that nobody would see. But he couldn't stop himself. He had to feel that he was really there. Hunith entered the room several minutes later, bringing a lit candle with her and setting it by her son's bed roll. It was growing increasingly dark in the room, and she tried her hardest to get Arthur to bed.

"Sire, you _must_ sleep," she tried, receiving her usual shake of the head from the stubborn, love sick Prince. She sighed and drew closer to him.

"Sire, you haven't even washed the mud out of your hair, look." Arthur hadn't even realised that his clothes and skin were still covered in the muck from the riverbank until now. It was still caked on his clothes, though some had partially fallen off after drying, there was still an immense amount in his hair that had dried on hard, and he could feel it on his skin, as if he had some kind of animal skin.

"I'll be fine, Hunith," he said. She sighed a second time, this time in defeat, and left the room once more.

Arthur, by now, was so fatigued that he could barely breathe, but he would have rather died than fall asleep. And then a painful and very real thought struck him. What if he died before Merlin woke from his sleep? What if he never got to say goodbye? He felt his eyes prickle and tear up at the thought of dying, leaving a hating Merlin behind him, never having the chance to make up or even kiss him one last time. How would Merlin find out that Arthur had forgiven him? How would he ever know? He could just wake him up. That would be the most obvious solution, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. It was his fault that all of this had happened; he wasn't worthy to wake Merlin from his well-deserved slumber.

But then what did that mean for them? Surely fate wouldn't be so cruel as to take Arthur before his lover would wake? Or perhaps that's just what he deserved. Perhaps he didn't deserve to say goodbye, or to have Merlin forgive him. He didn't deserve to have one last kiss. He hadn't earned it.

But then... if tomorrow truly never came... would Merlin ever know how much he really loved him?

He had little time to think about that, however, as he saw the male's body stir. It may have only been for a second, but it definitely moved. It moved in the same way as it did every morning when it was sleeping next to Arthur. When it woke from its natural sleep.

Arthur's eyes widened; tearful in pure and utter joy as he heard the blissful sound of Merlin's early morning moan. He was waking up.

Soon, the boy's eyelids flickered open, as if from a normal slumber, and darted towards Arthur. The Prince didn't even give him time to say anything; he was too happy to have him back that he forgot that Merlin may still be weak, and just trembled a little in excitement, before seizing his slender frame into his arms, bringing his head to his shoulder.

He had held his lover like this so many times in the past, but nothing could compare. He almost felt Merlin's happy energy seep from his tired body and into his, and that couldn't keep him from smiling, despite the fact that he knew this was his fault. He felt Merlin's breath on his neck, and he knew that must have meant he was smiling too, which caused him to sigh deeply in relief. Even if he couldn't see the boy's face, he could feel what it looked like.

"You..." Arthur heard him say quietly "... came back."

The Prince didn't waste any time, before answering tearfully, "Of course I came back, you silly goose!" he almost laughed, his tears clouding the utter joy he felt "I couldn't let you..." he stopped himself, though he wasn't sure if it was because he couldn't bare the thought of how close he was to losing Merlin, or the fact that Hunith was only next door, and he didn't want her to know what had really happened.

He knew he should probably let the young warlock go, or else he would suffocate the poor boy with his tight embrace, but his arms were like magnets around him, and he couldn't prize himself off. He had the feeling Merlin didn't want him to either, as to Arthur's surprise, the warlock's entire body felt relaxed and his arms contributed to the hug his Prince was giving him as if he hadn't seen him in many years. Merlin tried to snuggle under his lover's embrace, rubbing his face into Arthur's shoulder like he always did if he was upset or lonely.

He felt like he wanted to say a million things to his silent lover, but there was some sort of mutual language being spoken between them in the loving embrace, and Arthur found that any other words that he might have spoken would be meaningless, as what they were saying to each other in the silence was more clear than anything the two of them could have come up with.

But he still cried. He cried with happiness. He cried with fear. Fear of the unknown obviously, but fear of the known all the more. The fear that Merlin would be left alone. He was glad that his companion didn't notice his tears, or if he had, he most probably assumed they were tears of relief or joy.

"Merlin!" They both heard a feminine voice cry from the doorway. Hunith ran in and embraced her son tightly. Not crying, but very close to it all the same. "You could have died you silly, silly boy," she said, tightening her grip.

"It was an accident, mother," he told her.

"I know, I know, I just..." she pulled back and looked him in the eye, stroking his face wherever she could reach it. "Sorry," she said, realising she was stroking him to death "I'll get you some food, you must be starving." She said, trying to compose herself. As soon as she had left, Arthur looked back at Merlin, now feeling the awkwardness of the situation after his burst of relief had left him.

"You should get some rest," he whispered; the one request he always made when he felt giddy about something to do with Merlin. It was the last thing he wanted his lover to do, considering he had no idea how much time they had left together, however, he _needed_ rest, and he couldn't keep him awake for his own selfish thoughts.

"I've rested long enough," Merlin answered, as he was laid back down by Arthur "I want you to tell me how you woke me up."

"I didn't wake you. You woke up yourself, love," he felt awful calling Merlin that name after all that he had put him through, but he wasn't about to waste his thoughts on that when his lover was finally awake, and more importantly, alive.

"I meant, how did I get back from the big white place again?" he asked. His voice was low and serious, but there were hints of confusion in it. Arthur shook his head.

"I don't know which big white place you mean."

"The place where I was before, when I died in Camelot. The magic brought me back that time, but I didn't use magic now. But it kept pulling me back. I yelled for it to stop. I didn't want to be back here," The Prince looked at Merlin, his eyes now watery and ready to cry, but he could see the boy was trying to hold them back. "You sent me away," he said.

"I'm sorry," Arthur whined, the tears in his own voice making it difficult to keep his voice in a normal tone.

"You told me you didn't want to see me any more. You didn't love me. You hated me. I... I didn't want to come back to that... I wanted to go... It wasn't an accident..."

"I know," Arthur told him "I couldn't let you do that. I wouldn't let you die, Merlin. Because I love you. I never stopped loving you. When you left me that note... God, Merlin..." Arthur hung his head, and sighed, not wanting the warlock to see him break down, when it was his foolishness that drove them to this.

"But... I thought..."

"It was complicated, Merlin," he tried to explain "I wanted time to think, but I didn't think you would..." Merlin looked so shocked, that his mouth was open like a goldfish.

"You mean... you never actually hated me?" he asked, his voice trembling.

"Merlin, even when I wrestled you the first day I met you, I couldn't hate you. How could anyone hate you?" He actually smiled at his lover, hoping that Merlin would sense his genuine response "Will you forgive me?" he asked in a low, uncertain tone.

"Arthur," he smiled weakly "I forgave you the moment you walked out that room... will you... will you forgive me?" he asked, his voice more uncertain than the Prince's.

"Merlin I forgave you the moment I walked out that room too," he said, earning a puzzled look from the warlock.

"But then... why... this?"

"Merlin, I was angry. I still am. Don't think for one moment that I'm not furious about that fact that you lied to me, but it's something I want to overcome and that I need us to overcome together, because I love you, and I didn't realise how much, until today, honestly I didn't."

He felt such relief speaking those words, but amongst the happiness was a bitter-sweet stab that hurt him more than anything, because he knew that he would never make it better with Merlin; not completely. They didn't have the time. He didn't even know if they had until morning. But more importantly, Merlin would never know the true meaning of his words. His love for the warlock had intensified that morning more than he could ever explain, because to give one's life for someone they love truly completes them, and Arthur now felt complete.

He didn't want Merlin to see his despair, and so said, "But you know, you really are an idiot, running off like that." He didn't know if his 'joke' would be appreciated, but at least it lightened the tension in the room. Merlin didn't laugh, but nor did he scowl.

"I still don't understand how I got back from the white land. I was there completely. I wasn't there half the way like last time. I definitely died. How could I have been brought back?" he asked.

"You didn't die," Arthur assured him, trying to force his voice into believability "You were barely alive, but not dead when I got you out. I managed to pump the water out of you, and you started breathing again." Merlin shook his head in confusion, but seemingly accepting the Prince's words.

"It just... seemed so real... I..."

"Do you wish you hadn't come back?" he asked.

"No, of course, I... I just... I'm too confused to think," he said honestly, closing his eyes and relaxing against his pillow.

"Will you..." he began hesitantly.

"Yes, Merlin?" Arthur asked.

"Will you... will you kiss me now?" Merlin almost squeaked, his voice so low, only Arthur heard him.

"Your mother..." he warned.

"... is cooking..." Merlin reminded him "Please," he whispered. Arthur needed no more encouragement, and came down slowly and gently onto the young male's lips. They were warmer, due to the heat of the fire, but slightly wet and salty, caused by his painful tears that he had shed earlier. Arthur cupped his face and stroked it as his lips remained stationary upon Merlin's. The kiss wasn't deep or passionate, but small, tender and sensual.

When the kiss finally broke, Merlin's eyes remained closed, ready to fall asleep again. Arthur smiled and placed his own head on the boy's spare jacket that lay on the floor next to the bedroll. The Prince's eyes shut, with the memory of Merlin's sleeping form hopefully imprinted in his mind. That sweet face, pouting like it always did when he drifted to sleep. The candlelight illuminating his pale skin, making him look almost angelic.

That vision alone was enough to send Arthur off to a well needed sleep. But he slept in satisfaction. When tomorrow never came, at least Merlin would know how much he loved him, or at least that he _still_ loved him. Everything was okay. Arthur smiled.

* * *


	16. Love Me Tender

The light was harsh. Too harsh, for the usual morning light. He must have passed on already. Arthur wondered what time it was where Merlin was sleeping and if they had discovered his body yet. Probably not. Merlin would probably be sleeping soundly trying to regain his strength.

It wasn't until the Prince reluctantly opened his eyes to see where he was did he realise that the cause of the harsh white light was a single ray of sunlight that penetrated the crack in the roof. It must have been midday or thereabouts, Arthur thought. But death looked and felt suspiciously like earth. He didn't _feel_ any different. And when he looked around, he realised that everything was as he had left it when he had fallen asleep.

So he hadn't died. They had decided not take him just yet. He sighed happily and rubbed his sleepy eyes; so happy that he would have at least one more day with Merlin. But the joy he felt was clouded by an unwelcome bitter-sweet quality, the moment he acknowledged that the longer he and the young warlock had to talk and sort things out, the harder it would be for him when Arthur finally passed on.

His thoughts were cut short however, and the bitter-sweet feelings already began receding into the back of his memory as he shot one glance at Merlin's sleeping body.

He felt there was still so much that he had to make up to him. To explain. They had talked vaguely the other night, but it wasn't enough. He needed something; he needed something to help them move on. If they didn't move on, then their relationship would never be the same again, and even though Arthur would soon be dead, he wanted Merlin to remember their time together as it had been in the past, and not this new, bitter and almost tarnished relationship they had experienced over the past few days.

He wanted to kiss him. He knew that much. When they had kissed yesterday, some of the anger and awkwardness had definitely been washed away. But not all of it. Perhaps if he kissed Merlin again, he would feel the same sense of relief.

But then he remembered Hunith and what would happen if she would happen to walk in on them. With a huff, Arthur sat back and leant on his hand, only then spotting the folded piece of parchment by his bedroll. Unfolding it, he took a sigh of relief when he read it was from Hunith letting him know that she had gone to the market and wouldn't be back for a few hours.

He threw the parchment back down on the floor and got up from his bed roll, deciding to take a walk down to the river and wash the dried mud off his skin and hair. He hoped that by the time he returned, the resting warlock would be awake and he could kiss him.

Upon returning, Arthur was disappointed to see his lover still in the thralls of a peaceful slumber. Despite this, he moved over to Merlin; lying on his stomach so he could look at his face properly. The young warlock's face was turned towards him and his lips were pushed outward in an adorable sort of pout, the one that always made Arthur want to kiss him in the mornings. And kiss him he did. He brought his lips to Merlin's sleeping ones, bringing his hand up to his head as he did so, and stroking the soft, black hair there.

Arthur smiled into the kiss, feeling that same relief and happiness that he had experienced last night, when Merlin had pleaded for him to kiss him.

The Prince heard him stir sweetly and finally awake; his blue eyes looking so sweet and confused that Arthur almost sighed.

"What are you doing?" Merlin whispered; his voice a little hoarse with having just woken up. Arthur didn't answer him, and instead smiled and stroked his hair some more, leaning his forehead against his companion's.

He would have moved if Merlin started feeling uncomfortable with the close contact, but he didn't even flinch. The two of them just stayed stationary, Arthur's breathing becoming slightly laboured with the feeling of Merlin being so close to him. He heard his breaths on his skin, he could smell him. That fresh and stunning smell that always radiated off his beautiful lover. He felt him. He felt every cell of Merlin's body invading his own, and it felt like nothing he had ever felt before.

The Prince's second kiss was the most tender it had ever been, so gentle that he barely grazed the surface of the young male's red lips. He felt the same sort of relief, but it wasn't enough. He needed more. He needed to truly make the two of them feel like they could put everything behind them. So he brought his lips off Merlin's and kissed his cheek instead. Then the other.

He kissed his way up the side of his face until he got to his forehead, where he placed a lingering kiss. Arthur stroked the side of Merlin's face he had just kissed while placing more down the other side, then kissing his nose and rubbing his own against it, before remaining stationary once again; his face pressed softly against Merlin's.

He then kissed his lover's lips once, and then under his chin. He could feel the rough evidence that Merlin hadn't shaved for a few days, and he almost enjoyed the tingling sensation that rippled through him at that contact.

He knew what they both needed. He knew that Merlin could sense it too, but he made eye contact with him just for a moment to find any signs of uncertainty; almost asking his permission to continue. The young warlock just smiled and wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck, before gently bringing him back down for another kiss.

It was needy, but not lustful. He needed Arthur, not his body. With his lips still attached to his Prince, Merlin sat up slowly, pushing Arthur upright also as he did so. He didn't want to rid himself of the sensation that kissing him brought, but he reluctantly pulled away for a moment to stroke Arthur's face. He just wanted to look at him. To study every contour and outline of his face. He ran a single finger almost experimentally from the top of Arthur's hairline, and gently down one side of his face; his finger moving with the curves of Arthur's cheek. The finger then made its way to the other side and then mingled with his other fingers in Arthur's damp hair.

The Prince's eyes throughout Merlin's attention were a sight to behold. Almost filled with tears at the soothing and loving effect the warlock's hands had on him.

The Prince brought his own hands down to the bottom of Merlin's shirt and began to pull it upwards, receiving a smile from Merlin before his head disappeared in the pale fabric as it was pulled off of him completely. Merlin followed Arthur's actions and helped him out of his own shirt before kissing him again and locking his arms around his now bare back.

Arthur tried to manoeuvre the two of them, without taking his lips off Merlin, so that his back was against the wall and his young companion was sitting in his lap, still kissing him.

His mind was spontaneously cast back to the last and only time he and his companion had made love in a similar way, with Merlin on top of him, looking down with those lustful, loving eyes.

It had been on their 'trip' to Cendrid's Kingdom when they had gone to search for the Dragon-Lord and stayed in an inn on the way. Merlin had been so quiet and preoccupied with his thoughts that day, but almost as soon as Arthur had blown out the candle to sleep, Merlin had come over to his bed and straddled him, giving him a fierce kiss. Arthur had never seen him so forward before, considering the first time they had made love, which was not too long before, Merlin had been trembling like a leaf and content to lie there and take it, Arthur was a little surprised at his manservant taking charge. But it had been one of the best nights of his life, and the sight of Merlin's pale body, illuminated by nothing but the moonlight above him had Arthur completely fixated and hypnotized.

But this time, it wasn't about a power struggle or even about dominance. Arthur wasn't interested in asserting his position as alpha male; he just wanted Merlin.

Arthur had been dreaming about their night at the inn for some time it seemed, as when he felt Merlin squirm in his lap, he was shocked to realise that the warlock was already naked. Feeling a little foolish that he was still partly clothed, Arthur shed his trousers soon after, tossing them to the other side of the room.

Merlin put his arms around his Prince and wrapped his legs around his back, simply holding him. Arthur's own arms made their way round Merlin, holding him safe and trailing a single finger lovingly up and down his spine. Merlin sighed softly and touched Arthur's hair before kissing it softly.

The relief that both of them were looking for was coming in abundance as their small touches and kisses washed away their feelings of anger or sadness. They had never been so intimate with each other before. Even when they had first made love, they had never been so intimate before, and the way that Merlin had his legs firmly locked around Arthur, and his constant embrace, made him feel like he never wanted him to let go of him.

Arthur could feel Merlin hard and ready against his belly and looked his lover in the eye for his permission to continue. The warlock gave it to him by placing Arthur's hands on his hips to raise him up slightly. He held his hips tightly and slowly helped Merlin slide down. He hissed slightly at the invasion, having not prepared himself before hand.

"Sh sh sh," Arthur soothed him as he rubbed Merlin's back tenderly. But he was still way too tense to carry on, so the Prince reached between them and stroked his member gently. Merlin sighed in contentment and looked Arthur in the eye, small tears running down his face from the strong intimacy they were feeling. Arthur kissed each individual tear from Merlin's face, despite some running down his own cheeks.

He continued to stroke Merlin until he felt that his lover was completely relaxed and no longer in any pain. The warlock hadn't moved an inch, and just drank up the moment of acceptance he felt. Because that's what this was. It wasn't sex. It wasn't even love making. This was them finding a way to forgive each other. To forget everything that had happened between them in the past.

Arthur kissed Merlin's neck affectionately. But he didn't suck. His goal wasn't to make Merlin writhe or scream or even moan. He was content with the feel of his lover tight around him, and his arms holding him possessively.

He finally felt Merlin raise himself up a little and slide back down again without a sound. The only sign of his pleasure was a single breath that Arthur felt as Merlin's forehead pressed against his.

Merlin continued to cry softly at the realisation that Arthur was truly forgiving him. He hadn't said a word to him since he had woken up, but he could feel the forgiveness with every loving thrust of Arthur's hips that made him bury his head in Arthur's shoulder and shut his eyes tight.

"I'm so sorry," Arthur whispered into Merlin's ear. The sound of his voice for the first time that morning shocked Merlin back into reality and he tightened his grip on the back of the Prince's neck as his answer.

"So sorry," Merlin told him in a mere mumble. But he knew Arthur understood, and nothing more needed to be said.

Merlin continued to rock his hips slowly, as if they could stay like this for the rest of their lives; their bodies locked in their intimate embrace. But it wouldn't last forever, and shortly after, Merlin came with a beautiful sigh, his head tucked under Arthur's chin. He shuddered silently as he came down from his high, but continued to rock Arthur to his own release, but stopped as he heard Arthur whimper slightly and felt him fill him completely a second later.

It was probably the most emotional release that the Prince had ever experienced, and he came with tears on his face at the thought of this being the last time he would ever make love to Merlin. Or most likely the last time he would. He noticed Merlin's tears too, but knew he was crying for very different reasons.

Arthur stroked his hair as he cried, attempting to move Merlin off of him so that he could lay him down, but the young warlock only tightened his grip on Arthur's shoulder to stop him.

"Please," he whispered "Don't... don't pull out, please... just... stay, please..." Arthur smiled and merely flipped the two of them over and turned Merlin around as best he could, so that he was lying behind him, his arms holding him tight.

* * *

Arthur had taken a walk shortly after Merlin had fallen asleep once more, but was surprised to find him up and about when he came back to the house a couple of house later.

"Merlin, what are you doing out of bed?" he asked.

"I think I've had enough sleep to last me a week, Arthur," he told him with a smile.

"You nearly died," The Prince reminded him.

"Arthur, I feel fine!" Merlin reassured him as he sat down at the table "But I am a little bored," he admitted.

"Well, what does one do in the country?" he asked with genuine curiosity "The last time I was here, I was fighting."

"Well, unless you're a farmer, there isn't much to do," he admitted "We'll go back to Camelot soon," he promised.

"We can stay for as long as you need, love."

"It's just that I haven't seen my mother for a while, and she was so worried I was going to leave her," he explained.

"I know," he said, sitting down with Merlin "So what do you want to do?"

He shrugged "I don't know, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know, what do you want to do?" Merlin laughed

"Let's just do something, Arthur!"

"Well, normally, we would read, but I don't have the book with me," he huffed.

"You could always tell me a story," The young warlock suggested.

"What?" Arthur asked "I'm not a nanny, Merlin, I don't know any stories."

"Please," Merlin asked in a little, quiet voice that resembled that of a child; and he knew that Arthur couldn't resist that voice.

"Well... there was this one story that my nurse used to tell me," he said. Merlin seemed to perk up at this and sat up to listen.

Arthur began, "A baron, who was a magician..."

"...That's convenient," Merlin said, stifling a laugh. Arthur shot him a warning look, not to interrupt his story "Sorry," he mumbled.

"A baron, who was a magician learned that his son was fated to marry a girl just born to a poor peasant. He went to that peasant and, when he lamented that he could not feed six, he offered to take the littlest one. He threw her into the river, and she floated to a fisherman's house, and the fisherman raised her."

"That was very kind of him," Merlin commented.

"Well, wouldn't you raise a child that ended up on your doorstep?" Arthur asked.

"Of course I would. After all, Gaius took me in when I needed someone, right?" Arthur smiled "So, what happened to the peasant girl?" Merlin asked

"She was raised by the fisherman all her life, and he was a kind father to her. She was beautiful," Arthur said "And one day when the baron was hunting, they saw her and a companion asked who she would marry. To cast her horoscope, he asked when she was born, and she told her story. He sent her to his brother, with a letter telling him to kill her."

"Why would he do that?" Merlin asked, almost horrified.

"I guess he didn't like the idea of his son marrying a peasant girl."

"I suppose."

"She fell among robbers, who altered the letter to say she should be married to his son, and his brother obeyed it. The baron came and learned of this, and took his daughter-in-law for a walk along the cliff. She begged for her life, and he did not push her in, but he threw a golden ring into the sea and told her that she should never show him or his son her face again without that ring."

"At least he didn't kill her," Merlin said "But how is she meant to get that ring back? She didn't jump did she?"

"Let me finish," Arthur scolded him with a laugh "She went off and got work in a kitchen. The baron came to dinner at that house, and she was preparing fish. She found the ring in it. The guests were so taken with the fish that they wanted to meet the cook, and she went with the ring. The baron realized that he could not fight fate, and announced she was his son's true bride and took her back with him to his home, where she lived happily with her husband." *****

"Awww," Merlin said with a smile.

"You're such a girl, Merlin," he laughed.

"But he's right, you know," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"The baron magician. He was right that you can't fight destiny. Look at us. It's my destiny to be at your side for the rest of my life. Even when I tried to take my own life, fate wouldn't allow it, and you got there just in time to save me."

Arthur smiled back at his lover's comment. On any other occasion, he would have agreed with him, but not today. Fate would tear them apart by taking _his_ life sooner or later. And it wasn't fate or destiny that saved Merlin. It was Arthur's promise. Perhaps it was a sign that some things just weren't meant to be.

Upon sensing his Prince's silent distress, Merlin reached out and took his hand in his own, smiling that same smile he always did to let him know that everything was going to be all right. How little he knew.

The moment they heard Hunith enter the house, their hands broke apart and the two of them sat back in their chairs in an attempt to look as casual as possible.

 *** The story "The Fish and the Ring" was taken straight from Wiki, but obviously I put Merlin's dialogue in between the story. I thought that it matched Merlin perfectly what with the whole 'destiny could not keep them apart' thing**

* * *


	17. The Facts Of Life

The two boys wondered whether or not Hunith had seen their brief moment of intimacy, and they both shuffled around in their seats, before Arthur spoke up.

"Yes, well... I have to go," he said, before rising.

"Where are you going?" Merlin asked, almost worried that he was going to leave him again.

"I have to go and fetch Torento," he said, remembering that his poor horse was still tied to the outskirts of Ealdor.

"Why, isn't he here with you?" Merlin asked.

"Well, he was, but... he got too tired to go any further the night I came here, so I had to tie him up and run the rest of the way," he admitted, hoping that Hunith wouldn't start asking questions again.

"Oh..." The young warlock answered, not knowing how to respond to Arthur's efforts for him. He mouthed a 'thank you' and let him leave the room; his gaze following him lovingly.

Before Merlin had a chance to leave the room too, or even move, Hunith sat down at the table with him; a worried look in her eye. He knew that look, and he didn't like it. It was the same sort of look she had on her face the first time he had tried to kiss one of the girls from Ealdor when he was ten.

"You know Merlin," she said eventually "I want to talk to you for a second..."

"Sure," Merlin answered, hoping that her interrogation had nothing to do with why Arthur was here, but she began to look less worried and more... well almost nervous.

She finally spoke again, "Well.. Let's just say... say I have this friend, ok?" she began slightly shakily "Um... and... let's say... hypothetically speaking of course... um... ok let's say this another way. Let's say... well... you're a young man now, aren't you Merlin?"

"Yeees," he said slowly, refraining to make some sort of remark like 'you've only just realised, mother?'. There was no point in making her more uncomfortable than she already was. And God only knew why.

"Well... I have a friend you see, who... has a son, about your age, and... well, you know Merlin... when you are at this particular age, you start to... what I mean to say is, you may begin to... feel things."

"Things?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in an attempt to help his mother articulate her meaning a little more clearly.

"Yes... things," she repeated slowly "And as a young man, these... feelings and... things..." she paused for a moment, seeing Merlin's puzzled expression.

"What 'things', mother?" he asked

"Well... let's not call them 'things', let's call them... more like urges. Yes, I think I would call them urges."

"Urges?" Merlin repeated, still totally clueless as to where his mother was taking this conversation.

"Yes, Merlin. Urges. And these... feelings and... urges... can be... harnessed by yourself, so to speak, but... once you meet someone that you care about, you may... want to... harness these urges in a... different way..." she continued, her body language giving away every single nerve that she was feeling. Merlin shook his head in confusion.

"And what ways would this be?" he asked "What urges are you talking about?"

"Well, I suppose you... well, I just don't want you to feel... pressured... just because Arthur is the Prince," she said.

"What has this got to do with Arthur?" he asked.

"Well, darling, you see... I think... sometimes, boys your age feel they need to... feel good with other people..."

"Feel good?"

"Yes, feel good," Hunith continued, relaxation creeping into her face, thinking that her son was finally understanding her.

"What do you mean?" Merlin asked. He wondered whether he would just rather talk about Arthur, instead of going through this pointless and confusing ordeal. His mother just wasn't making any sense.

"Well... feel good by..."

"...by spending time with them?" he tried to help her, saying the first thing that came to his mind.

"In a sense..." Hunith explained "sometimes they may like to feel good with a lady... and sometimes with a man..."

"Mother, I already have a lot of friends, if that's what you're getting at, male and female," Merlin assured her. So that's what all this was about. Hunith was worried that he didn't have enough company in Camelot. Not surprising really, after the way he had complained to her when he arrived a couple of days ago "Can I go now?" he asked, attempting to stand, but in vain as Hunith lightly took his arm to sit him back down.

"No, Merlin, sit down, you don't understand. What I'm saying is... you and Arthur..."

"... yeeees..." Merlin urged her on to finish her half-sentences.

"May get these sorts of... want to do some of these things to... make you feel... good?" she said, almost self-questioning in her voice; searching for the right word.

Merlin could swear that he heard a penny drop in his head from Hunith's last sentence, but just to make sure, he asked, "What sorts of things, mother?" feeling like such an idiot that he didn't catch on earlier.

"Well, I... things that make you feel..."

"...good?" He finished for her, almost certain that he was right. This inevitably meant that she would know about him and Arthur. Why else would she have sat down to talk to him about this? Perhaps it was for the best that she had found out. There had been enough lies between everyone lately, and it was time to expose everything.

"Yes... and sometimes you may not want these things to happen to you, but I think that maybe the time will come soon when you will..."

"Mother?" Merlin interrupted.

"Yes, darling?" she asked, almost relieved that she didn't have to talk any more.

"Are you trying to have a conversation with me about sex?" Hunith's expression was truly one to behold after Merlin's last statement, and he wished that he could keep that look on her face forever. In fact, it took all of his self control not to burst out laughing there and then.

"I... you... what?" she exclaimed, not being able to comprehend her son's words.

"Well, that's what it is, that you're trying to talk about sex, you know... the birds and the bees, making a beast with two backs, horizontal dancing?"

"What! Merlin, where on earth did you hear such language!" Hunith gasped, almost turning red herself.

"Well... Arthur's a very good teacher" he said hesitantly, but with a sort of new found confidence. Another priceless look on his mother's face showed up at Merlin's explanation.

"I... he... Oh God!" she babbled some insignificant gibberish, while her son sat there, seemingly unfazed by the situation.

"I wasn't going to tell you about us for some time, but it seems you've worked it out for yourself pretty quickly," he admitted "Are we that obvious?" he laughed a little.

"More obvious than a dragon standing in the middle of a field," Hunith nearly mumbled, barely loud enough for Merlin to hear.

"Sorry," Merlin muttered.

"No need to apologise. I just hope he's not forcing you to do anything you don't feel comfortable with," she said.

"Meaning..." Merlin asked.

"Meaning, I hope he wouldn't force himself on you." Merlin's total penny-drop moment occurred at that moment. His mother had absolutely no idea about Merlin's very broad sexual experience with Arthur. He pondered about how to break it to her, or if at all, before stammering something out.

"It's, um... it's a little late for that mother," he managed.

"Excuse me?" she exclaimed.

"Well... let's just say that Arthur got to my flower a _long_ time ago," Merlin stated with more confidence than he felt. He wasn't embarrassed about talking to his own mother about this, but it did seem a bit strange, seeing as she seemed to be more embarrassed than he was.

"Sweet Jesus!" she breathed, trying to compose her thoughts.

"There's no need to worry, mother, he's never hurt me or forced me to do anything," he tried to reassure her. He knew that she was genuinely worried about him and that it must have taken a lot to speak to him about it. He had to try so hard to refrain from teasing her by saying something along the lines of him going to Arthur's bed all to willingly.

"Definitely?" she made sure.

"I promise," he smiled, receiving a hug in return.

"Well, that's a relief. I thought, you know... him being the Prince..."

"He's very gracious in that sense and noble," he told her "And he loves me very much."

"That would explain why he came all the way from Camelot in one night to see you," she noted.

"Indeed it would," Merlin agreed.

"I'm happy that you're happy sweetheart."

"Thanks, mother," Merlin smiled, finally being allowed to leave the room.

* * *

"I've missed this," Merlin commented hours later as he lay in his master's lap. The Prince's back was up against a thick tree trunk, while he stroked Merlin's black hair that was tucked in his lap.

The sun had finally decided to shine in Ealdor for the first time in days, and both of them were enjoying the familiar feeling of the mid-Spring sun; not too strong, but warm enough to heat your skin softly so it felt just right.

"I know, it hasn't been easy to have some alone time," Arthur agreed "I wonder what Morgana told my father about my sudden disappearance?"

"Probably that you've gone on a hunting trip," Merlin mumbled below him, his eyes shut and relaxed.

"Probably. Not that I care. I love being here with you. Even though we still have to be careful."

"Oh, we don't any more, didn't I tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Arthur asked.

Merlin let out a slight laugh, before saying, "Mother knows."

"Really? How did that happen? Did you tell her?"

"Not really. I think she knew something was going on from the way we were around each other, but she looked more than shocked to hear of the... nature of our relationship," he explained with an amused smile.

"You mean she knew I loved you, but not that I was buggering you senseless every night?" Arthur asked, a hint of amusement in his own voice. At this, Merlin opened his eyes, squinting a little due to the light, and cocked his head so he could frown at Arthur.

"How do you know she didn't come to the conclusion that it was _me_ buggering _you_ senseless every night?" he demanded with a cute pout. Arthur almost snorted with a short laugh as he leant his head back against the tree and shut his own eyes.

"Do be serious, Merlin," he told him, without looking down "She wouldn't think that."

"And why not?"

"If half the castle, who barely know us, know that you're my butt buddy and not the other way round, then I doubt that your over-perceptive mother could miss whose side the power is on?"

Merlin smirked slightly, sensing his opportunity to tease Arthur for his annoying, smug ways,

"How do you know that that's what the castle is saying?" he asked.

"What are you talking about?" Arthur asked.

"I'm in the kitchens every day, I hear things among the servants that your knights would never gossip about."

"Like what?" The Prince asked, getting increasingly worried of what the castle gossip consisted of.

"Do you remember when you pulled a muscle in your leg after that really hard training session a few weeks ago?"

"How could I forget!" Arthur remarked "I was limping for days..." he paused, realising the meaning in those words that was perfect for misconception. "Oh God!" he groaned "They didn't?"

"Oh, they did!" Merlin assured him with a laugh "They were talking all morning in the kitchens that Prince Arthur's servant had finally had him."

"I'll have their heads!" Arthur said with a manly growl. Merlin laughed at this.

"They were very specific about what I apparently did to you," he continued.

"Do I _want_ to know?" Arthur asked hesitantly.

"Oh, I think so. One serving maid said that the limp in the Prince's walk was so big that I must have had you for the whole night, over and over again. One said that I probably had you begging for it before I finally had you." The laughter in Merlin's voice was very evident, and Arthur gave him a short slap on one of his large ears for the cheek.

"Bloody idiots!" he almost grunted in annoyance, despite his companion's amusement.

"You have to see the funny side _sire_ ," he teased.

"Must you call me that when we're alone?" Arthur whined.

"Would you rather I call you 'Artie'?"

"Not if you want to live," The Prince replied bluntly, making Merlin laugh below him.

"What about... 'Archie'?" he asked.

"That's a name someone would give to a dog!" Arthur complained.

"Stop winging!" Merlin rebuked playfully "Honestly, to think I'll have to put up with years and years of this makes me kind of queasy!" Although he knew Merlin had only meant it as a joke, his words touched Arthur deeper than he could know. Because he knew he didn't mean them and that he loved Arthur's whiny, pratty ways. When Arthur would finally be taken to settle his debt, Merlin wouldn't have to put up with his winging any more.

He eventually dared to ask,"What if you didn't have to?"

"What?" Merlin asked.

"What if you didn't have to put up with me and my moaning?" he asked in an uncertain, almost shaky voice.

"Well, I don't really have a choice, do I, Arthur, not Artie. Your wagon is hitched to mine for quite some time I'm afraid." Merlin's jokey and light hearted tone was what made this conversation so much more difficult. Perhaps it would have been better and easier if Merlin had never forgiven him. If they had never made love the other night. Perhaps Arthur would be able to come to terms with the fact that he wouldn't suffer after he had left him. But from the way he was with him, wrapped up in a little bundle in his lap, like a little rabbit, content and happy, so, so happy, happier than he had seen him in a long time, made him wonder if he had made the right decision in opening up to Merlin the other night.

"No, that's not what I meant," he told him "What if... what if something happened to me? What if I... you know..."

"Arthur, is this another one of those 'no man is worth your tears' nonsense?" he laughed. It was then that he decided he couldn't do this to Merlin. He couldn't tell him he had given his life for him. Firstly, he didn't know himself how long they even had left and it would destroy them both. He decided that the best thing was just to have as much fun with Merlin as possible for however many more days they had left.

"So what did you tell your mother?" he asked, trying to change the subject, despite the slight teary quality to his own voice.

Luckily, this seemed to go unnoticed by Merlin, and he answered, "Well, I didn't know what the hell she was on about first of all, and then it hit me, and she looked so shocked!"

"Really?" Arthur asked in genuine surprise, particularly since he knew what Merlin was like when the candles were out and the doors were locked.

"Yeah, she said that she hoped you weren't forcing me into anything. I swear I nearly laughed out loud."

"I would have if I had been there," Arthur said "For God's sake, last time we had sex, you were on your hands and knees begging me to take you. I couldn't force you if I tried."

"So true," Merlin admitted against his better judgement "And don't you dare tease me about it Arthur, _not_ Artie."

"You're going to say that every time you say my name, aren't you?"

"Maybe," Merlin said with a shifty smile as he shut his eyes and lay back down in Arthur's lap "And don't forget that I have a great weapon in my arsenal now, Arthur."

"And what would that be?" he asked.

"Magic," Merlin told him. Arthur could have sworn that he felt an odd stirring in his stomach at the thought of Merlin using magic on him in that way. He suddenly felt strangely vulnerable and powerless when he thought of how much power the warlock had, and although he knew he would never use it against him in any way, it felt almost... arousing? No, surely not. There was nothing arousing about Merlin being able to take advantage of him with his magic. Then why were his breeches becoming annoyingly tight. He knew he shouldn't be thinking of sex at a time like that, especially when he had such a dilemma on his shoulders, but it seemed that Merlin had noticed his problem, and decided it would be a good idea to move around innocently in his lap. After that, any thoughts of rationality flew far away from him.

Merlin hadn't missed this very obvious sign, and hummed to himself in acknowledgement before opening his eyes.

"Hear something you like, Arthur, not Artie? I wouldn't have put you down for that sort of person," he teased.

"Shut up Merlin," he retorted "I'm not in the least bit affected by your... _powers_."

Merlin made a sort of huffing sound, before saying, "Please Arthur; you're practically drilling a hole in my back. It kind of hurts actually."

"Am not," Arthur persisted.

"So, you won't be affected at all if I do... say... this?" he asked, before beginning to squirm in Arthur's now very hard lap. The Prince did all he could not to moan, but in his current state, any movement Merlin made, made him moan, let alone him _squirming_ like that.

"Stop that," Arthur moaned to him.

"Why, you don't like it?" Merlin teased, squirming some more, making Arthur even harder, if that was even possible. "I can take care of your little problem if you like..." he offered.

"God, yes," Arthur sighed, giving out a moan of frustration when the warlock sat up away from his lap.

"But..." Merlin began, using the same tone the Prince had used the day he won their month long bet "... I'm not going to touch you."

"What!" Arthur said rather loudly "How do you expect to get me off then?"

Merlin just smirked again, and whispered the words;

 _Ferran heorpbaoen bræcce_

With that, Arthur felt his breeches begin to undo themselves, as Merlin simply sat back and watched his handy work with a smile. Arthur observed his lover's eyes as they sparkled a beautiful shade of gold and slowly undid the laces on his trousers. He knew what Merlin was going to do to him, and he swore that somehow he grew even harder at that thought. Although he knew it would be good, he still felt awfully nervous about the amount of power Merlin seemed to have.

The warlock seemed to sense this distress, as he told him, "Don't worry, darling. I'll look after you, I'm here. I won't do anything you don't like." Arthur nodded his head in more confidence and simply enjoyed the feeling of an invisible pair of hands stroking the sides of his now bare thighs. He leant his head back against the tree in contentment and let out a soft moan.

Merlin smiled at his achievement and finally whispered,

 _Gestrioan Arthur_

The Prince suddenly felt his entire body almost seize up with pleasure as Merlin's magic put pressure around his already over-sensitive shaft. He felt it move to the tip and squeezing ever so lightly, before sliding back down to the base. It was just like having Merlin's hands on him, only Merlin was sitting in front of him, watching him lose his head in ecstasy.

"Does that feel good, Arthur?" Merlin asked in a low, suggestive tone of voice, his magic still flowing around Arthur's body. All the Prince could do was nod slowly and moan continuously as the magic began pumping his cock with faster, more erratic movements.

Arthur had never felt guiltier in his life than at that moment. He should have been spending his last moments on the earth with Merlin and spending time with him, not exploiting his magic for his own sexual pleasure while the warlock sat there and did nothing.

"I need..." Arthur panted, trying to get his point across.

"What is it, darling? Whatever you want, just ask," Merlin almost purred. Arthur merely extended his arms, motioning for him to come closer. Thankfully, he seemed to get the message, and embraced him with a smile.

Arthur felt the magic that was driving his pleasure vanish, and better, more loving pleasure replace it, causes by Merlin's gyrating hips. Despite the fact he was still fully clothed, Arthur could feel his hardness through his breeches, and moaned as he moved against him.

It only took a few minutes of this, before Merlin came with a soft but ecstatic moan, and Arthur soon followed, making a very big mess of Merlin's only clean tunic.

When they both slumped against the tree, totally spent and smiling, Merlin said, "I want to go home tomorrow. Please."

Arthur stroked his hair and whispered, "Whatever you want, love." Neither of them spoke for a good few minutes before the Prince laughed softly and said, "Your mother really doesn't want to know what you get up to with your magic."

Merlin just laughed.

* * *


	18. The Promise

Merlin and Arthur began their long ride back to Camelot very early the next morning. Considering that the warlock had slept for the most part of two days, he didn't have much trouble getting up so early, and Arthur was too worried about when he was going to be taken, to sleep well anyway.

Hunith was quite upset that her son was leaving so soon, especially since she was still quite worried about his new found 'closeness' to the Prince. Though no matter how many times Merlin had assured her that he and Arthur were ok, she was still fussing and panicking if Arthur so much as _looked_ at her son in a salacious manner. Mothers would be mothers!

By the time night had fallen, the two of them had covered over two thirds of the journey, and even though they considered just riding through the night, they decided it was too dangerous and set up camp in the forest. It wasn't until the two of them laid down the blanket, and Merlin placed his head on Arthur's chest did they realise just how tired they were.

They had not slept in this familiar and comforting position since before Merlin had gotten sick, and it was more perfect than he had remembered. Lying there like that in the Prince's arms made him curse his stupid self for ever imagining to take his own life. How could he ever think that Arthur would leave him?

"Arthur?" Merlin asked him in a quiet voice. He didn't need to speak loudly. The only sound they could hear was the crackling of the fire beside them.

"Yes?" he answered, stroking Merlin's hair.

"Tell me a story," he said. The Prince let out a soft sigh, with a slight hint of a laugh residing in it.

"You should sleep, love, we have to be fresh tomorrow. If I tell you a story, you'll be wide awake and wanting to listen."

"No, I promise, it won't keep me awake. It'll lull me to sleep, I promise. You're storytelling always does." Arthur laughed out loud this time.

"That boring, am I?" He felt Merlin shake his head, nuzzling his nose into his chest as a result.

"No, your voice is just very calming... when you're not shouting," he added, unable to resist the temptation of a jibe at his master.

"Pleeease," Merlin said in his light, fluffy voice.

"All right then," He said softly, unable to resist the warlock when he asked like that. "What story do you want?"

"Tell me about one of the big missions that your father sent you on in the past."

"Ok then. Um... let me think... so... there was this one time when father, I and the court of Camelot visited Cendrid's Kingdom to sign a peace treaty. I was young at the time... about fifteen or so, I'd say, and so very partial to the odd... _beverage_..."

"... Oh dear," he heard Merlin mumble sleepily.

"Yes, well... On the night of the signing, Morgana and I snuck out of the castle, taking a couple of bottles of ale that she had cleverly stolen. To this day I don't know how she managed to get them! He laughed "Anyway, we snuck out while everyone was in the main hall, because we both thought it would be terribly boring, and we ended up in the castle gardens. Unfortunately, Cendrid has the biggest fountain you have ever seen..." he heard Merlin laugh this time, but he didn't say anything.

"So we sat down on the edge of the fountain, drinking the ale that Morgana stole. Obviously as kids, neither of us had any kind of tolerance to strong alcohol, so after no time at all, we were both completely pissed. Really bad."

"Worse than me?" Merlin mumbled.

"Ooo, I'm not sure about that, but pretty close I would say. So we started to... we started..." Arthur paused at the embarrassment of the memory.

"What is it?" Merlin insisted, noticing the Prince's hesitance.

"We... we... we started to... sing..." He could have sworn he never heard Merlin laugh so loud in all the time he had known him. Not that he could blame him. From the precious little that Morgana herself could remember of that night, he had been a _terrible_ singer! Unfortunately, any hopes of getting Merlin to settle down and sleep any time soon were dashed with his last comment, as tears of laughter were now pouring down the warlock's cheeks.

"And obviously, because we were quite loud... plus the fact that we were missing from the feast... we were soon found by father..."

"Oh God!" Merlin laughed once more, trying to imagine Uther's face at the sight of his intoxicated son and daughter singing merrily like a couple of sailors with bottles of cider in their hands.

"What did he say?" asked Merlin.

"He was furious! He kept me as far away from Morgana as possible for weeks, and I wasn't allowed out to play."

"Not much has changed in his methods towards you, then," Merlin muttered under his breath, hoping he could get away with the snidy remark. Luckily, he just received a playful slap on the ear.

"Those are attached you know!" he complained, putting his hand defensively round his ear.

"I can see that!" Arthur laughed "I'm surprised you haven't caught them on something by now!" Upon seeing the pout that emerged on Merlin's lips, Arthur leaned over and kissed the sad pout off, making the warlock smile from ear to ear.

"Will you sleep now?" he asked. Merlin nodded his head silently and lay back upon his companion's chest; soon falling asleep.

* * *

As luck would have it, the next morning, it was raining when the two boys began their short journey back home. Arthur half wished that they had just carried on the other night, and avoided becoming soaked.

Sure enough, by the time they arrived at the gates of Camelot, their hair was dripping and their clothes were several shades darker from the amount of water they had saturated. Merlin jumped down from his horse, feeling energised nonetheless, after his peaceful night's rest.

The boys didn't manage to walk very far, before they saw Morgana running, breathless towards them and before they knew it, she had launched herself on both of them simultaneously, hugging them tightly.

"Thank God you're ok," she whispered. Arthur was sure that she was talking to Merlin, but then she broke away and said, "Both of you," with real sincerity in her face. The Prince looked at his sister's eyes and realised they were red and had bags under them.

"Morgana, have you been sleeping?" he asked with concern.

"I was worried about you... I couldn't sleep," she admitted, before looking very concerned "There's something I have to tell you Arthur."

"What is it?" he asked, worried by the seriousness on Morgana's face.

"It's Uther," she said "He's... he's so ill, Arthur, he..." she didn't even have time to finish her sentence, as both Arthur and Merlin began running like mad to the King's chambers.

When he finally arrived there, the Prince was so breathless; he could barely breathe out the word "father" as he plodded over to Uther's bed where he lay.

"Arthur," his father said in a laboured tone that clearly showed he was in some pain. Gaius stood by Uther's bed, mixing what seemed to be some kind of potion.

"What happened?" The Prince demanded.

"The King suddenly fell ill," Gaius explained from behind him.

"When? How long has he been like this?"

"Since the morning after you left for your hunting trip," Gaius said. Arthur froze where he sat, eyes widening; breath stopping in his throat like a stone.

"What?" he dared to asked, barely a whisper.

"The King fell ill shortly after you left for your hunting trip sire," Gaius repeated, obviously not noticing the male's stunned behaviour.

"You can cure him, can't you Gaius?" Arthur asked so hopefully that it broke the old man's heart. He came and sat down next to the young Prince with a sigh, his hardened expression on his face that he had so well trained after so many years as a physician.

"I doubt that there is much more I can do that I haven't done already," he explained "This is no ordinary illness, Arthur. I haven't seen anything like it before. And it came so suddenly; none of us were prepared. We... I suspect... it may be the work of sorcery. But I don't know if I have enough time to find a cure. I do not even know what the illness is."

Arthur wasn't even sure that he was breathing at this point. If there was any doubt in his mind that Uther's life had been taken by Morgause instead of his, then there was no doubt now. He should have figured it out days ago! From that very first moment that he woke up the day after he made the deal, he should have known, he should have! But how could he have figured it out?

He was so worried about Merlin that day. Of course, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense now that all this was happening. Morgause had planned this all along. Uther's death. But it was really Arthur that had killed him. He had killed his own father. Just like he had killed his lover, he had killed his father.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here to help you father," he said through his tears "Gaius will find a way to cure you. He will," he said in his own vain hope. Uther smiled a weak smile at his son as if to say that he was being foolish to believe it.

The silence in the room was broken by Merlin and Morgana sprinting in, both also breathless. Uther's expression suddenly turned very serious, and he looked at his son.

"Arthur," he said.

"Yes father?"

"I need to speak... to Merlin... and Morgana... alone. I need you to... please leave us..."

"I'm not leaving you alone," Arthur told him, shocked by his request.

"Arthur, please... it'll only take a moment..." The Prince sat still for a moment, but stood up with a reluctant nod, signalling for the other two to come over to Uther's bed. Once he had left the room, Uther told Gaius to leave them also, and he did so shutting the door behind them, leaving the two youngsters looking very worried.

Merlin decided to break the obvious tension in the room by asking, "How are you feeling, sire?"

Uther let out a non-impressed sigh before answering, "This isn't meant to be a social visit, Merlin, I need to talk to you about something... very important... regarding my son..."

"Of course."

"I do not have much longer here Merlin..."

"Don't say that," The young warlock said with worry.

"Do not interrupt me," Uther said sternly, despite his condition "It is true. I am a dying man. I need to know that Arthur will be looked after by you... by the two of you..." he said looking at Morgana also.

"You know we will," Merlin answered "I'm..."

"...His lover," The King finished for him. The boy almost jumped out of his seat at that last comment, his terror evident to anyone within eye-shot.

"W-w-what?" he whispered in horror "I don't know what you mean..." he tried, knowing it was the oldest trick in the book.

"Please do not treat me like a fool Merlin," Uther said with his authoritarian voice that scared everyone apart from Morgana. "I am not a fool, so do not make one out of me."

"But... if... if you knew, then... why didn't you just... you know..." Merlin asked in complete confusion as to why he wasn't dead yet.

"Don't think I never thought of it," Uther answered "When I first found out about... this... I was so furious... I wanted to skin you alive." _Thanks_ Merlin thought.

"Why didn't you?"

"What good would it have done? Like I told you, I am no fool, and only a fool would be blind enough to not see that my son is besotted with his manservant. Every time I saw you... good God!"

Merlin suddenly felt an awful twinge of embarrassment as he realised that all those 'harmful' innuendoes that he had dropped in front of Uther to Arthur had not gone unnoticed. Oh dear!

"I wanted to arrest you, to have you executed, but... then I remembered what I felt when Igraine was taken from me..." he stopped, not being able to talk about his wife to a servant. "I couldn't break my boy's heart like that. He needed someone like you. Who cared about him. So I just lived with it. It didn't matter back then, do you understand, Merlin? It didn't matter because he was just a Prince. He didn't have.. duties... having fun and falling in love, but now... he needs to marry. He _needs_ to. I can't go peacefully to my grave without knowing that my Kingdom is safe. You have to let him go, Merlin. You must... he must marry..."

"I've tried, Your Majesty, but he won't listen to me," the young warlock tired to explain "I've tried to tell him he needs an heir. He's stubborn and he won't do it. I know him."

"You must try harder, Merlin, you must. Do you not see how important this is?" Uther said through gritted teeth "You must promise me," he said "I know that he will not marry anyone that I tell him to. I couldn't make him now, even if I tried. But..." he turned his head to Morgana, who was sitting very silently by the bed. "Morgana," he almost begged. Realising what he was asking of her, she shook her head violently.

"No, Uther, no I can't," she said passionately, almost trying to move away from him.

"Morgana, listen to me... Arthur loves you. If not as a woman, then as a sister, and a friend. You are the only woman on this earth that he would consider spending the rest of his life with."

"He's right, Morgana," Merlin added, though feeling slightly guilty for adding to her pressure.

"He would never agree," she said in defence.

"Morgana, you must try, please," Uther continued to beg "I have tried my whole life to make this Kingdom a place of peace,"

"You may have succeeded better if you hadn't of persecuted magic for twenty years," Morgana told him, in a harsher tone than she had intended. The remorse on the King's face surprised her to say the least.

"I've done many things that I regret. I have suffered at the hand of magic, and my wife was taken from me. You have no idea what kind of loss that is until you experience it yourself. It's something I would never wish upon you. But... whatever wrongs I have done, or... whomever I have hurt... please don't make me responsible for the fall of my own Kingdom. Please," he pleaded with her, his eyes even tearing up as he looked at her.

"Are... are you saying that you regret what you've done with regards to magic. Are you taking it back?" she asked.

"Yes. I am," Uther sighed. The honesty on his face was obvious, but Morgana knew that he wasn't ready to hear about her secret. It pained her to know that he would never find out before his death. But she would rather that than cause a dying man even more pain.

"When hatred for something consumes you Morgana, it is almost impossible to break free of it. No matter how much pain it caused me to kill all those people, I couldn't stop. I wanted revenge. I'm... I'm so sorry..."

"Don't distress yourself Uther," She tried to sooth him to her best ability. They had never had a discussion about this, and she wasn't sure how to approach it. They had spoken about magic often enough, but never with remorse on his behalf, let alone an apology.

"That is why I need you to marry my son, Morgana," he told her.

She looked down for a moment, before answering, "I promise with all my heart to help Arthur marry... buy I cannot promise it'll be me."

"I promise too," Merlin said, entering their conversation "We'll try and convince Arthur to marry. Whatever it takes. We promise." Morgana smiled at him with a nod.

"Please... just... make sure... make sure that he doesn't suffer. I want him to be happy..."

"We'll make sure that he's happy with her," Merlin assured the King. Uther sighed in contentment and laid back against his pillows in relaxation.

"Send Arthur in for me," he said with his eyes closed. The two of them nodded and sent for the Prince, who came into the room with a tear-stained face and sat down beside his father.

"Son," he said soothingly, as if he were a little boy again. Arthur certainly looked like one, his confused face not knowing what to do or who to turn to as he simply took his father's hand in his own. Whatever had passed between them, Arthur didn't want his father to go. He still needed him. For something... he wasn't even sure what, but he needed him.

"I'm so sorry," Uther said, now opening his eyes.

"What for?" Arthur asked.

"I shouldn't have perhaps treated you like I did. I should have treated you... less like a knight, or a subject, and... more like a son... I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be sorry father, it's ok," he assured him.

"No, it's not ok, Arthur. The years after your mother died were the most painful in my life. Because I never told her how much I loved her. She must have known, of course, but I didn't tell her enough. I didn't tell her how much I needed her or appreciated her. Just like I never told you enough. I want you to know that you will be ten times the King I have ever been. You already are. You have it in you. Trust your conscience, Arthur, not what I've taught you. Lord knows I've made some mistakes in my life, not least of which was the way I ruled this Kingdom and my people."

Arthur simply sat back and listened; astounded by his father's out-pour of emotions. He didn't even know how to digest all the information he'd been given.

"You'll be okay here without me, son," Uther assured him "You have Gaius to look after you, and Morgana, and... Merlin," he added "But I want you to know how much I love you. You do know that, don't you?" he asked, the pain in his voice evident; both physical and emotional.

"I know," Arthur nodded "I love you too, father," he said. Uther smiled a weak smile and shut his eyes once more.

"In that case," he sighed "I can go to her now."

* * *

Two hours later, the three of them were standing in the main hall, where hundreds of citizens of Camelot had gathered to offer their respects to the sick King. They did not know the extent of his condition. How could they? Only Arthur knew that. But they certainly knew that he was at death's door by the black clothing that filled the room. Gaius was in the King's chambers, administering a new drug that he thought might help him. Arthur just sat against the corridor wall, knowing that nothing would do Uther any good. And it was all his fault. What he dreaded even more was telling Merlin. Telling him that he saved him from death by unknowingly bargaining his father's life.

He didn't want to make him feel responsible, and he knew that he would if Arthur told him the truth, but nor could he lie. After what had happened recently, he knew full well the cost of lies.

His thoughts were dragged back to reality when Gaius entered the hall, and everyone turned to face him. He was followed by Sir Leon, Uther's head knight of Camelot, and Sir Pellinor, another of Uther's trusted knights.

The two of them made their way down the lengthy hall, the only sound coming from them being the clank of armour and the sound of their footsteps on the cold, stone floor.

Once they had reached the end of the hall where Arthur, Morgana and Merlin were standing, they stood face to face with him for what seemed an age, but finally, they both fell to their knees, Sir Leon taking Arthur's hand in his as he placed a ring into his palm.

All he could hear from his cloud of thoughts was the sound of gaps in the room as they echoed between the four walls. He looked up from Sir Leon to see the people falling to their knees. Morgana and Merlin, too, fell to their knees after being temporarily stunned. Sir Leon finally announced in a deep, low voice,

"The King is dead. Long live the King."

* * *


	19. The Birth Of A Legend

"The King is dead. Long Live the King."

Arthur had no idea what he was supposed to do. For a moment, he was so caught up in the fact that the whole room was on their knees, that he didn't realise that this meant...

 _Oh God..._

...this meant that his father was...

The amount of effort it took for Arthur to hold back his tears in front of the whole court was almost painful. He didn't know what to do. No one had _ever_ told him what to do. Combined with his overload of emotional pain, he just let his body do the talking, and he fainted. The last thing he remembered feeling was the unmistakable softness of Merlin's arms as he caught him in mid air.

* * *

"Do you think he's all right?"

"Well, I'm sure he'd be better if you didn't stand over him and gave him some air!"

"You're right, sorry."

"Perhaps we should wake him up?"

"Are you sure that's wise? He's frightened like a little lost bird right now, and who can blame him?"

"But he can't just stay knocked out, can he?"

"No, but imagine how he's going to feel when he does wake up. Perhaps it's best we just let him sleep it off."

"Oh, Gaius, you're back! Have you got the salts with you?"

"Yes, I'll just give them to him now."

Arthur groaned loudly and heard the several bodies in the room turn to look down at him. "No need, look, he's awake!" he heard Morgana announce cheerfully, as she skipped over to his bedside and stroked his hair.

"We were so worried about you," she said. The new King merely smiled at her, thanking her for her concern, but them moaned out Merlin's name.

"I'm here, Arthur, I'm here, right here, you see?" He only opened his eyes slightly, but enough to see his lover's concerned but happy expression beaming down at him.

"Where am I?" asked the new King.

"You fainted in the great hall," Merlin reminded him "Don't you remember?" Arthur nodded slowly as the memory of his fall came back to him.

"Someone should tell my fa-" Everyone's eyes filled with tears at the sight of their vulnerable King, behaving more like a young Prince; stopping in mid sentence after realising that he logically and physically couldn't finish it any more. He wasn't sure if the people in the room would mind him crying in front of them. He supposed not, seeing as half of them were already balling; even Morgana who had hated Uther for the last years of his life.

"It's all right to cry, Arthur," Merlin assured him, trying to put a brave face on for his lover so he could feel safer. The new King didn't seem to need any more instruction as he put his head back on the pillow and wept silently. Completely in silence, just allowing the salty tears to squeeze their way through his tightly closed eyelids, trying to keep the evidence of his pain inside.

"Leave us," He heard Morgana say to the others in the room. The knights and servants, including Gaius left Arthur's chambers; leaving him, Merlin and Morgana alone.

"I don't understand what's happening," Arthur said in a strangled tone.

"None of us do, sweetie," Morgana told him "We're all just rolling with the punches." She really wasn't sure what the best way was to comfort her brother. She had herself lost a father, but it was so many years ago. She had Uther there to watch over her and make it better, whereas Arthur had no role models left to look to in his hour of need. Even if she could remember what it had been like, it was unlikely that her 'experience' could do her any good with Arthur. It was likely that he would be beyond repair for a long time after this blow. To lose one parent is bad enough when you are young, but to lose another when you need them so badly would no doubt scar him for life.

"Now, Gaius is going to bring you some food up here so you can regain your strength, okay? You gave us quite a scare back in the hall."

"Is... I mean... is everyone, you know... talking about it?" Arthur finally asked uncertainly, but the indifference was still there. In all honesty, he didn't really care, but he had to say something. Silence meant that he could think, and thinking would no doubt lead him into a spiral of madness if he thought about his father's death. Perhaps if he asked ridiculous questions like that, he may forget completely that he was King of Camelot because he was now an orphan.

"Arthur, everyone's in a state of either shock, loss, sadness or panic. I doubt they'll even remember," she assured him.

"How long have I been out?" he asked.

"Quite a few hours," she told him "We were going to try and wake you up before you came out of it."

"Morgana," Arthur said.

"Yes?"

"Can I please... just... I need to speak to Merlin."

"Yes, yes of course. I'll be with Gwen if either of you need me," she said, getting up quickly. Merlin shot her a grateful glance and mouthed a 'thank you'; receiving a nod in response before the door fell shut.

"Merlin, I need to tell you something," Arthur announced, trying his best to forget the events of the past day and getting this out of his system first. He would never be able to come to terms with his father's death if he didn't force himself to be honest with the warlock first. There could be no more lies and there was nothing that he could hide behind now. There was no excuse of the fact that he himself would die soon, so why distress him? No, this _had_ to be done.

"You don't need to tell me anything, Arthur, right now, you need to rest and relax. Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait," he reassured him soothingly.

" _No_ , it can't wait," he emphasized, almost gritting his teeth in nervousness. Merlin sighed deeply, but sat back on his chair and just gazed at Arthur with the most reassuring eyes he could master.

"Okay then darling, you tell me whatever you want." The new King didn't even want to think about what he was about to say. The mere thought of it made him dizzy, so instead he simply blurted it out.

"I killed him." Had Merlin's expression not been so concerned at that moment, Arthur would have half expected him to burst into a fit of giggles. He looked close, but then he eyed his lover up and down in apprehension and worry.

"Arthur, are you sure you're feeling all right? That fainting spell hasn't made you light-headed, has it?" By the tone of the warlock's voice, Arthur could tell that he wasn't trying to be sarcastic and that he was genuinely concerned, but it frustrated him that he wasn't taking him seriously.

"No, Merlin, I'm telling you the truth," he tried, but his words were hindered by his tears.

"Arthur, darling, I don't think you know what you're talking about. You can't have killed him. No one killed him, he fell ill, sweetheart, it had _nothing_ to do with you, do you understand?"

"No, Merlin, _you_ don't understand. I really did kill him. I killed my father." Merlin sighed and sat back fully in his chair as if ready to listen to Arthur's 'theory'.

"Okay then Arthur, explain, how you think you're responsible. The new King finally took a breath after being content with the fact that Merlin was at least listening to him.

"You died," he said bluntly. Too bluntly now he thought about it, because this time, Merlin _did_ laugh. Not too loudly, but it was there.

"Arthur, I really think you need to go to sleep. You're obviously grieving, and it's making you tired. Perhaps... perhaps if you sleep it off... I don't know, you... you may feel a little better in the morning."

Merlin of all people knew that sleeping it off would not help one bit, having lost his own father just a few months before, but he needed a way to get Arthur to sleep. Although he never thought it would, the death of the King, and the effect it had on his lover had opened up old wounds for Merlin's that Arthur had helped unknowingly dull the sting of.

But they came back with a vengeance as he remembered holding his own father's dead body in his arms not too long ago. He was, in a way, glad that Arthur had not been there at the exact moment when Uther had passed; that he didn't have to watch the haunting image of the life being torn out of his father's eyes.

"Merlin, listen to me," Arthur demanded, breaking his painful train of thought "You have to trust me, okay. And I'm sorry... so sorry that I didn't tell you about this before. I was so frightened, Merlin, you have no idea. When we were in Ealdor together... I thought I was going to die, and... and then you... but..." Merlin was certain that his King wasn't making any sense, but he took pity on him when he gave up and buried his wet face in one palm and wiped at his tears.

The warlock leaned over and stoked the side of Arthur's face to sooth him, "It's okay," he told him "You can take as long as you need to tell me whatever it is. I won't interrupt, I promise."

Arthur nodded to himself, feeling a little more at ease. "Okay," he sighed, before starting from the beginning. He wasn't sure how he would be able to re-tell the whole story for without breaking down, but he had to try.

"When you wrote me that note," he started, receiving a nod from Merlin, though he could sense the guilt behind his eyes at the memory. _Oh God, what will he think when he realises what really happened?_ Arthur thought, but carried on nevertheless.

"I was so scared, Merlin, you have no idea. I rode out of Camelot as fast as my horse would let me. I stopped for nothing. I didn't even take any supplies with me. I was so _petrified_ that I wouldn't get to you in time. It wasn't even an option for me. I _had_ to get to you on time."

"Thank God you did," Merlin smiled weakly "Thank you." Arthur shook his head

"No, that's not what happened," he said in a mere whimper.

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't get there in time," The new King bit out, not even being able to look his lover in the eye by now.

"What..." Merlin trailed off. He wasn't a simpleton, of course he wasn't. He wasn't stupid, he knew what Arthur meant. But he just didn't understand _how_.

"When I got to Ealdor... I couldn't find you anywhere. I panicked, I... I thought, racked my brains for any sort of a clue. And then I remembered what you wrote in the letter."

"I suppose I always hoped that... you would read it, and..." he admitted after a pause.

"And so I ran. I ran to the river. It was so cold. It was so deep. I didn't know where you were, so I looked. I looked and looked, and then I felt you, and I pulled you out but..."

"What?" Merlin asked, almost in horror as to what Arthur would say next. He already knew.

"You were dead."

And the blood ran cold in Merlin's veins.

Almost like the water from that very river had invaded his body. He shut his eyes. He couldn't look. "How..."

"...Morgause," Arthur said quickly, before he changed his mind. And that made Merlin look up. Look up like a bolt of lightning had struck him.

"Morgause?"

"Yes... she found me by the river. Crying. Holding you. She... she gave me this... cup, I..."

"Oh God," he heard Merlin groan.

"You know?"

"I know what that cup means! Don't tell me that you... what did you do?" he asked with caution.

"I... I bargained your life back. She told me... she said that I could save you, I... you think I was about to sit by and do nothing when I could save you? I would have rather died!"

"And that's what you thought you were doing," Merlin said, finally realising what had happened. Arthur nodded, his head hung low, like a little boy.

"I was sure it would be me," he cried "That's what I thought. That's what _I_ said." Merlin stroked Arthur's face once more, feeling him relax a little into his touch. If course, Morgause would have planned something like this. For all they knew, she could have been planning something like this ever since she first attacked them that day.

"You must have been so scared," Merlin whispered, remembering his own sleepless night when his mother's life was nearly taken instead of his. The feeling of awaiting death was... just...

"I thought I would never see you again," Arthur said "I thought that you would be alone, like I thought I would be when you fell ill. I was afraid for you, I..."

"Shh," Merlin pacified his King; truly touched by his genuine altruism.

"It wasn't until I found out that father had fallen ill the morning after I left that I realised..."

"It was him," The warlock finished for him.

"I killed him, Merlin!" he cried. Merlin fiercely, but lovingly cupped Arthur's face, making him look him in the eye.

"You listen to me, Arthur. You could not have known this was to happen. If _anyone_ should be blamed, it's me. For being selfish enough to try and kill myself, and not think of the consequences. And it was Morgause who planned this, Arthur. How could you have known?"

"I shouldn't have trusted her, I knew she was evil, I..." Arthur tried to look down, but Merlin held a grip on his face.

"Arthur, you could never have known that this would happen. It is _not_ your fault. I just wish you hadn't of kept it bottled up like this for days."

And suddenly, all of Arthur's worry and anguish flooded back into his eyes with a passion, and he began to cry again, breaking free from Merlin's hands and hugging him tight instead.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry I lied to you, Merlin, please, I promise I'll never lie again, I promise, please don't leave me for this, please, I promise," he chanted, not even fully aware he was doing it.

"Arthur..."

"Please Merlin, don't leave. I don't want to be alone!" he sobbed loudly "I'll be so alone, Merlin, please."

Merlin held him close and whispered in his ear, "I'm never going to leave you, Arthur. _Ever_. When other's leave you, I will always be there for you, always. No matter what happens."

Arthur looked up at him through puffy, red eyes, "You're not angry with me?"

Merlin had never seen his lover so vulnerable in his whole life. It almost reminded him of how vulnerable Freya had looked when he had first rescued her from that cage. So jumpy, so frightened and unsure, like a little lost deer.

"I don't see anything to be angry about. I understand why you did it."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you..." Arthur chanted, the 'thank yous' continuing as muffled mumbles into Merlin's now wet tunic as the new King pressed his face into it to hide.

"Shhhh," Merlin whispered "My darling, my darling, shhh." He knew that Arthur would be feeling this pain for some time to come, and now he knew why it was so deep. The pain wasn't just pain, it was guilt. And that was the worst king of pain to endure after someone's death. But Merlin felt it too. In a sense, it was his fault. It was his fault that Uther had died.

Morgause simply took the opportunity. He closed his eyes as he cradled Arthur and prayed that his King would be set free from his guilt. Even if Merlin had to carry it for him, along with his own. Just as long as Arthur would be free.

* * *

The new King didn't leave his chambers for the rest of the week. He didn't even step outside to move to his new chambers. Everyone assumed that this was due to his painful memories, or the choice to stay clear from any solid evidence that his father had died. Though very few people knew for sure, as Arthur only allowed his servant, the Lady Morgana and the court physician to enter his room.

But finally, Arthur left his room with dread for his father's funeral. Some said that he had only just stopped crying when he left his chambers in the morning. He had gotten all his tears out the night before, for a King of Camelot would not cry in front of his people. He had to show some sense of leadership and authority, even if it meant crying on Merlin's shoulder later in the evening, until he would exhaust himself enough to sleep.

The funeral passed in a blur, and Arthur tried his best not to focus on the goings on around him, for fear that he would make a fool out of himself and cry.

Merlin watched his King with a close eye throughout the entire ceremony. He was concerned, but he knew that he would be okay. Arthur would pull through and he would be okay. Only he knew that. Because only he knew what Arthur would become. And as he starred at the broken King, he wasn't worried any more, because within his Arthur was the birth of a legend.

* * *


	20. Magic Memories

Within a month after Uther's funeral, the new King had begun to leave his room more and more; either for the occasional walk with his sister or his manservant. Pretty soon, Arthur was almost back to his old self within a few weeks, even if every time Uther was mentioned, his eyes would glaze over with sadness. The people soon learnt to mention the old King as little as possible around him.

But no matter how much Arthur had moved on from his father's death, nothing could prevent the regression in his progress caused by his coronation. All of a sudden, it was like that very first day when Arthur had found out about his Kingship and thus his father's death. It felt the same. A lighter burden, of course, because that day had also brought with it the pain of keeping the cause of his father's death a secret from Merlin. But nevertheless, the loss was the same.

And all the old symptoms returned. Within the few days that led up to the ceremony, Arthur wouldn't allow any one into his chambers. He still hadn't moved into Uther's old quarters, and refused to do so until after he was crowned. He wasn't even sure if he wouldn't just prefer to have his own chambers re-decorated. Not only would this spare him the emotional pain of both physically and mentally stepping into his father's shoes, but he wasn't sure if he would ever be able to make love to Merlin again in the same room as his parents... well... even the thought of it turned Arthur a little green.

Arthur ate less and less. The first day he refused his breakfast, Merlin just assumed that he wasn't hungry, but then he wouldn't eat it the next day either or the next. His face was beginning to turn paler with the lack of sleep he was also experiencing. The young warlock was often awoken at night by Arthur kicking furiously in his slumber and fisting the pillows in oblivious fear, or pain, or both. No matter how long Merlin cradled him for after his dreams, or patted his hair, or kissed his forehead, nothing could get Arthur to settle into a pleasant sleep. It would always be troubled.

"Merlin," he asked him in a quiet voice on the eve of his coronation. Merlin was standing by the table, pouring Arthur a glass of water to go with his supper.

"Yes?" he responded.

"Can you use something on me?"

"What do you mean?" Merlin replied, walking over to Arthur's bed with his tray. He stood by his bedside, just holding the tray and waiting for Arthur to take it.

"I'm not hungry," he said glumly, not even bothering to look at the food.

"Arthur, please," Merlin tried "I'm getting really worried about you, darling, you haven't eaten well in days. You'll get ill."

The King still didn't reach out for the food; he didn't even turn around to look at it, and just sat in bed, looking straight ahead.

"Please," Merlin tried again, and then added in a hesitant, shaky voice "For me." At this, Arthur slowly looked to his companion with heavy and tired eyes, reluctantly taking the piece of bread lying on the tray. Despite his depression, he still managed a smile for Merlin when he took the food, making the warlock smile also, in relief.

He came and laid down next to Arthur, still holding the tray of food in hope that the King would take more soon.

"What did you want to say before?" he reminded him.

"I can't do this any more, Merlin," he told him "I think I might go mad if I carry on like this. I want to forget. Please help me forget."

He hadn't said it, but Merlin could tell what Arthur was thinking, and he immediately said, "No, Arthur, I can't." Arthur now looked him square in the eye, tears already forming, though it was a miracle, considering how much he had cried recently.

"Please," he begged. It wasn't until that point that Merlin realised how much Arthur was suffering. The King begged for no man. He would never sink that low, so for him to beg to Merlin now... but he couldn't. He wouldn't do that to him.

"I'm not going to use magic on you, Arthur," Merlin said with a false sternness in his voice, into which tears were slowly creeping.

"Merlin, I can't eat, I can't sleep," he bit out "all I can think of is him. I can't be King like this, it'll kill me. I don't know if I can ever recover," he cried.

"You will recover, Arthur," Merlin assured him, stroking his face.

"How can you be sure?" Arthur asked him, almost like a little boy.

"Because I know you," he said "You're not weak. You never have been. And I promised myself that I would never use magic on you to tamper with you like that."

"But it's _me_ that's asking you, Merlin. Can't you just... I don't know... make me feel better, or wipe my memory, or something-"

Merlin didn't even let him finish the sentence, before saying, "No, Arthur."

The memories of what had happened the last time Merlin played with Arthur's memory still haunted him even today, and even though he hadn't had much choice at the time, he would never do it again, because he had lost _his_ Arthur. It had hurt so much, for both of them.

Merlin, for his broken heart at seeing Arthur with another women after they had shared their first kiss, but the pain came from somewhere deeper when he would look at Arthur's confused face and his red swollen eyes after another nightmare. He would never do that again.

"Arthur, you have no idea what can happen..."

"I don't care," he interrupted. Merlin sat back in bed and sighed. There was nothing for it. He would have to tell him what happened. He wondered how Arthur would react to yet another secret he had kept from him. Though, was it really a secret? He had done it for his own good, but...

"Arthur, I have to tell you something," he said calmly, purposely breaking his train of thought.

"What is it?" he asked.

"It was me," he told him. "It was me who wiped your memory of the kiss that we shared. The kiss that you remembered just before I went to defeat Morgause during the sleep spell. It was me. I used magic to wipe your memory." He almost could hear his heart beating in his chest as he waited for Arthur's response.

His breath stopped in his throat and he waited and waited, until Arthur said, "Why?"

To Merlin's surprise, he didn't sound angry. He didn't sound the way he had when the young warlock had told him about his magic. No. Now, he just sounded... curious?

"What do you mean 'why'? Why did I do it?" he asked. Arthur nodded "Because Gwen's kiss didn't work. I thought you loved her the most, but apparently you didn't, and it was my kiss that needed to break your infatuation with Vivian, but I was too scared. I thought you would hate me, I thought that you would tell me to leave, or _worse_ , that you would want to love me, and have your loyalties divided between me and your father. But nor could I let you die in the fight, so I kissed you and then erased your memory. It wasn't until later when I read up about it, did I realise that with every selfless deed I performed for you, your memory would come back, until you would remember everything that happened. When you started to have those dreams... I panicked! I didn't know what to do!"

"That's why you left Camelot," Arthur realised, his eyes glazed with concentration. Merlin nodded, and just continued to talk, almost like he couldn't stop himself.

"I left, and then Lancelot came to get me, because he and Gwen wanted me at their wedding." Arthur just nodded to show that he was still listening.

"And then I saw you... and I couldn't stay away any more. You asked me to stay, and I... I couldn't say no..."

"You can never say 'no' to anything," Arthur said, the slightest hint of amusement in his voice. The first hint of happiness for days. Merlin looked at him very curiously.

"Why aren't you screaming at me? Or telling me to leave, or even showing a hint of anger?" he asked.

"Would you rather I do that?"

"No," he answered "But... why _aren't_ you?" he asked again, still not getting his head around Arthur's outer calmness.

"Because I love you," he said simply, making Merlin's breath stop in his throat "And... and I need you in my life... without you here... I don't think I would have even made it past the first day. I made a promise too, Merlin. After I nearly lost you, I swore I would never send you away again, no matter what you did to me. It hurt more, knowing that I was going to lose you, than the fact that you lied to me. That's something I didn't expect. And now that I have no one else in the world but you and Morgana..." he trailed off "I _can't_ lose you again."

"I am really sorry, Arthur," he kept saying, not believing himself that Arthur was truly not angry with him "It's the only time it's ever happened, and it'll never happen again, I promise."

"You did it to protect me, right?" he asked. Merlin nodded.

"Of course," he assured him. He saw the King nod to himself and then he just sat still in deep thought for a while until he aired another question.

"How many other times have there been?"

"What?"

"You said, the night that I found you out... you said that you had used magic to protect me." Merlin nodded in agreement "Tell me about it," Arthur said. The young warlock almost laughed out loud at Arthur's request, but didn't, as he knew that he should be utterly grateful that he could sit there and talk to the King about his magic in the first place. He never dreamed that Arthur would turn out to so understanding about his magic, and even though he was certain that Arthur often felt vulnerable around him in a way that he never was before, Merlin always assured his lover that his powers would never be used for evil, especially not on him.

"Arthur, there's been _a lot_!" he reminded him.

"I don't care. I want to hear it. It's... it's funny... even just talking with you now... just for these few minutes about your magic... I don't know, it's almost like... it's calmed me. I want to hear more, please," he asked him. Merlin sighed and tried his best to recall all the times he had used magic to help Arthur, starting from the very beginning.

"Well, there was the very first time I saved your life, which was when Lady Helen came to Camelot and she threw that knife at you. I slowed it down so I could pull you out of the way. Then, it was me who revealed the snakes on Valiant's shield so you could kill him. I killed the Afanc in the water supply by making the wind that burnt him. Gaius told me that when I was asleep after I was poisoned, I made a glowing ball of light that apparently helped you escape the caves..."

"That was you?" Arthur asked, somewhat shocked. Merlin simply nodded sheepishly.

"Apparently so," he replied "Then there was the time when Lancelot first came to Camelot and the Griffin attacked the city. I enchanted the lance that he used to kill it. Perhaps I shouldn't give him away like that, but you did ask," he said. Merlin purposely left out the story about him saving Uther's life from Edwin, as he didn't want to upset Arthur, after he seemed to be relaxed and forgetting about his troubles, even if only for a while.

"Then there was the time that we found Sophia in the forest, and I used magic to help defeat the bandits that were 'attacking' her," he explained, adding a roll of the eyes to the word 'attacking'. Something which did not go unnoticed by Arthur.

"What's with that face?" he asked.

"What face?"

"The rolling of the eyes," he said.

"Oh, I forgot, you don't know do you? Sophia was a Sidhe and she enchanted you to fall in love with her. She was going to sacrifice you, and she would have succeeded if I hadn't of saved you." Arthur seemed a little taken aback by the overload of information that Merlin had given him, and just nodded slowly.

"I thought you weren't strong enough to knock me out," he mumbled, receiving a teasing slap on the arm from Merlin. Even though Arthur's remark was supposed to be a playful insult, Merlin couldn't resist the totally genuine smile that crossed his lips at the fact that Arthur, for the moment, wasn't upset. He was happy enough to make even the worst of jokes, and that made Merlin happy.

"Then," he continued "it was me who caused the wind storm in Ealdor-"

He didn't even get to finish, before Arthur exclaimed, "What, not shortie? Prince William of Ealdor?" Merlin couldn't help but let out a slight laugh at Arthur's comment. Partly because he wondered whether Will was there and whether he had heard Arthur's comment about his height.

"No, not Will," Merlin told him "He wasn't a sorcerer. He covered up for me so that you wouldn't..." he trailed off, partly because the memory of Will dying to protect Arthur still hung in his gut, but even more so, the fact that Arthur always believed that his best friend was guilty of what he believed to be evil.

"I'm sorry about what happened to your friend," he said, the regret obviously there in his own voice. Merlin smiled.

"It was you who saved me from the questing beast, wasn't it?" Merlin hung his head low and sighed from the memory that he hadn't gotten to Arthur in time. He wasn't quick enough, and Arthur had been bitten.

"You're not to blame," Arthur told him, as if he could read his mind. When Merlin didn't answer, he said, "You don't have to tell me what happened if you're not ready," Arthur assured him. Merlin looked up with tears in his eyes, feeling so ashamed that it was the King who was comforting him right now. It was Arthur, for God sake, whose father had died and who would take the crown of Camelot in the morning. And here he was, sitting and comforting his manservant as if he were some insecure toddler.

"I'm sorry," he said, the guilt finally taking control.

"I don't mind," Arthur told him "God knows I've done my fair share of crying on your shoulder recently."

"Yes, but you have a valid reason to cry, Arthur," he reminded him, sniffling a little.

"I'm sure you do too," he said "I can't imagine how scared you must have been hiding your magic from my father all this time. I was so selfish for not having thought of that earlier."

"No! Stop!" Merlin said "Arthur, I've done some things which I'm not very proud of. I've kept so many secrets from you and from everyone. You should... you should hate me. Why don't you hate me?" He asked the air around him.

"Merlin, whatever you've kept from me, I'm sure it can't compare to what I found out last month," Arthur tried to assure him.

"Arthur, you have no idea," Merlin said seriously.

"Merlin..." But the warlock didn't give him any time before he just began to talk. Just talk and talk and talk, spewing out the words that had been bunged inside him for so long. Too long.

"The dragon that used to live under the castle," he said "I used to go and visit him every time I had a problem or if I couldn't figure something out, which was quite a lot. He was the one who told me that it was my destiny to protect you and be at your side forever. He told me that it was my kiss that would break the spell, not Gwen's. I forged Lancelot's seal of nobility so he could become a Knight. It was me who found the druid boy in the palace courtyard, and I was the one who brought him to Morgana in the first place. I helped nurse him and was involved in helping him escape the first time. It was me who found out from Gaius that Morgana was a sorceress. I helped one of the suspects on your father's list escape and she told me where I could find the druids so that I could help Morgana. I convinced her to go to the druids for help, and I was the one that led you to them whilst trying to get her back.

I... God, I can't believe I'm telling you this, but Morgause wasn't lying when she told you about your mother. I'm so sorry, but both your father and Gaius knew about your mother. I only found out about it after Morgause. I lied to you because I wanted to protect you from doing something I knew you would regret later.

When Halig brought the druid girl to Camelot, I helped her escape from the cage and kept her beneath the castle and fed her with food that I stole from your plate. Her name was Freya, and for a while it seemed like I was in love with her. She died soon after I met her. When we retrieved the crystal from Alvarr, I looked into it and saw the dragon attacking Camelot. I shouldn't have looked, but I did. I was the one who set the Great Dragon free. It was the only way I could get him to help me save Camelot from Cornelius Sigan. He made me promise to set him free. I didn't know what would happen if I did.

The Dragonlord... Ballinor... was my father. Gaius told me hours before we left to find him. He begged me not to tell you for fear that Uther would suspect me. When he died, his Dragonlord's gift was passed to me as it always is, from father to son. I am the last Dragonlord, and it was me that defeated the dragon and sent him away. You didn't kill him and he's still out there. Thanks to the mercy I showed him, he harnessed his power to my own and saved my life when I was attacked and near death all that time ago. And I'm so sorry that I kept all this from you, Arthur, but as you can see, I did it to protect you from the dark and twisted reality of my life that you never knew about, and I wanted to protect you from the kind of man I really am; I'm not good, Arthur, I really am not, and I didn't ever want to hurt you with any of it."

Merlin didn't know how long he had been talking for, but by the time he had finished, he was sobbing. Literally sobbing. To be able to open up like that to Arthur, to let him in, was something he never thought he'd be able to do, at least not like this. Every one of his secrets was now in the open, save two. How Arthur had survived the questing beast attack, and the bargain he and Morgana had made with Uther.

But despite the fact that there was still a small stain on his conscience, it was almost like his mind had been scrubbed clean of all the black that he had been carrying in him, and he felt so scared, but so happy, and so worried... he didn't even care what Arthur did at that moment. No, of course he cared, but he was happy. So happy that everything was clear. Nothing was a mystery any more. If Arthur still wanted him (which he doubted) after this, then his life would be the best it ever was up until this point. Clean and free of lies.

He waited. He didn't know how long he waited for, but it seemed like the whole evening. He tried to pass the time by examining Arthur's face as if he were a physician treating a sick patient.

Arthur didn't look too deep in thought. He almost looked... relaxed? Calm? Too calm. Merlin wasn't sure he liked this calmness at all. And then something changed in his eyes. They changed from a deep sense of concentration to loving. They almost teared up and filled with awe and total forgiveness and love.

Merlin was too confused for words, but he wasn't allowed time to think, as Arthur ever so slowly edged closer to the warlock and embraced him tenderly, placing his lips against his at the same time.

The kiss was so beautiful and soft, and even if it wasn't the longest they had ever experienced, when Arthur pulled away, he looked almost healed with Merlin's confession. But the healing that he himself felt was too great for words.

"You're life isn't twisted, you silly goose," he told him " _You_... are so _good_ it hurts. I can't believe that so much good comes out of one person, and don't you _ever_ dare tell me otherwise," Arthur bit out, making Merlin's eyes widen with pure shock.

"You should have just told me," Arthur said simply, the smile still etched on his face. Merlin's hope started to crumble a little at these words "about my mother," he finished.

"I'm sorry," Merlin could only reply, hanging on to any hope that there was still a chance for them after this.

"I had a right to know the truth, Merlin," he said again.

"I know what I did was wrong... I know that everything I did was wrong..." he cried.

"Well... yes..." Arthur admitted, and then smiled the most Merlin had seen him smile in days, and fresh tears fell down his face. "On the other hand..." he said, making the young warlock look at him hopefully "Thank you," he said "for loving me that much," His voice was quite tear laden at this point and quiet, but Merlin could still understand him and hear the raw emotion behind his words. "That way... it's pretty flattering."

Merlin leaned in for another kiss, and Arthur let him in fully, wrapping his arms around him as if they had spoken some sort of silent language in which everything was forgiven and forgotten.

* * *


	21. King Arthur

Arthur woke up the next morning feeling much better than he ever expected to on _this_ day. His and Merlin's tender moment the previous evening had done things to him that he had never expected possible, including freeing his mind of so many plagues that he didn't even know he was carrying within him.

Merlin dressed him for the coronation more swiftly than he had ever done when he was Prince. He could tell that he was just as nervous as he himself was. The whole Kingdom was no doubt scared and apprehensive about a new monarch taking the throne, especially one who was so young.

When Merlin had finished dressing him, Arthur walked over to his mirror and looked himself up and down. He was wearing a red clock, the colours of Camelot, over his ceremonial armour that had been saved for this very occasion.

The warlock came up behind him and patted him on the back of the shoulder like he always did before Arthur had training. "You ready?" he asked. Arthur nodded hesitantly.

"As ready as I'll ever be to become King," he said.

* * *

Arthur remembered little about the actual coronation. He recalled kneeling in front of a priest and taking the solemn oath to protect the Kingdom and govern its people, but he wasn't really paying much attention to the words. He knew he should have, but he was too worried with the new responsibilities of running the Kingdom alone and people's expectations off him. Particularly to do with magic. Plus, he doubted that a few insignificant oaths would change or strengthen the love he felt for his people and his Kingdom already.

It wasn't until he heard the entire hall clapping and standing, that he realised he had been crowned King of Camelot, and he rose with more confidence showing on his face than he felt. He couldn't see Merlin, as he was standing behind him in the crowd, but he could imagine what his face would look like. He would have that goofy smile plastered all over his lips, like someone had just offered him the last piece of pie. He'd probably be clapping the loudest out of everyone just to subconsciously prove that Arthur was his.

The thought of Merlin looking like this, right behind him, made him smile for the first time that morning, and he didn't feel the nerves so much; his legs turned slowly back to their solid form, rather than something resembling jelly, and his breathing and heart rate seemed to return to normal.

He knew Lancelot was standing somewhere behind him as well. Gwen too, and Morgana. He couldn't wait to see them all and celebrate; it was the first time he felt like celebrating all day.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Arthur and the rest of the court, practically, were at the coronation ball. Arthur had conveniently tried to block out from his mind, the duty of welcoming everyone into the ballroom, that he knew he would have to face.

"Let's get this over with," he murmured to Morgana, whom he would be introducing to all the guests that evening.

"I knew we shouldn't have invited so many people," she hissed in annoyance.

"Stop complaining, I'm the one who'll be doing the talking and the hard work, all you have to do is stand there, smile, curtsy or nod once in a while, depending on who it is, and just look pretty and smell nice."

"You males really underestimate how painful it is for us girls to curtsey a hundred times in a row. And a royal curtsy is the worst- it puts the most pressure on one's thighs, and it aches like hell for days afterwards! Almost like riding a horse," Morgana whispered as they walked nearer the front entrance "In fact, the last time we had royal introductions, my legs were aching for so long, Gwen had to..."

"... Yes, ok, please spare me the details, Morgana of what your thighs got up to," Arthur said with painful images in his head. The young lady smirked, and couldn't help but make a retort.

"Well, at least _my_ thighs stay closed, your _majesty_." Arthur looked around at her, his mouth open like a goldfish, hoping that no one had heard her jibe.

"What are you talking about?"

"Everyone's talking about it, Arthur," she told him. The King sighed painfully, remembering what Merlin had told him in Ealdor about the servants thinking that Merlin had _had_ him.

"God, 'Gana, not you too!" he moaned.

"Stop complaining," she mimicked in a high pitched voice. They approached the door and stood by it dutifully while waiting for the guests to enter. Morgana moved her head nearer Arthur's, so she could whisper, "It's not the worst I've heard, anyway."

"What!" He whispered loudly. "What else are they saying?"

"You don't want to know," she shook her head with a smile.

"The hell I don't, tell me!"

"Oh, just a little something about a bowl of strawberries and a blindfold- Lady Bracknell, it's an honour that you could join us tonight," Morgana quickly said as an elderly lady passed through the main doors. Arthur seemed too dumb struck to say anything, and merely nodded at the Lady as she curtseyed slightly.

"May I wish you all the best Your Grace," she said to Arthur "And to you, My Lady." Morgana curtsied her first curtsey and replied, "My Lady," allowing the woman to pass into the hall. She shot Arthur a quick wink regarding her comment earlier, receiving a shake of the head from her brother.

The introductions and greetings lasted over an hour, and both Arthur and Morgana were relieved when they sat down for the banquet. Morgana sat on Arthur's right side, his knights on either side of them both. She went straight for the meat, hoping no one would notice her hunger. Arthur laughed under his breath and reached for some fruit himself.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself even a little, Arthur," Morgana told him, after swallowing a mouthful of food.

"Thanks," he said, and then after a pause, added, "Everything's going to be different now, isn't it?" She nodded and took Arthur's hand in her own under the table with a smile.

"First of all, you have to dance with me," she reminded him. She could almost feel the vibrations from his groan at the thought, making her giggle.

Obviously, time had passed a lot quicker than Arthur had wanted since they started eating, with the thought of dancing in his head, because after what seemed like no time at all, the guests were beginning to move into the ballroom.

"Must I?" Arthur asked Morgana.

"You have to lead the first dance," she reminded him. "It's tradition." He rolled his eyes and took her by the hand, leading her to the ballroom. They stood at the door and waited.

"His majesty the King," he heard the announcer say. His breath almost hitched in his throat at his new title, but he soon forgot, due to the room now staring at him as he and Morgana somehow ended up in the middle of the floor with his arm around her waist.

Pretty soon, the whole room had begun to dance, and Arthur felt more at ease.

"Well, it's an improvement on last time," Morgana told him, reminiscing about the time when Arthur had stood on her feet.

"I was half-drunk!" he reminded her. She giggled.

"So was I, but I managed to keep my balance. It was so embarrassing!"

"Oh shut up," he retorted with a grin. He brought his mouth closer to Morgana's ear so he could whisper discreetly.

"Don't look now sis, but I think someone is _dying_ to dance with you,"

"Really?" she asked "Who?"

"He's behind you, you'll know who. Just try not to stare, for God's sake." And with that, he guided the two of them around so Morgana was facing the direction Arthur had just been. And sure enough, there stood Sir Leon, looking hesitantly at the two of them as if plucking up the courage to do something.

"Poor soul!" Morgana said "You wouldn't think he'd get so nervous- being a knight."

"Oh, I've known him for years, and he's always been silly around girls, even if he is fearless on the battlefield."

Morgana nodded and stared at Sir Leon still battling with his own nerves.

"Do you think... um... should I... well... go over there?" she asked. Arthur moved his head back so he could look at Morgana in amusement.

"You _want_ him to dance with you, don't you?"

"Well, I don't want people thinking that you're the only man that wants me, do I!" Arthur laughed and spun her around again and dipping her slightly in the process, but a few seconds later, he felt a tap on his shoulder and he broke away from Morgana to see Sir Leon standing next to him. He gave Arthur a bow.

"Would you permit me, You Grace?" Arthur nodded and let go of Morgana's hand.

"Would you do me the honour, My Lady?" he asked. Morgana smiled and offered him her hand, which he took happily.

Arthur smiled as the two of them danced, before walking off to find Merlin.

* * *

The celebrations had gone on for far longer than Arthur expected, and what had been a lot of fun for the first few hours, now had him craving nothing more than the warmth of his own chambers. Even if they were his father's previous chambers, he needed to cuddle with Merlin under the sheets. He needed to hear the fire prickling at the other side of the room while he dozed off. He would even settle for feeling Merlin kicking him during the night with his surprisingly strong legs, if he could get away from the bustling noisy hall where drunken knights cheered and roared as they won or lost card game after card game, and young ladies danced and giggled to their heart's content.

After deciding that he had put in enough of an appearance at his own coronation, he motioned with his head for Merlin to retire. He began to leave as subtly as he could, whilst Arthur came over to where Morgana was sitting and gave her a peck on the cheek. Judging from the smirk and wink she gave him, she had seen the 'dismissal' Arthur had just given his manservant.

She smiled as she leaned in for a quick hug from her brother, and moaned into his ear,"Oh, _Merlin_ ," before pulling back and smiling her teasing smile. Arthur shook his head and kissed her hand, before he noticed Sir Leon approach the table yet again and bow slightly.

"May I have you arm, My Lady?" he asked as politely as ever. Morgana smiled, not sarcastically, or dutifully, or angrily, but just smiled.

"You may," she took the knight's hand, and stood up.

"Have fun sis," Arthur told her. "You too Leon."

"Thank you, Your _Majesty_ ," Morgana said with a short curtsy. She and Leon giggled like two school children at Arthur's roll of the eyes and as much as skipped back onto the dance floor for the fifth time that evening.

* * *

"Good _grief,_ what an evening!" Arthur sighed as he flopped down on the soft bed, finally making it to his chambers.

"Tiring?" Merlin inquired.

"Not really, just _extremely_ tedious! As if I haven't had my fair share of balls and feasts to last me a lifetime, Merlin!" He complained.

"I enjoyed it," he said "But then again, I _haven't_ had my fair share of balls to last me a lifetime," then with a cheeky grin, he added " _Your_ balls, darling, I perhaps have had enough of to last me a lifetime, but not the kind you so despise." Arthur laughed little from where he was laying, not even looking around at the warlock.

"Well, seeing as you are so well acquainted with them, Merlin, I assume further introductions will not be necessary tonight. Merlin walked over to him with a smile and straddled his hips, kissing him softly.

"Prat," he mumbled into his mouth, receiving a muffled giggle from Arthur. "Do you want to?" he asked.

"Hell yes!" Arthur smiled, pulling him back down to meet him.

The two of them rolled onto their sides, lips still locked in an intimate kiss, smiled plastered on both their faces. Ironically, it was the happiest the both of them, particularly Arthur, had been in a long time, which meant that tonight would be so much better.

"How long has it been?" Arthur asked, slightly muffled through the persistent kisses Merlin was giving him.

"Over a month," he replied, not letting go of Arthur's lips for a second.

"That long?" The King asked, genuinely surprised. He let go of Merlin's mouth, much to his disapproval, judging by the frustrated moan that he let go of.

Arthur just smiled and kissed his way lazily down Merlin's jaw and the small but sensitive junction between it and his neck. Merlin sighed and gave Arthur more access to his jaw line by tipping his head back and leaning the back of it against the flatness of the bed.

"Missed you," he breathed out. Arthur agreed with him by planting a kiss on the warlock's neck, this one making him moan out loud. Not too loudly, but it was there.

Arthur grabbed Merlin's hips gently to pull him up higher so the warlock could rest his head against the pillows. The last thing he wanted was for the idiot to start complaining of a stiff neck and ruining the mood.

Even though he was still fully clothed, Merlin wrapped his legs around Arthur, craving any sort of close contact that had been so scarce for the past few weeks, and that he needed so much that it hurt. Arthur could have almost laughed at Merlin's forwardness, if he himself had not been as hungry as Merlin, and he merely started moving against the form beneath him, causing him to groan.

It wasn't until a couple of minutes later that Arthur realised he was behaving like some adolescent, and he rolled off of Merlin with a frustrated sigh radiating from both men, as he tried to control himself.

"It's been a while," he admitted, even though it was an obvious fact.

Perhaps it was his nerves that he had been carrying around with him that morning of what he was possible going to ask Merlin that night. The first time he had thought of it, he was disgusted at the thought and considered his position and status in jeopardy, should he lower himself to such a level. But since that time, a lot had changed, including Arthur's attitude to _everything._

After what had happened to his father, Arthur realised something that he never thought he would admit to himself, let alone to Merlin or anyone else, God forbid. He wanted to be looked after. No one had ever really taken the care to make sure _he_ felt ok. He wasn't sure if this was selfishness, or common sense that he was feeling to make him want protection like this. Of course, Merlin had always been there for him, no matter what, no questions asked. When it came to his feelings of course; his duties were a matter that Arthur had given up on long before he fell in love with him.

He remembered the night that he and Merlin had first slept together, and how Merlin totally and utterly had placed his trust in him, knowing that whatever happened, Arthur would look after him. Surely it wasn't wrong for Arthur to want to feel the same way? He wanted to feel special too. Just like Merlin had that night. And before he knew what had come over him, he said Merlin's name, making him look to him.

"Yes?" he asked.

"I... uh..." he stammered almost.

"What is it?" he asked, patient as ever.

"I just wanted to ask you something, but, uh... I'm not really sure how I should ask it, and uh... well... I kind of want you to uh... Ikindofwantyoutomakelovetome." He didn't mean for it to come out a torrent of words, but there seemed no better way of explaining what he wanted, other than a jumble of incoherent speech. Even Merlin's magical powers couldn't denote what the hell he was saying, and he just laughed.

"What was that?"

"I, uh... was wondering if you would perhaps... um... make... love to, uh... me... tonight."

He wasn't sure what the look in Merlin's eyes was after that comment. They seemed to glaze over at the mere thought of what Arthur was offering him, but also filled with concern and doubt.

"Arthur, are you sure, because I don't think I'll be able to stop if we start this," he warned, the lust not being able to suppress itself in his husky tone.

"I'm absolutely sure. I promise." Even though he was only half sure, he didn't want to give Merlin any reason to doubt. It wasn't like he didn't want Merlin in that way, but of course he would be nervous. Of course he would be worried about this emasculating him somewhat. But he knew that Merlin would never hold this against him or mock him in any way. He would probably tease him in his usual banter, but never in maliciousness.

"Why?" asked Merlin. _Typical_ thought Arthur. The idiot could never just get down to it; he had to go asking difficult questions like that. After a moment's pause, Arthur replied.

"Because I want to give you something of mine. Something that no one else, I hope, will be able to give you," Arthur explained as best he could. "You've given me so much, Merlin. Even your life. I want to give you what little virginity I have left. I want you to have it." Merlin cocked his head to one side and smiled a smile that clearly said 'you idiot'.

"You don't have to give yourself to me to prove you love me, Arthur. I already know you do."

"It's not just that. I... I want to. Really, I do. Well, you've never complained before, have you?" Merlin laughed out loud at this.

"Well, it's certainly not something to be complaining about now, is it?" He laughed, kissing Arthur tenderly again, as if to try and reassure him.

The pair of them started fiddling with their clothes, trying to get rid of them as quickly as possible, but after a couple of minutes of their clothes not wanting to cooperate, Merlin gave a frustrated sound that could almost have been called a growl, and a second later, Arthur saw his eyes flash gold, automatically shedding both their sets of clothes at once.

Arthur gasped as the change of temperature hit his skin, but Merlin soon embraced him and just held him, trying to warm the two of them up.

"Merlin," he moaned softly into his lips at the feel of his warm body pressed against him.

Merlin wanted nothing more than to take all the time in world with Arthur- savouring every taste, every brush of the skin, every texture of every part of his body, and he knew Arthur felt the same. But he also knew that they were both so impatient and eager after over a month of limited intimacy.

Nevertheless, the young warlock tried his hardest to control his lust and to make sure that Arthur was feeling ok at every single moment. The least he could do for him was to make sure he was as ready and content as he himself had been during his first time.

Arthur, however, seemed to have very different ideas, and being his very stubborn self, he reached down in between them both and squeezed Merlin hard and without warning, making him nearly scream with the sudden contact.

"Just hurry _up_ ," Arthur encouraged him, sick of Merlin's slow and careful love making that night.

"Stop rushing me, Arthur," Merlin breathed back, trying to come back down from his cloud, and trying to control himself. He kissed his way down the King's neck and his collarbones, softly and gently.

"Bastard," Arthur cursed quietly, causing the young warlock to literally burst out laughing and stop his teasing kisses whilst he caught his breath.

"You know, Arthur," he laughed "Your bedtime wooing is really something to be envied." One a normal day, Arthur would have taken the time to come up with a witty comeback to that, but instead, his answer came in the form of a harsh kiss that lasted several minutes. He didn't even bother breaking for breath. Not when that precious few seconds could be spent licking the roof of Merlin's mouth, or finding his tongue that was buried somewhere in Arthur's mouth and sucking it gently.

When they broke apart, Merlin's mouth was literally red and swollen, almost begging to be kissed further, but Arthur managed to overcome that temptation, and kissed the warlock's forehead instead. Merlin was turned on like a bitch in heat, and he knew that Arthur could tell by the way he tried to sooth him. Arthur could feel the warlock's obvious arousal. It wasn't just on his body, but in his eyes. They were glazed over, pupils dilated. He could feel it, see , he could almost _smell_ it, and Merlin hadn't even come yet!

Merlin felt so embarrassed that it was Arthur who was soothing him, when it was Merlin who was supposed to be doing that job. He decided that the best way to control his desire was to focus on Arthur and Arthur alone. And there was only one way that he could do that.

Merlin reluctantly removed his face from Arthur's lips, and kissed his way down his torso, sweetly and gently, making the young male shiver with every touch of his lips. He kissed and licked his thighs, savouring every smell and taste that was Arthur.

Finally, Merlin, true to his non-existent gag reflex, swallowed Arthur's cock whole, until he could feel it rubbing against Merlin's tonsils.

Arthur let out an earth shattering moan that vibrated throughout his entire body as Merlin tried to take him deeper, and deeper; wanting to take him as completely as he could.

Arthur, by now, was sweating, panting, writhing and everything else that told Merlin he was lost in total ecstasy. The young warlock took his mouth off Arthur and simply blew cool air onto his cock, this action producing a definite mewl from the King.

"Merlin," he moaned. His companion simply ignored his subliminal pleas, almost as if he was trying to get back at him for making him beg all that time ago. He smirked as he tasted his opportunity for revenge, and soon, his own lust was long forgotten.

"Something you want, Arthur?" he asked, mimicking his own words from months ago.

"I swear to God, Merlin... if... if you don't... do something, I'll... I'll," he panted, trying to think of a good threat.

"You'll what?"

"I'll cut off your dick in your sleep." Merlin couldn't suppress the outburst of laughter that followed Arthur's last comment. He was giggling like a little school girl, and once his laughter had died down; he moved up and kissed Arthur, still giggling a little into the kiss.

He took one look into Arthur's needy and pleading eyes, and took pity on him. Revenge could be saved for another day. He needed Arthur, and Arthur obviously needed him.

"How do you want to do this?" he asked, suddenly becoming nervous with the task ahead. It was almost like he had this huge responsibility on his shoulders.

"Um... perhaps... perhaps front would be easier?" Arthur suggested. Merlin nodded and waited for him to lie on his belly.

Merlin then crawled over to the King's body and admired it like one would a beautiful panting. He almost looked like a painting. Not only because he lay still as one, but the way his body was glowing in the limited light in the room made him look so beautiful and stunning and Merlin had to stare for a good few seconds before he placed a kiss at the back of Arthur's neck.

This earned him a contented sigh and an impatient shuffle from Arthur, making Merlin smile. "Do you have any oil?" The King asked, his words a little muffled by the pillow. Merlin bit his lip, realising that they had run out of oil and that he forgot to pick some up from Gaius' chambers. But an idea quickly popped into his head, and he smiled coyly.

"Yeah, I do."

"Then, please just do it, Merlin," Arthur told him. The young warlock simply smiled and kissed the dip in Arthur's back, making him moan his name loudly.

"Such an eager little sex kitten, aren't you, Arthur?" The King merely moaned, unable to come up with anything to answer.

Merlin kissed his neck again and asked, "Are you ready then?"

"Yes! Oil!" Arthur insisted. Merlin smirked inwardly, and his eyes flashed gold.

"OH MY GOD!" Arthur nearly screamed as he felt something hot, moist and slick penetrate him without warning. Merlin just stared down at his handiwork and chuckled.

"What the hell was that!" He demanded, trying to come down from his high. Merlin kissed his shoulder and purred.

"I'm just full of surprises today, aren't I?" He didn't give Arthur a chance to respond as he quickly slicked up his fingers and brought them to his lover's entrance and slowly pushed one in.

Arthur hissed only slightly, not wanting Merlin to worry about hurting him, but the burn was there.

"Are you ok?" Merlin asked. Arthur nodded and told him to keep going, and was soon feeling a second finger, which made him gasp a little in pain.

"Keep going," he assured him, despite the burning stretch.

It wasn't long until the pain began to fade, and Arthur's breathing began to quicken. He grabbed onto the pillows in front of him as Merlin worked his 'magic' on him, although it might as well have been magic, considering the intense pleasure that was now rippling through Arthur's senses.

Without warning, Merlin crooked his fingers, making Arthur see stars behind his closed eye lids, and screaming loudly, his sounds muffled surprisingly well by the pillow that was in his face. He bit if forcefully to stop himself from making any more noise.

He wanted to ask something like 'what the hell was that' or 'what did you do' or anything, but the only words that could escape his mouth were, "Nnnnngggg!"

Merlin smiled in triumph at having rendered the King of Camelot speechless for the first time in his life. Deciding that if he continued like this any longer, he would end up taking care of his problem himself, Merlin withdrew his fingers and began to position himself when Arthur stopped him.

"I want to see you," he breathed.

"Are you sure? It might be harder," he reminded him.

"I'm sure," Arthur said "I want to see your face. Merlin nodded and flipped Arthur back over so he was lying on his back and positioned himself between his spread legs.

He gave Merlin a nod to say that he was ready, and Merlin slowly, so slowly pushed his way in.

Arthur had never felt two such intense feelings before- pleasure on the one hand and pain on the other, as he was stretched further. Merlin on the other hand, was biting his lip hard to stop himself from driving into Arthur relentlessly. He needed to make sure he was ok.

"Are you ok?" he asked him as he remained stationary for a moment.

"I'm fine," Arthur told him in a shaky voice "Although I think you might be too big- I swear it doesnt look that big from the other side."

Merlin laughed loudly and answered "There's no such thing as _too_ big, darling, but thanks for the semi compliment."

Arthur huffed before asking, "You? How does it feel?" Merlin managed a weak smile.

"So... I don't know... so hot... and like... like I think I'm going to..."

"Don't you dare!" Arthur warned him, even though he didn't mean it quite so forcefully. Merlin simply laughed.

"Topping from the bottom, I see, sire?" He said. "I should have known."

"Just get on with it and move you fool!" He insisted, moving his hips upwards to encourage Merlin to move again. The warlock moaned loudly at Arthur's movement and thrust down to meet him, earning a huge moan from him in return.

When he was sure that Arthur was no longer in pain, there was no stopping Merlin, and he braced his arms against the wall, slamming into Arthur with a renewed force that had him moaning his name, and shouting various words including "harder!" and "more!" and "fuck!"

After only a few minutes of this, Merlin thrust one final time, before his body went taught and he stayed still as his orgasm stuck him as hard as a bolt of lightning. Arthur soon followed, screaming Merlin's name for all of Albion to hear.

Merlin took the opportunity of Arthur's eyes being shut to just stare mindlessly at him and soak up what his face looked like after their moment of pure intimacy. He looked simply stunning. Completely spent and sweaty, his skin almost pink and hot to the touch. Some of his hair was over his face from where he had been thrashing his head round on the pillows and Merlin gently brushed it aside and stroked his cheek, causing him to open his eyes.

"How was it for you?" he asked with genuine concern in his voice. Arthur smiled.

"At least now I know why you let me do this to you every night." Merlin laughed along with him as his head took up its normal position on Arthur's chest.

* * *


	22. Lucky

The next morning, Arthur woke up, strangely, without the weight of Merlin pressing down on his chest. He opened his eyes and squinted due to the bright light, and looked around. The young warlock wasn't in bed or anywhere in the room. The King stretched like a little kitten and tried to sit up and face the morning, only to be welcomed by the most horrendous pain.

He didn't have to think long about where that pain came from, and he cursed Merlin under his breath for being such a bloody animal.

Arthur reluctantly got out of bed and threw on a robe that was lying on the back of his chair. Seeing as Merlin was nowhere to be found, he summoned one of the servants walking past his chambers to call for a bath so he could wash after the previous night's activities.

He also knew that there would be a council meeting that morning to appoint new positions for people at court, and he had to look his best for his first day 'on the job' as Merlin had often described it.

He and Merlin had spoken very frequently in the weeks leading up to his coronation about who should be promoted to higher positions at court. Of course, for Arthur, there was no question about who would be his chief minister. It would be Merlin. Even when he was just his servant, he had advised him on all matters better than any courtier. He knew that Merlin was worried about such a huge and precipitous rise to power, but he trusted Arthur's judgement, of course he did, and he knew that his friends, including Gaius, Morgana, Gwen and even Lancelot in whatever experience he may have had, could help him in his new job.

It didn't ever take long for Arthur to wash himself when Merlin wasn't around, considering he had little distractions and got easily bored as a result, and so before he knew it, he was dry and dressed. Naturally, it took him a lot longer to dress _himself_ but at least he could do it.

Almost as soon as he had pulled his tunic over his head, he heard the door click open and someone walk inside.

"Oh _there_ you are Merlin," he said, his back turned to him as he pulled down his top. "I was beginning to think you'd left me for another woman," he joked, however, his smile faded when he turned around and saw Merlin standing in front of him nervously with a... with a...

"Merlin, what is _that_?" he demanded, pointing at 'it'.

"It's a dog, sire," Merlin told him, slightly anxiously, stroking the puppy's fur. From what Arthur could tell, it looked like a baby Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. *****

"I can see that, but what is it doing in my chambers?" He emphasized.

"Well, I..." Merlin started to say.

"Yes, spit it out Merlin," Arthur encouraged him, slightly agitated by now.

"Well, Morgana mentioned to me during the feast that everyone is meant to buy the new king a gift on his first day 'on the job', and I didn't know, so I didn't get you anything, and then... well, Lucky sort of popped up at the right moment. I thought I'd give her to you as a gift," he explained. The dog shuffled in his arms, getting slightly bored with this position by the looks of things.

"Wait... tell me... tell me you didn't- tell me you didn't call that dog Lucky?" Arthur asked, almost not believing his ears.

"Yes," Merlin said, feeling rather hurt. "Why?"

"You do realise what a ridiculous, generic name that is for a dog, don't you _Mer_ lin?" Arthur told him. He almost felt like laughing out loud.

"Maybe, but it means something special for her," The young warlock told him, trying to defend his case.

"How do you know it's a 'she'?" Arthur asked.

"I already checked."

"Pervert," he mumbled jokingly, but loud enough for Merlin to hear. "So pray tell, why did she deserve this unbelievably unique, original name?"

"Well... I was walking through the grounds this morning, panicking that I didn't have a gift for you, and then I walked past the hunting dog's dens, where a bitch had just given birth to a litter of puppies. I went to have a look, and the guard said that most of them had died, and that he would most probably drown the rest, seeing as they were quite weak. So he offered her to me if I'd like to keep her... she... she was lucky... we're lucky to have her," Merlin said with a smile on his face. Arthur's face, however, was totally unimpressed. "What?"

"You really are such a girl, Merlin," he moaned with a roll of his eyes. "I didn't think you could surpass yourself on that front, but carry on, and I think you may just 'magically' lose something down there." He walked over to the bed to throw his nightshirt on it, but when he looked up, he noticed Merlin's annoying smirk plastered on his face. "Why are you smirking like that?" He arched his eyebrow in curiosity.

"Well sire... if we're going to dispute gender issues, then all I need to do is cast your mind back to last night..." Merlin was cut off swiftly by Arthur.

"Don't you dare go any further _Mer_ lin." Th young warlock couldn't help the grin that surfaced on his face at the fact that he could tease him like this. "And you can wipe that smug grin off your face too," Arthur told him.

"Whatever you say my liege," Merlin mocked, a smile still spread over his face.

"Don't think you can get around me with flattery, it won't work; we're still not keeping her," he pointed out, not being swayed in the least by Lucky's cute, wet nose.

"Then perhaps I could get around you...some other way?" Merlin suggested, trying to deepen his voice and make himself sound more seductive.

"Don't tempt me; because I'll regret it later," Arthur said. "I can barely sit up this morning as it is!" He still remembered the God awful pain of sitting up in bed that morning.

"You're welcome," Merlin said smugly, before adding "come on, pleeease Arthur, let's keep her!" Like a little child asking his parents for something.

"What, are you five? It's out of the question," Arthur said sternly. "As if I don't already have one slobbering hairy animal to look after."

"I do not slobber!" Merlin insisted. "Well... not too much, anyway."

"We're not keeping her," Arthur repeated. "What would I do with her anyway? She'd just be a pest!"

"Well, believe it or not, I actually thought of that too!" Merlin announced proudly, extracting a short snort of laughter from Arthur.

"Oh, don't think _too_ hard, it might shock your brain."

"Ha _ha_!" Merlin said sarcastically, before explaining. "Now that you're King, you'll be doing half as much work as you did when you were Prince..."

"... Where did you get that idea from?" Arthur interrupted.

"Well when your father was King, don't you remember how he always used to send you away to do his donkey work? I only ever saw him sitting in the council chambers with a glass of wine in his hand and that silly powdery thingy he would sprinkle all over his papers."

"He was an old man!" Arthur defended his father.

"Whatever," Merlin said, brushing it off. "My point is that you'll have so much more time on your hands. I'll be taking over your job as Camelot's own donkey, and you'll hardly ever see me during the day I should think, so... Lucky could keep you company," he said with a hopeful look on his face. It seemed that Lucky was desperate to stay with Merlin too, as she made a little whining noise in his arms. She began to wriggle and he eventually let her jump down onto the floor.

"I do not seek company!" Arthur said loudly, keeping his eyes on the puppy that was making its way towards him. "Especially from a drooling, annoying, loud pest!" Lucky gave a cute yelp, before putting her paws on Arthur's boot and looking up at him with big brown eyes. "Oh, look, get her off; she's sitting on my leg!" He complained, trying to move his foot away from her, but she came and snuggled against his leg completely, much to Merlin's amusement.

"Looks like she might like you Arthur!" He giggled. "I'm not sure I can take her back now- it would break her heart. And that would break my heart," he reminded him.

"Tell her to stop... _cuddling_ me up!" Arthur kept saying with frustration, not even listening to Merlin's pleas any more.

"Only if you agree to let us keep her," Merlin said.

"Fine!" Arthur reluctantly agreed. "Just get her off; she's going to get fur all over my trousers."

"Come on girl," Merlin summoned in a high pitched voice as he leant over and clapped his hands encouragingly.

"That's it, go to Merlin, pest," he said, glad that Lucky had finally left his leg. "Oh and Merlin, you better hope I don't find any unwelcome surprises in this room while she's here," he warned the warlock, who was now busy nuzzling his nose against Lucky's ears.

"Of course not, sire!" he said with faked innocence. "And trust me, you won't regret it."

"Wanna bet?" Arthur groaned with a subtle roll of his eyes.

"I'll make it worth your while..." Merlin said, trying to seal the deal further.

"You know Merlin, if you had said that in your sexy voice, I may have been tempted."

"Um..." Merlin said sheepishly "that was my sexy voice."

"Tragic."

* * *

Arthur and Merlin made their way shortly after to the council chambers, where there were already people waiting at the table. He took a deep breath and stopped in the doorway at the amount of people that were there, awaiting his instruction and his leadership.

Merlin tapped him discreetly on the back of the arm to get him to move, as he had just frozen on the spot. Pretty soon, Arthur made it to his place at the head of the table, Merlin standing by his side, hands folded in front of him. Arthur took one look at the papers and plans laid out in front of him and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself He had always wanted to make his father fully proud of him when he was alive, and this is how he could do it. By looking after his Kingdom and his people. That meant that he had to stay calm and focused on the task at hand. If he was to make his father proud of him, that was.

"Good morning," he said in a voice more shaky than he wanted. He cleared his throat to pitch his voice on a more confident level. After all, if he didn't seem confident, then how were his people supposed to have confidence in him?

"As you know, this is the first time we have held a council together, and I want you to know that it is with a sense of honour and reverence that I address you today. As you know, I am a young King. But I am a King who has many ideas for the improvement of this Kingdom and I wish to devote my life to serve you and help you the best way I can. I look for your help in this." Arthur's eyes were fixed on Gaius, who was sitting in the room, almost as if he were seeking his approval.

Gaius had always been like a surrogate father to Arthur, and now, more than ever, he needed to know if he was doing everything right; whether this was what he should be saying. Gaius gave Arthur a discrete nod and a smile, which encouraged him further.

"There are many areas that I wish to address regarding the running of this Kingdom," he said. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to bring up the issue of magic with his councillors. He wasn't even sure how they felt about it. Perhaps it was better left for another time. A time when it wouldn't shock them as much.

"I will warn you, however," he explained "that I do not plan on ruling like my father. There will be many changes made here, but I assure you that they will all benefit this Kingdom. I am certain that these changes will prove popular and will make Camelot a much more peaceful Kingdom." He wasn't sure if they understood what he meant by this, but the mummers that echoed around the room hinted that they were at least curious, which was a good thing.

"The first issue I mean to address," Arthur said a little louder, wishing to change the topic slightly "is my councillors themselves. I wish to inform you that there will be some changes in the Privy Council, but changes which I believe will benefit me." He looked to Merlin who was standing next to him.

"Merlin," he indicated to the people sitting round the table. _Get ready for the fireworks, Arthur_ he thought. "Will be my chief minister in all matters as of today. My father's adviser, Gaius, will be assisting Merlin in his new duties until he is fully ready to accept this role. Gaius will continue to serve me; however, his duties will be more relaxed. I believe this will be advantageous to us all, especially Gaius."

The old physician gave him another nod, making him feel even more confident by the minute. However, the whispers that engulfed the room were unstoppable, and he had to clear his throat to get them to stop.

"But, sire," one member spoke up "this... boy... is... well, he is..."

"He is what Lord Hector?" Arthur asked in an authoritarian yet calm voice.

"Well... forgive me Your Grace. But the boy is a commoner. Not to mention, he was your servant. That does not look too good to the people." Arthur heard murmurs of agreement around the table, and suddenly grew very cross.

"Peasant or not, he is going to be my chief minister," Arthur said, resisting the urge to grit his teeth. "He is a good man, intelligent and caring and he will do well by me and this Kingdom. Anyone who has anything to say about this decision can answer to me." This seemed to silence his opponents, and Arthur decided to swiftly move on to some other issue.

"Your Grace," one of the councillors asked before Arthur had a chance to say anything more.

"Yes?" He answered.

"We... that is... the privy council... have a matter that we wish to put forward to you."

"What is it?"

"It is... well sire, it is a very personal matter," he warned the King.

"What is said in this room, stays in this room, am I right? Then spit it out," he encouraged them.

"Well sire... we feel that seeing as you are now crowned King of Camelot... that perhaps it would be wise to... settle down... find a bride... it could also open up countless opportunities of making a permanent treaty with one of our neighbouring Kingdoms. There are countless beautiful noblewomen and Princesses for your Highness to choose from."

"I have no desire to marry for treaty purposes alone. If peace is to be made with another King, it will be through a mutual understanding and agreement among our people, not merely a business deal. That would last a mere few years," Arthur explained. "Furthermore, I do not think it is necessary to discuss my marriage prospects when I am only just crowned King. I am still young, my friends, and I have no wish to marry at present."

"But sire, the sooner you produce an heir for this Kingdom, the safer you will be."

"I doubt that a mere baby in a cradle would stop my enemies from attacking should they so wish. And I have been led to believe that my physical condition is perfectly adequate, and I doubt that any future heirs will come with difficulty." Knowing laughter passed around the table, but Arthur concluded with, "I'm sorry. But my decision is final. Now I think that is enough for one morning, don't you?" He began to stand up, along with everyone else. "We will continue this later in the week. I still have many plans I wish to address. But I am pleased, friends, very pleased."

* * *

"How do you think it went?" He asked Merlin as they walked back down the corridors after the meeting. It was the first time that Arthur drew a deep breath since the meeting had began, even if he did put on a mask of authority.

"They certainly respect you, I can tell that much, even if they don't agree with some of the things you're doing," Merlin told him. Arthur nodded in contentment. "Although..." Merlin added.

"What is it?"

"Arthur... when you spoke of me... and the minister position... I feel that you may have expressed your feelings a little too much."

"How so?"

"I mean, we don't want the people growing suspicious that you only gave me this position because I'm your whore."

"MERLIN!" Arthur gasped in surprise.

" _I_ know that you don't see me as your whore, Arthur, but the people that know about us, don't know what we feel for each other, and the people that don't know about us surely will once the news spreads about my sudden promotion. I knew I should never have accepted it."

"Nonsense, you'll be fantastic, and you'll prove them all wrong soon enough," Arthur said, slapping Merlin on the arm.

"Thanks, Arthur, but just try and keep your feelings a little less obvious, ok?"

"But I don't see the point," he said. "Why should I hide my regards? It's like you said, half the court know we're lovers anyway, why should I not show my favour?"

"Because rumours and gossip is different to you physically showing, and more importantly, bestowing favour upon me."

"I... I don't understand... don't you want me to show everyone that I love you?" he asked, a little hurt by Merlin's theory.

"Of course I do, Arthur, you silly! Do you have any idea how much I want to show everyone that you're mine and that you only love me? But I can't. You're such a new King, Arthur. You can't afford scandal this early on in your rein, especially not one like this. Please, just try to understand that I'm thinking about you here," he tried to explain. Although he knew that Arthur understood his reasons, he also knew that underneath the tough exterior, the King was very sentimental at heart, and it would be hard for him to hide his love.

"I do understand, really, I do. And I'm not angry with you, I promise," he assured him. Merlin smiled and put and arm on his shoulder.

"Thank you," he said as they walked into their chambers. Lucky yelped happily at the sight of her master and ran into his open arms,

"Hi, baby!" He almost squealed in happiness to see her. "Have you been a good girl this morning?" He asked her, scratching her ear affectionately.

"Excuse me Merlin, Pest, I just have to go and vomit," Arthur said with a roll of his eyes. Merlin just stuck his tongue out and nuzzled Lucky's fur.

Not a moment after Arthur had begun to walk away, did Lucky wriggle out of Merlin's arms and run over to the King, barking at him with affection or encouragement for him to play with her.

"No way! Merlin, do something with Pest or I swear I'll shoot her!" He complained. Merlin pouted and walked over to Arthur and scooping Lucky up in his arms.

"I think Daddy is being a bit grumpy, don't you?" He asked in a tone that one might use to address a small child. Lucky gave a short bark of agreement.

"Why are you talking to her like that?" Arthur asked "You know she can't understand you."

"Of course she can!" Merlin said with fake hurt in his voice "Don't listen to him Lucky, he's just jealous that his hair isn't as nice as yours." He chuckled at Lucky and extended his arms towards the bed so she could jump onto it. After doing so, she curled up into a ball and closed her eyes to have a snooze.

"Not on the bed, Merlin, she'll get fur all over the sheets!" Arthur said loudly, grabbing his hair, after seeing where Lucky had ended up.

"Shh!" Merlin rebuked him "Baby's sleeping!"

Arthur rolled his eyes in disbelief.

 *** This breed of dog became popular in the 16th century, and even though I know that isn't the right historical context for this story, at least it's not a very modern breed. It's just that when I was writing this chapter, I thought of that breed, coz they're sooo cute!**

* * *


	23. A King That Camelot Wants

A week later, Arthur woke up in his chambers, not by the usual feeling of Merlin's stalk-like legs kicking him in his ridiculous dreamy state, nor by the equally frustrating morning light streaming in through the windows, which Merlin _always_ forgot to close before they went to bed, because he was too busy trying to get into Arthur's pants.

No, today, he was awoken by, what he believed to be, something very pleasant indeed. He felt something hot and wet making contact with his nose, and it wasn't until he was fully awake, but with his eyes still closed, did he realise that this was a tongue. The tongue moved from his nose and began licking his cheek.

"Mmmm," Arthur moaned in contentment. "Now _that's_ how I like to wake up in the morning, darling."

This received a little whimper, which he was certain did not come from Merlin. Merlin's voice wasn't that high pitched, or so... yelpy. Arthur attempted to open his eyes, almost fearful of what he might find, and his worst nightmare was confirmed when his eyelids opened fully and Lucky sat in front of him on the pillow with her paws crossed, looking at him sweetly.

Arthur had never sat up in bed so quickly, and never had he squealed so like a little girl. Even Merlin, who could sleep through anything, rose with a moan and laughed out loud at Arthur's girlish screaming and his attempts to shoo Lucky off the bed.

"Merlin, get her off, get her off!" He shouted over and over. Merlin rolled his eyes sleepily as he sat up in bed and clapped his hands. Lucky, who had been trained, even if only a little, by Merlin, hopped over from her torture attempts on Arthur and bounced into Merlin's open arms. He quickly put his head back down on the pillow and shut his eyes, stroking Lucky in his arms, who lay there very contently.

"Merlin, she's not staying in bed!" Arthur told him sternly. When he didn't answer, Arthur poked him hard in the hip, making him squirm.

"Arthur... soppit!" He moaned into the pillow.

"Merlin, she'll get fur everywhere!" He complained.

"No she won't, you silly, she's only a puppy, she doesn't shed much fur." Arthur certainly knew a lost cause when he saw one, and he merely huffed, lying on his side of the bed again, as far away from Lucky as he could. Not wanting to go back to sleep on bad terms, Merlin mumbled to the King, "Love you," which earned him a reluctant groan from Arthur. How could he stay mad at him when he did something like that?

* * *

Later that morning, Merlin finished dressing Arthur for his second council meeting. He decided that he would try his best to hold one once a week at the least so he would be able to put across all the changes and plans he had for the Kingdom. He found it very amusing, that Merlin, even though he had been elevated to such a high position, still insisted on performing his old duties.

Of course, he didn't always clean his armour anymore; he didn't have time. And he didn't always wash Arthur's clothes. He certainly never mucked out the stables anymore; that would be ridiculous for the King's chief minister. But he did, however, perform his duties that no one would see; those behind closed doors.

Dressing Arthur in the morning and undressing him at night. He told Arthur that he would never agree to any other man or woman seeing him naked like that every morning. A future wife was a different story of course, but he would not be replaced as a manservant in that sense. This meant that he still prepared all of Arthur's baths. It was a good job too, for more often than not, Merlin would join Arthur, and that would be an unwelcome surprise for any new servant.

This new found behaviour in Merlin tweaked a strange sense of pride in Arthur, that he could have that kind of effect on Merlin, and that he could actually trigger feelings of jealousy and ownership in the boy that he never knew existed. It was almost sexy. He made a mental note to use this weakness to his advantage and tease Merlin sometime so he would get great angry jealous sex afterwards.

Today, however, Merlin didn't even manage to get Arthur's boots out the cupboard, before a messenger began frantically knocking on the door.

"Enter!" Arthur announced, slightly intrigued by the messenger's harsh manner of knocking. He burst in, almost breathless, as the King laced up his boots.

"My Lord, a citizen of Camelot has come to the castle swearing that he has seen magic being practised in the city."

"What!" Arthur exclaimed loudly, rising to his feet immediately. Merlin too, rose in panic.

"It is true sire. You are needed in the Great Hall immediately." And with that, he left leaving a wide eyed Arthur behind in his chambers.

The King began to pace his room like a little boy, almost hyperventilating with the nerves.

"Merlin, I can't do this, I can't deal with this, it's too soon, it's too soon. I don't know what to tell them, what shall I do!" He asked the air around him, but Merlin grabbed his shoulders, halting him to a stop and looked him in the eye.

"Do what you think is right, Arthur," he told him. "It's all you can do. Just remember, do not fall prey to the people. Stay strong and they will trust your judgement." This seemed to relax Arthur a little, and he took a deep breath, nodding in contentment. "And don't forget, I'll be there with you."

"I know you will," Arthur smiled. "Let's get it over with then," he said as he dragged Merlin out of his chambers.

* * *

"I saw her with my own eyes, sire," An elderly witness stated as he stood in front of the King, almost trembling "I saw her light a fire with her eyes, I'm certain of it." Arthur sighed. There was no mistaking it; the woman in question was a sorceress if she used her eyes to light a fire. But he could not execute her, but how could he remove the magic ban so quickly. The people would panic under the new law and it would cause confusion. Arthur could only continue to ask questions.

"And you are sure that this woman had no other materials with her? No wood, nothing? You are sure you were not deceived?" The witness shook his head.

"I am sure, sire," he stated, clear as a crystal. Arthur nodded and waved his hand in dismissal. The witness was lead out of the room accordingly.

"Bring the woman to me," Arthur said in a low voice. The guards nodded and practically dragged the accused in front of Arthur's feet.

His eyes nearly welled up at what he saw, and for a moment, he was struck dumb with anger and pity. The woman before him was no woman. It was a girl of no more than fourteen or fifteen. Barely out of womanhood, only just, if at all, ready to be married.

"There must be some mistake," Arthur almost whispered after a long silence. "She's just a girl," he stated, as if it weren't obvious to the people in the room.

"Sire, that doesn't mean that she is incapable of breaking the law," one of his advisers in the room mentioned. Arthur just kept his eye on the small girl in front of him that was most likely a druid living or hiding in Camelot. She was dressed very poorly and her hair was in an awful mess. Her eyes were full of tears and she couldn't look up at Arthur for fear that he might kill her with his eyes alone. He couldn't even begin to imagine her fear of kneeling here in front of her King and a court full of conditioned druid haters that wanted her dead.

"She's only a girl, she doesn't know what she's doing, even if it is magic," he defended her, much to the court's astonishment. He heard many surprised murmurs echo around the room, and he quickly corrected himself. "I mean... we don't know for sure that she used magic."

"Your Grace, the witness..."

"Witnesses can be mistaken," Arthur said sternly. He turned his head downward once again to look at the girl, whom he caught looking up at him like one would to a father. As soon as his eyes met hers, she looked down again in terror.

And then it dawned upon him that this young child was someone's little girl, some man's daughter whom he'd held and fed and loved. Some man's sister whom he'd punched in the arm and teased but would kill any man who would lay so much as a finger on her. He thought of Morgana immediately and her magical powers and what he would do if this young girl were his own sister. What if she was in love like he was? What if it were _Merlin_ here before him? He couldn't let her die. But nevertheless, he had to ask these questions out of obligation to the people around him.

"How do you answer to these accusations, child?" He somehow managed to forbid the tears he felt coming from entering his tone. He couldn't let himself cry in front of the court. His father would be ashamed of him.

But it became more and more difficult to do so when the young girl herself began to cry in front of him, "Sire..." she stuttered through her tears. "P-p-please..."

Arthur felt his heart instantly melt, and his eyes tear up and before he even realised what he was doing, his raw instinct caused him to come down to the young girl's level and put an arm on her shoulder to calm her. He reached into his pocket and retrieved a silk handkerchief from it, giving it to the girl. The young druid looked up into Arthur's eyes, her own eyes widening with pure shock and she just froze where she sat. The rest of the room gasped in disbelief, but Arthur ignored them. This was more important.

He tilted the girl's chin up and smiled at her.

"What is your name?" He asked, low enough so only she could hear. She hesitated before answering, something which did not go unnoticed by Arthur.

"Don't be afraid of me, there's no need, I promise." She nodded and answered in a weak, tear laden voice.

"Iseult." Arthur nodded and repeated her name.

"It's pretty," he said, making her smile for the first time since he's seen her. "Did you know, that there's a Princess in Cornwall with that name?" She shook her head and he chuckled quietly. Arthur brought his head closer to her, so he would be sure that no one else would hear.

"I promise I'm not going to hurt you, Iseult," he whispered. "You have my word." Her whole entire being seemed to light up at his total altruism, and this time, when he got to his feet, her gaze followed him. A gaze filled with utter love and adoration for her King and for him as a person.

"I have decided that this girl will answer to a formal hearing that will take place tomorrow at noon," Arthur announced to the court. "Until then, she is to be taken to the dungeons." It truly pained him to send this child to the dungeons and he could see that it frightened her, and God knows that he would have invited her to the antechamber by his own room if he could, but not even he could go that far.

The guards dragged the girl roughly off the floor and towards the door.

"Easy there!" Arthur shouted angrily. "She's just a girl!" This seemed to calm them down, and they began to take the girl down in a more civilized manner.

Arthur didn't even wait for the shocked faces to look back at him, and simply walked out of the room, Merlin following him like a little puppy; the way he always did.

When they were out of ear shot, Merlin put an arm on Arthur's shoulder and smiled, not even knowing what to say.

"You were amazing today, Arthur," he told him.

But Arthur didn't answer. Instead, he gave a sniff and began to cry softly, his tears shielded from Merlin.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed "It's just that... I can't help wondering... if my father hadn't of... you know... and she had been caught here in Camelot... would he have killed her?" He looked around at Merlin, who simply nodded regretfully.

"Yes," he said. "He wouldn't even have asked the witness if they were sure. He would have sent her to her death." Arthur sniffed again and just cried more.

"I mean... she's someone's little girl, Merlin," he said.

"I know..."

" _She's_ just a little girl, how could anyone think that she would do any harm?" Merlin shook his head.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "But you did the right thing."

"I know I did," Arthur said, his tears subsiding now. "I wouldn't have sent her to the block. That would make me a murderer and a tyrant. But if I let her go, what am I then?" he asked. "A soft King, or a King that doesn't take the laws of his own Kingdom seriously?"

"The laws are of your making, and the laws are wrong."

"I know that, silly, but _they_ don't," he reminded him. "We have to wean them off this attitude soon, or they'll begin to doubt me. I can't afford that." Merlin nodded in agreement.

"It's a good thing that this came along when it did then, isn't it?"

"But that still doesn't solve the problem of how we're going to save her. The people will be expecting a fair trial, and you and I both know that under any fair trial in this Kingdom, she'll be found guilty of using magic. One only has to look at her to know she's a druid."

"You saw her mark, then?" Arthur nodded.

"We have to find a way of proving her innocence," he said. Merlin almost shuffled in his place nervously, before Arthur asked him what was wrong.

"Well, it's only a suggestion, and you may not like it, but..."

"Yes, spit it out, Merlin!" He said impatiently.

"Well, what it we... kind of... made the witness invalid?" he asked.

"And how do we do that?"

"Well, when Gaius was accused of sorcery, I snuck into Aredian's room and planted the evidence against him..."

"... oh _did_ you now?"

"Sorry," he mumbled "Anyway, perhaps we could... inconvenience the witness, so he won't be able to attend the trial tomorrow morning... perhaps he suddenly fancied an all night trip to the _Rising_ Sun?" Merlin smirked at Arthur.

"I knew there was a reason why I hired you to be my minister!" he said happily.

"Well..." Merlin said smugly, but Arthur cut him off.

"How quickly can you get the evidence together that the witness spent the entire night in the tavern?"

"Not long. I'll just lock him in his room and knock him out for the counts."

"Brilliant!" exclaimed Arthur "Without a witness, they'll have nothing to convict her with!"

"We need to celebrate," Merlin said happily.

* * *

Later that evening, Morgana, Gwen and Lancelot were invited to Arthur's chambers for a midnight 'sleepover' to celebrate his first good deed as King. Morgana only stepped inside the room when Lucky ran up to her, yelping happily.

"Hello, beautiful!" She cooed happily, scooping the puppy up in her arms. "And who are you my lovely?" She asked, having not seen the dog in the castle before. Gwen and Lancelot entered shortly after; Gwen clutching her four month old bump.

"Oh, she's ours," Merlin said from the other side of the room.

"'Ours'?" Morgana asked, slightly amused.

"Woah, there is no 'ours'!" Arthur emphasized, making Morgana laugh.

"Oh, I see what's going on here," she smirked. "You can't have one of your own, so you thought you'd adopt. Although, boys I would normally go for someone of the same _species_."

"Very funny, Morgana," Arthur grumbled. Even Gwen and Lancelot giggled at this comment. Lucky jumped out of Morgana's arms and ran over to Merlin who had prepared her feed for her. He tapped his thighs and called her over, and she jumped eagerly onto her master.

Merlin had a bowel of specially enchanted milk that she drank. It took him three days of worry to realise that she wouldn't drink ordinary milk from the kitchens and he had to enchant it himself so she would eat. However, she only ever ate from his lap, not that he minded.

"Oh, Lance, isn't that the _sweetest_ thing you've ever seen!" Morgana squealed as she saw Lucky drink from Merlin's lap. He nodded in agreement and laughed. Once Lucky had eaten, Merlin carried her over to the bed where the others were sitting and she soon fell asleep by his legs, snuggling close.

Morgana poured some mead into the jugs that they had with them, avoiding Gwen's out of necessity and Merlin's on request (because he had very important framing to do the next day) and raised her own.

"He's to King Arthur," she said. "May he always be as amazing as he was today." And with that, they all banged their mugs together. Arthur, however, banged his with less enthusiasm as the others, but it wasn't till they started drinking that they noticed this.

"Arthur, have another," Morgana encouraged, nudging him with the bottle. He shook his head.

"I can't," he said. "Not while that little girl is shivering, scared in my dungeons." Even in her tipsy state, Morgana's eyes softened and she looked at Arthur with true admiration.

"I'm sure she's fine," she assured her brother.

"No she isn't. You know she isn't. You should have seen her face... she looked so scared," he said, reminiscing that awful morning. "I'm going to go see her," he said, getting up and grabbing the nearby blanket with him.

"You're what?" Morgana and Gwen exclaimed in unison.

"I need to see she's ok," he said. "I feel responsible for her."

"Arthur, you can't. You're the King, people will talk," Morgana reminded him.

"Then let them talk!" He retorted passionately. "She's scared and alone down there, and I feel like I'm the only one who cares."

"Of course I care, Arthur," she assured him. "But I'm thinking of you. Perhaps I should go see her if it means that much to you?" He shook his head.

"No, I feel like I need to see her myself." He then turned his head to Morgana and said, "Thank you."

Before the others could do anything more to talk him out of going, Arthur left his chambers and made his way to the dungeons, clutching the blanket nervously.

Once he had reached his destination, he was pleased to find that the guards had conveniently fallen asleep on the job, and for once, he wasn't angry with them.

He quickly found Iseault's cell and was glad to find her still awake. After all, who could fall asleep in here? He himself had had the experience of living in the cells for a week.

She jumped to her feet, despite her obvious fatigue and gave a slight bow as he approached the bars.

"Don't be afraid Iseult," he soothed her. "I'm not here to hurt you." The calming tone to his voice seemed to relax her, and she approached the bars hesitantly with hope in her eyes that Arthur would be as nice to her as he was earlier.

"I brought you something," he said, showing her his old blanket. "I know it's not much, but... I didn't want people to get suspicious." She nodded gratefully and took the blanket from him, wrapping it around her small shoulders. She must have been freezing in her worn clothing.

He wasn't exactly sure what he wanted from her, so he simply asked, "How are you feeling?" She seemed to be so shocked from this behaviour of her King, that she remained silent for a moment, before answering.

"Well, thank you. They, um... they... they fed me well..." she told him.

"I'm pleased..." he said with a smile "I only came to make sure you were comfortable." She looked at him hopefully, with doubt on her face.

"Am I going to die?" He swore that his heart stopped for a second, but he answered in a strangled voice.

"No, I promise. You're going to get out of here tomorrow, I swear."

"I'm not bad," she said.

"I know. It's ok Iseult, I know you have magic." She jumped out of her skin at this statement and almost ran to the back of the cell.

"No, no, no, it's ok, it's ok, you're safe here, I swear. We're not going to kill you, because things are going to change, Iseult, they will." The girl edged her way nearer the bars again and listened to Arthur.

"Do you remember when my father was King, and he punished the people who used magic?" Iseult nodded silently and let Arthur continue. "Well, things are going to be different now, because I'm King and do you want to know what I think?"

"What?" she asked.

"I don't think magic is all that bad." He smiled at her reaction, which was a sparkle of the eyes. "I don't think magic is bad, Iseult, just like you."

"My magic can help my family and the people in my village," she told him.

"I know," he said.

"Sire..."

"Yes, Iseult?"

"If magic isn't bad in this Kingdom any more... then why am I here?" She asked in a tearful voice. And then Arthur realised that of course it wouldn't make any sense to her why she was locked up in his cells.

"Because my people don't know that I like magic, Iseult. I have to tell them slowly. You understand?" She nodded with true sincerity in her manner.

"Thank you," she said tearfully.

"What for?"

"For coming to see me... for everything you've done... no stranger I've ever met has been this kind to me, least of all a King." Arthur took pity on her, wondering how much cruelty she had in fact endured before she ended up in his dungeons.

"Why are you doing all of this for me?" She asked, not fully understanding it herself. Arthur shrugged.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I didn't like seeing you scared or crying." Iseult smiled her beaming smile and then, as if it were something she was meant to remember, reached into some compartment of her torn dress and revealed Arthur's silk handkerchief. She made a gesture as if to give it him through the bars, but he put his hand out.

"Keep it," he said. "You never know when you might need it again... perhaps... perhaps you want to sell it, I... I don't know who'd want a hanky, but..."

"I'll never sell it," she said with tears in her eyes as she gazed at Arthur. He smiled tenderly at her.

"You're going to be all right tomorrow, I promise. So you can get some sleep, ok? You need to be well rested." She nodded and began to move away from the bars.

"Sire," she said, stopping him as he began to walk away. "Just so you know... I never broke your law."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... I never used magic here in Camelot. I've been a good citizen and I never broke the law. My mama told me not to because she said that the King would be angry with me..."

"You mean you never started a fire with your eyes?" He asked. "Why did you not tell us before?"

"No one would have believed me. There was a 'witness' to prove my guilt." She rolled her eyes at the word 'witness', striking curiosity in Arthur.

"You know the man?" He asked.

"I only saw him a few times. He came to the house and demanded money from my parents, but they couldn't give him any. Then, the next time I saw him was in the Great Hall," she explained, not realising that she had just conjured her own salvation.

"Iseult... _thank you_ for telling me this!" Arthur exclaimed with joy, almost jumping on the spot.

"Your Grace?" She asked, confused by his behaviour.

"I'll see you in the morning," he assured her. "Get some sleep, and trust me."

He didn't wait for her reply, and instead, ran out of the dungeons and up to his chambers to tell Merlin about his plan.

* * *


	24. Trials

"So you're saying that she was framed?" Merlin asked later that night after Morgana and the others had left.

"That's exactly what I'm saying! She told me herself that this man had a grudge against her parents over a money dispute. It only makes sense that he would try to get his own back on them this way."

"Perhaps, but... we don't know if she's telling the truth, Arthur, she may just be saying this to make sure of the fact that she won't be executed," Merlin reminded him.

"Merlin, I trust her. Really I do," Arthur said.

"I know you do, Arthur, and I trust your judgement, but we can't go accusing the guy of slander on the word of the accused."

"I see your point," he said reluctantly. "We need to find proof that he was lying. We need to visit Iseult's parents."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Merlin asked "That may arouse suspicion."

"And releasing her as innocent with no proof won't?"

"Good point," he admitted.

"We haven't got much time," Arthur said. "We have to go now."

* * *

After finding out where Iseult lived, Arthur and Merlin were relieved to find out that her home was not far from Gwen's old house, which was a mere ten minutes walk from the palace. Arthur wrapped his teal clock around him to make him look as inconspicuous as possible, even if it was the dead of night.

Once they had reached the house, Merlin knocked on the door, and a woman. From her eyes and the look on her face, it was obvious that she had been crying. She must have been Iseult's mother then, Arthur concluded.

Her tears ceased, however, when she saw who was standing in front of her, and she immediately fell several feet in front of Arthur in a deep curtsey.

"Your Grace!" she said, so shocked that she couldn't look up.

"Please, this is not an official visit," he assured, her, ushering the woman to her feet. "I have come to help you," he said. "It is about your daughter- may I come in?" The woman just nodded, dumb with awe and shock that the King of Camelot was standing at her doorway.

Merlin and Arthur walked in quickly and the three of them just stood in silence while the mother just stared at her King, completely unable to form any words. Partly because of the tears she had been crying before they walked in, but partly because of Arthur's mere presence in her home.

"Who is it Bragnae?" A male voice called from another room. He soon came into the room and dropped the towel he was holding, too falling on his knees in front of the King.

"Your Majesty, we beg for your mercy, please do not arrest us, our girl never did anything wrong, we swear, she knows nothing of magic," the man pleaded.

Arthur helped the man to his feet and said, "I am not here to arrest you, I promise."

"He said he was here about Iseult," the man's wife spoke up for the first time since Arthur had entered the house.

"It's true," Arthur said "I do not wish to see your daughter die, and I will do anything it takes to see her freed. But I need your help," he said. It seemed that the couple did not hear anything of what he had said past the first sentence, and both began to cry uncontrollably in happiness. Merlin now walked up to them and put an arm around the woman to cease her crying so they could actually help Iseult.

"How can we ever thank you sire?" The woman asked.

"Seeing your daughter home and safe will be thanks enough," he assured them. "I need you to tell me about the man that accused her of witchcraft. He came to the court, accusing Iseult of lighting a fire."

"That's nonsense, nor we or anyone in this family know anything of magic," the man said quickly in his defence.

"You don't need to lie to me," Arthur assured them "I know you're druids." He swore that at the sound of those words, the couple's life flashed before their eyes and they gripped each other in fear.

"Do not fear; I have no intention of arresting you. You will understand, soon enough, as will the rest of the Kingdom, that I have no fear of druids. That is why I do not want Iseult to die." The woman's eyes filled with tears and she was struck dumb again.

It was her husband who could find the words to ask,"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you... help people like us?" he asked.

"Because I care about you," Arthur said simply, as if it were so obvious. This seemed to confuse the couple even more.

"But sire, you've only just met us... and Iseult... you only met her... yesterday..."

"You are loyal citizens of my Kingdom, sorcerers or no, and I, therefore, care about you as if you were my own children. That is the way we are going to live in this Kingdom from now on, I promise. Things are going to be different. You'll see."

The couple had stopped crying by now, but had such happiness and joy in their eyes that the smiles could not be wiped off their faces for anything. It was as if a huge weighed had been removed from their shoulders, now that their secret had been exposed and would do them no harm.

"How can we help save our daughter?" The man asked.

"The man that accused Iseult... she told me that your family has had dealings with him in the past- over money, is that right?"Arthur asked.

"That's right... he... he's a family member of someone we owed a little money to a _long_ time ago. The person died of old age, and we assumed that the debt would be forgotten, but then Melot showed up demanding the rest of the money, that he claimed was now owed to him," the mother explained. "But we could no longer afford to pay him, what with the birth of our youngest son at the time. That was three years ago, and he hasn't stopped harassing us since," she said solemnly.

"But what would he have against Iseult?" Merlin asked.

"Well, there was a time, a year ago, when Melot agreed to forget the debt and the money if we offered him Iseult as a wife. Naturally, we turned him down without question, telling him that we wanted to wait till she was fifteen to have her married, and that she would not be married to a man so old."

Arthur's face crinkled in disgust at the thought of that poor little girl being handed over to the man that he had met earlier that morning.

"After that, we didn't see him for a long while, but he swore that he would have his revenge on this family. We never thought he would act on it," she admitted.

"And you think that this man, this... Melot would go to such extremes as to frame Iseult for sorcery? Surely he knew that she would be arrested and killed for this?" Merlin asked in disbelief.

"I wouldn't put it past him," the man answered. "He never said so, but he always hinted that he would expose our secret if we didn't do as he said. It was shortly before the marriage quarrel that he discovered that our family had magic..." he said hesitantly, still feeling uncomfortable with talking about magic so freely to the King. The fear was still there, no matter what he had just said. "... He saw Brandon, my other young son, using magic spontaneously. That happens when you are a young druid, your magic often controls you," he explained. Merlin immediately thought of Morgana and how she had been controlled by her magic on many occasions and how scared she had been.

"So you believe that Melot is lying?" Iseult's mother asked.

"That is what Iseult told me," Arthur said.

"Iseult spoke to you?" She asked in shock.

"Yes," Arthur said "I went to visit her in the dungeons earlier. She swore to me that she had never used magic in Camelot, even though she was a druid. And then she mentioned your little 'friend'."

"She speaks the truth," her father said. "She has never once used magic here in Camelot."

"I know," he assured him. "I believe her. I need to know if you will be willing to appear on the witness stand and say that this man has been blackmailing you and is therefore likely to be lying."

"Of course sire, anything we can do to save Iseult, we will do," the mother said happily. Arthur nodded, content that he could do no more at the moment.

He smiled once more at the couple and said, "I must go. The trial will be at noon tomorrow. You will come to the palace before then and announce yourselves as Iseult's parents and I will come to you, ok?" They both nodded in agreement and Arthur headed for the door.

"Your Grace?" The mother said, making Arthur stop just before he left. "Just so you know... we've never known a man like you, let alone a King... and if we may be so bold... we believe you to be ten times the King that your father ever was, God rest his soul." Arthur smiled at the couple, despite the obvious twitch he felt at the mention of his father. It still caused him pain, even if it was small, and easy to mask.

"Thank you," he said honestly. "I Promise you that things will change here in Camelot and we will live in peace soon enough."

The couple smiled at him and he and Merlin left, heading back towards the castle.

"I just want to go and see her to tell her that everything will be all right," Arthur told Merlin as they walked back up to the castle.

"Whatever you want, Arthur, I know I can't stop you," he almost laughed, but was secretly so proud of Arthur's noble behaviour. "I'll come with you," he volunteered.

The dungeons were full of snores from the sleeping guards when they arrived, just like the last time Arthur had visited them earlier in the evening. If he wasn't so glad that there would be no interruptions, he would have been bloody angry for his guards sleeping on the job when they should be guarding prisoners.

The two of them made their way to Iseult's cell, only to see her curled up in a ball on the floor, Arthur's blanket wrapped fully around her, so she looked like a little bundle.

"She's asleep," Arthur said. "That's good."

Merlin looked at Arthur and smiled at the way he looked at Iseult.

"I've never seen you like this before, you know," he said.

"What do you mean?" Arthur asked.

"So... sensitive... so... paternal almost. It's really lovely to watch actually."

"Well... I... I feel like I need to protect her. I know that I've only just met her, but I don't want to see any harm come to her."

Merlin understood Arthur's feelings completely, because it was the same way that he had felt when he had first met Freya. He would have done anything to keep her from harm. And although Arthur's feelings towards Iseult were, obviously, different to what Merlin felt towards Freya, the protective instinct was the same.

"Do you think she's warm enough?" Arthur asked.

"I think so. She's wrapped up like a cocoon in that thing," he smiled. Arthur smiled too, and began to turn back, Merlin following.

"We should turn in," he said. "We have a long day tomorrow."

* * *

The morning came almost too quickly for Arthur's liking, especially since he'd had a couple of drinks with Morgana and the others the previous night, and just the general emotional day had taken its toll of Arthur, and he was exhausted.

Nevertheless, he trudged out of bed, leaving the waking of Merlin to Lucky, which earned her a frustrated moan from the warlock.

Arthur laughed from where he was standing and looked down at the empty washbowl in front of him.

"Merlin, can I have some water, love?" The warlock huffed and muttered something, before the bowl was full of fresh, warm water, in which Arthur began to wash.

"Are you nervous?" Merlin asked, now sitting up and stroking Lucky in his arms. Arthur looked round and smiled nervously.

"A little," he admitted. "But I think everything is going to be ok."

"It will," Merlin assured him "I trust you."

* * *

"Before we proceed, there are a couple of witnesses that have come forward in defence of the druid girl," Arthur said loudly in front of the court that morning. Iseult had already given her statement to the court and had been taken back down to the dungeons. Her parents, now shaking like a pair of leaves, sat in front of the court, ready to give their statements.

"These are the parents of the druid girl," Arthur announced, not bothering to mention Iseault's name. They weren't interested, and besides, it may look suspicious if he approached her with such intimacy.

"And can we please have the accuser come forward." The man, whom Iseault's mother had named at Melot, came and stood before the court, as did her parents. He noticed her mother's eyes turn scornful when she saw the man who had framed her daughter.

"What have you to say, man?" Arthur asked, trying to keep his voice as authoritarian as possible, even though he felt utterly terrified for the outcome of what would happen, and even more so, Iseult's life. If anything would happen to her, Arthur was sure that he would never forgive himself as long as he lived.

He was so wrapped up in his own guilt, that Arthur didn't even realise the man had started to speak,

"... and then she lit the fire without touching it. Just with her eyes, and she started warming herself up by it, That's what I saw." Arthur had to fight the urge so hard to kick Melot's lights out for the lies he was telling. He didn't understand why someone would actually go to the lengths of killing someone (because he couldn't find a better alternative for what the guy was doing) just to settle an old economic or social feud. It was positively barbaric.

But if Arthur was to succeed in winning the people over to his verdict, he had to remain calm. Inside, there was still the remaining guilt that he was in a sense 'tricking' his people by already having made up his mind before Iseult was to be tried- it was the very thing he had despised his father doing during his reign. But he was also aware that he was doing it for the good of the Kingdom. It was the only way that he would make the people accept his new laws; slowly and carefully.

"Thank you," Arthur finally said with forced politeness "Can the parents of the druid girl please stand up here."

They did as they were told and the father began to speak. The moment that Melot knew he was 'found out' by the parents, his face went ghost white and this almost made Arthur smile in victory. The parents continued their account of how their daughter had never used magic in Camelot and how Melot had been harassing them for months before this happened. Then, one of the council members spoke up.

"Sire, how can be sure that we can trust these druids- they are the parents of the accused, surely that makes them too biased to give any sort of evidence."

Even though Arthur knew that he was right, he wasn't sure what sort of a comeback to make to that.

"Well... why don't we bring in a secondary witness to confirm their story?" Arthur suggested.

"Shall we postpone the trial?" One asked.

"No, that won't be necessary; I will speak alone with my minister for a moment." He singled subtly for Merlin to come outside with him for a moment, and once they were alone, he asked, "Do you think we can try and get one of their neighbours to come and testify?"

"I suppose... I think it's the only way we'll get them to accept their story," he agreed.

"Right- so can you get them?"

"Sure, I'll just go now, shall I?" He began to walk away, when Arthur grabbed him.

"There must be quicker way," he said.

"Not unless you know how to fly!" Merlin laughed.

"Can't you just... you know... magic them here?" He asked, making sure to mention 'the word' as quietly as possible.

"Oh yeah, because _that's_ not going to look suspicious!" He rolled his eyes. Sometimes Arthur really didn't think logically.

"Ok, fine. But get someone else to fetch them."

"Why?" He asked, confused.

"Because, _Merlin_ , when are you going to remember that you are my advisor now, not my manservant," he reminded him. "You can't just go running errands for me across the city!" Merlin smirked "What is it, you imbecile?"

"It's just that I never thought I'd hear you telling me off for _wanting_ todo your donkey work," he said cheekily. Too cheekily for Arthur's liking and he pinched Merlin's ear.

"Bloody ow!" He complained a little loudly.

"Shh!" Arthur told him, not wanting the people in the court room to hear their King bickering with Merlin.

Merlin pinched him hard, retorting, " _You_ bloody shush!" Arthur shoved him with his arm.

"You-" And then he stopped, because he realised that he and Merlin were not alone in their chambers, at liberty to have a scarp and wrestle on the floor like two little boys, and that there was a trial going on behind the doors!

Merlin seemed to realise the same thing and both he and Arthur looked at each other, bursting into fits of giggles, soon ceasing, however, when Arthur began to feel guilty about this.

"Just get on with it you fool!" Arthur waved his hand and Merlin smiled, running off to fulfil his errand.

* * *

Merlin, obviously, had no expectation when sending for Iseult's neighbours to come to the palace, and they were probably scared out of their wits, that _they_ were going to be put on trial for magic- that Iseult, in her fear and possible delirium, had named them as sorcerers to save her life (she was only a young girl, after all).

It wasn't until they were brought to Merlin, were they explained to why they were actually there, and it turned out far better than any of them had planned. Apparently, the young couple themselves had had some dealings with Melot, many years ago, and they often saw him coming round Iseault's house and heard him threatening her parents.

"Why did you never tell anyone about this?" The judge asked when the couple told him their story. Merlin could see that they were trying not to look at each other, which confirmed that they did, in fact, know about Iseault's powers and were trying to keep them a secret.

"We didn't think anyone would believe us, My Lord," they said eventually, trying not to let the length of the silence fall under the category of suspicion.

The judge seemed to buy their 'excuse' and flicked through some pieces of parchment that were lying in front of him. Out of the corner of his eye, Merlin noticed Melot sitting noticeably nervous in his seat, and Merlin grinned in triumph, believing he deserved it.

"How do you answer to these accusations?" The judge asked him.

"My Lord, they are bizarre," he answered (obviously). "If I may be so bold, these people have obviously invented these vicious lies in the hope that it may prove the girl innocent. They are her neighbours, after all, and very close."

The judge nodded, as though he had considered that possibility, but not really put it into questioning as of yet.

"Can you produce no reliable witness?" The judge asked Iseult, who was trembling by now.

"My Lord," Arthur interrupted, angry that the judge was questioning Iseult in this way, who was obviously terrified and could give no answer. "That will not be necessary, look at the girl, she is obviously distressed."

He bowed his head ever so slightly in respect and said, "Your Grace, if I may, if we cannot produce evidence of this girl's innocence, then you have a duty to proclaim her guilty."

Arthur stayed silent for a moment, as if he'd only just realised that the decision did in fact rest with him, but he said, "Indeed I do," which made Merlin's breath hitch in his throat and he swore he saw Iseult's life flash before her tired eyes. But then Arthur continued. "As do I have a duty and a right to proclaim someone innocent if there is no evidence against them." And Merlin sighed in relief. He was sure Arthur knew what he was doing.

"My Lord, the witness..."

"It is possible that the standards of my Kingdom have fallen so that we are assuming the guilt of a fifteen year old girl, who has been accused by a source whom we cannot prove reliable?" Arthur now addressed the court, his authoritarian voice echoing around the room. He spoke with authority, but not with anger.

Not yet, anyway. He spoke as one would to his child, urging them to understand that they have done something wrong. It was a soothing tone, but full of passion for the situation in which he had immersed his emotions into without a thought.

"This girl," he continued "Has been classed a traitor from the moment she stepped into this castle, even though we have produced four witnesses that confirmed the lies of this man," he said pointing to Melot. "Who has shamed himself by blackmailing a young girl's family into marriage and debt. And _this_ is the word that we choose to believe?" He asked, almost in disgust. "Have I missed a point in history when my people judged so wrongly? And without a fair chance? And without justice?"

Merlin swore that the people's eyes in the room were staring up at Arthur as though they were witnessing a historical event. In many ways, they were. This was Arthur's own way of reminding the people that things were going to change. That, unlike Uther's reign, justice would be upheld.

And he could tell that Arthur was angry now. Angry because of the monsters that he saw before him in the court.

"It seems that we live in a time where it is necessary to hold a full criminal trial against a young girl, based on a rumour?" And the guilt could be physically _felt_ in the room. It spread like butter on bread and Arthur finally felt the smallest hint that he was getting through to them.

"What I have witnessed here today... the hate and prejudice that I have seen today, is not the kind of Camelot I wish to rule and live in." He turned around to Iseult, who was silently crying in her seat; both with fear and love.

"I declare Iseult, the druid girl innocent of all charges pressed against her!" Iseult's tears were unstoppable, even though they were silent, and she felt like she wanted to run out of her seat and hug Arthur for all he was worth, but the shackles around her wrists that were secured to her table prevented her from standing up.

"Release her," Arthur said to the guard, sternly. The look on his face said that making him take 'no' for an answer would be a _very_ bad idea, and the man did as he was told, allowing Iseult to run into her mother's arms, crying.

Arthur wanted to smile at what he saw. But he couldn't. He was so angry, he couldn't do anything accept walk straight out of the room, leaving a perplexed and amazed crowd behind him.

* * *

Later, Arthur sat alone in his chambers, crying into his hands. He should feel victorious and happy that he had managed to save Iseult. But he was ashamed. He wondered how he had never seen the prejudice among his people, right under his nose. How he had never done anything to stop it? And perhaps his people were just as much to blame as his father?

And that made him feel sick.

And perhaps _he_ was just as guilty as his father for never stopping any of it.

And that made him feel even sicker.

But it didn't last, because even in his state of depression, when Merlin walked in, his red, puffy eyes narrowed as he smiled weakly, trying to sit up.

Merlin looked at him sympathetically, but didn't enter the room, and simply said, "Um... she... she asked if she could see you?" Merlin said hesitantly, not sure of Arthur's answer.

He was surprised that Merlin thought he would mind at all, and he himself felt guilty for just walking out of the courtroom. He told Merlin to send her in, and she came, hesitantly, even more so when Merlin left, leaving the two of them alone.

Of course, she had been alone with Arthur when she was locked in the dungeons, but it had been Arthur who was out of place, visiting a druid in the cells. The bars provided a safe distance between them, even if not an emotional one. But here, it was she who felt nervous and scared, and hesitant about approaching her King in his splendid chambers.

She couldn't help but take a moment to look round the room, having obviously never witnessed a space so regal and lavish. It was Arthur who spoke up first.

"I'm sorry, I should have made sure you were all right," he said with guilt. Iseult shook her head.

"You don't have a duty to see to it that a prisoner is safe, My Lord," she said, finally remembering to curtsey. "I only wanted to see you so I could thank you," she said "I... I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't of..."

After a moment, Arthur said softly, "You're welcome," and she smiled a beaming bright smile, daring to walk closer.

She even dared to ask, "Why are you crying?" And her tone was full of such concern that it even touched Arthur a little.

But, being Arthur, he said, "I'm not," despite his eyes welling up again at Iseult's emotional state just minutes ago. She didn't bother to press the matter further, as even she knew her place, and also knew what men were like and they did not want to ever talk about their feelings, especially to complete strangers. And Arthur felt more shame than ever at the fact that he was _crying_ in front of Iseult. Although he was certain that she would never judge him, he still couldn't believe that he had broken this one rule. It seemed that every situation took its toll, even for a King.

Iseult walked a little nearer to him, and it wasn't until then that he noticed she was holding the silk handkerchief that he'd given her the night before. He smiled a bittersweet smile, realising the irony of the situation as she extended her arm to give it to him.

"You never know when you might need it again," she said, repeating Arthur's very words to her, and then said, "You need it more than I do."

At this, Arthur let out a short huff that was a sweet laugh as he took the handkerchief to wipe his eyes, no longer minding the presence of another person.

"Thank you," he said sincerely, and in that moment, Iseult lost all sense of who Arthur actually was, and threw her arms around him happily, hugging him tight.

If Arthur was shocked at all, it was only for a moment, and such a short moment, in fact, that it wasn't even worth noting down in his mind, because he felt happy like this. It felt right, even though he was King and she a commoner. Even if he never spoke to Iseult again, he would surely remember this moment.

When they broke apart, Arthur smiled and went over to his desk where there was a tiny box in which he had hidden, a long time ago, Morgana's necklace, just to spite her. It wasn't vicious, really, seeing as Morgana had never really liked it, and only wore it out of curtsey, occasionally, because Uther had had it made for her, but it wasn't as if she'd miss it.

He came back over to Iseult and handed her the necklace, which had the Pendragon seal engraved on it.

"Sire... I can't!" She protested, but Arthur had been prepared for this, and merely shushed her until she stopped gibbering.

"I would really like you to have it," he said "So you'll always remember that you're safe here." She fell silent as she looked at him with gratitude and put the chain round her small neck.

"I promise I'll wear it all the time," she said, making Arthur chuckle. She curtseyed once more and turned to leave the room.

And after she left, Merlin walked back in, with that silly, silly smile on his face. And Arthur thought that maybe, just maybe, everything would turn out all right.

* * *


	25. Romalia

"Arthur, it's been two weeks since you've held a council, I really think you should just clear the air!" Merlin told him.

"And what if I don't want to? What if I just want to sit here and mope?" Merlin sighed, knowing one of Arthur's moods when he saw one, and decided not to press the subject further, even though both of them knew he was right.

Despite Arthur constantly reminding him that the warlock was now technically a 'Lord' and had no business cleaning up after him, Merlin had always found it hard to get rid of old habits, and soon found himself picking up Arthur's dirty washing off the floor while he sat, brooding in his chair.

He found it ironic that an activity he would have done anything _not_ to have to perform before was something he didn't at all mind doing now. It was almost like going back to the way things were. But he much preferred his life with Arthur now- safer and free of lies, even if they both knew they couldn't be intimate with each other in the public eye. Merlin knew that Arthur was deeply hurt by this obvious fact, but Merlin tried his best to more than make up for it behind closed doors.

Arthur looked up for the first time in a few minutes, not only because he was making a rather unattractive mark on his hand from where he had been leaning, but also, he noticed that Merlin seemed rather hurt by his outburst.

"Sorry," he mumbled, but with true sincerity. Merlin turned around to smile at him.

"It's all right," he said sweetly. But, being Merlin, he couldn't resist a continuation. "You're just stressed," he commented, continuing with cleaning up. "You're overtired. Feeling a little sensitive."

Now he was just being patronising, thought Arthur, but he actually laughed out loud when Merlin said, "Nothing that a good wank won't sort out."

"You know for an advisor, you're full of pretty crappy advise," Arthur told him with a smile. "Come here, I need cheering up." He held out his arms to encourage Merlin to him. The young warlock rolled his eyes.

"Arthur, I'm not really in the mood, and anyway, but knees ache," he wined, causing Arthur to roll his own eyes.

"Always a dirty mind, Merlin, honestly!" He rebuked him. "I just want to sit with you."

Merlin smiled at that, and came over, preparing to pull up a chair next to Arthur, but the King was having none of it, and grabbed Merlin by the waist as he walked passed him, hurling him (quite elegantly actually) into his lap, receiving a startled laugh from Merlin as he kissed his forehead.

He manoeuvred Merlin so his head was tucked under his chin, trying to get as close to him as possible.

"Now you're going to stay like this," Arthur told him, insisting rather, like a small child would insist on something they wanted. Merlin laughed, and tried to free himself, just to see how Arthur would react, and he pulled him closer, saying, "Stay."

"Arthur, I can't stay like this all morning, we have work to do," he tried.

"Don't care," Arthur muttered into Merlin's hair. He smiled, but poked the arm that was holding him, looking up to realise that Arthur had closed his eyes and rested his cheek against the top of Merlin's head.

"Arthur..." he began, but Arthur soon stopped him by placing a hand gently over his mouth without opening his eyes and muttered.

"Shush. We're sleeping." Merlin tried to fight the urge to giggle like a little girl, because that's how Arthur made him feel sometimes. They had to remind themselves that they were adults- on a daily basis, and not only adults, but a King and a Lord, instead of wrestling buddies. Arthur always won, of course, unless Merlin used his magic, but he hardly ever did.

"We're not sleeping, we're working," he corrected him, even though he was no nearer to freeing himself from Arthur's arms, which had no intention of letting him go any time soon. He felt Arthur relax his arms, and he really believed that any longer, and Arthur may actually go to sleep in the chair!

And then Merlin had the greatest idea ever! So great, in fact, that he even commended himself inwardly for the thought, before clearing his throat and calling loudly, "Lucky! Here girl, come to Daddy!"

Arthur groaned loudly as Lucky came running in from where she had been playing in the antechamber. Arthur had banished her to sleep there ever since she had taken to snuggling next to him in bed, and only let her sleep in bed with them when he was in a _very_ good mood.

The moment her yelps could be heard in the room, Arthur stood up, almost knocking Merlin onto the floor, laughing. He welcomed Lucky into his arms, still lying on the floor and slowly sat up, scratching her.

"You did that on purpose," Arthur accused him with an exaggerated scowl. Merlin tried to look as innocent as possible.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean My Lord," he said, trying not to laugh. Lucky, although enjoying Merlin's attentions, seemed to want to play with Arthur soon after, trying to wriggle out of Merlin's arms.

"Stay, Lu," he told her. "I don't think Daddy wants to play right now." This seemed to calm her for the time being, and she relaxed again in his lap.

"Why so glum then, darling?" Merlin asked, still sitting cross legged on the floor while Arthur paced.

"I just have a lot on my mind," he said.

"Is this about the trial?" Merlin asked hesitantly. He didn't want to upset Arthur any more. "Because for what it's worth, I think you were amazing," he admitted.

"What does that matter?" Arthur said lowly. "When half the people in my Kingdom don't even _want_ to see change?"

And then the penny dropped and everything became perfectly clear.

"Arthur..." he started, but Arthur started talking again, and Merlin realised that he didn't actually want advice. This was one of those moments when someone just wanted to be listened to. To monologue and get all their emotions out all at once. So Merlin just sat with Lucky and they both listened patiently.

"I mean, how can I change the way things are done around here, when half the people in the Kingdom are too scared of change, and think it may be just a ... trick to get them all rounded up and arrested, and the other half have been so well trained that they don't actually _want_ things to change!" Arthur just paced the room and spoke as if to himself. But Lucky seemed to bore of sitting still once again and hopped off Merlin's lap and skipped over to Arthur before Merlin had a chance to grab her.

"Lu!" He half-whispered, not wanting to annoy Arthur any more. But even as she scrabbled about the bottom of Arthur's feet, he just carried on talking.

"I mean, why did I think I could ever be a good King? How can I keep half the people happy and the other half unhappy? It doesn't make sense, and also..." But Merlin had also stopped listening, because he was staring in shock at the scene before him.

It seemed that in his moment of agitation, Arthur hadn't even noticed that he'd let his arms fall to pick Lucky up in his arms, and he started mindlessly stroking her fur as he spoke.

It was crazy! Merlin had never seen anything like it before, and he was sure that if Arthur knew what he was actually doing, he would drop Lucky at once. That's kind of what Merlin feared the most.

"What is it?" Arthur asked, confused by Merlin's amazed expression. He motioned towards Arthur's hands that seemed to be subconsciously preoccupied with Lucky's ears, and Arthur looked down, only then realising what he was doing.

He groaned in embarrassment, but instead of dropping her like Merlin had predicted, Arthur elevated Lucky so she was level with his face, her legs hanging down.

"You," he told her to her face, sternly, but almost half-softly. "You are completely, completely ridiculous," he said. "And you plague every single day of my life," he even let out a short little laugh at that. "Just like him over there," he motioned with his head towards Merlin, who simply smiled. Lucky didn't seem offended by this, and dared to give Arthur the quickest of licks on the nose, making him huff slightly, before bringing her down again to simply hold her. He didn't stroke this time (because that would be ridiculous!)

"Anyway, if I hold a council meeting, Merlin, I'll only hear what I've heard a million times before," he said. Merlin knew full well what that something was.

"Arthur, have you considered that maybe it's time _not_ to run from it?" He asked, noticing that Arthur was now avoiding his gaze "You can't avoid the subject forever. You know that you have to marry sooner or later," Merlin said sternly.

"I can't!" Arthur said, almost the faintest cry in his voice "Merlin, do you have any idea how much it would hurt me to do that to you?" He asked, now looking at him.

"Do you have any idea how much it hurts me to watch you ruin all that you've worked for so far?" he demanded. "Arthur, if you do not marry and produce an heir, then you might as well not bother fixing this Kingdom, because it will fall apart the moment you die, anyway."

Arthur actually looked a little surprised at that thought, as if he hadn't really considered it before. But he pushed it from his mind almost forcefully, not wishing to discuss it any further. When he said this, Merlin just sighed.

"Arthur..." he started, but the King interrupted him.

"Merlin, please don't do this to me. Please, not today, just... just not today, ok?" Arthur was genuinely distressed over this and Merlin could tell, so he didn't say any more, even though he knew they would have to discuss it some other time.

The conversation was brought to a complete halt when Morgana knocked on the door and entered without so much as an invitation to do so. They didn't mind.

She opened her mouth and then closed it, screwing up her face slightly at the odd arrangement before her- Merlin on the floor, Arthur pacing and Lucky sitting in his arms.

"Um... sorry to interrupt this... interesting ordeal, but Arthur, don't you have to be preparing for training with your knights?" She asked.

Arthur suddenly seemed to spring back to life and swore, realising he had totally forgotten.

"Do you want me to get you ready?" Merlin asked, getting up.

"No, it's ok," Arthur said, leaving the room "I'll get one of the squires to do it."

Merlin nodded and gave Arthur a smile to tell him that everything would be ok.

When he left, Merlin looked at Morgana and asked her if she wanted to sit down.

She sat on the bed willingly, and smiled when Lucky ran into her arms, feeling quite lonely and abandoned by Arthur on the floor.

"Steady Lu," she soothed her. "Don't want to get my dress all messy, do we?" she teased. Lucky sniffed and eventually calmed down in Morgana's arms.

"I'm worried about Arthur," Merlin said outright. There was no point in sugar coating the topic. Morgana sighed.

"I know you are," she said, knowing full well what this was about. It was all Merlin thought about ever since Arthur's coronation.

"He's as stubborn as an old mule, and that really worries me. He's going to work so hard to change this Kingdom for the better, and for what? So that civil war will break out when there is no heir to take the throne?" he asked.

Morgana looked more than slightly confused and said, "I don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"How you can be so... indifferent to all this... so objective. How can you manage to persuade Arthur to marry- actually _persuade_ him," she emphasized. "Of course, I know it's necessary and I'm glad you're doing it, but I don't see how you can."

Merlin looked as if he had seriously wanted to avoid this sort of discussion. The topic was meant to focus on Arthur, not himself. But, nevertheless, he answered, "I'm doing it for him."

Morgana shook her head as if she didn't completely understand.

Merlin explained, "Unlike Arthur, I actually try to look to the future. He may be a great King, but he's very narrow-minded. That's why I lied to him about Morgause and his mother. I _knew_ that if Arthur had killed Uther, he would have regretted it for the rest of his days. I'm doing the same for him now. I know how much he loves this Kingdom, because I know him. He may think that this is what he wants now, but come thirty years time when he's watching all he loves fall apart in front of his eyes... it'll destroy him. It'll break his heart, and he'll blame himself. I want to spare him that any way I can. Even if it means giving him up." He finished his explanation with a lower voice than intended. He kept it that way for fear that a more normal tone would threaten tears at the reality of the situation.

Morgana herself seemed on the verge of tears herself after Merlin's words, and all she could say was, "You would do that? For him?" It was incredible. She had never known someone as selfless as Merlin and even after over two years of knowing the warlock, he still sometimes shocked her. "Even if you had to end it? Even if you were to be parted? You would still push him towards marriage to make him happy?" It was almost as if the cogs in her head were working, trying to process this information like some scientific formula. As if she was deciding something by this discovery.

"Yes," Merlin said simply, as if there would never be an alternative, no matter how much it hurt him. He had gone through more pain to do with losing Arthur in the past. One might say that he was almost immune to it.

"I can't believe that," she admitted. "You really do love him, don't you?"

Merlin nodded with a smile, not being able to help himself from smiling whenever anyone spoke about him and Arthur like that. It probably had something to do with the fact that he knew how lucky he was to even be able to call Arthur his lover.

"In that case..." Morgana began, looking like she was delving into the depths of her own mind. "I'll do it," she finally said. Merlin wondered whether he had fallen asleep for a whole section of that conversation, because he didn't have a clue on what Morgana was planning on 'doing'.

"What exactly? I'm afraid you've lost me!" He almost laughed. Morgana did not. Her face was very serious indeed.

"I'll marry him. I'll marry him for you." Merlin actually did laugh that time, but it died down when he saw Morgana's non moved expression.

"Morgana, what happened to the whole conversation we had with Uther?" He asked. "You said you wouldn't marry Arthur, ever."

"Yes, but that was before you told me... this!" She said.

"I still don't follow." Morgana rolled her eyes.

"Merlin, a long time ago, you did something good for me, do you remember? You stopped me from doing a terrible wrong." Merlin did remember. It was what had nearly killed them all.

"Yeah, I remember," he almost mumbled.

"I know that I did wrong, and I know that things... haven't been the same between us since then- no don't argue," she stopped him, noticing that Merlin was preparing to say something, as if to deny.

"And I want to make it right again, I do," she assured him. "This way I can. I can help you and help Arthur and make it up to you and the rest of this Kingdom by giving it a Queen. Think about it Merlin, you know me. Wouldn't it be a lot easier for you and Arthur if you forced him to marry someone you both knew?"

Merlin looked like he was actually considering it, and honestly did think it was a good idea. He would be fooling himself if he said that the thought hadn't entered his mind ever since Uther brought it up on his death bed. But of course he couldn't actually accept this! He couldn't take advantage of Morgana in that way, no matter what she had done in the past.

"No," he said simply.

"Why not! Merlin, it works perfectly! Think about it, do you really want to see some strange noble woman picked from another Kingdom by Arthur's advisers slobbering all over him and marrying him? Would you really want to hear her screaming his name at night?"

Merlin actually shuddered at the thought, but managed to get back to reality to say, "No. I'll manage somehow, but at least I know I won't be taking advantage of you."

"It that what the problem is? Merlin, honey, I _promise_ you that I want this. Me. No one is forcing me into anything. Do you think you could force me into marriage if you tried?" She asked him, raising her eyebrows. Merlin huffed as if to say 'hell no!'

"Well there you go."

"Morgana, it still doesn't make it right!" He said. "Do you even realise what you'd be signing up for? This is living with Arthur we're talking about!"

"You think it would be any different from the way it is now?" she asked him. "That's exactly why it's such a good idea. Nothing would change. And the main aim here is to help you- to spare you the pain of losing Arthur."

"How would you marrying Arthur help me?" Merlin asked. Morgana cocked her head as if to imply 'you do the math'.

"I think you know the answer to that Merlin. You wouldn't be broken apart."

"If you think that I'm going to let... do you think _Arthur_ would allow me into the bed that he'd have you in as if you were just a common whore? He's a man of honour Morgana, and though it might be difficult to believe, I try to be too," Merlin told her.

"Merlin, I am in no way a sensitive damsel that needs to be courted and read poetry and given roses to. Especially not by Arthur. The reason why I want to marry him is not to help myself, but to help you. So why would Arthur having you bother me in the slightest? That's the _point_ ," she emphasized, as if Merlin didn't get it at all!

"Morgana..." he said, trying not to get hopeful about her propositions. They were _not_ going to happen under any circumstances. "I can't believe... but... why would you do that?" He asked, almost mirroring her earlier words to him.

She smiled as if it was obvious.

"Because I love you and I love him and I want you both to be happy. I've put too much work into getting you two together to have it ruined now!" She laughed.

"What do you mean _you_ got us together?" Merlin demanded.

"Well, Gwen might have helped, but..."

"Gwen?" Merlin asked "Have I missed something? How is it down to you two?"

"Well, dummy, who else do you think made Lancelot ride all the way to Ealdor to get you for the wedding so you two stupid clotpoles could get together?" She asked. "It was my idea. We would have gotten you back anyway, but the wedding seemed a perfect excuse to drag you down here," she said, looking very pleased with herself.

"You scheming witches!" Merlin laughed, but gave Morgana a friendly punch in the arm as if to say thank you.

"Have I won the argument then?" She asked.

"Morgana, we can't just make decisions for Arthur and we shouldn't scheme behind his back, he's the one who has to be convinced, not me," Merlin reminded her.

"Tiny, insignificant detail," Morgana told him "What does Arthur have to do with any of this? It's you I have to get on board."

Merlin actually laughed out loud and asked, "Please explain."

"Let me tell you something Merlin," she said. "I don't know if your mother taught you this, but I'll let you in on a well known fact of life. The man, in this case Arthur, may be the head of the house; but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants."

"Are you saying I'm the woman here!" Merlin demanded, with a faked 'hurt' face.

"Well you do bottom for him most of the time, don't you?" Morgana asked casually.

"That's not the point!" Merlin persisted, hating to be outsmarted by Morgana.

"Merlin, let's face it, you control Arthur... in a way, anyway. I can manipulate Arthur into marrying me all I want, but he won't do it unless _you're_ happy," she said.

"How do you know?" Merlin asked.

"Because he drank poison for you," she answered simply.

"You know about that?" Merlin asked hesitantly.

"Of course I do Merlin, I'm Morgana La Fey," she reminded him.

"Oh yes, I forgot, a mind reader as well as a seer," Merlin said sarcastically. "Anyway, I didn't say that I would allow you to this."

"Consider it a wager that you will," Morgana teased him. "Because you love Arthur too much to let him go. You love him more than me, so you'd rather me marry him than him suffer." She put it so truthfully and so bluntly that Merlin felt terribly guilty. Because he knew that he would end up agreeing with it. Because he knew that Morgana was right. He knew that she would be a great Queen and she would work wonders in Camelot and he knew that she and Arthur would get on better than any other woman they would choose for him. And he knew that all three of them would benefit from this arrangement the best. He believed that this was what Morgana really wanted.

"Morgana, are you absolutely certain that this is what you want to do with your life? It's such a huge sacrifice," he reminded her "You'd never be able to marry anyone that you would fall in love with."

"Pff!" She laughed "Who would have me Merlin? I think I'm too much for even the bravest men to handle! No man would offer me marriage. I think Arthur is the best offer I'll get."

"But... it's _you_ that's offering. Surely that doesn't count?" He couldn't help but tease. She waved her hand in the air, princess-like.

"Details, details," she said and smiled afterwards.

"Morgana, I'm sure that there are rows and rows of men just waiting to ask for your hand," Merlin said.

"Name one," she challenged him.

"I'm sure half of Arthur's knights, for one." He had meant it as a joke, but there was something in her eyes that softened, but it wasn't something that he could put his finger on. And then...

"Morgana, are you... are you _blushing_?" He asked, almost too shocked for words.

"Absolutely not!" She said, slightly giddy. Merlin eyed her suspiciously, but she said, "So do I take that as a 'yes'?" Merlin sighed, almost as in defeat and Morgana smiled. "We'll all be happy. Now all you have to do is persuade Arthur," she said, that silly smirk in her eye.

"He's immune to that," Merlin warned her. "I've tried it before to let Lucky sleep with us."

"I'm sure I could... read up on a few tricks for you to use if it would help."

"Morgana!"

"Just suggesting," she defended herself.

"But you know, there is something you could help me with," Merlin said, suddenly remembering.

"What is it?" She asked.

"It's about Arthur's birthday," he said "I haven't got a clue what I can do for him, or even what to buy him. I don't have much money, but... do you know what he might like? I suppose you know more about what he would like as a gift."

Morgana paused for a moment to think.

"Well... you know there is one thing that might be very special for him if you could do it for him and it wouldn't cost any money."

"Really?" He asked "What is it?"

"I know this is going to sound really stupid, but you have to trust me, ok?" Merlin nodded "It's a flower," she said.

"A flower?" Merlin repeated, a little dubious.

"Yes... Gaius mentioned to me once that when Igraine had been alive, her favourite flower was a rare type that only grows a couple of hours ride from Camelot, called Romalia. Apparently it's very beautiful. He used to ride out once a week and bring her back a huge bunch of these and she would decorate the whole castle with them. When she died, Uther, obviously, was distraught, so he apparently used to still hang the flowers around the castle for the first couple of years after her death to try and hang onto her memory.

He said that he used to have Arthur's governess hang the fresh flowers on his crib as a baby so he would somehow feel his mother's presence there. But soon, the pain of her loss became too great for him and he banished any kind of memory of Igraine in the palace. Including the Romalia. Arthur often told me, when he was very drunk of course, that the smell of that flower was one of the only things he remembers from his very early childhood. I think it would really mean a lot to him if you picked him some."

"But... that was _years_ ago Morgana. Are you sure that he won't think I'm treating him like a girl for picking him flowers?" He asked, a little dubious about this.

"You and I both know he's a lot more sensitive than he lets on. Look at what happened with the druid girl. He was looking after her like a mother hen." Merlin nodded in agreement.

"Do you even know where to find this flower?" Merlin asked.

"No, but I could ask Gaius to find me a map. Would that be ok?" she asked.

"That would be great, thanks," he smiled. She smiled back, and flopped backwards onto the bed, exhaling, before sitting up again, putting her arms behind her and placing all her weight on them.

They stayed silent for a moment, before Morgana asked, "Do you think Arthur is still training?"

Merlin looked a little surprised by the question, but answered, "I think so. He's normally a good few hours out on the field."

Morgana nodded thoughtfully and then got up, saying, "I'll... go and get that map, shall I?"

Merlin, although perplexed, said before she left, "Thank you," causing her to turn around and smile, knowing that he meant it for more than just her getting a map for him. And then she left, leaving Merlin very confused as to her sudden disappearance.

* * *

A couple of hours later, Arthur strolled in, sweaty and tired after practise, and flopped down on the newly-made bed. Merlin was sitting at the table, busily writing letters and such- the one side of his new job that he did not like.

"Had fun?" He asked without looking up from his work.

"Ugh!" Arthur moaned and sighed. Merlin whispered something under his breath and a bath full of hot water appeared in Arthur's chambers, and his eyes sparkle at the sight. He got up and began to walk over to it, and Merlin, eyes still on the parchments in front of him, muttered a spell that made Arthur's clothes disappear very handily.

Arthur slid into the water and almost passed out from the relaxation he felt.

"Don't you want to come in too?" He asked.

"I can't, I've got to finish these bloody letters. I already wasted an hour this morning chatting to Morgana."

"Morgana was here?" Arthur asked.

"Yes, after you left, she stayed and kept me company," he said, and Arthur nodded in acknowledgement, though Merlin doubted that he would if he had known the nature of their conversation.

"Have you noticed Morgana acting a little off recently?" Merlin asked finally setting his quill down "It's been bugging me since she left so abruptly earlier on."

"Well..." Arthur began. "If by 'off', you mean taking walks _every_ day, and conveniently taking a route via my training every morning, then yes, I'd say that's rather odd." But Merlin noticed Arthur smirking, and he could tell that there was something he wasn't telling him.

"You know something." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. "Why is she walking past your training? That doesn't make much sense to me."

Arthur grinned.

"It does when you consider _who_ I train with." Merlin still looked confused. "Sir _Leon_ , _Mer_ lin!"

And Merlin's eyes almost widened in realisation as everything became perfectly clear. The blushing, the leaving, the... everything. He wasn't as stupid as everyone made him out to be, after all. Morgana... liked Sir Leon! Or at least she had a fancy for him if she went especially to watch him fight every day.

"Sir Leon? Really?"

"Well I know that he's besotted with her, anyway. All he talks about is how good a dancer she is. It's quite funny, isn't it?" asked Arthur "Oh, by the way, I saw Morgana after training, and she asked me to pass something on to you. I left it over on the bed if you want to take a look." He waved his hand over to the bed and shut his eyes.

Merlin left his work and picked up the parchment that Morgana had given Arthur. It was the map. He grinned from ear to ear at the thought of giving Arthur such a wonderful present.

He tucked it into his pocket discreetly and returned to his desk. Arthur's birthday was tomorrow, so if he left early in the morning, then he would be back for the ball and the flowers would still be fresh. Morgana really did have the best ideas at times!

* * *


	26. Comfort

Merlin woke up the next day a lot earlier than he had expected. Whether this was due to nerves, or a good night's sleep, he didn't know, but upon seeing that Arthur was nowhere to be found in his chambers (probably drilling his knights or engaged in some similar activity) Merlin took the opportunity to study the map Morgana had given him in a little more detail. He hadn't had much of a chance the previous day, what with Arthur skulking around always in his presence.

Only after a closer inspection did he realise that perhaps he didn't have to leave as early in the morning as he thought. The site where the flower grew seemed a lot nearer now that he took a closer look at it. Merlin smiled at this discovery, as it meant that he would have a couple of hours extra to break his fast.

The warlock was soon up, washed (thanks to a little enchanted water) and dressed; making the bed as soon as he'd finished. He was very worried about how Arthur would react to his birthday celebrations today. He'd lost his father not three months before and he would now be celebrating the anniversary of his mother's death. He often wondered how Arthur dealt with this birthday, emotionally speaking. After all, how does a five year old boy deal with such intense feelings of both joy and mourning all around him? Naturally, as a small boy, he would probably have little consciousness of the fact that this was his mother's deathday, but as he grew older, Merlin could only imagine how difficult it must have been for him to enjoy his birthday and mourn Igraine at the same time.

He knew that Uther had probably found Arthur's birthday a difficult time as well. Although the King was very prejudiced and sometimes very cruel and treated his son badly, Merlin had always understood the reason for this dislocated relationship that they shared when he was alive. Of course Uther would associate his son's birth with so much pain and loss, and of course that would rub off on Arthur.

Merlin obviously hadn't realised how nervous he had gotten whilst delving into these thoughts, as he seemed to be smoothing down the bed a lot more than needed, and the palms of his hands had begun to sweat.

Instead of thinking a moment longer (Arthur had always condemned Merlin when he was thinking) he left the very smooth bed and sent for Morgana to come to Arthur's chambers.

* * *

"Arthur, no, pleeease!" Morgana pleaded with her brother when he told her that Merlin wanted to see her "He wears me out, I swear! I'll come back a broken woman!"

"I'm sure it won't be for too long, he said he has to be somewhere today," Arthur told her, despite her Princess' pout. "Anyway, I have to be go, but off you pop to my chambers, missy! Go on!"

Morgana huffed like a girl would to her father, but she didn't go just yet. She stopped the young King by calling his name, and he turned around and began to walk back to her.

"What is it?" Arthur asked. She gave him that look that she always gave him every year on his birthday, and his face fell a little; it was obvious that he was trying to be as brave as he could.

"Hey now," she said softly, and held her hand up, showing him her little finger. He let out a short laugh and wrapped his own finger around hers affectionately, tugging at it a little.

"Tomorrow..." she started with a smile, waiting for him to finish.

"Tomorrow everything will be ok," he smiled, this ritual so familiar to him by now. He quickly knocked his forehead against Morgana and winked at her as if to say thank you and she headed off towards his chambers.

* * *

"Now remember to relax," Merlin's voice said coolly. He always pitched his voice a lot more mellow and low, almost hypnotic for this. It usually helped Morgana, and he hoped it would do the trick like it always did.

"You're still too tense," he rebuked her, although his voice was still calm and creamy.

"We've been at it for hours, if maybe I could just rest, Merlin," she complained, but didn't bother to continue.

"Try to feel," Merlin breathed. "Feel and smell and taste. Shut your eyes and relax. Feel every tension and strain leaving your body... are you ready?"

Morgana nodded silently, seemingly affected by Merlin's voice.

"Ok then. Now try to touch it. I want you to reach out and touch it. Feel it, Morgana. Feel how much you want to. Can you feel the texture beneath your fingers? Can you smell it? Feel it like you want it."

Merlin let out a huge groan of utter frustration when the apple in the fruit bowl merely twitched in its place and didn't move.

"Come on, Morgana, that's not levitating the apple to you at all!" he whined.

She opened her eyes again, which for a second, glowed gold and gave a groan of her own.

"I tried," she moaned sadly.

"I know you did," he reassured her, feeling a little bad that he had snapped at her. "Perhaps I'm just using the wrong methods on you?" Merlin considered.

"I don't know" she shrugged "I always feel the magic inside me, I just don't know how I can channel it into something."

"Well, you've definitely improved, because you've gained a lot more control over your magic than you used to. Maybe I'm just expecting too much of you; rushing you."

"I don't think so," Morgana said.

"Your magic is still very new, Morgana, very embryonic. Perhaps I should be taking things a little slower," he pondered. Morgana simply shrugged her shoulders.

"Shouldn't you be getting on?" she realised.

"I'm leaving soon," he said. "I hope I can find my way!"

"I'm sure you will," she reassured him. "Don't forget, I've put a list of milestones on there for you."

"Thanks," he smiled.

"Have you spoken to Arthur yet?" Morgana enquired. He didn't have to be told what she was asking him.

"I don't think his birthday is the best time," he said.

"No, you're right. But the sooner the better. We want to be able to reassure the people."

"Do you really think he'll agree to this? I'm really not that sure!" Merlin said, sounding a little worried.

"Work your magic on him Merlin, I'm sure you're capable. My suggestion yesterday was disregarded without a second thought, might I remind you!" Morgana said, putting on a great drama queen's voice, sounding awfully hurt. Merlin rolled his eyes. "Only because you've never tried! I'm sure you could think of something, you know what makes him tick, right?"

"Maybe..." he said.

"Anyway, you're from the country, right?" She smirked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked very quickly, and suspiciously.

"Well, I'm obviously no country girl, but I've heard that you know what you're doing if you catch my drift?" She winked at him, making him sigh in annoyance.

"I don't know what you mean Morgana, I am as innocent as they come," he said, though a grin was threatening to creep onto his stern face and she laughed out loud, earning a chuckle from him.

Once they had both stopped laughing, she tapped him on the leg and scooted over as though she was going to share a secret that no one else was supposed to know.

"Hey, but you know what? I've heard that you can make miracles out of a good sanded piece of wood and a little imagination."

"Morgana!" He gasped "How-"

"I like to read," She simply said, apparently with no shame and before Merlin even had a chance to finish the question. "And I listen to gossip. But mostly I like to read."

"How are there even _books_ available in this castle on how to create your own sex toy?" Merlin asked incredulously. "Not to mention, how do you even get away with reading them?"

She merely winked at him. "Just making a good friendly suggestion," she giggled and slapped him on the thigh. "And now you have to go."

He nodded and got up to leave the room, grabbing the supplies he had prepared. He shot Morgana one more disbelieving look before heading out of the door.

* * *

To be honest, Merlin should have expected this. After all, his map reading skills were... well, they weren't quite adequate. At least not adequate enough to go riding through the forest without Arthur and reach his destination actually on time.

He in fact, arrived at the site where the Romalia grew, three hours later than he had expected because he had gotten lost God knows how many times. By the time he got there, he was tired, he was fed up, and he wanted to go home!

But, finally, the sight of the small little area of the forest where a cluster of beautiful white and purple flowers grew, made Merlin smile and he knew it was worth it in the end. He got down from his horse and decided to pick a few, just in case they got squashed on the journey home. _That_ , he would not like.

* * *

Arthur led Morgana into the dining hall by the arm, sitting her down next to him. He knew the others would be arriving soon, but he was only on the lookout for one person. He hadn't seen Merlin all day- not since that morning. Granted, he had been busy preparing things for the feast, but normally Merlin was always there to be annoying in one way or another.

Once he and Morgana were seated and had started to eat, he leaned over and asked, "Have you seen Merlin?"

She stopped in her eating just for a moment, but carried on, in an effort not to look to suspicious. She had thought that Merlin would be back by now and it was quite worrying that he wasn't. But she didn't want to spoil the surprise for Arthur, by telling him where Merlin really was. Also, it wasn't as if he needed any more worry today, so she just shrugged and said, "I'm sure he's just running a little late, that's all," and took a bite of her bread. Arthur nodded to himself and continued to eat.

The pitter patter of fresh rain on the stain-glass windows of the hall drew Morgana's attention away from the food, and she looked at the window in slight panic.

* * *

"Shit!" Swore Merlin as the rain began to hit harder now on his skin and on his clothes. Within a few minutes of it starting, Merlin could literally see nothing in front of him, besides a wall of water. The map was near to useless, as it was very basic and had almost run clean with the rain, so Merlin simply rolled it back up and prayed that perhaps some kind of mental instinct would get him home.

In the worst case scenario, he thought, Morgana knew where he was- she could always tell Arthur if he was gone too long and he would come and find him. And then he cursed himself again for putting Arthur through worry like that on his birthday. He couldn't help but think he was an idiot for ever taking Morgana up on this offer.

Whatever happened, he was for sure, going to come back home with a nasty chill, if he actually made it home that day! His duties as minister would be hindered if he got ill, and that just made him more determined to try and find his way back onto the main roads so he could ride back as quickly as possible.

* * *

Two hours later, and Morgana and Arthur and the rest of the table were so full, they wondered if they would be able to dance. To be honest, Arthur didn't even feel like dancing, but he danced the first dance with Morgana anyway, just to show that he would be a good sport on his birthday. He knew that the whole court was in two minds about whether they should be merry or sad.

But that wasn't the only thing on Arthur's mind- Merlin still hadn't shown up to the ball. Was he angry with him? They hadn't had a fight, so why had he been ignoring him the whole day? Somehow, he managed to sneak out of the hall without being noticed, while everyone else was engaged in some vigorous dance, and he couldn't help but notice whom Morgana was partnered with. He chuckled and left silently and invisibly.

The corridors were empty and every footstep echoed too loudly for Arthur's liking, and when he got to his chambers, he was greeted with just an empty room- not what he had been hoping for. The only sound in the room was the sound of the terrible rain that poured down outside and the ferocious wind that threatened to knock over the castle itself.

With a resigned sigh, he left the room, hoping to bump into Merlin in one of the empty corridors on the way back to the ball, and when he didn't, he pulled Morgana away from the dancing for a moment to tell her that Merlin still wasn't anywhere to be found.

The worry on her face must have been obvious this time, because Arthur looked down at her, saying, "You know something, don't you? Tell me, Gana." His tone was warning, but not too angry, and she sighed with guilt, telling him where Merlin was.

"You mean he's out there in _that_ on horseback!" He almost shouted. Morgana nodded, feeling extremely guilty, but Arthur simply ran out of the room as though his whole Kingdom was not in his ballroom to celebrate his birthday.

He ordered for his horse to be saddled as quickly as possible, and he shed his cape somewhere on his way out of the castle gates when he rode out into the night.

* * *

Merlin was physically and emotionally exhausted. The wind had reached levels that he never even knew existed and every cell in his body was shaking so much that the shivers threatened to overthrow his senses. His blue hands almost had let go of the reins of his horse several times in the last few hours, and eventually, he simply got off his horse and sat on the saturated ground, his legs brought up to his chest to keep any warmth in, and waited.

He was sure that Arthur would come for him, but he wasn't sure how much more wind he could take. He had been in the rain for hours, and he could feel it almost bruising his skin with its sheer strength.

And after so many hours of riding and losing his way and shivering from the violent wind, Merlin could slowly feel himself slipping away into sleep as his body fell tired and laboured. He knew that he should have tried to stay awake, but the way his eyes grew heavy lidded, promising sleep, made him forget about what he should be doing, and he simply allowed himself to slip into a deep slumber.

Arthur knew the route to where Merlin was fairly well. He had been there a few times before and he had a knack for memorising directions quite well, but Merlin could have been anywhere. He knew the idiot wouldn't have the sense to just sit in one place and wait to be found- no, he would try to make his _own_ way home!

But by some miracle- he didn't know if it was God's grace, or Merlin's common sense not to venture off too far, he found him lying on the floor in a bundle.

Arthur had never jumped off a horse as quickly as he did in that moment, and he grabbed Merlin's body, not knowing whether he was asleep, unconscious or dead.

He shook him. Hard, calling his name, which was considerably hindered by the sound of the rain.

"Merlin, come on, wake up! Wake _up_!" He said angrily, and had to resort to slapping Merlin hard across the face, tears welling up in his eyes at this action, and thankfully, Merlin stirred and moaned.

"Arthur," he said weakly.

"Thank God!" Arthur gasped, holding him tight. Merlin made an effort to shut his eyes again, but Arthur shook him awake. "Do not go to sleep Merlin!" He warned him.

"Arthur..." he mumbled sleepily. "Too cold... too tired..."

"Of course you're cold, you fool; now get on this horse!"

"Mmmm... sleep," Merlin murmured.

"Do not go to sleep Merlin!" He tried to sound dangerous so Merlin would listen to him, but the worry wasn't being kept from his voice at all, and he couldn't let Merlin go back to sleep. He had to warm him up- the boy's skin was _blue_.

It took him a good couple of hours to ride back to Camelot, and when he arrived, Morgana was waiting on the front steps with Lancelot and Gwen; all of them looked worried out of their minds, and Morgana looked like she might even be crying.

Arthur still kept shaking Merlin to keep him awake and he hauled him into his arms, running into the castle. The others followed and he said in a strained voice, "We have to get him warm, he's been in the rain, he's ice cold, and he keeps falling asleep."

"There's a fire lit in my room," Morgana said in a teary voice. "Hurry."

"Tell the servants to light the fire in my chambers so I can move him there later. Go!" He said to the three of them, and Gwen ran off first, leaving Lancelot and Morgana to help carry Merlin up the stairs into Morgana's room.

Merlin was trying this best to sleep again, but the fall onto the mattress soon woke him up, but he was shivering like a leaf.

"Water. Hot. Hot water," Arthur told them. "Hot, anything hot." They nodded and ran out of the room to do as they were told, and as soon as they left, Arthur began to strip Merlin bare, as well as himself, though that was more difficult, seeing as he was still dressed in his ball clothes.

He lifted the covers quickly and placed Merlin's pale body under them as well as his own naked body, which he quickly pressed against Merlin's.

"You're _mad_ ," he almost grunted as his own body was hit by the feeling of Merlin's ice cold skin against his. It was hard, but he knew he had to wait till Merlin's body was the same temperature as his before he could let him go or let him sleep.

"T-t-thank you," Merlin stuttered, a sound that made Arthur's heart stop in his chest.

"What were you thinking, love?" He asked, more tender this time, the initial fear wiped away. Now that he had Merlin warm, he would be fine- though maybe a little ill.

"B-b-b-irth-th-day p-p-resent," he said. "Over t-t-there."

Arthur assumed that by 'over there' he meant in his satchel, and when the others burst in with the water, he motioned for them to grab the bag for him. They did so, and asked whether Merlin was all right.

"I'm f-fine," he said, his shivers subsiding a little. Morgana shot him an apologetic look and kissed him on the forehead.

"Stay here tonight, I'll stay with Gwen," she said.

"Are you sure?" She nodded and left with the others, closing the door behind her.

"I'm sorry I ruined your birthday, Arthur," Merlin said, his shivers having lessened enough so he talk without stammering.

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm just glad you're ok," he said, kissing his shoulder. Merlin tried to manoeuvre himself so he could face Arthur.

"How can I make it up to you, tell me." Arthur simply smiled and kissed him gently on the mouth.

"Nothing," he said softly, and kissed Merlin again.

When he broke the kiss, Merlin, with his eyes still closed, mumbled, "Sex now?" And Arthur laughed rather loudly, holding Merlin tighter.

"You little imp," he laughed. "I just about saved you from hypothermia, we are _not_ having sex." He ruffled his hair a bit, just for good measure. Merlin was having none of it.

"Come on, Arthur, I'm feeling better now that I'm warmer," he assured him, trying to grind himself against Arthur. The King sighed a little, but made no attempt to give in.

"Merlin, you can go to sleep now, ok? Sleep." Merlin shook his head.

"Sex."

"Sleep."

"Sex."

"Sleeeep!" Arthur insisted.

It seemed that Merlin knew when he was defeated, and he flopped back down onto the pillows, Arthur's tender chuckle in his ear. It was a good job he listened to Arthur, as within a few minutes he was fast asleep.

Arthur gently took his hands from around Merlin to rummage in his satchel and when he pulled out what Merlin had gotten for him, he smiled a smile that was so wide, it threatened to pull a muscle. He brought the flower to his nose. It smelt exactly as he remembered it. Before his father had banished it in the castle, but he still remembered and smiled again.

Then, he looked down at Merlin's dishevelled hair and his pout and he realised the struggle that he had gone to, to find this little plant. He kissed Merlin's lips and lay down next to him again.

* * *

Merlin awoke the next morning feeling extremely rough- rougher than rough. His sinuses were blocked and he could tell that he had caught a chill from his gallivanting the night before. Just like he knew would happen!

But that's not what woke him. He was becoming more and more aware of the smell of something sweet near him. It smelled of something like apples, but another scent mingled with it in the air- some kind of flower. It took Merlin a couple of minutes to realise that the flower was lavender, and he finally opened his eyes to see that he was right. Next to him on the bed was a huge pie, which still looked pretty hot, a single lavender and a note.

He smiled brightly and breathed in the scent of his breakfast, before reaching for the note. He could tell at once that it was in Arthur's hand. There were a couple of lines of writing, followed by three things written on the paper, numbers by the side:

 _Just a few things I thought I'd tell you this morning:_

 _1\. Gwen made the pie- you didn't think I could actually cook that, did you? But it looks good, doesn't it? Anyway, it's the thought that counts._

 _2\. You are a total, complete, unredeemable fool and idiot and clotpole. You could have gotten yourself killed! Thank you_

 _3\. I love you._

Even if he didn't already know Arthur's hand by heart, the point numbered as number one would have given his identity away immediately. He giggled at the list Arthur gave him and his heart actually stuttered at number three. He kissed the note and placed it under his pillow.

It wasn't until he felt _Pride and Prejudice_ under his pillow did he realise that he was in their room. Arthur must have moved him, he concluded to himself, but was already too busy eating the pie to care.

* * *

Arthur had decided to get ready for training a little earlier today, as he knew that Merlin would be waking up wanting what Arthur had denied him the previous night, and the idiot needed his rest. If Arthur wasn't there, there could be no distraction.

As he finished the first half of his drills, he smirked to himself when he saw Morgana standing not-so-subtly by the grounds like she did every day, and he let the men go for a break, ready to reconvene in half an hour.

Leon walked (or more like skipped) over to where Morgana was standing, and Arthur watched them closely. Leon came up behind her and cleared his throat, and Morgana turned around as though she had not realised he was there. Arthur huffed in amusement at Morgana's propriety skills. She smiled gracefully at the knight, and he bowed to her, receiving a short bob in return.

He couldn't hear what they were saying, but he doubted it was anything affectionate or on-leading. He simply saw smiles and the occasional laugh; anything that was acceptable between a Lady and a Knight in public.

Before Leon left, he quickly gave Morgana something into her hand, which looked suspiciously like a piece of parchment. A sudden spark of curiosity sprung through the King at this sight, and as soon as the Knight had left, he walked over to Morgana, who was grinning inanely.

"Well, well sissy, someone been writing you sonnets, have they?" He asked, amused, but making Morgana jump.

"Don't do that, you oaf, you gave me a fright!" She gasped.

"What's in your hand?" Arthur asked bluntly, a teasing tone to his voice.

"Nothing," Morgana said, classically. Arthur rolled his eyes, and without warning, tickled Morgana once or twice, making her drop the paper on the ground. He picked it up and kept moving away from Morgana's grasp so he could read it.

"Well, what do we have hear then?" He asked as he opened it.

"Arthur!" Morgana said angrily. Arthur screwed up his face when all that was written on there was one word: _Red_

"Red?" He asked, finally letting her grab the paper in frustration. "What does that mean?"

She growled, and said, "It's an answer to a question."

"Explain..."

"He sent me a note once asking me what my favourite flower was, and I wrote back on a piece of parchment, and left it for him in the armoury. And we've been doing it ever since. This is his answer," she explained, perhaps a little embarrassed.

"Did you ask him his favourite colour?" Arthur asked. She nodded.

"You could have just asked me," Arthur said, and Morgana rolled her eyes.

"You will never understand the meaning of romance!" She laughed.

"I can be romantic! I can!" He defended himself, and Morgana smirked.

"No you can't Arthur. Romance is about the little gestures that you do for a person when they don't expect it. That surprise them and make them feel special. Notes, flowers, surprise kisses, doting. You should give Merlin more of that..." she paused before saying "... you never ever know how much time you have together."

"What do you mean?" He asked, a little curious.

"I mean Arthur, anything could happen. Like yesterday. You should make the most of every moment. Show him how much you love him _all_ the time, because he sure as hell loves you," she told him.

"I know."

"I know you do. Just... a little wooing doesn't go a miss. We all like it." She smiled once more, before walking off, having completed her morning flirting session with Sir Leon.

Arthur just stood there struck dumb for a moment, pondering his sister's words. And then he decided to forget the second half of his training and ran up to see Merlin.

* * *

"Where are you my love?" He sing songed like a girl into his chambers to Merlin, who was lying in bed, relaxing.

The warlock literally craned his head round, his face screwed up as if he had just seen a bird walk on its beak.

He witnessed Arthur skipping towards the bed, a silly smile plastered on his face.

"My sweet! My lovely! My heart's delight!" He continued to sing. And poor Merlin couldn't help but burst out into silly laughter.

"'My heart's delight'?" He laughed as Arthur kissed him.

"Indeed," Arthur agreed and kissed him again. He decided to really make Merlin chuckle and got to his knees, raising his hand melodramatically. "You are my moon, my sun, my starlit sky," he said in a breathy poetic voice that already set Merlin off laughing on the bed. "Without you... I dwell in darkness! I love you!" By now Merlin was holding his belly and laughing very loudly as Arthur came up and sat on the bed, looking into Merlin's eyes, trying not to laugh himself.

"You power has captivated me, I stand helpless against it. Let me worship you in my arms!"

"Arthur, stop, I can't take it any more!" Merlin gasped, trying in vain to catch his breath. Arthur laughed too, and came over to kiss Merlin, who had calmed down a little.

"What's brought this on?" He asked, still giggling a little. Arthur just smiled and said,

"Something Morgana mentioned. I thought I'd woo you my sweet," and he kissed his hand. Merlin pretended to be repulsed and wiped his hand against the bed like a child would.

What are you doing here, you have training?" He said.

"I came to see you, my fresh, beautiful damsel!"

"Pff! I'm no fresh damsel, darling, but thank you anyway," he laughed. "And thank you for the pie, it was lovely."

"Yes, I knew you'd eaten it already," he said.

"How?"

"Because you taste of it, you fool," he laughed, ruffling Merlin's hair. Merlin smiled and then sneezed, before trying to breathe through his nose in vain.

"So you did get ill then?" Arthur asked, raising his eyebrows. Merlin pulled a sad face.

"Yeah," he said. "I think I need looking after."

"That's what I'm here for, isn't it?" Arthur asked.

"Yes, I suppose so. My head hurts a little," he moaned. Arthur smiled and kissed his forehead.

"Better?" he asked.

"Much," Merlin said "But Arthur..."

"What..."

"My nose is sore." Arthur could tell from the word go where this was going, but he played along anyway and kissed Merlin's nose.

"My lips are sore," Merlin said, receiving yet another lingering kiss.

Arthur sat up, saying. "All better?"

"No," Merlin told him. "I think you'll find something else of mine is sore..." he gave him a wicked smile, but Arthur, ever the tease, stood up and put up his hands.

"Well, would you believe it, my ten minutes are up!" He said, trying not to laugh at Merlin's angry expression.

"Arthur..." he warned him.

"Sorry darling, got to go," he teased ."But help yourself- oil's in the second drawer if you need it," and he winked at him.

"Bastard," Merlin cursed. "Listen, will you come back soon? There's something I need to talk to you about." He sounded a bit more serious now, and he knew that it was now or never. If he and Arthur were going to talk, it would be today, and that frightened him. It was like a ticking time bomb.

"What about?" Arthur asked.

Merlin gulped, before saying, "It's about Morgana,"

* * *


	27. Wasted Wooing

"My Lady," a voice uttered behind Morgana's head. For once, she had not actually been looking out for Leon, being too intrigued by the flower she was staring at, and the Knight actually startled her a little, but she smiled to him when she saw his face and gave a little bob for him.

"Good Sir," she almost chirped. This smile seemed to release him from any initial nerves he may have had about approaching her like this, and as coolly as he could, he aired his request.

"Would you do me the honour of a walk around the gardens, My Lady? It would be a shame to waste such a lovely evening; the autumn is fast approaching and we may not receive as many beautiful evenings as this."

Morgana smiled fondly and took her place beside Sir Leon as they slowly made their way around the paths of the castle garden. It was the first time that they had truly been alone together and despite their constant note passing whenever the opportunity allowed, they knew very little about each other; it was still a little uncomfortable talking to Leon when he called Morgana a 'Lady'.

Even though they had seen each other not half an hour earlier at dinner, Leon still felt the need to ask, "So, how was your day?" Apparently failing to come up with a better topic of conversation.

She shrugged and replied, "I rarely have a riveting day, Sir Leon. But I did manage to briefly see you training today." The understatement of the century of course.

"I saw you watching My Lady," he answered, a silly smile springing into view. Morgana looked to him, a little surprised.

They had never really broken a boundary of propriety and that sentence was almost stretching that line a little; in a nice way of course.

"I'm sorry, My Lady, I speak out of term..." Leon recovered, realising what he had said, but she shook her head.

"No, no, there's no need to apologise," she assured him. "You are a very skilled fighter, Sir Leon." She allowed herself this compliment, surely that was acceptable. It was a fact, after all.

"Thank you," he said gratefully. "And how is your family? How is Merlin fairing?"

" _Lord_ Merlin," Morgana corrected him with a light, teasing laugh in her tone, which Leon seemed to recognise, seeing as he also laughed with her.

"Yes, of course, how could I forget? It must be difficult for him to carry such a hard role."

"I think he's doing brilliantly, and he has a lot of help. Plus, I think it gives him great pleasure to remind Arthur not to leave off his title sometimes. I've seen it happen quite a lot, and it's very funny," she giggled.

He joined her in the giggling, but it soon subsided and was followed by an extremely painful silence where the other had no idea what to say, and Morgana was soon left simply fiddling with her flower.

Suddenly, the two of them began talking at the same time, their two sentences becoming a tangle of incoherency, and they laughed, paused and did the same thing again by accident.

"No, you first," Leon smiled.

"Oh... um..." she said, now forgetting her original sentence. "The uh... the food was... very good... at dinner." Good grief, she felt like an idiot saying that, and the flower was basically being molested by her hand.

"Yes, I..." he struggled. "I'm rather fond of duck, I..." He shifted again, rolling his eyes inwardly as Morgana filled the silence.

"Yes... me too... um..." When she looked up, she was almost startled to see Leon staring _right_ at her. The sun was setting around them, almost as if it wanted to enclose Morgana right there; and never let her leave. At the same time it illuminated the knight's face so that is made her breath hitch in her throat. Though only slightly.

And she almost let herself get caught up in the moment. It was too easy to; the sunset, the walk, the gardens, the smell of the flowers all around them. Of course it was easy to get caught up.

But she had to remember what her purpose was now. She was soon to be Arthur's wife, or at least that's what Merlin said he would talk to Arthur about tonight. He was probably telling him about it right now, trying to put on a brave face and hope that Arthur would agree to it. And she couldn't afford to keep her eye off her own destiny.

"My Lady..." Sir Leon merely whispered, too afraid of her to say it any louder. And Morgana looked a little startled. It was the first time that he had ever dared to speak to her with such an intimate tone of voice, and although under normal circumstances, she would have smiled that they had finally crossed that social boundary, under the new rule that she had enforced upon herself, she couldn't let their conversation continue.

"Sir Leon..." she said almost breathlessly, a hint of warning in her tone. She turned away from his gaze, afraid.

"Mor... My Lady," he corrected himself, hoping he would sway her.

"Good sir," she turned back around, and she was even surprised at how delicate her voice sounded. "Events have been set into motion that neither you nor I can stop. This is how it is meant to be. I'm sorry." She knew that he would probably have to be psychic to understand what that meant, but she wasn't stupid enough to tell him a plan that was strictly between her, Merlin and soon enough, Arthur.

"I believe it is getting quite dark, Sir," she observed. "I know that Arthur worries for my safety at this hour," hoping that the damsel in distress act would get her away quicker, otherwise she might shed a tear.

"My Lady," Leon almost begged.

"Sir, I am feeling a little light-headed, I should like to retire to my chambers,"

"My Lady... please," he whispered, but Morgana gave a short bob.

"Goodnight Sir Leon," she said a little shakily, and began to turn.

"Morgana!" Leon said a little louder so that she would turn around. She did turn, and with her mouth open wide at his use of her first name.

He stood there, holding a flower from the nearest tree, and held it out for her.

She hesitantly took it and as she did, he brought her hand up and gently kissed it. Possibly appropriate, but she didn't herself know any more. Her head was spinning too much.

"I wish you a good night My Lady." His voice was dark and regretful and he gave her a bow before slowly walking away.

Morgana feared that she'd actually teared up a little as she watched Leon walk away, fearing the worst that he was angry with her, blaming her for something. But there was nothing to this, surely. They were simply _talking_. There was nothing to break, surely.

But she walked away, her steps heavy with confusion and anger at herself.

She looked down at the flower, only to realise that there was a tiny piece of parchment folded in between one of the flower petals. She sighed in anticipation, as she always did whenever Leon found new and interesting ways to leave her notes, and didn't even bother to wonder when he had managed to write her this one in the course of their conversation. And for a moment, she actually forgot about the incident that had just passed.

She opened the note with a smile and read: _may we still continue our pleasant correspondence?_

It was a question- it was always a question, or the answer to one of hers. But Morgana could infer that he was saying sorry for being forward with her, for pushing her. But little did he know _why_ she didn't want it to be like this.

She took one look at the note again and sighed, knowing that they should _not_ continue this relationship, or whatever it was they were doing.

But she also knew full well that in the morning, she would leave him a tiny piece of parchment by his sword, or helmet with one word quickly, but affectionately scribbled on it: _yes_

* * *

"I'm back!" Arthur called into his room, though Merlin would have known it was him; the clanging of the King's armour was just as distinctive as his voice; it moved with Arthur's own unique walk.

Merlin was still in bed, feeling better, but glad to have some relaxation time and to be pampered by Arthur. He looked up from reading to see Arthur, his armour now half shed all over the room, approach the bed.

"Sorry I got back so late my sweet," he said, leaning over to kiss Merlin. Being so close to him after an intense work out or training session always set the warlock's blood on fire; Arthur's scent was masculine and fiery, and strong and musky, and simply one kiss was all it took to send Merlin's stomach coiling into that familiar knot.

But this time, the knot, it seemed, had a double loop; one coil of blossoming arousal, and one of vibrating nerves, running around in that lower part of his stomach. He knew that he shouldn't be thinking any sexual thoughts when he was about to have a conversation with Arthur that could very well go spectacularly wrong. Arthur's temper had been rather tolerant with Merlin, but even he sometimes got to feel the King's wrath, and the one thing that would pain him the most after all they'd been through is for something as important as this to ruin their relationship.

"How are you feeling?" Arthur said, finally breaking Merlin's concentration and causing the coil in his gut to tighten.

"Better," he answered, the first words he had uttered since Arthur came into the room. Arthur smiled affectionately and fondly, and it wasn't until Merlin looked at him properly that he realised Arthur had undressed himself during his daydreaming and was sitting on the side of the bed in his night trousers and white, breezy nightshirt. Merlin wondered whether Arthur had actually been _talking_ to him all this time and he hadn't even realised!

But practical thoughts like that were washed away soon enough at the sight of Arthur in his bed clothes right there in front of him, his stunning and distinctive scent still hanging in the air between them, almost acting as a magnet between him and Arthur. An unwilling force it was, for Merlin really, really wanted to concentrate on the best way to break his and Morgana's plan to the King. And well, with Arthur looking at him like that, it wasn't really a _clean_ look, actually, not really a clean look at all. Arthur obviously was feeling very guilty for leaving Merlin to endure a solitary wank earlier in the day (and so he should!) and thought that he could earn back some points by making his eyes look down a little in that way, and that look and...

No! Merlin told himself. He had something to finish. This was important for goodness sake, how could he even be _thinking_ of sex at a time like this. Most probably because they hadn't done it in several days and he needed to get laid right now! But that wasn't relevant at the moment, and what he really needed to do was speak to Arthur, just as soon as he could get him to stop looking at him that way and distracting him.

"Arthur, listen..." he began, fiddling with the spine of the book as if that would give him any help at all.

"What is it?" Arthur asked, his voice far too low for the sort of conversation they were having. Plus, his not to subtle fiddling with Merlin's nightshirt did _not_ help matters.

"Arthur, I need to... um..." and his words were lost _again_ thanks to Arthur's smouldering gaze.

He figured that the only way to put Arthur off his obvious desire to screw Merlin through the mattress was to pretend he wasn't interested at all. So he did what usually drove Arthur up the wall; he began to read. Silently.

He heard Arthur huff, but nothing more. He got through about two sentences when Arthur began to toy with his shirt again, not saying anything.

"Arthur..." Merlin said, almost in an annoyed tone, though he was far from it.

"Don't mind me," Arthur teased.

"Arthur, I'm trying to read," Merlin pointed out, trying his best to hide the arousal from his tone, he needed Arthur to just turn off so they could discuss things.

"Arthur, please, I'm reading," he tried again, but the King simply chuckled. Deep. Very deep in his throat.

"And there was me thinking you'd want me to make it up to you for leaving you all hot and bothered earlier," he murmured, as though his words could leave a hot trail along Merlin's skin. He shuffled a little, trying to avoid Arthur's feather like caresses up his leg. "How silly of me," Arthur finished, now brining his lips to Merlin's clothed arm.

Nevertheless, Merlin's senses exploded in his head and he knew that he was no longer reading the words on the page of the book, and if Arthur kept that up, they would become nothing more than blurs on the page.

"Put the book down love," Arthur purred, biting his way up Merlin's nightshirt. "You know it off by heart by now, surely."

Merlin couldn't resist a little jibe by saying, "You know those boring council speeches off by heart but it doesn't stop you from practising them in front of your mirror." He even added an inward smirk, just for himself, then kicked himself, remembering that this was not the time.

"Ooo, low blow," Arthur laughed, before nipping at Merlin's ear, making him shiver all the way down to his toes.

"Arthur, I'm reading," he said, a little breathy, but by now, Arthur was biting his way down Merlin's nightshirt, ignoring his remarks.

"No one's stopping you," he said. "I want you to read to me."

"What?" Merlin asked, half surprised, half disorientated by what Arthur was doing with his mouth right now.

"I want you to read to me. Out loud," he said with a smug grin. "If you stop reading or get the words wrong, I'll stop," he smirked. "And I'll know if you've mucked up the words."

He then went back to biting Merlin's clothed flesh, before the warlock could utter a word of disapproval. And he _knew_ this was wrong. And he felt more guilty about this than he had felt in a long time.

He wanted to talk to Arthur, but the King was far more stubborn than Merlin gave him credit for, and he would not let up until he accomplished what he started. Plus, Merlin was harder than he could ever remember being; combined with Arthur's mild teasing for the past few days and the sight of him after practice contributed to Merlin's current uncomfortable state.

"I'm listening, Merlin," Arthur purred, now biting at the extremely thin fabric separating his erection and Arthur's teeth.

Merlin gulped, and simply began to read out loud as easily as he could manage.

"'How very suddenly you all quitted Netherfield last November, Mr Darcy! It must have been a most agreeable surprise to Mr Bingley to... ah... to see you all... all after him so soon..." Merlin tired his best to keep a level reading voice, but he could barely hear himself read due to the blood pounding in his ears, and in his veins; so hot that it threatened to burn him.

Arthur, ever the tease, had only just lifted the white fabric off Merlin's aching erection. He knew better than to tell Arthur to hurry up as that would likely result in him stopping all together like he promised. So he continued, "Um... um... She found that she was to receive no other answer- and... um... after, nggghh..." he couldn't help but moan when Arthur's hot tongue teasingly licked him without promise of any immediate satisfaction. Brow sweating, Merlin kept on, "... after a short pause, added... FUCK!" He nearly screeched breathlessly as Arthur brought his lips onto his cock _properly_ for the first time in days.

But no sooner had he done this, did he remove his lips, earning a definite mewl from Merlin, who might have even writhed a tiny bit. Arthur tutted, a teasing glint in his eye, "I don't believe Elizabeth said _that_ to Darcy, do you Merlin?" Merlin simply shook his head in an attempt to get Arthur's lips back _on_ his dick, but then he remembered the book in his hand was his salvation and tried to read on.

"'I think I have understood that... oh sweet gods... that Mr Bingley has not... much idea... um... Arthur!" He whined, for a moment forgetting about the book and his task. A moment too long it seemed, because a moment later, his mouth uttered a totally different sound, "Ow! No _teeth_!" He gritted out, and Arthur chuckled and placed a soft kiss where he had scraped his teeth gently, and Merlin moaned once again.

"Then stop making mistakes, Merlin," he said, and this time he took no mercy on Merlin and swallowed him whole right down as far as his throat would let him which was not as far as Merlin could take Arthur, regretfully, but it was still far enough that Merlin was making noises like someone was killing him.

Merlin was practically shouting the words on the page in front of him, gripping the spine hard as Arthur's tongue danced intoxicating patterns over his sensitive flesh whilst all the time never letting up on his hard sucking.

Of course, Merlin had no self control or dignity it seemed during these sorts of activities, and when he began to buck his hips up in an almost selfish attempt for more of Arthur's throat, the King had to place both hands on his hips to prevent him from being choked to death.

Now _that_ would not be a dignified way for a King to go!

Merlin's cries persisted on and on, and it seemed that there was a definite point at which both of them had forgotten about the book and concentrated more on Merlin getting off as quickly as possible.

"Y-your mouth... God, your _mouth_!" Merlin cried, earning a content humming sound from the King's lips that spread all over him.

And only at the moment Merlin had spoken those words, did he realise what he was doing; he couldn't allow himself to get used to something as intimate as this. Something so personal, because it wouldn't last. No matter how Morgana tried, he knew it would never be as it was now, because... because it _wouldn't_.

And Merlin knew better than to have his heart broken for no reason. He wouldn't be hurt like that- not ever, because he simply wasn't strong enough to withstand it, so he would not lie with Arthur ever again. It would be for the best

But his painful thoughts were violently interrupted by the sound of Arthur moaning onto Merlin's cock; much more pleasurable sounds than would normally be emitted from him during this task.

And Merlin was afraid to look down, because he knew the picture he would find, the one that he had seen so many times before; wasted times that served for nothing than future heartbreak, and the sight of Arthur lovingly servicing him like he was... it would be too much to take emotionally.

For some reason, Merlin did look down. Maybe it was to brand that perfect image in his mind forever, or just because he found Arthur's bobbing head so beautiful and mesmerising, that he couldn't help it.

But it wasn't until he looked that he realised that the moans were coming from Arthur stroking himself. God; he was _getting off_ on getting Merlin off!

And as if he needed any further encouragement, that mere thought sent Merlin into a blissful, emotional orgasm that had him trembling and that forced two single tears out of the corners of his eyes and down his cheeks.

A second later, he vaguely registered a moan from Arthur, but was too busy trying to compose himself to notice really.

Arthur rolled a little to his side, looking up to assess Merlin's afterglow face, which he always seemed very content to study. He was an ego seeker!

But he wasn't prepared for the tears that he could see slipping down Merlin's face. He half wanted to ask 'that bad, was I?' but was smart enough to see that Merlin was very upset, and cracking that sort of joke was uncalled for.

Instead, he shuffled and sat up, asking Merlin what was wrong in a genuinely concerned tone.

Merlin looked at him in the eye for the first time that evening and just cried even more when he saw the concern and trust in Arthur's face. Because he would hate him for what he was about to do. He cried and cried and opened out his arms, sniffing, before shakily saying, "Come here."

Arthur did come, crawling a little hesitantly, because he still didn't know what was wrong with Merlin. Merlin welcomed him into his open arms and Arthur settled in them contently, awaiting some sort of explanation.

It took Merlin several deep breaths before he could allow himself to speak again, and all he said to Arthur was, "I love you," in a shaky, quiet and teary voice. "Did you know that?"

Arthur nodded in his arms and nuzzled the arm that was holding him. After a long pause, he answered, "I love you too."

"But you see Arthur, sometimes... sometimes I get really frightened, because do you have any idea the lengths I would go to, to make sure you were ok?" Arthur didn't answer, so Merlin continued.

"I mean... I'm talking about more than just... I don't know... dying for you. Of course I would do that. But I... I think I would put myself through hell on earth for you... make myself suffer every moment of life for you... and Arthur... that _really_ scares me."

"Merlin..." he whispered, trying to sooth him, but the warlock shushed him gently, stroking his hair.

"But I would do it... because you're _my_ Arthur. And I think that if anything bad ever happened to you... I think... If you were hurt, then that would hurt me more I think... so I won't ever let it come to that."

"Merlin, what is this all about, love?" Arthur asked, not impatiently, but more as a concerned lover.

"Arthur, it's always about the same thing, isn't it?" Merlin asked.

Arthur sighed rather loudly, but didn't make any attempt to wriggle out of Merlin's arms.

"Arthur, how many times are you going to tell me 'not today, we'll talk about it another day'?" Merlin asked. "You simply _cannot_ rule as King with no wife. Because I can see what will happen. You will spend your entire life building up a Kingdom which is fair and just and for what, Arthur? To see it taken down stone by stone through civil war?" Arthur stayed silent for a moment as though he really was contemplating that idea, and it did make him wince a little, even if he wouldn't admit it.

"But... Merlin..." he tried to say, but his companion wasn't having any of it, even though tears were once again pouring from his eyes.

"And I've been a fool," he cried as he held Arthur even tighter, "because I've only realised now, when it's too late, that whatever we have will never be. I should never have come back from Ealdor. You would have married Gwen and saved this Kingdom from ruin, and everything would have been ok. And look what... what I've done!"

Merlin was almost sobbing at this point, and Arthur wriggled away so he could look Merlin in the eyes.

"Merlin, I would never have had it _any_ other way," he assured him. "Do you have any idea how happy you make me? Seriously?" Merlin shook his head.

"Arthur... listen... I've been talking..." he trailed off, fearful of the King's reaction to what he was going to admit. He wondered if Arthur would tell him to leave again. And he would of course. He would leave and come back as many times as Arthur wished.

"What is it Merlin?" Arthur asked. "Something's not right with you today, what's wrong?"

Merlin took a deep breath before saying, "Two days ago when Morgana came and sat in our room, we... we talked..."

"Yes?" Arthur asked, maybe a little cautiously, even though he had no clue where this was leading.

"She wants to marry you, Arthur," Merlin just said. A flood of fear hit him at what Arthur's reaction might be, but he stayed silent. "We... we were talking about it... Arthur, you can't tell me this isn't the best solution..."

He knew that face. Arthur was not happy at all. But he didn't seem angry. At least not yet. But he did look upset.

"Arthur?" He asked, hating the silence more than anything. Silence meant that Arthur was thinking, and that was very nerve-racking.

"Are we back to that?" He finally asked. "Are we back to that, Merlin?"

Merlin looked away shamefully, knowing that Arthur meant that he had been planning this behind his back. He had warned Morgana that this might be his reaction, but he had trusted her to just go along with it.

"What about the last couple of months, Merlin? Did they not happen? Did you not learn anything from what we've been through, Merlin?"

Merlin hung his head low, ashamed of having betrayed Arthur's trust yet again. He had promised that he would never hurt him again, but it seemed he was incapable of doing the right thing. But he knew he was doing the right thing for Arthur... if only he could see it.

"Arthur, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry about this..."

"How can you be sorry?" Arthur asked, his voice dripping with genuine hurt. He came up to Merlin and took his hands in an effort to put all this behind them. "How can you be? I know that you would do it again."

Merlin cried again and nodded silently.

"Because I love you," he said quietly. "And whatever hurt I cause you now... I will have done the right thing... you know I will..." he looked up again and Arthur looked at him like he just didn't know what to say. Almost like he had been thinking about the situation himself.

"So how long have you been planning this behind my back?" Arthur asked.

"Not long, Arthur, I swear," Merlin said. "Morgana only told me about this a few days ago. She asked me to talk to you about it..."

"And why couldn't she talk to me herself?"

"Because she thought I would have more influence over you," Merlin said hesitantly, not sure how Arthur might take that.

He gave a weak smile and a sigh that was perhaps only just a laugh. He let go of Merlin's hands and sighed again.

"She's right," he said. "You can make me do the craziest things with just one word, Merlin," he admitted. "Letting a dog into this room, for one."

Even Merlin laughed at this comment, as any mention of Lucky always made them laugh.

"But how can I agree to this?" He asked, almost rhetorically.

"Marrying Morgana is the closest you and I will ever get to being together, Arthur," Merlin told him "She would be an amazing Queen of Camelot, and you love her, and she loves you. And she loves me and I love her. And she wants to help you, and to help us. She told me." He paused for a moment and then said, "I know I shouldn't be thinking of myself here right now Arthur, and I'm sorry... but there's only so much a person can take emotionally... and... watching you escort some strange noble woman to your chambers on your wedding night, as nice as she may be, would _kill_ me. To lie awake in my chambers and imagine you with a stranger... someone we didn't even know... or even worse... _hearing_..." he trailed off, the images in his head making a choked sound in his throat, and Arthur flinched at the thought also, almost crying himself.

"You know Merlin..." he began. "You never cease to surprise me... and God, I should be so bloody furious at you for going behind my back like this..."

And Merlin's eyes lit up at those words that meant... that possible meant Arthur was forgiving him.

"But how can I be?" He asked "How can I be angry when you're looking at me like that? When I can see how much you love me?" He took hold of Merlin's hand again, who was still half in awe, and he kissed it, opening up his palm and burying his face in it, as though he wanted to breathe him all in.

"I love your hands," he muttered and Merlin smiled as he kissed his palm. A little shiver even ran down his spine and tears prickled in the corners of his eyes again.

"You know you may not believe this, but I've actually been thinking about all this myself," Arthur admitted. "In training, in bed, during dinner- most days I'm thinking about all this..."

Merlin stayed silent, and just looked at him regretfully, feeling sorry that Arthur had to keep all of his emotions, and most likely, fears bottled up for so long.

Merlin moved his hand to stroke Arthur's face and Arthur looked at him, lost but determined.

"And I came to the conclusion..." he said, losing his words.

"Yes?" Merlin encouraged him soothingly. Arthur took a hold of both his hands again and looked him in the eye with more confidence than he felt.

"I cannot have a hope in _hell_ , Merlin... of being happy unless you are happy."

Merlin didn't think that there were any more tears left in his body to cry, but two more squeezed their way out and rolled down his face, his eyes wide in surprise at Arthur's selflessness for him. He knew that Arthur would risk his life and his title for him; he had done so in the past. But this was on a new level. This was an emotional selflessness he only ever dreamed he would receive from someone he loved, and he didn't even know what to do with the feeling that was bottled up inside of him. To know that his own feelings and love for Arthur were met with the same ferocity by him... it made his heart swell.

"So I'll marry her... I'll marry her for you," he said simply, and without giving Merlin a chance to respond, he kissed him on the mouth. But it wasn't a goodbye kiss. It was more like Arthur was trying to reassure Merlin, or savour him or just wanted to be close to him. Merlin couldn't decide, but he was too wrapped up in what was happening to care.

"Thank you," Merlin whispered after breaking apart. Even thought he knew this was going to cause them a lot of pain, he was happy that Arthur finally saw sense.

"I love you," was his answer to that. "But... can we... can we just have some time... just have some time..." he begged.

"Arthur..."

"Half a year... please,"

"No," Merlin said regretfully. It would only get harder the longer they waited. "It'll make it worse, Arthur," he warned him.

"I know," he agreed. "But I can't... I _can't_ ,"

"We have to do it soon."

"Four months," he said. Merlin shook his head, more tears escaping. "Three?" Another shake.

"One month," Merlin said, half choked.

"Merlin..."

"Arthur... then it's done. And that will be it." Arthur looked away and cried again, and Merlin whispered, "Trust me." And of course Arthur trusted Merlin with his life. He knew that everything would be ok, because Merlin would make sure of that.

He nodded slowly.

"A month."

"A month," Merlin repeated and after a long silence, asked "What do we do now?"

And Arthur whispered, "We cuddle."

Merlin couldn't stop the slightly teasing smile that followed, "I thought real men don't cuddle?" He asked, his lips so close to Arthur's ear by now.

"We cuddle," Arthur repeated, not annoyed in the least by Merlin being a little tease.

* * *


	28. Fields Of Gold

So Merlin and Arthur made themselves a promise, a pact almost, that during the month before Arthur was to marry, they would do every little thing imaginable together. They would try to be stuck to each other like limpets and make the most of every moment together, fulfil every little silly, sentimental dream, every sexual fantasy; make the most of the time they had left only for each other.

The morning after Arthur agreed to the deal, he went to Morgana's chambers, nervous and upset. She could tell by the way he entered, hunched over and quiet, that it had finally happened, and she placed her hairbrush down hesitantly and waited for cleared his throat and fell onto one knee in front of her, taking hold of both her hands, and he asked her to marry him. She seemed to glow at that and she hugged him tighter than she ever had in his life, and then dragged him off his knees and all the way to his chambers where Merlin was still sleeping. She pounced on him, waking him up, and pulled Arthur with her, hugging them both and whispering a thank you into Merlin's ear. They had stayed huddled like that for another hour, before Merlin insisted they get out of bed and face the day, and Morgana had gotten out of bed with a groan, fixed her hair and hugged them both again before leaving them alone.

* * *

A day later, Arthur had said to Merlin that he wanted to release the ban on magic on the same day that he would announce his engagement to Morgana. Merlin almost choked on his breakfast, and Arthur had to pat him on the back with some force, just to get him over the shock.

"I think it makes sense," he said to him, while taking a sip of his ale. "I'm marrying a sorceress, and you are a sorcerer. I think the people would accept it better if they knew I was marrying into magic so to speak."

It still amazed Merlin as to how at ease Arthur was when he spoke about magic nowadays, and it was almost like his countless prayers and endless tears had finally been answered, and that Arthur had fully accepted magic into his life. All those times when Merlin was lying to his face and then crying in his room at night seemed like a thousand years ago now as Arthur merrily discussed these matters over the breakfast table. Perhaps it had taken a great deal of pain and suffering to get to this point, but by the swell of Merlin's heart, it was definitely worth it.

"Arthur, are you sure?" He couldn't help but ask. "This is such a huge step. Are you sure it's not too soon?"

"If not now, Merlin, I really don't know when is the best time. _Is_ there even a best time?" Merlin had to admit he had a point. When was there ever a good time to change a twenty-year old law.

"I think that if we say that magic will be used as protection for this Kingdom, it will be the best way to go about it."

"I suppose..." Merlin responded.

"After all, you are my minister, my right hand man, a second King in a way..." Merlin actually flinched at that sort of title, and it made him feel slightly uncomfortable. "So, it makes sense that you are also my protector, right? And in marrying Morgana, I'm showing the people that the monarchy and magic are at peace."

Merlin just nodded, trying to take it all in, and also trying to figure out just how long Arthur had been thinking about this. He seemed to have it all pretty well planned out!

But it seemed that Arthur always had everything well planned out. The next day, he announced his and Morgana's betrothal in front of an audience in the Great Hall. Those who were not present would surely hear about it within the hour, and soon enough, the whole Kingdom would be rejoicing for the future Mr and Mrs Pendragon.

Of course, the task ahead was to be approached with far more caution. Arthur had sat down all his closest advisers, friends and knights. Morgana had been present too, for this concerned her just as much as everyone else.

"Friends," he had said, already a little frightened. The last words Merlin remembered him speaking were something like, "I have some very important news" but to be honest, he was so out of it and trembling with nerves, that he didn't even remember what Arthur had said, or even what the reaction of the council had been like. From what Morgana told him after the meeting, it seemed it had been a good idea for Arthur to introduce this slowly, as many of the members of the council were now used to Arthur's more liberal way of thinking, and this made the news far less of a shock.

The shock was there, however, and apparently the council had for a few silent minutes resembled a group of goldfish, their mouths open wide in surprise.

What Morgana would never tell either of the boys was how she couldn't look up at their faces, how she kept her eyes level with the table. Too afraid to accidentally meet Leon's gaze. Too afraid of whether she would see the shame in his eyes, or the anger, or even worse, the betrayal. She decided she would be better off not knowing what his first reaction to her secret was.

Of course, there had been the odd few that questioned Arthur's decision, it was only natural after all. There had been many concerns about the people being too afraid to accept magic in the Kingdom, as they had grown so used to it being used as a force for evil. Others had mentioned it may encourage people who practise the dark arts to threaten the Kingdom should the ban be lifted.

Luckily, Arthur had always said the same thing; that because of his relationship with Merlin, and his new one with Morgana, the people should at least feel content that magic is not evil, as the King himself is linked directly to it.

When the three of them finally managed to get out of the council chambers, which seemed so tiny now looking at the long empty hallway, Arthur and Merlin waited by the door for Lancelot to come out. He patted Arthur on the back as if to reassure him that he did indeed do the right thing, and Merlin thanked him and shook his hand.

Morgana had left the party as soon as the doors had opened, making sure she was well away from Leon so he couldn't corner her and start asking questions. This did not go unnoticed by the boys, and Arthur soon asked where Morgana had gotten to.

"She was right here when we came out," Merlin said. But before he could wonder any more, Leon came out of the room and approached them both. He looked almost scared to approach Merlin for a second, but then tried to remember that Merlin was his friend, not some wild animal he should be cautious of. He would never hurt him.

Merlin wasn't insulted by this slight hesitance. Of course, he had expected it, but he was grateful that Leon seemed to get over this small fear very quickly.

But he could see that it wasn't Merlin who was worrying him. He was obviously confused about Morgana, and nobody needed to mention it.

"So," he said, trying to break the silence. "A lot of information in one day, isn't it?" And Merlin realised he wasn't just talking about the magic. The news of the wedding had come as a huge shock to him earlier that day, and it seemed he hadn't quite recovered from that either. If the look in the young Knight's eyes was anything to go by, he was truly, truly hurt. In fact, Merlin could sense that he was almost on the verge of tears. But not quite.

For the first time, he actually questioned himself as to how deep the relationship between Leon and Morgana had grown in recent times. She was a very secretive person by nature, and Merlin had needed to find out from Arthur about even the slightest fondness between the two, not from Morgana herself. It seemed that Leon cared for her a lot more than any of them could have presumed. And that's when Merlin realised that Morgana wasn't there.

Of course, he knew she wasn't _there_ but now he knew why. He wondered whether she was as upset about all this as Leon seemed to be. She was strong, but she had always been the 'crying behind closed doors' type of woman. A little bit like Arthur in that sense.

And like Arthur, he knew better than to go after her if she was upset. It was best to let her collect her thoughts, and Merlin regretfully returned to chatting with the knights.

* * *

So the month had begun. One of the things that Arthur had always wanted to teach Merlin was how to become a better rider. Of course, Merlin would usually retort that he had enough skill in riding _Arthur_ , and that was all that mattered. The King would merely give him a clip round the ear for having such a dirty mind.

But he did eventually coax Merlin to come riding with him one afternoon in the hope that he could teach him a few things, as well as keep their promise to spend more time with each other. Even though it had been difficult to 'sneak' out of the castle, they managed to do it with a little help from Morgana.

They decided to ride out to one of their favourite spots, just a couple of hours outside Camelot. Even though it was not far from there that tragedy had struck them both, it was almost like putting the past behind them and starting anew. The lake river looked as calm as it had ever been, almost mirroring both their states of mind at the moment they rode up to it.

The grass still smelt exactly the same, the breeze only light this time of afternoon, but enough to make it whistle slightly.

Arthur only let Merlin lie down for a few minutes to rest from the ride before hoisting him up onto his feet and telling him that his lesson was about to begin.

"Is this your idea of relaxation!" Merlin whined, but didn't put up too much of a fight.

"Please, you complain like a girl!" Arthur told him as he arranged his horse to a more suitable position.

"Well I have every right to whinge- you wouldn't even let me bring baby Lu with us!" He actually put on a very large and very fake frown just to make Arthur feel bad. It seemed to work, as Arthur skipped and hopped over to Merlin and took him by surprise by taking hold of his back and dipping him low, kissing the frown from his forehead and nuzzling his nose.

Merlin smiled contently as he was lifted back up, sometimes hating that Arthur could get away with pretty much anything if he behaved a certain way.

"Ok, so I will mount Torento and show you how to do this properly, ok?"

Merlin sighed. It was going to be a very long afternoon.

Eventually, however, the lesson did end, and the two of them sat down to a magically prepared fire and helped themselves to magically prepared chicken.

"This is delicious," Arthur said as he bit into the meat again.

"You've never complimented my cooking before," Merlin couldn't help but giggle, and Arthur nudged his foot, giving a laugh of his own.

"So do you feel educated then Merlin?" Arthur asked once he had swallowed his food.

"Not really- or if I am, I've learnt that you're a little imp who can't take 'no' for an answer."

"Well if you had paid more attention on learning rather than misusing my saddle, we might have gotten somewhere." Merlin actually stifled a laugh at this, remembering the amused look on Arthur's face when instead of doing as he had asked, Merlin began rolling his hips extremely indecently against the leather of the saddle, making it squeak along with his movements. Merlin had almost immediately gotten a stick thrown at his head for not taking his lesson seriously, but it didn't stop him from acting up playfully.

"It was pretty funny," Arthur admitted as he finished up the rest of his food. "We should be heading back," and Merlin reluctantly nodded, clearing everything away with a wave of his hand.

The horses, however, seemed a lot less eager to leave, and especially Torento who had been the victim of Merlin's teasing gyrations, and almost as soon as Arthur mounted him, he began to kick and buck, not wanting this one little bit.

Soon enough, Arthur was knocked off his horse and onto his back with a loud thud, and no sooner had he hit the ground did he begin to laugh hysterically.

Merlin by now had dismounted his own horse and had run over to see if Arthur was ok. The King was still in fits of giggles at what had just happened, and Merlin couldn't help but let out a confused laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" He asked, a little amused himself.

Arthur managed to sit up, his giggling dying down, and he looked over at Merlin who had moved away a little bit, standing up against the nearest tree trunk. It was practically dark by now, and the early signs of the moon were making his pale completion shine. But Merlin seemed just as mesmerized.

Arthur was never more beautiful than when he smiled. It was something that was like a switch; it lit him up from head to toe. And after his fits of laughter, the glow still remained, his hair a little messy from having fallen off his horse.

Without maybe even meaning to, Merlin suddenly blurted out, but with surprising confidence in his voice,"Do you want to dance with me?"

And for a moment, Arthur wanted to say that, of course he didn't want to dance with him, because they had to get back to the castle, and he wasn't to be asked to dance as if he were a _girl_ , but none of that came out.

Because Merlin was looking at him so expectantly and innocently, that he found himself, instead, saying,"Sure," with a silly smile plastered on his face.

Merlin came over and helped his King up without a single word, and put both arms around the back of his neck, settling his head on Arthur's shoulder. This was one of the most comforting positions they had ever been in, and Merlin loved it.

Arthur wrapped both arms around Merlin's waist and held him like that while he swayed in time with the wind; slowly, almost like an ancient lullaby. The grass was now whistling a little louder and the gentle flow and trickle of the river was easier to hear now that neither men were talking. And as if the world was spinning around them, the two just danced their way into the night, not caring about the responsibilities they had left behind.

* * *

Despite the fact that Arthur was to marry Morgana, Merlin still didn't let him show any sort of affection towards him in the public eye. Arthur tried and tried his best to get some sort of reaction from Merlin when they were out and about, but he never would. He knew it hurt Arthur, but there was no telling what the consequences would be of Arthur flaunting Merlin while he was betrothed to another woman.

Arthur took up a fine opportunity to test Merlin's emotional resolve a week later while the warlock was practising his archery in the training grounds. Ever since Merlin's near death experience all those months ago, Arthur had ordered, not requested, for Merlin to learn all sorts of self defence; he would never risk something like that happening again.

Merlin wasn't _terrible_ at archery, but there was definitely room for improvement, just like with everything else he did. Arthur slowly approached him from behind, taking one of the arrows from the pot. Merlin jumped up a little, startled by Arthur's silent approach.

"Hi," he said happily.

Arthur smiled at him and said, "How do you expect to kill anything Merlin when you're aiming like that?" Merlin huffed, but aimed anyway, missing the middle of the target by quite a bit.

He pulled a sad face that made Arthur's insides melt, and he gave Merlin a new arrow and came up behind him, guiding his hands into the right place.

"Too tense, Merlin," he said softly. "Breathe slower," he laughed, and Merlin obeyed, trying to convince himself that it was normal for a King to be doing this. But he didn't have the heart to push him away. Not when he needed as much of him as he could have during this short time.

Arthur brought his hand round to rest on the bow, but not touching Merlin's hand. Merlin tensed at this close contact, but didn't let the gasp leave his lips.

"Elbow down... a little," Arthur whispered, and Merlin did as he was told, slowly and hesitantly. Arthur was probably too close by now, but Merlin tried his best to block unfriendly thoughts like that out of his head and focus on the target.

"Now rotate your arm to catch the arrow, you see?" Arthur said even more quietly, as if he only wanted Merlin to ever hear these words. As insignificant as those words were, they still held a possessive nature to them, trying to block out everyone else from their own little bubble.

"And now... breathe in..." And this time, Merlin actually remembered himself. Arthur's breath was so close, he could feel it, hot and moist against his ear. He was too close, and Merlin could see that now. The tone of his voice was now that of a lover, not a King.

"Arthur..." Merlin warned quietly, loosening his grip on the bow.

"Merlin... please..." Arthur actually seemed to be begging. Really begging, for some sort of emotional recognition that Merlin simply couldn't give. There were knights and people all over the place. They couldn't do anything. They had done too much already.

Merlin felt his throat tighten up as he subtly squirmed out of Arthur's grip, and the King eventually let him go, not willing to make a scene.

The look on his face punched Merlin straight in the gut. He could see Arthur was very disappointed and hurt that Merlin had denied him this. He simply pointed at the target, trying to look as if nothing had happened, and said, "Keep both eyes open when you shoot. You'll see twice as well." He then patted him on the back and walked away, his step a little more laboured than before.

Merlin hoped to God that this wouldn't put them on bad terms, not now, not like this. He couldn't bear the thought of him and Arthur falling out over this when they needed each other most. And with these thoughts in his head, Merlin messed up all of his next shots.

When Merlin walked into their chambers that evening, Arthur was nowhere to be found. Instead, there was a pie placed on the bed, and judging by the smell that was in the air, it was the same pie that Gwen had baked for him while he was ill.

Merlin smiled when he saw that this pie was a little less aesthetically pleasing, and was very rough around the edges, proof enough that Arthur must have been involved some way in the making of this one, and that made Merlin heart _swell_.

There was the word 'sorry' engraved into the dough on the top, and Merlin almost didn't want to eat it, afraid of losing the affection that had gone into this apology, even though it made him feel bad that Arthur wanted to apologise for loving him.

A second later, Arthur appeared out of nowhere and hugged Merlin warm and tight, muttering a thousand 'sorrys' into his shoulder.

The two of them made love that night, slow and sensual, kissing placed almost everywhere they could reach, 'I love you' not being spared whenever their mouths were not occupied. And it was perfect.

* * *

Days turned into weeks, and weeks eventually turned into a month, and the day before Arthur's wedding had finally arrived.

It was on that day that Arthur had decided to give Merlin some sort of formal title for his magic, to finally show the people that this was real, that it was not some kind of rumour.

And even though for Merlin, this was basically what dreams were made of, he still couldn't prevent his stomach tightening up in the morning as though he was going to be sick, and all through the day, his insides tossed and turned like the ocean itself.

The last thing he remembered doing was kneeling before Arthur, feeling more grateful to him than he had in a long time, and the affection sparkled in Arthur's eyes more than ever, clear onto to himself. And that made him feel utterly proud.

"From this day forth, not only to I, King Arthur Pendragon, release the ban on practising magic in Camelot, but I do declare you, Merlin, protector of this realm, and all who serve it. May your powers lead this land into a harmonious future. Please rise," he finished, allowing Merlin to barely stand on his now jelly-like legs.

The entire hall was applauding and cheering so loudly that Merlin couldn't even hear his nerves any more, and that consoled him, even if only a little. He looked to the side, where Morgana and Gaius were standing, and he didn't need to have a heart to heart with Gaius after the ceremony to know that he was saying "I'm proud of you, Merlin."

After the ceremony, Arthur, Morgana and Merlin stole themselves away to Morgana's chambers and played with Lucky, making her chase her ball, scratching her fur, even though Arthur didn't really want her climbing all over him. The three of them cuddled up in an emotional and bittersweet embrace, not saying a word. There was too much to be said to say it in one evening, and all they could do was pray to all the gods there were that things would always remain this way. Like they were that very second, to remain perfect and loving, and that nothing would ever change the next day.

Neither of them knew how long they had stayed like that, but when the boys heard Morgana's deep and calm breaths, they knew she had fallen asleep, and they carefully placed her under the covers, kissing her forehead before leaving her in peace.

* * *

"From the very beginning, from the first moment I may almost say, of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain for the feelings of others, were such as to form the groundwork of disapprobation, on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed upon to marry."

Arthur sat cross-legged on the bed, a pillow under his arm, watching Merlin like one would a wild beast in the forest, eyes wide, mouth open, awaiting Merlin's next words.

"She isn't going to leave him is she?" Arthur asked impatiently. "She can't possible leave him, even a fool can tell that she's head over heels for him! Oh please, Merlin, tell me she's not going to leave him!"

Merlin actually rolled his eyes, not able to play up to Arthur's game any more.

"Arthur, come on, we've read this book front to back three times now! How can you expect me to keep a straight face when you do that!" He laughed. Arthur pouted and huffed.

"Don't ruin the atmosphere!" He complained. Merlin shook his head, but complied with his silent wishes.

"I'm not telling you what happens, Arthur," he chided, and Arthur gave a pout. Merlin shut the book and placed it under his pillow, yawning. "We'll just have to... to find out..." he said between yawns "... tomorrow."

Arthur didn't put up much of a fight and merely joined Merlin under the covers, blowing out the candle and trying to share the body heat under the chilly covers.

The pair gave a little shudder at the change of temperature. The room was warm, but the space between the sheets was quite cold, and Arthur had to spoon Merlin to warm themselves up before the temperature evened out between them.

The moment Arthur shut his eyes he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. Actually, he probably knew this long before evening had fallen. Or perhaps he knew even when he had proposed to Morgana, that he wouldn't be able to sleep this very night soundly, if at all. That was probably why he had asked Merlin to read to him again, the light, but mellow tone to his reading voice had always helped him sleep in the past; let him escape reality, which is exactly what he needed tonight, but it didn't seem to be doing much good tonight. If anything, it reminded him of how much he was going to miss, which just made him sadder.

And before he even knew he was doing it, a single, unwanted tear fell from his eyes, and inconveniently landed on Merlin's shoulder, making him aware of Arthur's silent crying. Although it became less silent, when Arthur gave an involuntary sniff of his nose as more tears collected.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked, worried. "Are you ok? What's happened, tell me." He had wriggled out of Arthur's grasp now, and sat up slightly, leaning his elbows on his knees that were now bent.

Arthur knew that he should have put up a bigger fight against his emotions, but it didn't seem to matter any more. And anyway, he knew that Merlin would make him tell him one way or another. He figured it was best just to let it out, even if it killed them both tonight.

"Tomorrow I'll be married..." he started, a childish sniffle in his voice from his tears. "And I won't be yours any more."

Merlin gave him a sympathetic look. Almost the same one he had given the morning of Uther's death, and he motioned silently for Arthur to come to him and he came, because... because he just needed to. And Merlin held them both in almost a cradle shaped embrace, rocking the pair of them to some sort of content. It never came.

"Now, now, we both knew this time was going to come some day, right?" He asked, despite the threat of his own tears building.

"But... why did it have to come so soon?" Arthur asked. And Merlin merely shook his head, not saying a word, because not even he, the great warlock he was, with the great powers he possessed, could come up with an answer to a cruel question like that. Because it seemed like neither of them had spent a more emotional and stunning time in their lives as they had in the past month. It had been like heaven, even though every night they made love, the emotion grew and grew with the knowledge that when they would go to sleep, they would wake up with one day less. And one day less. And so it went on... until tonight. When they could no longer imagine "one day less". Because there were no more days left to rely on.

"Tough," Merlin almost whispered affectionately. "We had each other to ourselves for nearly two and a half years," he pointed out, now crying, even if only a little. He knew one of them had to try and keep some sort of inner calm.

He felt Arthur's head nod in agreement, and he sniffled one last time, before pulling away from Merlin, as if ashamed by his own actions when Merlin seemed so calm and brave. Merlin smiled when Arthur pulled away and looked at him, telling him with his tear stained face that everything would be ok. He didn't know if it would be, but it was the only thing he could tell himself any more to keep sane.

"I... uh..." Arthur started, his voice a little hoarse from crying.

"What is it?"

"I doubt that I'll be able to get to sleep tonight," Arthur said a little solemnly. Merlin smiled so warmly and affectionately at Arthur, though there seemed to be a hint of amusement in his eyes as he huffed a little in laughter and trailed his hand gently, ever so gently, down the King's thigh, towards his crotch.

Arthur actually laughed for the first time since they had gotten into bed and moved Merlin's hand away, stroking it quickly.

"No, that's not what I meant," he almost giggled, making Merlin blush at having gotten the wrong idea. Arthur smiled and assured him not to worry.

"You want me to read to you some more?" He asked, already reaching for the book that he had put away minutes ago. But Arthur stopped him and shook his head.

He looked nervous, and Merlin waited expectantly, as though he expected Arthur to admit to something. He knew that face a hundred times before, and it meant that he would just have to wait.

"I was wondering..." he started. "Do you remember that time when I caught you singing as I woke up?"

Merlin seemed a little embarrassed about that, but nodded, saying, "I can't believe you still remember that."

"How could I ever forget?" Arthur said. "It's just that, um... it was very beautiful, and... I was wondering if... if you would sing for me..."

Merlin could tell by Arthur's manner that he felt really uncomfortable asking for this, and even though they had gone through many emotional experiences together than he could count, Arthur was still fairly emotionally reserved a lot of the time. But it was arguably one of the traits that Merlin loved most about him.

And Merlin had never liked to sing in front of others. Only his mother had ever heard him sing, not even Will had. But he didn't think twice about holding out his arms and letting Arthur settle in them, before his voice began to skip over the soft simple notes of the song.

 _vos mos memor mihi ,_   
*****

 _ut occasus ventus permoveo inter ager of hordeum_

 _Vos can dico sol solis in suus zelus divum_

 _ut nos ingredior in ager of aurum_

 _Sic cepit suus diligo pro ut obtutus parumper dum ,_

 _inter ager hordeum_

 _In suus telum is socius ut suus saeta venit down ,_

 _inter ager of aurum_

 _Mos vos subsisto me_

 _mos vos exsisto meus diligo_

 _inter ager hordeum_

 _Vos can dico sol solis in suus zelus divum_

 _ut nos ingredior ager of aurum_

 _plures annus have obduco utpote illud estas dies_

 _inter ager hordeum_

 _Animadverto liberi run ut sol solis mos paro,_

 _ut vos recubo ager of aurum_

 _Ut nos ingredior ager of aurum_

 _Ut nos ingredior ager of aurum_

 _Ut nos ingredior ager of aurum_

He was glad that Arthur seemed to go limp in his arms by the end of the last few lines, which meant that he was probably asleep, as Merlin didn't want him to hear the tearful quality to his voice towards the last part of the song. His mother had always sung this song to him when he couldn't sleep, but it wasn't until now that he took any heed of the words he had been singing, and the bitter-sweet stab was almost too much to let him sleep.

But eventually, he did sleep, glad that his lover slept softly thanks to his lullaby, leaving freshly dried salty tears to act as his own lullaby.

 *** For Merlin's lullaby, I simply put the song "Fields of Gold" into a Latin translator. I chose it because I felt the whole idea was very fitting with the boys' pseudo farewell at the end of this chapter. Please note that I speak no Latin at all and so I don't know if this translation is innacurate. If anyone knows better than me, I'm more than happy to change some things**

* * *


	29. The Right Thing

Morgana was a strong woman; she always had been, ever since she was a little girl. And she had to be strong after her father had died, she _had_ to learn how to hide any signs of weakness.

But not even she could prevent the lump in her stomach that had been growing over the past month from rising to her throat, making her take a sip of water that her maidservant had laid out for her by her bedside.

She had asked Gwen specifically to prepare her for the wedding, and Gwen had agreed to be mistress of the robes once Morgana was Queen; an honour she would not forget in a hurry. She had always known her former mistress would be a great Queen, but now she was excited for the goodness and justice she knew she would bring to Camelot.

"There are so many people," Gwen commented as she looked out of the window. The sun had come out for Arthur and Morgana especially it seemed, and it made hundreds of shiny dots appear in the road leading up to the gates, with the men's armour shimmering spectacularly. The women were also beautifully dressed, coming from far and wide to pay tribute to the new King and Queen of Camelot.

"Yes, I suppose there are," Morgana agreed, joining Gwen at the window "It's almost unnerving that all these strangers are going to see my wedding," she laughed a little and walked back from the window, putting her arms around herself.

Gwen suddenly felt rather guilty and walked up behind her friend.

"Don't be afraid," she said soothingly "You're going to look beautiful, and you'll be amazing." She knew that there was no point in consoling Morgana about the real issue that was scaring the life out of her, so she attempted to take her mind off it if only for a moment.

"Thank you," she whispered, not looking back.

Dressing Morgana didn't take as long as they thought it would, seeing as Gwen stayed silent throughout the entire process, completely different from when she used to dress her former mistress, courtly gossip bouncing between them. Now, though, Gwen just let Morgana delve into her thoughts like she knew she needed.

When she had fastened the last blue ribbon onto her dress, she put her arm on Morgana's shoulder and whispered, "It's time," making the lady shiver.

* * *

When Morgana finally made it to walking down the aisle in the amazingly beautiful chapel the castle owned, she had made the big mistake of looking over at Merlin who was standing by the side with the other servants. He didn't seem to be focusing on the wedding, of course he wasn't. And that made her wonder what the atmosphere had been like between him and Arthur that morning when they had woken up next to each other, knowing that Arthur was getting married hours later.

She figured they would have gone through the morning with as little words as possible, maybe not even any hugs or kisses, trying to make the day less painful than it already was.

And then she made the even bigger mistake of looking to her left where the knights were standing, proud and straight backed, Sir Leon sticking out more than any of them despite their matching uniforms. He caught Morgana's eye almost by mistake, looking away too quickly even for her own conscience. Ever since her and Merlin's magic had been revealed to the Kingdom, she had felt so guilty for lying to everyone, including Leon himself and the thought of him staying angry at her on her wedding day and the possibility of never making up with him made her clutch her bouquet in regret.

Arthur looked flushed; almost ill as she approached him. She wasn't sure if it was the heat of his nerves, or the desperate tries to keep the tears she knew were hiding in there from spilling out. There would be no explanation for that sort of display.

When she put her hand out for him to take, his hand did indeed feel warm, but nothing like the heat of his face and her eyes softened when she met his, trying to reassure him, and squeezed his hand for further comfort.

He gave her a weak smile and lead her round to the front the alter where the priest was waiting with a warm smile. And when he began to speak and invited people to sit down for the mass to begin, Morgana gulped and mentally told herself that _"this is it"_.

* * *

It seemed the entire court was in an unhealthy state of happiness after the wedding, and the ball was buzzing with all the new guests that had arrived, and Morgana could not have felt more claustrophobic during the greetings if she tried. She had never made it a big secret how much she hated greeting royal guests, but today of all days she just wanted to be alone and spend time thinking things over.

Neither she nor Arthur had approached Merlin since the previous night for a discussion and Morgana wasn't even sure where to find him, but it didn't take long, as one glance around the room had Merlin sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the happy dancers in the ballroom. He was sitting on one the side benches, a beaker of something in his hand, and she was convinced that something was not water.

Morgana approached Merlin with caution, having never been around him when drunk; she didn't know what he would act like towards her. He sat with a gloomy, resigned face, looking down at the floor.

"Merlin?" she asked quietly, touching his shoulder "What you doing over here all by yourself?"

He shrugged, face still hung low, "Dr-drinking myself to an early grave," he said, a little slurred.

Morgana's eyes narrowed as her heart filled with pity for the young warlock. She had to get him to bed before anyone saw him.

"Merlin," she said "What do you say we get you to bed?" He looked at her and shook his head oddly.

"Not-no'tired," he said a little loudly.

"Merlin, you look terrible," she said and came a little closer. "We don't want Arthur seeing you like this, do we?"

And even in his totally intoxicated state, Merlin's eyes softened and he looked over to where his lover was sitting, obviously just as miserable as he was. He nodded slowly, and let Morgana help him up.

"What you doin'?" he asked.

"I'm taking you to bed, Merlin," she said, struggling to hold his body weight up as he was barely able to stand on his own two feet.

"But... but y' the queeeeen!" he reminded her. "Y'gotta dance n'stuff."

"Merlin, I'm sure I won't be missed. Now are you going to let me help you or not?" She asked, wanting to get him out before he drew too much attention to himself. He nodded and finally they got out of the hall and into the empty corridor outside.

Morgana would take Merlin to his own room tonight, though she wasn't sure how he would react to that.

"Y' look preeety t'nigh," he said with a silly smile. Morgana laughed and dragged Merlin's arm around her shoulders to keep him upright.

"Thank you Merlin," she smiled as he leaned his head on her shoulder.

"Y'know what, Gana?" he asked "Oh, y'don mind if I call y'Gana, do you? S'just once I heard Arthur call y'it, and- and... sounded nice..."

"You always call me 'Gana', Merlin," she reminded him, trying not to giggle.

"Do I!" he exclaimed, sounded really surprised "Well that's alrite then!" She giggled again.

"Morgana?" A voice echoed behind them, and despite the weight on her back, Morgana managed to crane her head to see Lancelot walking towards them, concerned.

"Oh, Lancelot, hello," she said with a bit of a smile.

"What happened?" he asked "I saw you leave."

"I think this one's had a little too much," she explained, half silly, half pitiful, and Lancelot's eyes softened and he put Merlin's other arms round himself to help balance Morgana's burden.

"Heeeey!" Merlin greeted his friend merrily.

"Hello Merlin," he smiled.

"Aaaanyway!" Merlin continued "Morgana," he said. "Y'know... I figured out... everything I do... all the- the time," and he hiccupped "It's always been like... like th'right thing, y'know? Like... not jus f'Arthur... like... I set Sparky free n'stuff... didn't _have_ to- but promised, y'know..." Merlin explained what he thought was a coherent speech, even though his two companions were having a hard time understanding a word.

"N'Mordred- should've not done it. But it was _right_ I think... but Arthur- I always seem to do stuff... like... Gwen- her kiss didn't work y'know Gana. I didn't. So I did it- coz it was right. I could've kissed him and lived happily... um... something... but no, coz I went n' cast the spell! And then I _left_!" He said rather loudly.

Morgana seemed to be finally understanding where this explanation was heading, and it broke her heart to hear Merlin talk like this- that it took God knows how much ale for him to express his hurt after all this time.

"But... that's _me_ I s' _pose_! Like... the poison n'stuff. And now this... I pushed and pushed him... if he didn't do it Gana, things would've gone really bad y'know! And now it's done... and y'know... I thought of somefink..." And he paused, as though contemplating his own thoughts.

"I'm tired, Morgana..." he said, still very slurred, but she could tell he meant every word "It's um... tiring and... yeah... tiring n'stuff... all this... doing right... and... I think... y'know what, guys? I'm _tired_ of doing th'right thing... reeeally..."

And by now, Morgana's eyes had welled up like they hadn't in a long time, and she looked at Lancelot for some kind of support- for help on what to say when you hear something like that. And even though she didn't know what was going to happen for them in the future, that was the moment when she vowed that no matter what it took on her part, she would make everything right for _all_ of them- Merlin deserved that, if not more.

Thankfully, they made it to Merlin's chambers which he had not slept in once since they were given to him. Morgana and Lancelot flopped Merlin onto his bed in a sitting position, and with her free hand, Morgana subtly brushed off a tear that she had shed on her way there.

"Lancelot," she said "Will you go back to the party and tell Arthur that I just went for a quick walk to clear my head so he won't wonder. I don't want him to follow me and see him like this..."

"Of course," he smiled.

"And... could you bring some water for him, please?" Lancelot nodded again and left the room, leaving the two of them alone.

"How are you feeling Merlin?" Morgana asked softly.

"Tiiiired..." he said, and she knew he meant both senses of the word. She sat by him and helped him out of his jacket and shirt as best she could.

"Come on then," she said soothingly "Let's put you to bed then? You'll feel so much better in the morning."

"Promise?" Merlin asked, making involuntary puppy dog eyes at her. And she smiled a forced smile, telling him yes.

It took some work, but Morgana finally managed to wrestle Merlin out of his clothes and into a nightshirt that was laying on his bed for him. She also noticed a wash bowel that had been left for him that evening and got up to bring it over, pouring some of the water onto an empty mug.

Merlin got himself into bed and under the covers, and Morgana sat on the edge, coaxing him to sit up so she could give him water.

He groaned, but did as he was told and he propped himself up on his forearm and sipped bits at a time.

Once he had drunk everything, Morgana let him put his head on the pillow and he made what she thought was a content noise, but then she realised that he was actually about to cry.

"Morgana..." he said to her.

"What is it, sweetie?" She asked, concerned that maybe he was hurt somewhere.

"Please..." he whispered "Please... please... please... please look after my Arthur, please..." his voice wasn't so slurred now, his drunkenness wearing off even a little, but he was crying by now, "He says he's ok... he's not ok... please Morgana, he's all I've got... God, Gana, he's the world to me, please..."

Morgana could barely understand him by now, as the sobs were taking control of his body and he was shaking, trying to compose himself.

And Morgana let out a cry of her own, no longer being able to suppress it, and she grabbed Merlin almost violently towards her, tight against her chest so he would feel some comfort and reassurance, and she rocked him. Slowly and silently, she rocked him and cried, and let _him_ cry into her dress, not caring what people would say when she would finally return to the celebrations.

"Shh... shh..." she soothed him as best she could, stroking his black hair and kissing it lightly "Sweetheart... I'm here, come on, shhh..."

She didn't know how long she had been doing this for, but eventually, Merlin stopped crying and soon after that, she felt him relax against her and felt his deep breathing against her skin and she knew he was asleep.

She gave a content sigh that he was finally peaceful, and lay him back onto the pillows almost like one would a small baby. Morgana had never seen Merlin sleep. Not like this, anyway. And for the first time in a long time, she felt content that he wasn't plagued by any of this business. His face looked dreamy, eyes lightly closed, lips forming only the slightest pout. The evidence of his cries were still on his face, but she tried to ignore that, and instead, arranged him into what she thought may be a more comfortable position, tucking the blankets all around him like a bundle.

But she just didn't have the heart to leave him like that- not after what had just happened. So she just sat and stared at him, trying to figure out a way of making everything better for the two men she loved more than anything in the world.

Her hand made its way to his soft hair and she brushed any hair that was in his face away, and continued to stroke it, as if lulling him into an even deeper sleep.

She should have probably been frightened when the door opened suddenly, but she was so wrapped up in her own thoughts, that she merely looked round, only a little surprised.

"Lancelot was dancing with Gwen," Sir Leon said a little loudly as he entered the room, and Morgana shushed him quietly, and then her eyes softened when she realised who it was.

Leon looked over at the sleeping Merlin and made a face like he'd been caught doing something wrong, and tiptoed slowly into the room.

"He asked me to bring you the water," he whispered this time.

Morgana nodded, even though she had already put Merlin to bed, but she didn't have the heart to send Leon away, so she motioned for him to come in. He nodded and closed the door silently behind him.

Having no other place to sit, Leon sat on the other side of Merlin's bed, opposite Morgana, avoiding his sleeping form.

It wasn't until he sat down that Morgana realised how awkward everything probably was between them. Neither of them had really spoken to each other since Arthur announced the wedding, and therefore since he lifted the ban on magic in Camelot, announcing that his future wife and minster were sorcerers and protectors of his Kingdom.

Of course, she had no idea how he felt about all this- he didn't _seem_ frightened of her, but that didn't mean that he wasn't. She was a witch after all.

"How is he?" Leon asked.

"Exhausted- physically and emotionally poor mite," she said, stroking his hair again. "You should have seen him earlier," she said. "He was... oh God, I've never seen him like that..."

After a pause, Leon said, "What's going to happen?"

"Whatever I have to do to make this right for him... I will do- the two of them... they will be happy..." she trailed off and she didn't dare meet Leon's eyes when she said, "tonight... tonight I'll have to hurt him... but after that... I hope..."

"And what about you?" Leon asked quietly. She looked up at him, tears now in her eyes, which for some reason, she wasn't afraid for him to see.

"Me?" she asked, as if she hadn't even thought about it "Well... I'll be Queen."

She knew that's not what he meant, and he smiled at her tries to avoid the real question there.

After all Morgana's tries to try and deny whatever there was between them... it seemed that both their emotions were too highly strung to leave any room for pretences. And she knew very well what this meant for her- a life time of being Arthur's wife. Not that that was a sacrifice- she loved Arthur. But whatever sorts of feelings she and Leon had developed in the meantime could never be realised.

It seemed that in her sea of thoughts, Morgana hadn't even realised that there had been a very lengthy silence between the two of them, and it was Leon who finally broke it.

"Morgana..." he whispered. He had used her first name to her face once. Only once. And he had apologised for it almost straight away. It was nothing like this. She knew he wasn't going to apologise for this. And he whispered it. It... it felt so intimate. She didn't want to fight it; the warmth it brought her to hear her name being said like that.

Her hand was leaning on the blankets, and she noticed Leon's own hand edging its way closer and closer to hers. This was the moment when she could turn back and say that this would just make it harder- make it more difficult. But she needed this, and like Merlin, she was tired of pretending. As if her perception of all this changed in one second, Morgana moved her hand and met his half way, until his lay on top of hers. Comforting, reassuring, warm and everything that she had wanted up until now.

When he broke the silence, it seemed a little painful at first, but then only startling, "You're so brave," Leon told her softly and she shook her head with tears in her eyes.

"I'm not brave," she whispered hoarsely. "This one's brave," she said, stroking Merlin's fringe again.

"You both are," Leon agreed "And I'm sorry for what you have to go through tonight."

Morgana didn't seem too pained at this statement, but she shuddered the slightest amount. After all, it was Arthur- it wasn't like she didn't know him, she cared for him, and she knew that for all his endless teasing he'd never let any harm come to her, and she knew she would be all right.

She looked Leon in the eye for a split second and then realised what she was doing. It hit her like a tonne of bricks and even though she resisted the urge to fling his hand off hers and run out the room, she did move her hand slowly away.

Before she had a chance to say anything, she heard a soft voice whispering her name from the corridor outside, and Morgana shut her eyes, half saddened that she would have to leave, "That would be Gwen," she whispered, her eyes still closed, her hand now lying next to Leon's; not touching.

Leon looked at her adoringly and whispered back even lower, "She'll leave in a minute."

And Morgana opened her eyes, which were by now full of tears again, and she moved slowly inch by inch away from Leon, shaking her head slowly, trying to send him a clear, painful and bittersweet message. A tear rolled down her face and Leon looked away slightly, realising that she was right.

"Morgana, are you in here?" Gwen asked, standing outside the door.

"Yes, we'll..." she paused, trying to disguise the cry in her voice that she didn't even realise was there before "We'll be there in a minute..." she said quietly.

"Ok then," Gwen said, unaware of her friend's state. "It'll be the last dance soon."

And then they heard her leave and Morgana slowly got up, wiping her eyes as lightly as she could and fixing her hair as best she could. She didn't know how bad her face looked, but she folded her hands on top of each other and left the room silently leaving Leon sitting on the bed alone.

* * *

The last dance had gone by at lightning speed compared to the rest of the evening which seemed to pass in slow motion. But finally, Morgana

retired to her chambers with Gwen who undressed her without words, not really knowing what to say to her.

She unbraided her hair and let it fall in lovely locks across her back and shoulders. She took the bowl of water set out for Morgana by the other servants and washed Morgana's limited make up off with a cloth.

As she was finishing, Gwen had the courage to finally ask in a quiet, uncertain voice, "Are you afraid?"

Morgana looked up and her first instinct was to shake her head confidently, which she did, but then she relaxed as Gwen started stroking her hair, and admitted with more confidence than she felt, "Only a little..."

Gwen looked up at her again, pity in her eyes, even though she knew that Arthur was more than the best man Morgana could probably wish for.

"How was he with you?" Morgana asked quietly "Lancelot I mean..."

Gwen sat silent for a moment, unsure of how best to answer, but then she told her, "He was... tender... all men who love their wives are..."

Morgana smiled, seemingly a little reassured from Gwen and she put a hand on her friend's. She looked down at their hands, and was painfully reminded of the similar scene from just hours ago, and her hand shot back almost as if she'd burnt herself. She couldn't afford any emotional distractions tonight.

"Are you alright Morgana?" Gwen asked.

"I'm fine," she said, putting on her best fake smile. "Would you please check on Merlin for me before you retire for the night?"

Gwen smiled, "Of course I will," she said and hugged Morgana one last time before leaving her alone.

* * *

It seemed like Morgana paced her room for at least two miles before she heard the door squeak open slightly, at which point she sat down on her bed as fast as lightning, her heart beating like a drum.

Arthur poked his head inside, not wanting to scare her, and then he came inside fully, shutting the door behind him.

The room was too silent. They could both hear the fire crackling against the wall, the grasshoppers singing outside, the wind whistling through the trees.

"Morgana," Arthur said softly as he edged his way towards the bed. He was dressed in his nightclothes, a Pendragon red robe making him more decent for walking to Morgana's chambers.

"Please," she said calmly, placing her hand on the spot next to her on the bed, motioning for Arthur to come and sit. He did so, shifting a little so he could get comfortable.

"Alone at last," he finally said, a light hearted tone to his voice. Morgana smiled warmly, but didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry," he said finally. Morgana seemed slightly taken aback by this comment and asked,

"What for?"

"For what I'm putting you through, and for what you have to do tonight, and just for... everything..."

"Arthur... don't talk like that," she said.

"Morgana it's true... perhaps I should never have agreed to this- you'll have a wasted life because of me... I'm really sorry," he told her softly, looking straight at her.

"I'm not sorry," she said truthfully. Of course she wasn't sorry for marrying Arthur. She loved him more than anything in the world. It was he who had been looking after her when she was ten years old and came to live with him for the first time.

"You're just saying that."

"No I'm not," she told him. "I don't regret marrying you. How can I? You've never done me any harm Arthur."

"That's not the point," he said. "You should be free to marry someone you choose. This should never have happened."

And Morgana leant over and took his hand in hers, feeling surprised and confused as to which part of the conversation turned to her comforting Arthur.

"Arthur... I will be happy. I will find my happiness knowing that you are happy and that I have given Camelot an heir. If I can't be happy in love, then I will be happy knowing I did everything I could to be a good Queen."

"Morgana, stop this, you know you won't be happy!" Arthur said, genuinely concerned at this point.

"Arthur," Morgana said sternly. "And what do you think would have happened if I hadn't of married you? I would have been married off by Uther to someone I probably wouldn't know. Is that what you would wish for me? Instead of marrying you, whom I've known all my life?"

Arthur seemed to take some heed of these words, as he looked up, his expression a little more relaxed, and the crease in his brow a little lighter.

"Can I be honest with you?" He asked, and she nodded. "Father was pressing me to marry someone. We spoke of it just days before his death. Or should I say _he_ did the talking and I did the sulking." Morgana gave a little laugh and Arthur smiled, saying, "If it's any conciliation... I wouldn't want it to be anybody else."

"Nor me," she agreed. "I think you're going to be the best husband I could be expected to wish for- and I wouldn't even want to wish for another. You know I love you, don't you?" she asked. "Because I know we fight a lot and I tease you Arthur, and sometimes I may behave like a spoiled Princess, but you mean the world to me."

"I know Gana," he smiled. "And I love you too- so much." He reached out and took her hands gently "You're the most important woman in my life... which is why it kills me to be doing this to you. I'm being dishonest to both of us... and utterly unfair to you."

"Arthur..." she began. "You know what the whole point of you marrying me was, don't you? So you can be with the one you love."

"Morgana, I could never do that to you- I know we agreed, but... it isn't right." She could tell by his face that he was just being brave. He wanted nothing better than to be with Merlin like he wanted, and Morgana's eyes softened at his lost little face.

"Arthur, I want you to," she said. "Why should you suffer? This is why I offered this, because I _want_ to see you happy." She hoped to hell that she didn't have to tell Arthur what state Merlin was in for him to agree to this. But if she ever did decide to tell him, it wouldn't be tonight. They both had to comfort each other tonight, not make each other feel worse.

"I gave you my word Morgana," he said clearly. She shook her head with a bittersweet smile on her face, as if Arthur had missed something.

"Arthur... it wasn't your word to give, don't you see? Your body had given its word to someone else a long time ago. You have a duty to honour _that_ promise rather than to someone you are with out of duty."

He looked up at her, a little startled, "It's not like that, I... it's not just duty, I..." he babbled, not wanting to say the wrong thing.

"It's ok," she reassured him "I know..."

Arthur relaxed again, but an extremely uneasy silence fell between them, until Morgana was brave enough to ask,"How's Merlin?" Even though she knew full well what state he had been in. Arthur sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"Surprisingly brave," he said, and Morgana couldn't have agreed more. Over the past month, Merlin had proved to be the bravest man she knew.

"I mean... I don't know if he's acting so indifferent to it all to avoid hurting himself or to avoid hurting me... I mean... I don't know if I wouldn't rather just see _some_ emotion from him... I wouldn't mind holding him and cradling him every night while he cries. But he gives nothing, I don't understand. For all I know... he could be curled up in bed crying right now, and I..."

Morgana had to literally bite her tongue so hard she half expected to taste blood, in order to keep the tears form welling up. If Arthur had only seen what Merlin had been like that evening... it would have broken him beyond repair, no doubt.

"You... you should be with him tonight," she said "Later, after..." and she tried to prevent herself from blushing.

"Morgana, I am not going to leave you here after as if you were a-"

"I'm a big girl Arthur, I can look after myself," she told him, even though she knew that she had never felt more scared or insecure in her life. She knew that no matter what she said, Arthur would not leave her tonight. That was just the kind of man he was- noble and kind, and she was so glad of it.

"I really don't deserve you Morgana," he told her, even though she found this totally ironic. Nevertheless, she couldn't help but tease him by saying,

"No, you don't," and then added "But that's ok, because I don't deserve you either."

"How is that?" he asked with a little laugh.

"Don't think I've forgotten all those times when I was ten years old and cried myself to sleep every night. And you would come upstairs to me because you could hear me, and you told me stories of all your adventures that Uther took you on, your training, your lessons. It's what got me through it, Arthur." He smiled a little bashfully at this, but Morgana didn't stop there. She wanted him to know how much he meant to her. "You're always putting yourself out for me, and risking everything all the time. Like when you went after Gwen, like when I asked you to help me smuggle the druid boy out of Camelot and you did."

Arthur smiled to himself, but avoided Morgana's gaze when he said, "I still think you deserve better than me."

Morgana sighed and decided to lighten Arthur's mood with humour, "Well that's ok, because you can repay me by giving me a massage every morning."

It seemed to do the trick because Arthur suddenly exclaimed, "In your dreams!" Making Morgana giggle for the first time that day.

And then Arthur's worried face reappeared as he said, "I hope you won't mind, I mean... I hope it's okay if I... if I think about him tonight..." Morgana smiled and stroked the hand that was holding hers.

"Of course it's okay," she said sweetly ."If it's all the same..." she began, feeling the all too familiar nerve coiling in her gut when she mentioned Leon to anyone. Arthur probably knew by now about her affection for him, but he couldn't know the violence. After all, she had only herself discovered it that very night when she realised that she would lose him. "I'll be thinking of someone else too..."

"...Leon ..." Arthur said uncertainly and Morgana nodded, a faint blush staining her cheeks.

"There's no need to be embarrassed," he assured her with a chuckle. "I won't tell anyone."

"I know you won't... it's just..."

Arthur sat completely still, feeling as though a knife had stabbed him in the heart and guilt stained his nightshirt. He put his arms round Morgana and held her, saying, "I'm so sorry... I didn't know he meant so much to you... I would never... you've never liked anyone, I just thought..."

"It's ok," Morgana said a little solemnly, once again fighting back the tears. "He doesn't, it doesn't even matter."

"Don't say that," Arthur said. "It matters to me- God, I wish I'd never agreed to this!" He cursed.

"Arthur, I'm happy with you," she said, but a little dully, even if the words were true.

"It's not the same," he persisted.

"I say it is. As long as I'm happy, what does it matter who it's with?" She asked, and before Arthur could answer, she said "More to the point, this is about me making _you_ happy. We'll get... we'll get through tonight... and as many nights as it may take... and then it'll be over," she smiled. "Everything will go back to the way it was before."

"No it won't Morgana," Arthur said, trying to make her understand. "The only way that I could ever live with myself is if you were as free as me."

And Morgana shook her head, understanding full well the real sentence there.

"Arthur, that is not going to happen," she told him. "If I were to get involved with another man and God forbid any one found out, they would come straight to you, and you would be expected to kill me. And what would it look like if you didn't?"

Arthur seemed a little surprised at that, but he said, "It wouldn't come to that," but the uncertainty was too obvious to be missed.

"Arthur, it's ok," she said yet again.

"Morgana, I want you to be fully happy," he said. "I want you to be fully happy with a man who you want to be with, and I want you to be able to lie with someone that you love. I don't think you realise how difficult a life of chastity would be for you."

"Oh, Arthur, I'm not bothered about that," she said. "I'm sure I could survive."

"Well let me tell you, Merlin made me do it for a whole month and that was enough to drive me insane."

"Yes, well when one is at it as often as you two are, then it is bound to hurt isn't it?"

"Hey, we're not that bad?" Arthur exclaimed, defending his 'honour' as usual.

"Hm, really?" Morgana asked sarcastically. "I wonder if I were a fly on the wall in here if I would find one single surface in this room which one of you _hasn't_ bent over."

"Morgana!" Arthur almost groaned, hating it when she teased him over his and Merlin's libido. It was hardly his fault that Merlin could coax him better than one hundred skilled whores. But Morgana, being Morgana, wouldn't let up.

"In fact," she continued, having too much fun by now. "I wonder if I looked round hear carefully if I would find Merlin's handprints on your breakfast table..."

"Yes, yes, all right Morgana you've made your point!" He almost howled, cringing.

She smiled triumphantly and said, "So you see I will have nothing to miss."

"Well you will after tonight, won't you?"

Morgana laughed out loud and said, "Modest, aren't we Pendragon?" And Arthur rolled his eyes "Just because you have the power to make most girls swoon by looking at them, it doesn't mean I'm one of them. I'm not your average Princess," she reminded him with a grin.

He laughed and nodded in silent agreement.

Feeling happier that the mood had at least been lightened, Morgana finally felt the courage to ask what had been niggling and scaring her all evening. Well, probably for longer, but it was only tonight and especially now that she really thought about it. Her expression fell down as if under the influence of gravity alone and not the muscles in her face.

"Arthur..." she asked hesitantly and he looked up, searching her face.

"What is it?" He asked.

"It's um... well... I mean... oh God!" She said, feeling terribly embarrassed, but managed to compose herself to say, "I mean... not that I... well... does it hurt?"

Arthur actually swore he could feel tears welling up in his still open eyes. He had never seen Morgana so bare and open, and she really seemed so frightened. And the worst thing was that he could do nothing about it. He had no idea what to answer or advise. He wasn't a girl, and he had never been with a virgin. Well, there had been Merlin, but obviously that was a different experience completely.

He tried to consider Merlin's nerves during their first time, that being the only possible comparison he could give her, but all he could remember was loving him through it, and it had been enough.

"I... well... I mean, think... I think it's different for ever girl... I've never been with a... well..." he paused, and then told her "I promise you I'll be gentle, ok? I'll take care of you, Gana."

And she managed to meet his protective gaze, and felt herself surrender to him emotionally. She would have to if she were to be brave enough to get through tonight. But Arthur was a little weary of the surrender in her eyes. They now seemed to be laced with a thin layer of gold, her magic obviously surrendering with her. And then a thicker layer of absolute trust that frightened him right down to his very senses.

"I know," she said, the very beginnings of a bittersweet smile creeping onto her mouth.

Arthur gave almost an awkward sigh and looked behind him, trying to in a way break the new layer of ice forming.

"Would you like some ale?" He asked, pointing at the jug and tumblers that were laid out for the two of them on the table.

Morgana made a slightly sour face and answered, "You know I'm not too fond of ale, Arthur- I only drink it if I'm really thirsty."

Arthur got up and went for the ale anyway, pouring some into both tumblers and bringing it back to the bed.

"This is a different kind of ale," he explained. "It's called wedding ale... they tell me it's good," he coaxed, holding out the tumbler towards her, and she took it, trusting him that it would taste nice.

She took one swig and hating herself for subconsciously admitting Arthur was right. The ale was sweeter, perhaps a little stickier than usual ale, but that didn't take away from the pleasant texture and feeling on her tongue as it ran down the back of her throat.

"This is good," she answered after she had drunk some. "Not like regular ale at all, you were right."

Arthur smiled and took the tumbler from her hand, setting it down somewhere and he took both her hands.

"It's time, don't you think?" he asked, and it thrilled Morgana to hear that it was definitely a _question_. He would never have expected this of her, despite what everyone else wanted, and he had really asked her permission. Of course, she thought, because that was the kind of man he was. Selfless and caring. No wonder Merlin was more in love with him than himself.

She managed, with all the courage in her, to lean in slightly to kiss Arthur, and feeling totally foolish that it was _Morgana_ who was making the first move, Arthur realised he had to meet her half way, and that was how the two of them ended up kissing for the first time.

It wasn't unpleasant... of course it wasn't, Arthur still found women extremely attractive, even if he was in love with Merlin and there would be no room in his heart for anyone else.

And Arthur was confused. He was confused as to whether it would be wise to think about Merlin to help arouse him for this, or better to keep him out of his thoughts to avoid the guilt and the mental image that threatened to haunt him of Merlin's painful tears.

He hoped that for the time being, Morgana herself would be enough to make him capable of completing his duty tonight. After all, it's not like he hadn't found her extremely beautiful and enchanting, even up until recent years, but it seemed that ever since Merlin had come to Camelot, his thoughts had been on one track, excluding the embarrassing confusion he had gone through with Gwen.

It seemed that in his thoughts, Arthur had completely by passed the few minutes which it took him to take his nightshirt off and for them to lay side by side on the bed, kissing softly.

He still wasn't hard. And of course, he needed to be hard. And it was at this point that he really pitied his own sex- or more specifically the royal male sex. As much as he felt for women who were put in a position to have sex with these men, what if the man didn't love them? What if he wasn't attracted to them? What if he was in love with someone else and had to marry and be able to lie with another woman to give her a child. It was only now that he understood it all.

He tried to push any selfish thoughts of himself to the back of his mind and focus on the task of relaxing Morgana and making sure she wasn't any more scared that she already was.

He paused for a minute to look at her andsmiled, stroking her face, trying to calm her.

"I just... I'm so sorry Morgana, but I have to..." he suddenly felt so foolish and embarrassed and resulted to making an awkward hand gesture.

She smiled and said, "It's ok..." and motioned for him to turn his back to her. He smiled at her gratefully and shuffled so he was turned away from her and sighed as he willed his body to relax against the soft bed sheets.

Before he touched himself, he tried to picture Merlin. His sweet, lovely face, pressed up behind his neck instead of Morgana. He wasn't sure if this was an unfair thought, but it was the only way.

He tried to imagine Merlin's breath on the shell of his ear like when they spooned this way sometimes. Pictured his soft, delicate hand drifting over his slightly more relaxed shoulders. He sighed at this mental image, forcing his mind to move Merlin's imaginary hands to move down his sides and for his lips to nip at his earlobe, teasing but affectionate.

Next, Merlin's lips moved to his neck, sighing first, then kissing, and Arthur actually reached behind blindly, caught up in his fantasy enough, that he had to fight the bitter sting of tears when he felt thin, cold air, rather than Merlin's warm, mop of ridiculous hair.

He immediately took his hand away reluctantly, trying not to embarrass himself in front of Morgana, and he pictured Merlin's hands travel further south, and that's when Arthur finally began to palm at his crotch, pretending it was Merlin's own hand, that he was stroking him.

And then the epiphany hit him more violently than any sword as he realised that he wasn't feeling aroused in any way. It was perhaps this thought that would be his undoing, and he knew he should have pushed his curiosity back as soon as it appeared, but once it was in his head, he asked himself... if he were Merlin... what would his reaction be to all this.

If it were _he_ who's lover was to be married tonight and to lie with another woman. He would probably put on a brave face. Of course he would, for Merlin, to keep him strong. Merlin had kept him strong throughout this... what if _he_ had just been pretending for Arthur?

Then on the actual evening, Arthur knew that he would lock himself in his chambers, going mad with the visual images flooding his senses of Merlin with someone else; his eyes quietly soaking the pillow.

And now there was no going back, he _had_ to ask himself this- what would he react like thinking of Merlin in the arms of another woman? He closed his eyes and tried to picture it, just as he had pictured him with Arthur himself. It was a painful experiment, but one he knew was necessary for his own sanity if nothing else.

He saw her. Whoever she was, a nameless noble woman that Merlin would have had to marry if he were in Arthur's shoes. And he saw Merlin's guilty face, the same way Arthur was subconsciously feeling, and he saw her... on top of his Merlin... riding him...

And Arthur was filled with such guilt and grief that this "fantasy" may have just been an experiment for Arthur, but Merlin couldn't just snap out of it when it hurt him. Because for him it was _real_. Real and painful, and everything Arthur had felt in that split second, and he knew that no matter how many lies Merlin told, he had felt that too...

"Oh God!" Arthur wanted to scream to himself but it came out as nothing more than a weighted sigh, taking his hands away and placing them on either side of his head as if he were a madman. "What... oh my God!" He repeated, turning back to Morgana, who seemed to be contemplating her own conscience if her concentration and the hint of tears in her eyes was anything to go by.

She turned to Arthur, eyes fully teary now, as if they had been struck by a similar thought.

"I can't... I should... oh my God, Morgana, I can't, I..."

She shook her head and said, "I can't either, I can't... I can't..."

"... do it to him..." Arthur finished, tears welling up in his own eyes "Oh my God, what have we done... what..." but he couldn't finish because the terrified sobs, and he held out his arms for Morgana, who was also crying.

They were almost relieved tears at the fact that they hadn't done a terrible thing, but they both knew what the other was thinking- how could they possibly secure the Kingdom now?

"We'll find another way..." Arthur said, uncertainly. "We will find a way... I promise." And he stroked Morgana's hair as she lay pliant in his arms.

After a few minutes of silence, Morgana spoke up, suddenly feeling very embarrassed.

"Um... Arthur?" she said hesitantly.

"Hmm?" He answered, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to reply properly.

"Um... they, uh... that is..." she stammered, feeling very inarticulate right now.

"What is it?" Arthur asked.

"Um... the guards all along the corridor... um... they'll be listening... and they won't have heard anything..."

Arthur rolled his eyes in frustration and realised she was right, but the last thing he wanted when he was this emotional was to create a parody of his wedding night, but he scooped Morgana into a cuddle and decided just to go along with it.

"Oh!" He moaned probably not realistically and he realised he would have to try harder, and he started panting instead.

Morgana soon followed his lead and began to pant, followed by short breathy moans, which encouraged Arthur to get louder as well. He was sure he heard his name moaned there somewhere, but he was too distracted by the reality that this could have been real and he could have actually betrayed Merlin tonight.

The fake moans went on for another five minutes to at least make it semi believable before Arthur moaned something about not being able to last and groaned loudly, almost making Morgana giggle immaturely.

When the two of them were relaxing in the 'afterglow', Arthur put his hands around Morgana and whispered, "We will make this right," not at all sure if they would.


	30. Book 3: Prologue

The sword, as Uther had once commented, had the perfect balance; a fine blade for any knight to fight with. But it was not merely a blade; something which Arthur didn't know, even when he had approached the assembly of stones ten minutes ago. Then, he had just stood in front of the stone in the centre, marvelling at the roughness of the edges, the points and dips. Although he wasn't really sure why he was admiring a rock, and he probably didn't even realise he was doing it until he held out his hand to touch it and then remembered himself.

He no doubt had done it to draw his attention away from the fact that there was a sword; a sword sticking out from the middle of the rock to be exact. And, although Arthur wasn't the most educated man he knew, he was smart enough to know that swords did not simply make their way into natural matter. He could only suspect that this, therefore, was the work of sorcery.

His men had been standing around the edges of the other large stones circling the centre one, eyeing the site they had stopped at with equal measures of awe, fear and almost superstition.

The first thoughts of sorcery almost always led Arthur to thinking about Merlin- and was he responsible for this? Why in God's name was this even _here_? The blade shimmered in the limited light that remained in the overcast evening- in fact it shined a little too brightly, Arthur thought, for it to be a blade forged by natural means, but it was too enticing not to step closer.

He could hear his men warning him not to touch the sword- that it might be cursed, or worse. But Arthur couldn't hear them, or at least wasn't bothering to listen properly; too hypnotized by the sight before him.

And with a courage that he was not sure where it came from (though it felt oddly similar to the sort of confidence he felt when Merlin was with him) he gently took hold of the beautiful hilt and pulled the blade straight from the stone, a shimmer of golden light emerging around him.

* * *


	31. Morning

Morgana shifted a little restlessly, vaguely aware that firstly, she was not in her own bed. She had always possessed that annoying ability to get attached to a bed; so much so that it was rare she could sleep in someone else's. Although it _was_ her bed really, she figured it didn't count seeing as she hadn't broken it in yet so to speak.

And so she quickly remembered the events of the previous night and how she had _married_ King Arthur Pendragon and nearly gone to bed with him. As much of a good idea as that had seemed back then, this morning she was hit by an unwelcome sense of nausea at the thought, as she knew very well that this was not the morning sickness that she, ironically craved, and that would never come based on the silent decision both she and Arthur had made last night.

Everything had seemed so simple to the three of them when discussing the wedding. Morgana knew it wouldn't be easy, of course not; she wasn't naive or ignorant to know that there would be a struggle and perhaps some tears. And even though Merlin's raw and unwelcome despair that he had allowed her to witness against his will the other night as she brushed his hair out of his sleeping, troubled face, should have helped her realise that this could end in nothing but disaster, she somehow had still managed to sit in her chambers waiting for her husband to come and sleep with her; just like that. She hadn't anticipated the raw stab of guilt she would feel for Merlin and that she knew Arthur would feel; even more so.

And then of course, she thought of Merlin. She wondered if he was awake yet; if he remembered anything from the previous night. She hoped that he hadn't; that way he wouldn't have to suffer in silence about what he had gone through at the wedding, and wouldn't feel alone in concealing his feelings about all this from Arthur in order to keep him happy. Little did he know nothing had even happened!

Of course, Merlin was selfless and kind and everything that everybody else in the world wasn't, and he would hide his joy, his relief and undying gratitude for whatever higher powers had kept Arthur with him, and would shout at the King in a fit of emotional worry and happiness, and they would fight for a length of probably two minutes and then collapse into the bed sheets, too grateful to care about duty.

It wasn't until _that_ thought entered Morgana's mind that she realised she was thinking about Arthur, who was practically a brother to her, sleeping with another human being, and as much as she liked to tease Arthur about it mindlessly, the thought solitary in her mind let her know that she was thinking far too much on the morning after her wedding, and decided to simply stretch out her muscles in long lines across the bed, extending her arms slightly and letting out a content hum.

She finally opened her eyes, expecting to see Arthur's sleeping face, but all she was comforted with was a ruffled pillow; as if someone had slept there for a considerable amount of time, but left. A short examination of the bed led to her finding that Arthur's feet were tucked under the covers, away from Morgana's immediate sight, where his head should be, and his head was at the other side of the bed, near Morgana's ankles.

She almost giggled at the sight, wondering what servants would think if they came in to check on the newly married royal couple, and saw them sprawled across the bed in an extremely un-royal fashion. And then of course, it reminded her once again that she was in bed with King _Arthur_ , and that she was _Queen_ of Camelot! And that was a thought so hideous and nerve racking at the same time, that she felt the only appropriate response was to put her head down and go back to sleep.

The next time she woke up, it was more violently, and to the sound of loud knocking coming from their chamber door. She jumped up a bit, still slightly drunk from sleep, and glanced over to Arthur, who had once and for all proved that he slept like the dead, and he didn't even seem to acknowledge the banging, even in his sleep.

The knocking didn't cease, so she tapped Arthur's face with her foot, whispering his name. When he didn't stir, she used her hand and shook his body gently, and this time he moaned something in response. Something which sounded like, "Merlin stop kicking me, you bloody ferret!"

And that made Morgana pause for a few stolen moments, feeling bittersweet and giddy, but she soon began prodding him again, this time saying, "Arthur," a little louder. When he refused to move, she took his pillow and threw it at his head, so it finally shot up in surprise that it was possible to be awake, looking dazed and confused.

"Arthur, there's someone at the door, get over here!" she half whispered, but with a shout-like tone to it, clicking her finger from him to the space next to her.

The expression on Arthur's face went from too tired to process who was speaking to him, to confused as to why he was in this bed, and then remembering what happened and realising he'd better slide back up to the right end of the bed.

"Just a second!" Morgana said at the door, trying to rearrange her and Arthur so that whatever servant walked in would imagine the y had spent a blissful romantic night.

"Just... just... spoon me, come on," Morgana whispered, struggling with Arthur as he arranged himself in amongst the tangle of sheets and legs, behind Morgana's back.

It was a little awkward and fumbly, but he managed it eventually, Morgana whispering, "God you're so stupid!" to him, before settling against his chest, and then tensing in abject terror and moving at least a foot in front of her, squeaking, "Oh my God, what _is_ that!" knowing full well, but not even wanting to process such a hideous image so early in the morning. Arthur rolled his eyes and sighed, in his defence.

"I'm sorry, it is morning you know!" Morgana just made a look of disgust, before positioning herself against him once more, trying to avoid the awful feeling of something poking her in her spine; she tried to imagine that Arthur had smuggled a cucumber into bed with him and forgot to remove it.

"Nice to see you're so glad to see me!" Arthur said, sarcastically " _Sweety_."

" _Honey_ ," she retorted with the same heat, before calling "Come in!" to the door. It opened just as frustrated as the person who walked in, for being made to wait so long. Both Arthur and Morgana relaxed when they saw who it was that walked in.

"Oh, Gaius, it's just you!" Morgana sighed in relief, trying to prize Arthur's arms off her and push him to the opposite side of the bed, before sitting against the wall, her knees up and the sheets pulled up to her neck.

"We were afraid it was somebody scary!" Arthur said with child-like seriousness, then laughed, making Morgana laugh for the first time that morning **,** and despite her having to endure Arthur's morning erecting bruising her back (honestly, she didn't know how Merlin could put up with it) she figured that she should at least forgive Arthur for being able to manage _that_ , which was something she didn't think possible this morning.

"Good morning Your Majesties," Gaius said, casually "I'm not here to bring you breakfast I'm afraid- you'll have to wait for the servants to come for that. I'm here to remind you that the sheets will need to be ready for inspection later on."

"Inspection!" Morgana repeated in horror and Gaius merely nodded in agreement, but there was something knowing in his eye, like a warning; almost like he knew the truth. He left after that, silently, and leaving a worried Arthur and Morgana in bed.

"I probably expected it to be honest," Morgana said "They'll want to know the marriage has been consummated."

"Well we won't have anything to show them!" Arthur said a little desperately "I didn't so much as prick your finger last night to draw blood, let alone enough evidence to stain the sheets!"

"Well... surely we won't need to stain the sheets with blood. I mean, Arthur, I've been riding a horse ever since I could walk... surely..."

"The people of Camelot aren't as intelligent as you Morgana," Arthur reminded her "and they will want to see proof."

Morgana thought for a moment before her face lit up and she stumbled across an idea.

"If I can summon... I mean..." she tried, realising she wasn't making any sense. "In my old chambers, under my bed, Gwen and I made these pouches filled with red dye so that I could get out of long, tedious feasts by pretending to be on my course and too ill to dance and entertain," she said smugly, and Arthur looked mortified.

"You what!" he exclaimed.

"Never mind about that now! Obviously I can't skip to the other side of the castle in my nightgown, but I may be able to summon one of them here using magic. I've never done it, but it should work."

Arthur looked a bit dubious, as if he was worried Morgana may hurt herself if her spell went wrong, and then almost perished from the foolishness of such simple magic being able to harm her, and he said, "Go on then, try."

So Morgana found herself concentrating as hard as Merlin had taught her in all their lessons together, hoping that all the suffering she endured might pay off when she needed it. She could feel her magic coursing through her once she was concentrated enough, but the hardest part was channelling it. It was easy to call it to the surface; it was, after all, in her veins. However, making it do something specific and bending it to her will was extremely difficult. It sometimes felt almost like pulling a drowning man out from under water, and that action alone seeming so easy compared to dragging him all the way to shore; making sure the weight of him didn't control you and didn't pull the two of you under.

Of course, still being weak in her ability and unsure of herself at times, Morgana failed in her attempts, not once but three times, and it wasn't until the fourth attempt that she managed to open her hand and reveal the little red packet.

Well... it was actually more half a red packet, and she spared a horrified thought as to what the bottom of her bed would look like with half of the red dye spilled all over her floor, before worrying more about not spilling any of what was in her hand, onto her nightgown.

Instead, she gave Arthur a triumphant look and squeezed the remaining contents of the liquid onto the bed, concentrating it in a small area, but adding small amounts around it, trying to imagine what the distribution would look like had she really bled the other night. Arthur, having never bedded a virgin, could not help with the logistics either, but they assessed their handy work afterwards, seemingly pleased with the result.

"There... is one more thing..." Morgana said hesitantly, inwardly mortified, but knowing it was necessary.

"What is it?" he asked, looking slightly worried; it was Morgana after all, and her plans more often than not had ended in disaster. More so when they were children and she had convinced him it would be funny to sprinkle pepper over nasty visiting nobles' pillows. They almost always got found out and consequently kept on separate sides of the castle.

"Well... it won't really look like we've..." Morgana started, feeling so foolish; she had never thought herself a naive, shy damsel, but apparently she was. But Arthur seemed to get the message, so she continued "Well, it won't, unless... it's not only blood staining the sheets..."

Arthur stared at her for a minute, before rolling his eyes, "Morgana, I think the court hope that whatever you mean will be long _inside_ you, creating little heirs."

"Yes, I know that, but like you said, people are stupid, and if it looks like we had a mind blowing time last night, then it will put their mind at rest that we will continue to do it and create even more 'little heirs'," she explained, and it kind of made sense, Arthur had to agree, when she put it like that.

He sighed in mortification, but asked anyway, distraught, "And how to you expect to extract _that_! I hope to God you don't have some secret stash of bodily fluids under your bed!"

Morgana looked like she might throw up, and answered, "Good Lord no, you clot!" and almost threw a pillow at him again "I should think you have your own stash!"

And she couldn't help but add a hand gesture so unnatural coming from _Morgana_ that Arthur was forced to shield his eyes

"Oh my God Morgana, I don't think you understand how I can absolutely not wank off when you are in the same room!"

Morgana laughed a little at that, mostly because of Arthur's expression.

"Now come on _honey_ , you were willing to do more than that last night, for Camelot, so just lie back and think of Camelot." And she simply could not help the evil grin spreading across her face. "I'll obviously leave!" She reminded him "I'll have a bath drawn up for me in the ante chamber or something and I'll even shut the door," she promised. Arthur still looked reluctant, but his erection was rather bothering him, and he wasn't sure it would die down; Merlin normally took care of this, and he hadn't thought about the fact that he would have this problem this he huffed, which Morgana took as a sign of agreement, because she kissed his cheek and hopped out of bed to open the door and tell a passing servant something what sounded like breakfast and a bath.

It had come soon after, and the servant girl bobbed to the two of them before leaving as quickly and as silently as she came.

"That's that then," Morgana said "I'm going to wash- enjoy," and slid out of the room.

It was literally mortifying to have to pleasure himself knowing that Morgana was in the _other room_! He didn't even allow himself to make any noise and bit his lip as he touched himself. It was over very quickly, as it always had been in the mornings, and he came over the sheets within a few minutes, lying back against the bed afterwards, sated and satisfied.

Soon after, before Morgana had finished washing herself, the door opened and several of Morgana's ladies maids and Arthur's manservant came into the room. Samuel, his servant, bowed and the ladies curtseyed and he said, "Your Majesty, the Queen's maids are here to prepare her. I've come to escort you to your chambers."

And Arthur simply nodded, following Samuel back to his own chambers, where he washed and dressed him.

It felt wrong. Entirely wrong to allow another man to take care of him this way. Merlin had made it quite clear that he was not to appoint another manservant and that he would dress and bathe him (seeing as they more often than not bathed together, it was sort of necessary) and that his servants were not to be given that duty. Arthur had loved Merlin then, more than he thought he could, knowing that he wanted Arthur all to himself, and that he wanted the privilege just for himself.

Once he had finished, Samuel bowed to Arthur and said, "Your Grace, I am so terribly sorry to inconvenience you with this, but I've been told that the members of the council have requested an audience with Your Majesty if they may."

Arthur tried not to sigh in frustration; not to look like a complete child.

"When?" he asked.

"In about an hour," he answered. Arthur did sigh this time. He had wanted to go and check on Merlin. He'd not seen him at all the previous night and he had an awful feeling he sneaked off somewhere early, and he wanted to tell him the "good" news.

"Fine, I will attend," he simply said "Until then, leave me." And he winced inwardly at his harsh tone, and as Samuel walked out of the room he called him back to say "Thank you", trying to soften his earlier words.

There was no point going to look for Merlin right now; there was too much to talk about and explain that could be done in the time he had before the council. So Arthur settled for sitting in his huge chair and just thinking.

* * *

Merlin woke up when it was fully light, and in a foreign bed. But of course not really a foreign one, seeing as it was the bed he was supposed to be sleeping in from the beginning, and would be sleeping in from now on. He figured he'd better get used to it.

It wasn't until after he realised he was sleeping in another room that he then noticed the headache, and to be honest, full body ache that was taking over him. And then he remembered the previous night; how he had gotten so drunk he would have probably told Cendred himself the secrets of the Kingdom had he asked him.

And then he remembered Morgana; her soft hand touching his wet face, stained and rubbed raw with his tears as she had held him like a baby and soothed him desperately, crying herself. She had brought him here and put him to bed and tucked him in, and he remembered her making sure he drank water before he had fallen into a heated sleep.

He didn't bother calling for a servant to draw him a bath. Partly because it still felt odd ordering people around, and also because he probably looked like something that had been dragged out of _The Rising Sun_ right now,and not King Arthur's advisor and most powerful sorcerer in all of Camelot.

Mostly, during his bath, he tried not to think too much. He knew that he would have to face Arthur and Morgana eventually, but to think about it was too much too soon. He needed to clear his head, to think over his poker face when he met with Arthur later that morning. Even if to just cry out tears he may accidently spill in front of the King, he needed to have some time alone.

So promptly after disposing of his bath water, Merlin dressed himself, regretfully having to choose some horrible new clothes that were sitting in his cupboards. He even had to shake off a tiny layer of dust through misuse from them before slipping into them, and even then, they felt strange and foreign. Arthur knew Merlin didn't take well to new clothes. His skin was rather sensitive and that was why Merlin always wore the same things all the time, and he liked to wear his clothes in. Of course, Arthur had told him now that things were different, he couldn't go round the castle dressed as a servant, and had promptly handed Merlin a large pile of his old clothes that were either too old for _him_ to wear anymore, or were too big or small for him.

Of course, Merlin never had or would possess Arthur's manly and muscled physique and Gwen had quickly got to work on adjusting most of the tunics and trousers for him to fit him better. Arthur, though, has intervened during the process quite a bit and insisted she not take them in as much as Merlin would have liked, explaining to Merlin that looser garments were much more fashionable.

It felt wrong, now, to be dressed in something that wasn't Arthur's, and it was almost like even his clothes were trying to take him away from Merlin. He couldn't even have that strange but lovely comfort of Arthur's clothes touching him throughout the day even when he wasn't there.

Merlin had decided to try and avoid Arthur for most of the day. He figured that it was best for the both of them to stay away and think things through; come to terms with the situation at hand. Also, Merlin had heard that apparently Arthur had a council meeting that morning, so it was the perfect opportunity to avoid him. Merlin knew he wouldn't be missed at the meeting anyway. He knew what the nobles at court and close to the King said behind his back.

That he was a peasant born sorcerer who had no right to sit on the right hand side of the King. Some had formulated the most incredible work of fiction regarding how Merlin came to power; some included him enchanting Arthur, naturally. Some were more imaginative, like for example, Arthur having known about Merlin's magic all along, and having protected him from execution, and forced Merlin to perform sexual favours for him in return, and Merlin had become almost like his slave, and Arthur had become as dependent on him too.

In fact, if Merlin didn't find any of it so hilarious, and if he hadn't been expecting it already, he might actually have been insulted.

So instead of heading towards the council chambers where Arthur now was no doubt, Merlin headed in the direction of the door to go for a walk around the grounds; maybe even ride out somewhere if he felt like it.

Which was when he promptly turned a sharp corner of a corridor and bumped straight into a chambermaid carrying a basket full of dirty washing, causing it to spill everywhere.

They both made a surprised sound and the maid dropped to her knees, laughing a little and giggling Merlin's name. He actually swore that he saw the moment her eyes flashed in fear that she had just called Merlin by his name, forgetting, and Merlin wouldn't have even taken any notice, had she not looked up with a panic-stricken face, and then he remembered that he was a noble.

"My Lord..." she stuttered, and got to her feet, bobbing in front of him, "I'm terribly sorry, I hope I didn't hurt you, it was all my fault-"

"Margaret!" Merlin stopped her "Stop curtseying, please!" She relaxed a little at that, and went back to collecting the sheets she had dropped on the floor. Merlin took pity on her, and went down to help her, despite her shocked face. He began carefully taking each item and putting it back in the basket.

"You shouldn't fear me Maggie, we've known each other long before I was ever a Lord," he told her calmly, and she nodded shyly. He looked up and smiled at her sweetly, hoping to convince her.

"How has your day been?" he asked, conversationally.

"Fine," she said, less hesitant, but still not totally herself "Busy..." and she paused, and Merlin could see the beginnings of a blush creeping onto her cheeks "It's... well... royal weeding morning... a lot to... clean..." and she decided that silence was the best, but Merlin looked confused. At that exact moment, he picked up another dirty sheet. This one was stained, unlike the others she had in her pile.

"Have you just come from the King's chambers?" he asked, trying to keep his tone neutral." She nodded and took a different sheet off the floor. But Merlin couldn't stop staring at the white sheet he still had in his hand, stained with blood and what looked like... and then Merlin gripped his stomach as he literally swallowed vomit that had shot up into his mouth; he didn't want to make Maggie's job of washing harder by vomiting all over her washing.

"My Lord?" she asked, and Merlin didn't even bother to rebuke her "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," he said, a little shaky, dropping the sheet as if it had suddenly increased in temperature and burnt his hand. He tried his so very hardest to give a shaky laugh and said, "Looks like the King and Queen went to bed on good terms, doesn't it?"

Maggie blushed harder, giggling and simply saying, "I..." before laughing again. Merlin put a hand on her shoulder, remembering what it was like being young and innocent and free from the complications of love, of feelings, and of duty, and of a love that burnt your very soul and hurt as much as it brought joy.

She picked up the last of her washing and smiled shyly at Merlin as they both stood up, and just gave him the smallest bob before running away so he couldn't rebuke her for it.

But Merlin couldn't care less. He was so close to fainting that he had to take several deep breaths, which simply made him feel even sicker, and before he could stop himself, he dived behind the nearest alcove and threw up, tears running down his face.

* * *


	32. Chapter 29: So Close

  


The council meeting, Arthur found out pretty soon, was concerning peace; or more specifically, a peace treaty between him and Cendred. His councillors were extremely concerned for the [welfare](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5725315/32/May_I_Love_You) of the Kingdom and that they had no allies nearby. Arthur had to agree that on several [occasions](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5725315/32/May_I_Love_You) he too had thought about striking a peace treaty with the neighbouring King. As a young boy he had seen so many mothers, wives and sisters weeping on the steps of the castle, by the gates, in the square, as news came back from war that the nameless faces of Camelot had died.

Most of the time, these wars were with Cendred. Both he and Uther had impressive tempers that often got the better of them, whether it was to do with boundary disputes or a claim that someone had trespassed on the other's land. These were childish fights, but ones that always led to mass bloodshed.

Despite the fact that Arthur had pretty much made his mind up about this decision along with his councillors, it felt odd, almost wrong, to not have Merlin on his right hand like he usually did when he made an important decision concerning Camelot. He needed that reassurance - that subtle nod; almost like permission to take the next step. And it was almost shameful how long Arthur had lived in denial, or maybe even shame that he craved and needed the advice of his idiot manservant.

Because Merlin was wise, and Merlin was caring, and Merlin knew what Arthur wanted better than anyone, especially when anger or emotion clouded Arthur's judgement. But it had always worked both ways- or for as long as Arthur had felt ok with giving into his equal relationship with Merlin. And there had been times when Arthur had to step in as Merlin's voice of reason; after all, everyone had their weak points, and it was Arthur's job to help Merlin overcome those.

So yes, it wasn't right that Merlin wasn't there to assure him that he was doing the right thing. He was afraid of where Merlin was- why he hadn't turned up for the council. And he really wasn't sure if he preferred the explanation of Merlin feeling ill, or the fact that he just couldn't bear to look Arthur in the eye this morning. Neither seemed to help the way the young King's stomach clenched when he spoke, or the way his eyes darted towards the door, willing it to open and for Merlin to walk through, telling him that he forgave him and that everything would carry on as normal.

Just as he was about to call the dreadful meeting to a close, the doors to the council chambers opened quite loudly compared to the quiet of the room and echoed round the four walls.

Merlin walked into the chambers, not looking his usual self at all; rather he'd been dragged there, or forced. His eyes were sad, his lips neither sad nor happy, but indifferent as he walked towards the table. He seemed to be refusing to make eye contact with anyone sitting round it.

Despite his obviously worn out exterior, Arthur's eyes lightened visually and he sat up a little straighter, smiling a little less forcibly. Surely this was a sign. Surely this meant Merlin had forgiven him for putting him through this ordeal.

But all he said, in a worn and almost clipped voice, like he was trying not to cry, was, "I apologise for my lateness My Lords."

Arthur tried his best not to look concerned at the tone of Merlin's voice, and said merely, "I was told you were ill."

Merlin looked up at him for the first time upon entering the room.

"It passed Your Grace," he said, showing no emotion in his eyes. Arthur almost thought he was trying to  _protect_ himself from something. From Arthur's face- or whatever emotion that brought.

Arthur wanted nothing more than to get up and embrace Merlin tightly, let him cry into his shoulder and tell him it was ok- that Arthur would never have rejected him. He had wanted to see Merlin as soon as possible- but not like this. Not when he could only  _look_ , but not speak. Not in the way they needed to, anyway. Not when he had to sit, fists almost clenched and watch Merlin's struggle to even look up for fear he might cry in front of the court.

It was unfair, Arthur thought, that life was so cruel that it had forced him to make promises, eternal promises, to Morgana just yesterday- with the same mouth he had used to tell Merlin that he loved him, and that he would never hurt him. That his lips had kissed her the very same day and with the very lips he had pressed to the top of Merlin's head that same morning when they woke up and murmured sweet nonsense into the curve of his beautiful arch of a neck. The same tears that Merlin had cried when he and Arthur had first made love all that time ago- tears of joy and gratitude and devotion, were the very same that he had no doubt shed last night, in his chambers, alone, with no hint of joy or hope in them.

And the hope- the hope they had carried from the beginning of this mess. On that very first night, when Arthur had first swallowed Merlin's worries with a kiss, and loved him, promising that there would be no pain and no worry in this time that they knew would come but never really believed. The hope that had meant they kept fighting for the love they knew was so fragile- as fragile as Merlin's life had been that day when Arthur had fished his dead corpse from the lake in Ealdor, or when he had seen him dying in front of his eyes mere days before that. That same hope was now broken into a thousand pieces, and was written all over Merlin's face when he had looked Arthur in the eye just now.

It seemed Merlin was about to sit down, when Arthur decided he wouldn't allow him to sit through this in his current state. He held up his hand and announced, "This meeting is to be postponed until tomorrow. I must meet with my Queen." He heard only a little sniggering at this comment, and innately ignored it. He looked at Merlin in a plea to come outside with him, but Merlin got to his feet and left the room quicker than the other councillors and too quick for Arthur to catch up with him. He couldn't run after Merlin in front of the other Lords- they wouldn't approve.

Instead he thanked the other councillors as they left and then got on with finding Merlin.

* * *

Morgana had gone to her old chambers that morning, partly just to believe that things had really changed so much for her, and partly because she had an odd curiosity as to how much mess she had made earlier when she only managed to bring half of her pretend blood pouch to Arthur's chambers.

However, before she could act on her curiosity, she was stilled by the sight of Gwen gathering up a few items from the now mostly empty bedchamber. When she was aware of Morgana's presence, she smiled, beaming and said softly, "Your Grace".

But she didn't curtsey, or even bob, and that, coupled with the gentle tone of her voice took Morgana's attention away from the fact that she hadn't rebuked Gwen for calling her official title when they were alone. And really, coming from Gwen, it was more like a reassurance, a way of supporting her friend, rather than an act of propriety.

"What are you doing here Gwen?" she asked with tenderness in her voice, but still obviously clouded by the stress pressing down on her mind.

"I was just making sure the rest of your things were taken to your new chambers. It seems a few of the maid servants didn't pick up a few minor things," she explained.

Morgana nodded in acknowledgement and sat down a little shakily on the edge of her old bed, some comfort seeping back into her bones at least. Gwen came to sit by her like she had so many nights before when Morgana was scared or couldn't sleep.

There was only a slight pause, because Morgana and Gwen knew each other too well for Morgana to not know what Gwen wanted to ask her, or talk to her about.

"How... how was it?" she asked nervously, only meeting Morgana's eyes slightly.

She wanted to tell her everything, everything she was feeling. But Gwen had enough of her own problems, what with the child on the way and other matters on her mind- there was no need to burden her with anything else.

"Yes, um... it was..." Morgana tried to put on a determined face "Fantastic, I mean... God, how did I ever live without it till now!"

And of course, this was a completely foolish attempt at a lie, and Gwen saw through it before Morgana had even uttered a word. Not to mention it didn't help when Gwen sighed and admitted, "Morgana, I walked past the maid who delivered yours and Arthur's sheets earlier today... they were stained with blood..."

Morgana looked nervously towards Gwen and asked, "So?" still trying to keep up her act.

"Morgana, I've known you since you were a fat child riding a pony," Gwen said rather bluntly. "You've been riding, fighting and running since I first met you all those years ago. Do you expect me to believe that you could bleed so much?"

Morgana was actually half in shock at Gwen's common sense, even though she herself had warned Arthur that there would be people smart enough to realise that that amount of blood simply didn't match up with Morgana's lifestyle.

"Also..." Gwen continued, revealing what had caused Morgana to return up here in the first place- it was the now empty half bag that had contained the red liquid. Morgana sighed in defeat, knowing that Gwen could most certainly put two and two together.

Morgana couldn't even look up at her friend, now suddenly feeling ashamed of herself for some reason. What if Gwen didn't know the real reason why they had not gone through with it the other night? What if she thought Morgana was just being cowardly- too scared to do something which so many women had been forced into out of duty and got on with in silent obedience?

"We... we tried..." she started to say, but Gwen put a hand over her own which was perched on her lap. It wasn't till she did this that Morgana realised her own fingers had been twiddling and moving nonstop, only stilled by Gwen's calming touch.

"It's ok..." she said, and Morgana sighed.

"I don't know what to do... I just... I'm worried for Arthur... what it'll be like for them, I..."

And she stopped, having no idea even where the sentence was heading, and it was pointless even  _talking_ about this. Gwen smiled and said to her, "You really are brave, Morgana."

And Morgana looked up quickly at those words, feeling them as painfully similar to what she had heard just the night before from Sir Leon. And then she remembered that she hadn't seen him since- and oh God, what if  _his_ reaction when he went back to his chambers after the wedding was similar to what Merlin had gone through? Morgana wasn't really sure if it was vain or presumptuous to think that Leon's feelings for her were anything like what Merlin felt for Arthur, but she hoped that the hurt in his face the night before by Merlin's bed meant that he at least cared about her welfare. And she cared about him- she couldn't imagine him  _crying_  over her. It wasn't something she wanted to think about!

"So... what happened?" Gwen asked "Or should I say  _didn't_ happen?" Morgana knew it was Gwen's own little way of cheering her up, but she really couldn't find it in herself to laugh. She felt her eyes well up all over again as she said, "I just... we wanted to... we were going to, really. But... I think it was Arthur who said so first, but I was thinking about it, and... and Merlin, and... and I just couldn't... I couldn't _do_ it, I couldn't be responsible for..."

Morgana hadn't even realised that she'd been crying until Gwen hugged her and wiped her eyes and kissed her cheek, "It's ok," she said soothingly.

"What do we do now Gwen?" She asked desperately as if Gwen could possibly give her an answer. Apart from her short lived relationship with Arthur that now seemed like years ago, Gwen's life had remained pretty much uncomplicated for the time Morgana had known her in Camelot. She had known that her mother died giving birth to her. But that was the same for many women Morgana knew. Gwen couldn't possibly give her advice on matters like this- how would she conceive an heir now, what would become of the Kingdom and what would Merlin and Leon say once all this was out in the open?

"What you need to do is to calm down, Morgana," Gwen told her "Whatever is happening, it cannot be resolved right now, right this day. Yes, God knows we've  _all_ got ourselves into a mess with this, but that's love. And I know that any one of us would go through this hell all over again just to keep Merlin at Arthur's side, right?"

And of course, Morgana knew she was right. There was nothing Morgana would not do to keep them from being separated by the duties that faced them both.

"I'm so sorry Gwen, I shouldn't have bothered you with this, not in your condition," she said, suddenly feeling very ashamed with herself.

"Nonsense," Gwen said "We are all involved in this,  _together_. Merlin, Arthur, you, me and Lancelot. We're all working towards the same aim. And you know I'll always be here if you need me, no matter what." And Morgana couldn't do anything but hug Gwen again, trying to pour out all of her gratitude for her friend's undying loyalty, her devotion and her fear of what was to come.

"Has Merlin spoken to Arthur yet?" Gwen asked. Morgana shook her head.

"I don't know," she answered "I felt it best to leave him be, and let him approach us if he needs to. I know that when I feel depressed the last thing I want is people coming to me." Gwen nodded in silent agreement. "But I do hope he finds him soon. The longer this hangs between them, the worse I fear it will be."

* * *

Arthur never managed to catch up with Merlin. He wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing, but something in his eyes during the council meeting had scared Arthur. Was there something else that he didn't know about? That Merlin wasn't telling him?

At any rate, he'd been told that for the sake of appearances, it would be a good idea to be seen with his new bride around the castle that day, to avoid any gossip that the marriage was already  _dying_! He didn't mind it too much- after all, Morgana was brilliant company, except for when she wasn't, and they took advantage of the limited sunlight they got this time of year and took walks round the gardens.

They often saw Merlin during the day, walking around doing all sorts of errands, whether it be ones for Arthur that they both knew he didn't have to do any more, or errands he really did need to perform and no doubt did them too much at this moment in time to take his mind off other things. Morgana put a comforting hand on Arthur's arm where it sat linked with her's in an attempt to stop him from doing something stupid, like running over to Merlin and making a fool of himself.

"He needs to come to you Arthur," he explained.

"But how can he when I can't even be alone with him today!" he bit back. He didn't mean to sound so hostile to Morgana, who was suffering in this just as much as he was, and he had almost forgotten about this until he heard an intake of breath from his wife and he followed where her eye line had been to see Leon talking with another Knight. He gripped her arm tighter to say he was sorry and couldn't even look at his friend, who he knew he had hurt more than he could imagine.

"Do you want to go back inside?" Arthur whispered to her, an unspoken apology, but he knew she didn't need it. They both understood each other so well after everything that had happened and now being in the same situation, they understood each other's anger and frustration.

"No, I'm fine," she said, stretching the muscles in her face to form a smile. "And I'm sorry about Merlin... I know it's hard not being able to see him when you most want to – I would love to speak to him too. But we just have to do things right- people might start to talk."

And he hated it. He hated...  _people_... he hated that if he and Merlin were the only people left in the world... well... maybe Morgana, Leon, Lancelot and Gwen could join them... and Gaius of course, he'd always been nice to them- then they would be able to live in peace and  _together_  with none of this bad air between them, and Morgana could be happy, and  _people_  would never talk.

But he knew she was right- as always.

* * *

After Merlin had done a ridiculous amount of chores and errands for one day- so many that he could barely keep  _still_ afterwards, he decided to take a trip to Gwen's house. They had barely seen each other in the run up to the wedding, as he and Arthur had tried to spend as much time together as they could.

She had welcomed him with a bittersweet smile and a hug and Lancelot was there too, and he also hugged him, which was surprisingly easier, seeing as he didn't have a huge bulge sticking out of the middle of his body. They had sat him down in their parlour (which still felt so out of place for these two humble people to live in and Merlin still found it hard to remember that Gwen was a  _Lady_ and Lancelot a Knight) and called for one of their few servants to bring them some tea.

"You... you two, um... look... well..." Merlin had tried to speak, but he could feel the beginnings of tears forming in his throat. He found this happened a lot recently, and that was probably why he had avoided contact with as many humans as possible- breaking into tears during speech was not fitting for his _position_.

"And... happy..." He hadn't even looked them in the eye yet, and still, he couldn't hold back the sobs that overtook him almost immediately after. He almost missed the point at which Gwen shot up from her seat opposite him at an unreasonable speed for someone in her condition and wrapped her arms so tight around him, he feared for his breathing!

But he needed this, and he knew that if anyone could comfort him, it was Gwen and Lancelot. Only they truly knew what it was like to see the person you love taken away from you in front of your eyes and not being able to speak out- not being able to cry in public and shout that that person is  _yours_. Although he assumed Lancelot knew this better than Gwen did- she may have cried over Arthur's shenanigans with Vivian at the time, but even she agreed, the love she felt for Arthur once upon a time seemed laughable now- a young girl's fancy rather than the love and  _friendship_ she had with her husband.

And Merlin hated crying in front of Gwen- hated it! Because Gwen was a woman, and she was  _with child_  and  _she_  should be emotional and crying all the time and yet here she was cooing and holding Merlin as if he were a little girl! He felt ashamed, and yet he couldn't bear for her to stop.

And then he remembered Lancelot and he remembered that Lancelot had been  _there_  the night before and seen him drunk and foolish and hanging off his and Morgana's arm as they dragged him to his chambers, and then a different kind of sickness came to his gut.

He wanted to tell Gwen about what he saw- about the sheets that he saw and was forced to touch with his bare hands, knowing what had occurred on them the night before, but he couldn't. He wanted to, but he just couldn't betray Arthur and Morgana's privacy like that. After all, he knew they were only doing their 'job', and they didn't deserve for Merlin to parade intimate details like that around, even if it was between friends.

The three of them didn't speak about what had passed, and as soon as Merlin had stopped crying, long moments later, Gwen smiled down at him, not a hint of anything but love in her eyes and kissed him on the top of the forehead and told him that he should eat. Merlin didn't even realise he had been getting hungry until the servants brought him a bread basket and some expensive looking cheese and ham, and he had eaten it gratefully. He shivered a bit as he realised that it was a little cold in the room, but he wouldn't say anything of course.

Of course, he didn't have to, because upon seeing this subtle reaction, Lancelot spoke up, saying, "Gwen, shall I..."

"Ask the servants to do the fire?"

"Yes, I'll do that, and would you like anymore..."

"Quail eggs? No, thank you dear," she smiled as he walked out of the room. Merlin smiled for the first time in days and Gwen noticed this and giggled.

"I've developed too much of a fondness for them during this time I think," she said.

"It's not that," Merlin said, still smiling "It's just... you and Lancelot... it's lovely to watch how... how happy you are..." and Gwen blushed and smiled also.

"Morgana says the same thing," she admitted "The last time she was here, she was behaving as if we were a couple of puppies learning to walk on our legs for the first time." Merlin actually huffed a small laugh at that.

"I'm happy for you," he said simply, and felt more tears threatening their way into his eyes. But he would not cry here twice in one evening "I should go," he said as he got up.

"You've only just arrived," Gwen protested as she rose with him. And he felt awfully guilty then, as he could see in her eyes that she missed his company and genuinely wanted him to stay, but he couldn't put her through any more of this, and so he shook his head.

"Sorry Gwen, letters won't write themselves," he said almost foolishly, seeing as if he really wanted to, he would magically enchant the letters to write themselves, but before Gwen could point this out, he kissed her on the cheek and left.

* * *

Arthur had truly had enough. The sun had set, the court had had their dinner served in the dining hall (although most people ordered food back in their chambers later anyway, seeing as the hall was so far from the kitchens that the food was nearly always cold by the time it got to them) and most of the men who had gotten a little merry had been escorted back to their chambers by anyone willing. And Arthur decided that he was finally  _done_.

He was going to go to his chambers, order a bath, so he didn't present himself to Merlin stinking like a pig, maybe eat a little something, and go to finally see Merlin, wherever he was wondering round this time of evening. Should he bring something else? Like a peace offering? Maybe flowers? Or was that too condescending? Merlin wasn't actually a woman after all...

But before he had a chance to even decide what he was going to do, Arthur had opened the door and was struck with the surprising image of Merlin.

The warlock was sitting cross-legged in front of Arthur's fireplace, which was lit, and illuminating his skin warmly and beautifully. He was wearing, by the looks of things, a pair of black night trousers that didn't cover all of his legs, and what looked like one of Arthur's shirts from somewhere deep in his cupboard. He could always tell when Merlin wore his clothes- they hung far too loose on him to be  _cut_ that way.

Merlin looked up from his perch on the floor, startled to see Arthur, obviously not expecting him back so soon if the expression on his face was anything to go by. Arthur released a long painful breath when he saw that Merlin's face was shining in the firelight- shining with tears- his face was probably rubbed raw with them.

He made no effort to hide this it seemed, as he sniffled whilst trying to breathe through his nose as Arthur approached him, but made no move to get up. Arthur looked down at him so lovingly, it  _hurt_ and Merlin felt that he didn't deserve this after all this time, after everything he'd done and all the trouble he was causing right now, to everyone he knew, behaving like a child.

Arthur put his arms out and whispered sweetly, "Come, on, get up" and Merlin, as if hypnotized, took hold of Arthur's hands and let himself be helped to his feet, if a little shakily.

The young King took a moment just to  _look_ at Merlin, as if he had forgotten how privileged he was to look at this man every day of his life as his. During the day, he was forced to observe Merlin from afar and not give him the amount of eye contact he wanted; had to keep up appearances for others. But in the silence of their own chambers, Arthur was always tricked into just staring.

Merlin tried to look away, as if feeling guilty or sad, but Arthur cupped both sides of his face tenderly and sighed when he met Merlin's eyes again.

"You look so beautiful," he said before he had a chance to stop it. Merlin actually laughed at this, not loudly, but he did laugh.

"Arthur, I've been crying, my face is rubbed raw, and my eyes are red, my hair is a mess and I'm wearing a tunic that's too big for me- I do not look beautiful!"

And what was Arthur supposed to do with that except for kiss the man? It was just too impossible to stand so near him and have his breath taken away so, not to lean in to kiss him. And Merlin made a soft sighing sound, as if he couldn't quite believe this was happening. Of course he couldn't believe it, this was  _Arthur_ kissing him. Arthur- who was someone's  _husband_ , and he'd lain with her the other night, and should it even feel this good to kiss someone else's husband?

But he felt even worse that he didn't care. And in the most selfish thought he'd had in ages, he felt Morgana didn't matter right now. Because he never thought he would get to kiss Arthur again, and he wasn't going to let anything ruin it.

When their lips broke apart, they made a loud noise, and Merlin sighed as he leaned his head against Arthur's, almost content. Arthur stroked the back of Merlin's neck and dared to ask, "Why were you crying?"

And instead of coming up with a harsh, semi-witty and sarcastic reply to that, like he could have done, and probably had the right to, Merlin just decided to tell Arthur the truth.

"I saw the sheets as I was walking this morning," Merlin whispered.

"You saw what?" Arthur asked, only a little confused.

"I bumped into the maid that stripped your sheets this morning," Merlin repeated and he felt Arthur go slightly stiff "I helped her clean them up after she'd dropped her washing... they were... I..." And he felt Merlin cry against his shoulder again, and Arthur couldn't help the half mad smile that took over his face at the complete misunderstanding between them.

So that was why Merlin had looked so depressed all day, why he had avoided him and Morgana and why he had no doubt spent the whole day crying. He manoeuvred Merlin's face so he was looking at him again, and laughed out loud, to Merlin's confusion.

"Merlin, you..." and he laughed again- he must have just gone mad!

"What's funny?" Merlin demanded. And Arthur figured he'd better explain himself quick before Merlin left or something.

"Merlin... nothing happened... me and Morgana, we... we never did."

Merlin's eyes went wide with hope and he couldn't even speak for a moment. He didn't want to believe it- that's to say, of course he wanted to, but it was too much hope, too perfect, as if it should have been a scene from a book, and of course real life was never so easy. Especially not their life. He managed to compose himself before he asked, "The sheets... the... the..." and Arthur laughed.

"Well I had to deal with my morning problem, didn't I? It so happened your mouth wasn't there to help avoid any mess," he teased "and it served the dual purpose of incriminating us I suppose," he said as he stroked the side of Merlin's face, soothing. His tone suddenly went far more serious as he said, "We were going to... but I ended up thinking of you and... well I thought it would help, but it just made it _worse_  and I just couldn't. I would never have been able to live with myself..."

Merlin for a second felt as though he needed to sit down. He wasn't at all prepared for any of this. It would never have even  _occurred_  to him that the stains on the sheets were entirely 'innocent' and that Arthur had never... he had prepared himself the entire day for meeting Arthur again. He had avoided Arthur for that very reason- to cry himself out and be able to face Arthur with a straight face and only hurt inside. When Arthur had walked into their chambers, he was ready for the emotional slaughter of seeing his lover and knowing what had happened the previous night. He didn't have a clue of how to process the fact that he had been  _wrong_.

And then, as if it were a delayed reaction, his mind caught up to the fact that Arthur and Morgana had never lain together. And that Arthur was still  _his_. And in an almost painful response to all this, Merlin's body began to convulse in full body sobs, his mind no longer able to win over his body and his emotions. He had cried so much already that day that there were almost no more tears left to spill, however, the hysterical sounds that left his mouth made up for the lack of them. In total happiness and relief and confusion, he simply latched onto Arthur's tunic, his fingers clutching painfully as Arthur, wide eyed and completely taken aback by Merlin's reaction, cradled his head, stroking his hair.

He had no idea Merlin had been  _this_  upset about everything, and it almost made him feel sick with shame that he hadn't realised, or asked or even bothered to  _think_ that Merlin might have reacted like this. He had no idea Merlin would have seen those sheets, he...

"Merlin, Merlin, don't cry, I'm so sorry I didn't... oh gods, Merlin..."

"No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Arthur, Arthur, Arthur..." he had no idea what he was saying, only that Arthur's name was the only thing keeping him from going insane with happiness, and he cried painfully round the knot in his throat, half sobs, half gasped out laughter emitting from his vulnerable frame.

Arthur pried Merlin off his tunic and cradled Merlin's face in his hands, stiffly as Merlin tried to hide again as not to let Arthur see his tears.

"I am  _so_ sorry Merlin. I just... oh God I don't even know what to do..." he said painfully "I don't ever want to cause another tear to fall from that beautiful face, do you understand? Don't you ever let me make you cry again!" He didn't mean his words to be quite so forceful and he probably was clutching at Merlin's face harder than he needed, but he couldn't help it. He had never felt this guilty over something even when Merlin was lying stone dead in his arms because of him- and he had just  _laughed_  when Merlin had told him! How could he have ever been so insensitive!

"Arthur please, please don't be sorry, please don't, I don't think I can take that please!" he begged, voice still a little un-understandable due to his crying.

"Sweetheart..." Arthur began, stroking the side of his face, tears flowing down his own face.

"Arthur please just... just please just... can you tell me everything will be ok now and that everything will go back to how it was, just how it was, how you promised and how Morgana promised, and please tell me everything will go back to the way it was, and I'm so sorry, please I never wanted to make you feel guilty please don't hate me, I just didn't want to lose you, I just didn't want you to be someone else's,  _please_  just tell me everything will be ok!"

By the end of his incoherent strings of words, Merlin had buried his face in Arthur's chest again, making a wet mess of his tunic and his arms around Arthur's neck.

Arthur had to try and control his breathing, not to burst out crying himself when he spoke, "I promise you everything will go back to the way it was. It will be just you and me, and Morgana will be with us all the time, just like she was before, ok? She will be my wife, but you're going to be my Merlin, ok? And I'll be your Arthur, ok? No one is ever going to take me away from you Merlin, I promise, ok?"

He felt Merlin nod against his wet shirt, and his sobs finally softened after a silent while, only their breathing filling the empty room. Soon after, Merlin had stopped crying, and Arthur started to caress his head and all the tense muscles in Merlin's frame relaxed into the touch.

He felt Merlin begin to almost sag against him in mere emotional exhaustion, and Arthur brought one hand up round Merlin's shoulders and the other to the underside of his knees and in one graceful move, swept Merlin off his feet and into his arms. Merlin made a soft content noise into Arthur's skin, but didn't say anything, not even when Arthur placed him on his back on the bed.

He arranged himself so he was lying behind Merlin, spooning him lightly, but no more. He brought one hand round to Merlin's front and let Merlin lace their fingers together, soothing. He brought the other hand up to Merlin's mop of hair and began to pet and stroke, loving how Merlin relaxed into the touch. He hated the small patches of wet hair that Merlin's tears had made wet earlier, and tried to simply hope that Merlin would be ok after all this was over.

"I missed you," Merlin said in barely a whisper, but Arthur heard him in the silence of the room.

"I missed you too my little one," he said planting a kiss onto Merlin's hair.

"M'not little Arthur," Merlin said, half asleep into his pillow and Arthur thought he might die of happiness hearing Merlin's sleepy voice again.

"Of course not," he agreed "You're the bravest soul in the whole of Camelot." Merlin made a noise that might have been fond, but it came out a little muffled.

"Do you want to sleep now?" Arthur asked and Merlin nodded silently.

"With you?" he asked hopefully, and Arthur felt him tense at the possibility of a rejection.

"Of course with me Merlin, where else would I go?" he asked softly.

"To Morgana," Merlin said, but he didn't sound jealous or angry, simply accepting that this was the way things were going to be now.

After a moment, Arthur replied, "No Merlin, Morgana has her own chambers like she's always had, and we have ours."

"Ours?" Merlin asked.

"Yes, ours. My place is here with you Merlin. And if things were different, I would make you my Queen."

"I'd look silly in a dress," he mumbled, but Arthur felt under his palm the quickening beat Merlin's heart gave at his words.

"I love you too," he said quietly "Sleep now, I've got you."


	33. Marriage of Equals

 

It was dark when Merlin [began](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5725315/33/May_I_Love_You) to stir awake. He wasn't sure how long they had been sleeping, but it must have been a while anyway seeing as Arthur had put him to bed only just after sunset. For once, rather than feeling ashamed of his actions the previous evening, all Merlin felt was relief. Relief that he could finally be honest with Arthur and show him that he was in fact human and was capable of some emotion rather than just behaving stone faced like he had during the days following up to the wedding.

He settled back into Arthur's arms, and belatedly realised that Arthur was wearing his nightclothes. He knew Arthur had been dressed when they had fallen asleep, so he figured Arthur must have been up in the night to change. It was rare that Arthur woke up in the night and Merlin wondered if something had troubled him.

"Merlin?" he heard Arthur whisper "You awake?" Merlin shuffled his weight so he was lying on his [belly](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5725315/33/May_I_Love_You), his face in Arthur's direction. He shifted both his arms so they came under his pillow and supported his head. "Hey," he said quietly.

"Hey," Arthur answered. He held Merlin's gaze for so long and it became so open and loving, that Merlin suddenly felt too giddy and shy to hold it, and he huffed a smile and turned his head in to the pillow.

"Hey, hey, don't you hide your beautiful face from me," Arthur chided him playfully, tilting his head back towards him. Merlin smiled as he looked [back up](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5725315/33/May_I_Love_You) at Arthur, who was now leaning on one elbow, looking down at Merlin.

"What are you thinking?" Arthur asked him, as if he could feel the cogs working inside Merlin's head. Merlin sighed and just admitted,

"About what you said earlier... before I feel asleep."

Arthur didn't have to be told what that something was, and he sighed nervously as he shuffled around a bit.

"I've been thinking about it too... I've been thinking about it for hours- how to work out what to say to you..."

Arthur had Merlin's full attention now and he attempted to sit up a little, still a little sleepy. "Tell me what..." he asked dubiously and Arthur smiled reassuringly.

"Don't panic, it's nothing terrible Merlin. Just... let me talk, yeah?" Merlin nodded and Arthur took a deep breath as if to start some kind of planned speech. He then just exhaled and shook his head and Merlin could feel all he had planned to say crumbling away into nonsense.

"Okay, okay..." Arthur said to himself and then straightened up a little "Basically..." he started "I mean... I had my fair share of girls before I met you..." Merlin raised his eyebrows at this and laughed slightly "I mean... it's ok, I am getting somewhere!" Arthur said "So... yes, I mean, I'd had my fair share of women I mean... when you first arrived in Camelot, it really wasn't like I was  _attracted_ to you I mean... I've never liked a man... in that way before. It never felt that way. But all those times I thought that I might lose you... and then when you left Merlin..." he didn't pause for very long so that Merlin wouldn't have a chance to spout the same hundred apologies that he'd heard before.

"It doesn't matter," he said "You came back and I was  _so_ happy Merlin, you have no idea! I mean... the whole thing with Gwen, it..." he did pause this time, if only to gather the right sort of words to choose "It was like... I was trying to fill your place. I mean, she was someone I couldn't have, so it felt sort of the same, but it  _didn't_  because she's so much more meek and mild and you talk back to me and you shout at me and call me names and you really do not do as you're told which is just unacceptable, but the only other person that made me feel that way was Morgana. My best friend." Merlin's eyes softened to hear Arthur talk of Morgana in such a fond way. He was always so happy that Arthur had someone like Morgana to look out for him.

"It's probably why she's the only woman I could ever have stomached to marry because she's most like you," he smiled "But no matter how much I tried to substitute you with Gwen, it didn't work. I tried to make myself believe that I loved her, and trust me, it worked, even if for a short while. I mean, I can't tell you what I felt when i found out Lancelot was going to marry her. I was certain that was my last chance at happiness because I would never see you again," he paused again, trying to gather his train of thought, and then carried on.

"And just... when you came back, it was... I don't even know... Well let's just say I never thought I would have gotten a chance to  _feel_ that way again, which is really just a miracle!" He said with a hint of fond laughter in his voice "I  _still_  don't understand how it's possible for me to be this happy. But seeing you last night... I just... I couldn't sleep thinking of you and your tears and just your face and... my God, I don't ever want to have to see that again- not because of me marrying Morgana. I don't you to think that you're  _sharing_ me. Ever. And it's not fair that you should ever feel second best, because you are the person who is always at my side Merlin." He took hold of Merlin's hand at this point and started stroking the skin back and forth.

"Arthur, I really don't feel..."

"... But I know you did Merlin," Arthur said with understanding "And it would have been impossible not to, I think I would have felt the same way. But something Morgana said on our wedding night really made me think. She told me that my word that I had given her at our wedding was not mine to give away. And she's right. Because we both know that I gave that to you a long time ago, Merlin. But I don't think... I don't think I ever really proved it to you enough, I..."

"Arthur, you prove it to me every day, what are you talking about?"

"No, you don't understand, I..." he sighed and then growled at himself in frustration "What I'm  _trying_ to say is... It should have been  _you_. There at the altar, Merlin. It should always have been you."

Merlin eyed him sceptically, wondering where on earth this was leading to, and having not even a clue what Arthur was thinking.

"Merlin, I... I just wish I could marry you- I just  _want_ to marry you, I want to make you my own promises so you will know that you really do belong to me."

Merlin was pretty much close to gaping at Arthur by the time he had finished speaking. He was both touched and incredibly worried that Arthur had hit his head on some hard surface.

"Umm... I..." Arthur was looking at him so expectantly that Merlin really tried his best to come up with a response quick so not to disappoint him. However, the only thing that managed to come out of his mouth was the bloody obvious,

"You're asking me to marry you," he stated slowly and clearly as thought dictating it to someone.

Arthur's face was taken over by a half mad, fond smile and he even let out a small laugh as he cupped Merlin's face. "Yes Merlin," he said sweetly "Yes, that's exactly what I'm asking."

The warlock actually had to take several deep breaths just to buy him time about how he should respond to that sort of bemusing and yet wonderful statement. There were so many things he wanted to say. Like 'do you have an idea how we could actually do that' and 'we are both men, this is impossible!' and 'can we please sleep or something because my brain isn't developed enough to cope with this kind of shock' but all that came out was a stunned, "Why?"

Arthur smiled some more and stroked his lover's cheek soothingly, "Everything is always 'why' with you isn't it Merlin?" he said teasingly.

"Well I'd... I'd like to know... I mean... what on earth would have put such an idea into your head?" he asked, hoping that Arthur understood him well enough by now that he knew Merlin didn't mean it offensively and that he was simply surprised.

Nevertheless, he took Arthur by the hands and said softly, as though trying to help him understand, "Arthur... I just don't understand how you would even try to  _do_ it. You're already married Arthur. Not to mention on a side note that we're both  _men_. I just don't know how..."

"I know Merlin, I just... look I know it couldn't be like my marriage with Morgana, but it would still be real to  _us_ , it can just be our secret it can... I mean... look I know no one can know about this- no one would even understand this, which is why we should keep it a secret. I want to marry you more than anything I've ever wanted in my life."

Merlin tried to fight the urge to cry or something, and instead just tried to get to the bottom of Arthur's train of thought. "But why?" he asked again "You have a  _wonderful_  and beautiful wife you loves you, why would you ever want me?"

"Does it really have to be said?" Arthur asked him earnestly, rubbing the pad of his finger over Merlin's cheek and Merlin almost closed his eyes at the intimate gesture.

"I... no of course not, I..."

"Well I'll tell you anyway," Arthur said, not at all affronted or offended like Merlin thought he might be. "I have three very good reasons," he started "Firstly, I need you here so I can protect you. Now, I know that may sound funny to  _you_ ," he said with a smile, ruffling Merlin's hair as he felt the sarcastic remark forming behind Merlin's smirk "But believe it or not, before you told me about your magic, I felt sometimes like I was... well... your 'saviour' I suppose I could say." The look on his face strongly suggested that he felt foolish actually admitting this in the light of day (or in this case, night) "I mean, when I managed to save you from that poisoned chalice-"

"-uum... I think you'll  _find-_ "Merlin tried to retort, but Arthur sealed a hand over his mouth and laughed.

"Secondly," he continued "You infuriate me more than any other man or woman on earth! And I live with Morgana, so that is saying something!" he said with a laugh "And I've always considered irritation in moderation a good thing for someone."

Merlin pouted dramatically and Arthur just had to lean in a give him a peck on his full lips before his expression softened slightly, melting more into seriousness this time.

"And thirdly," he said, brushing a bit of hair that had fallen into Merlin's face away "You're the only destiny I've got that matters, or ever will have. I would be dead right now if it wasn't for you, Merlin. I mean, you're my soul mate. I'm tied to you. And I will love you until my last breath."

For a moment, Arthur actually felt bad, because Merlin's eyes were full to the brim with tears, and he was utterly speechless, breathing deeply through his nose, mouth slightly parted in awe.

''I think um..." Merlin started, his thoughts so obviously clouded by bare emotion ''I think..."

Arthur just smiled fondly and whispered, "You think far too much love," and tried to kiss him, but Merlin shook his head and put a hand on Arthur's shoulder, but not at all forcefully.

"No, I just... I don't think... I think that perhaps I don't deserve you..." he said uncertainly, playing with the hem of Arthur's nightshirt and not looking him in the eyes, as if he were just talking to himself.

Arthur fought the urge to laugh. He had not forgotten how self deprecating Merlin could be, but it still was a harsh surprise every time he put himself down like this. Arthur doubted he would  _ever_  have what it took to be worthy for Merlin's love, and yet here Merlin was, talking as if he had anything to be ashamed of. Arthur had practically thrown Merlin out of Camelot after finding out he was a sorcerer and more or less caused his death, as well as causing Merlin so much heartache during this wedding. He didn't think anything could make up for the hurt he had caused Merlin since they met. Without even counting all the times he had casually slated him for no good reason other than the fact he was too stupidly in love to know what to do with his feelings and had bullied Merlin in order to prove that he didn't need him.

"How can you ever say that Merlin?"

"Well it's true!" Merlin said more forcefully this time, and turning his head up to look at Arthur's face. "You've done  _so_  much for me, and I don't even deserve it! You chased me all the way to Ealdor and were prepared to give your  _life_  for mine! You practically sacrificed your father so I could live, you forgave me for all the times I have lied to you and more! You've taken the ban off magic even though you didn't have to- you did it for me. You... you've just always  _been_ there Arthur! And now you married Morgana because I asked you too and then cuddled me when I was too much of a child to handle the thought of you marrying someone else! And any small little thing or day, or moment or word that you've said, or time that you've made me feel better, or gone out of your way for me, or saved my  _life_! Even though you may not have known it, or in a small, tiny way, every day, even when you would lift that stupid mop of hair off your pillow in the morning and grumble at me for waking you up, and then when that changed to smiles instead, and kisses and cuddles and just... oh my God Arthur how could I ever deserve any of it? After everything I did to you and I... and now you want to marry me, and I don't even think..."

And Arthur really couldn't hold back any more- even if Merlin was going to push him away; he was going to kiss the man. He leaned in with a long, loving sigh and took Merlin's mouth for his own, which was still moving when he touched his own lips to it, and Arthur smiled into the kiss, loving how Merlin would always prattle on. He would prattle on tomorrow, and he would prattle on when they were old and frail and hitting each other with walking canes rather than wrestling, and it would be just as endearing as it always had been.

Merlin didn't resist the kiss. It was what he needed to stop his endless rant, and he was almost grateful Arthur had decided to shut him up. Arthur soothed him from the inside out, licking his way into Merlin's mouth, breathing into him and touching his neck. Merlin almost lost himself in that moment, and quickly moved so he could sit in Arthur's lap, effectively breaking the kiss, but he simply put his arms round Arthur's strong back and held him close while Arthur kissed his ear.

"I'm not really... I'm not really sure if that's a yes, or..."

Merlin unwrapped his limbs from Arthur's frame and sat back on his heels, looking at his King, but still silent. Arthur seemed to mistake that as a negative sign, because his features visibly fell.

"I mean... look you know I didn't mean to pressurize you Merlin... I won't take this the wrong way if it's not what you want... gods I should never have brought this up, I'm sor-" but he didn't have enough time to finish his sentence because Merlin had just shook his head, wearing as dopey smile at Arthur's self depreciative stupidity and simply came forward, wrapping his arms round him once more

"Of course I will Arthur," Merlin whispered with a smile, marvelling at Arthur's ability to make him smile even when he had been crying two minutes beforehand.

Arthur's eyes watered a little, and he just kissed his lover's hair, before saying, "We'll need rings."

"You mean now?" Merlin asked, confused.

"As far as I'm concerned, the sooner the better," Arthur smiled.

"But, I mean... really? In this messy bed?" Merlin asked a little incredulously.

Arthur just beamed at him and said with a little shrug, "This is where we first made love. I can't imagine any place better."

The warlock's eyes softened and he had to fight from exposing his emotions too much and breaking down into overjoyed tears that Arthur felt that night so special that he would want to get married in the same bed.

"It..." he started, hoping he wouldn't sound foolish by asking "It really meant that much to you?" He tried to explain himself better, hoping that Arthur wouldn't take it the wrong way "I didn't mean that it wasn't special to  _me_ , I mean, gods, of course it was, but I mean... it wasn't your first time and I just... gods sorry, I'm saying everything wrong, aren't I?"

Arthur looked nothing short of amused and just in utter awe " _Yes_ ," he said, smiling "But I just love it. I love that about you. And you can rest assured Merlin, that nothing I had ever done before could have compared to that one night with you. You have no idea how I was feeling, I..."

Merlin bit his lip during Arthur's pause, wondering if he was going to speak first, but when he didn't say anything, Merlin asked, "What  _were_  you thinking? Or feeling, or anything... in that night I mean?"

Arthur didn't even miss a beat, as if it were the most natural response, when he said, "That I loved you. And that... I would have given anything to feel that close to you for the rest of my life."

"God, you're  _perfect_ ," Merlin sighed, and without thinking about it, went for Arthur's mouth, wanting to just feel close to him. After the short kiss, Arthur rubbed the sides of Merlin's shoulders a little, asking,

"And what about you? What were you thinking?"

Merlin sighed, exasperated "What  _wasn't_ I thinking!" He said "I just... I remember thinking that I didn't want any of it to stop... the feelings and just... everything... like I wished that we could stay like that forever."

Arthur smiled, remembering just how Merlin had looked that night, still so innocent and shocked by the emotion and the sensations he had experiences and just trusting Arthur so completely with his feelings.

"Well, now we can feel that way forever," he said, taking Merlin's hand in his own "But I understand if you want to fix your hair- you always were rather in love with it," he teased, ruffling Merlin's sleep rumpled hair a little. Merlin pouted but the pout broke out into a silly little laugh seconds later and he covered his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Ok, well I am really ruining the mood, so let's try and be serious for a while at least," Merlin said; the smile still plastered to his face.

"Where do you think we can get rings from?" Arthur asked. Merlin though for a moment in silence, but his face lit up in a smile when he finally stumbled upon an idea.

"I have the perfect idea," he said, before settling back to sit down cross legged on the bed. He cupped his hands in front of him and Arthur heard him mutter under his breath that familiar language he now recognised as Merlin just being magical.

Arthur didn't interrupt him, just watched, transfixed, as Merlin's eyes glowed gold for a second as he opened them, and then went back to their natural blue colour.

He slowly uncupped his hands, looking up to Arthur with those adorable looking eyes that Arthur knew meant that Merlin wanted Arthur to be proud of him and what he could do, even if it was the smallest thing. Even after all this time, he was surprised how much his opinion and approval meant to Merlin when he had never been able to give it before.

Arthur smiled softly when he saw what Merlin held in his hands. Two gold rings that still glowed a little from the magic and engraved with something he couldn't quite make out. He reached for the rings carefully as if they were a precious new born baby.

From this distance, Arthur could make out the engravings far more clearly. The first read  _courage_ the other  _magic_. Arthur didn't even realise a fresh wave of emotion had taken over his senses until he felt tears prickle the corners of his eyes and he had to try and subtly blink them away to avoid running the perfect moment.

Merlin just smiled and said, "I thought maybe... we could wear each others... so ... sort of like we're really with each other or a part of each other all the time..." he tried desperately to search Arthur's face for signs of emotion and looked a little nervous when Arthur smiled slightly and for a moment Merlin was sure Arthur was going to laugh at him.

"It's perfect," Arthur whispered and Merlin beamed at him with his bright blue eyes.

"Kiss me?" he whispered softly and Arthur smiled teasingly

"Aren't I supposed to wait till I've made you my bride?" He expected a slap across the head or a pinch of the arm at least but all he got was a faint blush staining Merlin's cheeks and a soft reply of, "You're right," and the warlock took a deep breath as if to calm himself, because they were about to get  _married_.

Although Arthur really didn't know why he was so nervous about it. He and Merlin had shared far more than a marriage almost ever since Merlin arrived in Camelot. They shared a destiny, and that, they both knew, meant more than any wedding rings or vows because they had already made those to each other 100 times over throughout the years, in deeds and words and times they had saved each other's lives and been there for each other. Made each other laugh and teased each other and called each other names. Even when they fought and made up and came out stronger because of it and most especially the tougher times when Merlin had revealed his magic and when Arthur thought he had lost him.

Compared to all that, a simple exchange of promises and rings given in the privacy of their own bed should have seemed to easy, and yet finally saying those words out loud terrified Arthur. What if he couldn't be a good husband? He had not always been a good friend, what made him think that he even deserved Merlin in this way? Arthur had always been terrified of admitting his feelings, even if he had shown them in a thousand different ways and this was no different.

"Arthur I can practically hear your mind working from over here," Merlin said, slightly amused and Arthur finally snapped out of his subconscious rant.

Merlin smiled and brought his hand to the back of the king's head, stroking the back of his hair "Do you think we could say our wedding vows so I could marry the most amazing person in this world?"

Arthur nodded and took the ring that said  _courage_ in his hand, ready to put it on Merlin's finger. "I want to go first," he said "I'm already nervous enough as it is." Merlin simply nodded in agreement, letting Arthur take a moment to find his words.

"Gosh I feel under so much pressure," he admitted, but not feeling ashamed. He knew Merlin would never judge him.

"It's ok, just... say what you really feel, ok?" Merlin replied, smiling reassuringly. Arthur took a deep breath.

"Ok, so... well... I love you," he said almost with a shrug, as if it was the most natural way to begin. He never understood why some men were so afraid of those words. To Arthur, they felt like he was being freed. Like he could be anyone he wanted to be. Describing his feelings may have scared him, but telling Merlin he loved him was something he could do for the rest of his life.

"And I'm not sure exactly when I started loving you, but I'm pretty sure it started around the time when I thought I was going to lose you after you were poisoned. When I first met you I thought you were rude, but I was surprised at your forwardness. No one had ever stood up to me before, it was refreshing. You  _frustrated_ me as my manservant! Incompetent, lazy, or so I thought at the time. But slowly I started finding you more endearing than annoying once I got used to you and then when you were poisoned I realised I didn't  _not_ want you in my life. And that I would do whatever it took to keep you in it.

I'm not sure I realised it was love, but it didn't really matter because all I knew was I didn't want to lose you. It wasn't a kind of physical attraction. It never even started like that. I think it was a slow process of denial and then finally acceptance when I realised I was in love with you. I was terrified at first. Terrified because I'd never loved anyone before, because of my father, because you were a servant, not to mention a  _man_  and I had no idea what would happen if anyone ever found out! I figured the best way to ensure you stayed in my life was never to tell anyone, especially you. That would have kept you by my side, even if I wasn't allowed to love you. Being near you... I just forgot all about the stuff that should have stopped me from loving you. Like your gender, your class and you lack of ability to produce heirs, and you just taught me what it was like to love a  _person_. I couldn't be more grateful for that if I tried!

You've taught me everything I know that I can be proud of, and every day I think to myself 'there's no way you could love him any more than you do today' and I'm not joking, all you need to do is laugh and it's like I get to rediscover you all over again. I could write lists and lists of the things you taught me, but that's not the most important thing right now. What is important is that you should know I love you. I will keep loving you, no matter what. Anything you do, anything you say, nothing will ever stop me from loving you because it's been done and I honestly couldn't undo it if I tried. No matter how far away you are from me or I am from you, I will love you just as much, and that's why I asked you to marry me, because it's the only way I know how to show that. I know you don't want to tell people about us. I know we'll never get to walk through the streets of Camelot as the rulers of this kingdom, linking arms and talking about the things I talk about with Morgana in public, and I know we won't be able to show our love to anyone.

I sometimes dream about that you know? Us waking up in the same bed, the light shining off your naked back like it always does, only this time, a servant walks into our chambers and calls you 'Your Highness' like you deserve, and he dresses you and treats you like a King and before breakfast, the pair of us just stand on the battlements of the castle watching the sun rise, not having to worry about who sees us. I know we'll never have that, and I know you want it just as much as me, but apart from that dream, the only other dream I ever had that's been as strong is that I can make it up to you that we can't have what other people have. I try so hard to treat you like a king every day because it's what you should be. And I try  _so_ hard to show you every day how much I love you and give you enough love so that maybe it won't feel like you're missing out. You're  _everything_ to me Merlin. I just hope you'll let me be yours forever, because I wouldn't want it any other way." With the last breath and tears in his eyes, Arthur finally slipped the golden ring the rest of the way onto Merlin's long finger. It fit perfectly. Just for him.

To say Merlin was an emotional wreck by the time Arthur had slipped the ring on his finger was an understatement. He was so shocked by Arthur's vows that he wasn't even able to _cry_. He just sat in silence, stunned and wondering how on earth he was supposed to get words out, let alone say something that had the same emotional depth.

"Okay..." he said taking a deep breath, and holding the other ring in his hand, ready to place on Arthur's finger.

"Well all I can say is that I'm so lucky. I have no idea what I would be doing in my life if it wasn't for knowing you... probably breeding cows in a field somewhere," he laughed "But more importantly, I would never have been able to fall in love. I mean, who knows I might have met some poor soul who would put up with me for the rest of my life, but I don't think anything could possibly measure up to the way I feel with you. I don't  _want_ to feel that way about anyone else. Life would be boring without you Arthur, and I just  _love_  being with you. I know I've made my fair share of mistakes over the years, and something which I will regret for the rest of my life is what happened between us when you found out about my magic. But I hope you know, that right now, I have never been happier in my entire life. I mean, I'm living in a Camelot where magic is legal. It's something I never thought I'd see in my whole life. I never thought I would be able to mention the word 'magic' to you without you turning your head in disgust. But now I can... create things with my magic for you,  _help_ you without fearing for my life, and having you look at me like you do now when I do magic for you sometimes makes me think that this is all a dream. Because I finally have a purpose now. Because my magic was  _always_ meant for you and now for the first time in my life it's fully yours and the fact that you accept me is just a dream come true. You honestly have made all my dreams come true. You've not only been my soul mate, but you're my best friend. My very best friend. And I just really want to tell you, I am  _so_ grateful for everything that you did for me. This whole business with Morgana, I know you didn't want to go through with it, but I am so happy you did and I'm so sorry about last night. I'm not ashamed of what I did because I think I would have gone insane had I kept it to myself a moment longer but I'm just so sorry for putting you in that position last night. But I hope that I can just make it up to you by being there for you and supporting you in everything and loving you every single day, because I think that's something I definitely know how to do. I sometimes honestly don't believe I deserve you Arthur but I hope you'll keep me for as long as possible because I want nothing more in the whole world than to be able to grow old with you in this kingdom that we'll build together. I love you, and I can't wait to marry you." With that he slid Arthur's ring onto his finger and gave his knuckles a quick kiss before bringing his hand down again.

He knew that his vows weren't as heartfelt as Arthur's, but out of the two of them, Arthur did always seem to have more of a way with words even though he wouldn't admit it. Merlin had so much love for him bottled inside but sometimes he physically didn't know how to show it. Sometimes he could feel his magic building up inside of him or pumping through his veins whenever he Arthur made him feel loved or cherished. He wondered what would happen to all that magic if Merlin ever did let his emotional guard down completely for Arthur. It scared him sometimes, but Arthur knew how much he loved him and how much he'd done for him and he didn't need to convince him with words to make him love him back.

It seemed though, that for Arthur, those words were more than enough to break down his own emotional barrier because tears finally were welling up in the King's blue eyes for the first time since they had started saying their vows and Merlin could at least feel pride that he made Arthur feel the same way about him that Arthur made him feel.

The King took a deep breath and spoke, his voice slightly low and tentative, as if he didn't want to actually cry during this last stage.

"So... will you Merlin," he began "Make me the happiest man on this earth and honour me with your hand in marriage?"

Merlin smiled and answered "Yes." Before taking another breath and asking "And will you, Arthur, let me stand by your side for the rest of our lives and do me the honour of taking your hand in marriage?"

"I will," Arthur said, then added with a small smile "Warts and all."

Merlin let out a laugh loud enough to startle the two of them in the near silence they had created in the room and it almost felt like a release after so much emotion. Once he had stopped laughing, he pouted and said quietly, "I don't have any warts Arthur," and Arthur grinned even harder, telling him, "I know sweetheart, I know."

Merlin held his gaze for a moment, still smiling before he remembered his last crucial line that he had to say to make it official.

"You may kiss the pretend bride," he whispered, and Arthur could have died of happiness as he finally leaned in for a kiss, sliding his ringed hand behind Merlin's head, gently cupping it, cradling him in.

Merlin had never felt a kiss quite like it. He felt like he was dying of oxygen deprivation and he didn't even care because he was being pulled deeper and deeper into Arthur. It was like one of those unbelievably romantic soul swallowing kisses Gwen told him she had always dreamt of, or ones that he had sometimes read in the volumes of romantic ballads he loved to read.

He couldn't believe it had taken them this long to take this kind of step. Even though it seemed insane at first, the two of them getting 'unofficially married' but right now there seemed something so romantic about all this. Like they were little children playing pretend and eloping together, keeping it their little secret, their secret love. It made him feel ridiculous and spontaneous and just so silly and happy and carefree like he hadn't felt in a very long time.

All of a sudden, as if an epiphany, Merlin realised what came next and he wondered if Arthur had realised yet, but suddenly Merlin felt extremely bashful like a young girl being alone with a man for the first time.

It seemed Arthur could feel his sudden uncertainty because he pulled away with a confused look on his face. "Merlin, what's wrong?" he asked.

A faint blush had painted Merlin's cheeks and he bit his lip shyly as he looked up at Arthur. "Well..." he began "You know what happens now, don't you?"

Arthur still looked like he wasn't following "What do you mean, love?" Merlin seemed to blush harder at this and said,

"Well it's... you know... it's..." Arthur still searched Merlin's face and so he finally said, in a hushed tone, "It's our wedding night."

Arthur smiled warmly and said softly, "I know," before giving Merlin a kiss on the nose "But we don't have to do anything if you don't want to. I know it's been an exhausting day for you. We can sleep if you want."

Merlin shook his head a little and whispered, "No, no I want to. I do." He stroked his hands down the side of Arthur's face to reassure him, running the pads of his thumbs against his cheekbones.

Before he was able to lean in for a kiss, Arthur, in a move so swift and fast Merlin could have sworn he dreamt it, picked the warlock up off the bed and carried him to the door of his chambers.

Merlin let out an undignified skwark before shouting "What on earth are you doing Arthur!"

"Shh!" Arthur said, amused as he set Merlin down "You want to wake up the entire castle!" he then smiled and explained, "I want to carry my bride across the threshold if I may?"

Merlin blushed and then straightened up, putting his arms out in invitation and tilting his head up a bit on mock arrogance.

"Yes, you may," he said in a put-on posh voice that sounded like it should have come from someone like Lady Vivian, not Merlin, but Arthur found it adorable all the same.

He scooped up his new husband as if he weighed nothing at all (which was not far from the truth) and carried him back to their bed, touching Merlin's forehead with his own, wanting to be as close to him as he could.

When he got to the bed, he gently laid Merlin down and the warlock settled back against the pillows, looking up at Arthur.

All of a sudden he felt a little giddy. As if they hadn't done this many, many times before. And even though he knew this time was different for more reasons than one, he couldn't quite decide why he was feeling so virginal and exposed all of a sudden.

He'd gotten so lost in his own thoughts that he quietly gasped when he saw Arthur lift his nightshirt over his head, exposing miles of beautiful tanned skin that Merlin would soon be able to worship.

Arthur's smile never faltered. He kept looking at Merlin like he was the only person in the entire world, like there was something new and interesting about him every time Arthur laid eyes on him, and the gaze made Merlin's insides to summersaults, so he put his hand over his belly where it fluttered the most.

Arthur, noticing his gesture, came and sat down next to him on the bed and stroked his cheek, looking down at him.

"A little nervous my sweet?" he asked him with that same calming and beautiful tone he'd used during their first time.

Merlin bit his lip and nodded. "I don't know why though... sorry..."

"Don't be sorry," Arthur said "This is... this is so important... we've never done anything like this. I'm just so happy we've done this tonight Merlin, honestly I am. I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner."

And then his smile finally fell a little and he ducked his head down, and Merlin knew that look. Arthur was feeling guilty about something. Merlin's brow furrowed.

"Arthur? What is it?" he asked.

Knowing that Merlin wouldn't rest until Arthur told him the truth, he sighed and said,

"I just... I feel so bad. I feel sad that I can't tell anyone, that I couldn't give you a huge ceremony in front of everyone to let them see how much you love me and how much I love you. I want to show you off  _all_ the time and it just hurts so much Merlin, I... I just wish I could do that. Just once, I just wish I could."

Merlin's eyes softened and suddenly he felt his own twinge of guilt at the knowledge that is was his insistence to tone it town in public that had led to Arthur's unhappiness.

He cupped Arthur's face, tilting it towards him. "You give me more than you could ever imagine. I am so proud being able to even have you on my arm, and I don't care if nobody else can see. I don't need a big ceremony to be reminded of how much I'm loved, Arthur. I see it in the way you look at me. Trust me."

Arthur sighed in defeat, but also in the slight happiness because if Merlin was happy, then he would be happy, even though a part of him would forever want to show the world how much Merlin meant to him. Maybe one day, he thought to himself, but for now he would have to show Merlin how much he loved him in the best way he knew how.

He leaned in for a kiss, trying to make it as soft and tender as he could, wanting to almost recreate his first time with Merlin. He tried to avoid using his tongue, instead placing closed mouthed, sweet kisses on Merlin's lips, loving how intimate it felt.

He could feel Merlin wanting to deepen the kiss, so Arthur left his mouth and traced Merlin's jaw with the same soft treatment he'd given his lips.

Although Merlin did enjoy Arthur's strong, fierce kisses, he loved the way it made him feel when Arthur did something like this, simply peppering his body with soft touches and kisses. It made him feel special and wanted in a way that few other things did.

He wanted to talk, wanted to tell Arthur how he was making him feel and how perfect this was, but he was too mesmerized by the softness of Arthur's mouth and the heat from his lips and the sound of his mouth making contact with the skin of Merlin's neck. Merlin was rather sensitive there and when Arthur dragged his lips up and down the length of Merlin's neck in a feather light touch, his breath hitched in what almost sounded like a gasp.

Arthur smiled and what might have been an endearing chuckle sounded through the room. "Is that nice, sweetheart?" he asked, repeated the motion again and Merlin sighed with the pleasurable sensations he felt.

"It feels lovely," he whispered, kicking himself internally for the stupid choice of words, but he was sure Arthur didn't mind.

The king came back up from Merlin's neck and tucked a tiny piece of hair from his face before kissing his nose.

"Do you want to lie back on the bed?" he asked gently, now rubbing his thumbs in circles over Merlin's clothed arms.

"In a minute, I just..." Merlin trailed off because it was as if he'd only just realised Arthur was shirtless in his arms and he had been letting him do all the work here. Deciding this was unacceptable, he tentatively brought his lips to Arthur's muscled, bare shoulder. He kissed the skin softly, resting one hand flat on Arthur's chest to feel the heartbeat beneath his fingers, and he couldn't remember the last time they'd done anything so chaste, so slow. It was a whole new experience that Merlin couldn't wait to try because tonight was simply about their love, and neither of them was about to rush it.

Merlin continued to kiss Arthur's shoulder, giving it the same tenderness that Arthur had given his neck, and Arthur seemed to enjoy that seeing as his eyes were closed and his heart of beating hard, full of love and awe for the man in his arms.

Merlin trailed his lips slowly up Arthur's neck, mouthing at his jaw and all the way up by his ear. He kissed the lobe, nipping it just the slightest bit that it made Arthur's breath hitch, before sliding his mouth back down all the way to his shoulder again, kissing it.

Arthur smiled, placing both hands over Merlin's back, loving it when he could hold him like this. Merlin was much smaller than him in terms of muscle and Arthur loved feeling like he was protecting him when he wrapped his arms around him like this. Merlin almost purred at the embrace and took a moment just to settle his head on Arthur's shoulder, feeling safe and loved.

Neither of them drew any attention to the fact that for one, Merlin was still clothed and secondly, they had stayed in the same quiet embrace for several minutes; it was perfect and they had all night. Hell, they had the rest of their lives!

After a while, Merlin went back to kissing Arthur, and this time, the kisses did not stay closed mouthed, although they remained loving and sweet. Merlin was the first to dart his tongue out and gently lick across Arthur's bottom lip, almost as if asking for silent permission, and Arthur opened his mouth a little further so Merlin could slip it in. Merlin took the opportunity to explore his  _husband's_ mouth with his tongue, marvelling at how warm he was, how perfect and wet and inviting, only for Merlin.

Merlin almost wanted to stay that way the whole night, just kissing and cuddling, but of course his body was also interested in other things and soon enough he was becoming aware of his cock that was slowly hardening for Arthur under his passionate kisses.

He slowly tore his mouth away from Arthur's, whispering his name hoarsely. "Yes?" Arthur asked, giving a kiss to the small patch of bare shoulder that had become exposed through Merlin's nightshirt.

Merlin didn't say anything, he simply took Arthur's hands in his own and brought them to the bottom of the shirt, inviting Arthur to do the rest.

The king looked him in the eye, his own eyes sparkling with love and almost gratitude at being able to do this, being able to do this with Merlin.

He slowly encouraged Merlin to lie back on the bed, much to Merlin's confusion, but one flash of Arthur's perfect smile and Merlin just did what he wanted and laid back comfortably, having a feeling this is where he would stay for a while yet.

Arthur shuffled down to where Merlin's nightshirt ended and where just a tiny patch of pale skin was visible. He kissed it and then slow began lifting the material centimetre by centimetre, nuzzling and kissing each new bit of skin as if he was seeing it for the first time.

But of course this was so much better this way. As much as Arthur had loved his and Merlin's first time together and would never forget it; the feelings, the surprise, the awe; he loved how familiar Merlin's body, Merlin's responses and Merlin's heart were to him now. He knew Merlin pretty much as well as he knew himself, and that was one of the most gratifying feelings in the entire world, knowing that he could read another person that way, knowing that it meant his and Merlin's bond was special in a way that other people couldn't compete with and that no one would ever know Merlin how he did.

Lost in his thoughts, Arthur didn't even realise that he had trailed a path of loving kisses all the way up Merlin's torso and the nightshirt was bunched up by his arms.

Arthur smiled and at the awe struck look on Merlin's face as he finally pulled the shirt off him, and sitting back on his heels for a moment, Arthur just stared at his lover, trailing a single finger along his cheekbone and down his neck.

Merlin's expression was very unreadable. He looked amazed, loved, happy, but he wasn't speaking and Arthur couldn't exactly tell if that was a good or a bad thing but considering Merlin had just pseudo married him, he wasn't about to complain about his silence.

"I promise one day I'll be everything you deserve," Arthur murmured softly, still touching Merlin's face, never wanting to stop touching "I think I'm going to make it my life's mission," he continued jokingly, but the true sentiment still there "That and trying to help you find a hairstyle that doesn't make you look like a five year old."

Merlin's loving expression finally broke and he raised his eyebrows in amusement, letting out a startled laugh. "I thought you liked my haircut," Merlin said, pouting just to make Arthur feel a little bit bad.

It worked, and Arthur immediately leaned in for a kiss and feeling Merlin smirk just a little against his lips as he knew how to get his way with Arthur so, so easily. "I love everything about you," Arthur amended with a smile.

Laying on his side facing Merlin, he let his hand trail up the outside of one of Merlin's thighs, loving the feeling of warmth even under the fabric of his night shorts. When he reached the ties at the top, he looked Merlin in the eye and asked "Can I? I really need to see you, beautiful."

Merlin blushed at the compliment and he kissed Arthur, murmuring against his mouth, "Of course you can."

Arthur brought his mouth down to the soft skin of Merlin's neck, and made enough room for Merlin to do the same to him as he blindly tried to untie the laces of Merlin's trousers, getting a little distracted by Merlin's mouth on him. Once he'd untied them, he tried to pull them down Merlin's legs but he soon realised in the position he was in this was not going to end up well and he didn't want to spoil what was a lovely romantic moment by tangling Merlin's legs up in his trousers.

"Uh... sweetheart I..." he trailed off as Merlin contently kissed, nipped and lightly sucked on his neck, not seeming to want to stop anytime soon. "You need to stop that if I'm going to take these off..."

"Don't want to," Merlin mumbled against Arthur's neck, enjoying himself thoroughly.

Arthur smiled and had to physically prize himself away from Merlin, earning a whine of protest, and he kissed Merlin's nose in apology before pulling down his trousers, still slowly, wanting to savour every moment.

Merlin lay there, panting only a little from kissing Arthur's neck, and never looked away from Arthur's face as his trousers were discarded completely and thrown lightly onto the floor.

"I just..." Arthur said in amazement, taking in Merlin over and over again "I can never believe how amazing you are."

"You're amazing too," Merlin said, finding his voice "You're stunning Arthur, I love you. Please don't ever forget it."

"I won't," Arthur assures him.

Merlin finally looked down at Arthur, realising he was still wearing his breeches. "Can I..." he said, motioning with his hand for Arthur to come closer. He seemed to get the hint and shuffled nearer to Merlin who started work on his laces immediately, looking up at Arthur all the time.

"I really love undressing you," he said and Arthur smiled "It's like discovering a work of art or something." Arthur's smile widened and he had to move away from Merlin's hands to shuffle out of his breeches himself, leaving him as naked and exposed as Merlin.

Just like Arthur had done, Merlin just looked and stared for what seemed like the longest time. Every time they made love, Merlin couldn't believe that someone like Arthur who could have anyone he wanted, chose Merlin who was scrawny and pale and in his opinion, not very handsome or attractive, no matter what Arthur told him. The fact that Arthur wanted to be with him and make him feel special and spent hours and hours with him in bed, rolling around in sweaty sheets, taking him over and over again, making him feel like he could conquer the world, made Merlin feel honoured and loved in a way he never thought he could.

"Come here," Merlin almost pleaded, opening up his arms and waiting to feel Arthur against him, no clothes, no layers, just Arthur and his heart beating against Merlin's skin.

Arthur came to him and let himself melt into Merlin's embrace and sighed in happiness as his mouth was smothered by Merlin's kisses. He whimpered a little at the fierceness of it, how Merlin now thrust his tongue into Arthur's mouth, wanting to taste everything he had to offer.

He could feel Merlin's half hard cock against his thigh and he moaned a little at the feel of it and only just realising how long ago it was that they'd done this. He missed the feel of skin on skin, that intimacy that only came when he could feel the heat and the pulse of Merlin's cock against his own.

He ended the heated kiss and whispered to Merlin, voice a little broken, "I still remember the first time I did this." He tapped Merlin's thigh, encouraging it to open, before he ever so lightly trailed his fingertips against the warm skin on the inside. The reaction was immediate and Merlin gasped, hips thrusting up a little and Arthur could feel and see his cock harden a little more at the contact.

He smiled warmly and said, "I know you love this sweetheart," before running his fingers back and forth, back and forth along the inside of Merlin's thigh.

"Oh...! Oh Arthur..." Merlin sighed, squirming a little in pleasure. Arthur still had one arm wrapped around Merlin's back and shoulder and he held him snugly in his arms, loving the way Merlin moved underneath him,  _for_ him.

"You're skin is so soft here, did you know that?" he asked, now grabbing the sensitive skin with his palm and almost kneading it.

"Mmmmm..." Merlin whimpered, his eyes now shut as he bit his lip in concentration, trying to just feel Arthur. "Feels amazing," he said, a little broken. "Let me touch you Arthur, please, s'not just about me, come on..." he said, attempting coherency but his thighs were extremely sensitive and Arthur was taking full advantage of it.

"Shh it's ok love," he said "We have as long as we like, I just want to touch you for a while, that ok? I promise I'll let you touch me as much as you want soon."

Merlin was really in no state to argue with that so he just relaxed and focused again on Arthur's hands on him.

"And remember when I first did this?" Arthur asked, still keeping a hand on his thigh but leaning in with his mouth to place a kiss on Merlin's belly button. Merlin all but yelped in surprise as Arthur kept attacking all his sensitive spots at once.

"Y-yeah... yeah I do" Merlin said a little shakily "The first time, you... oh... you did this the first time I remember."

"Mmm," Arthur agreed, but too busy kissing and licking the skin around Merlin's belly button to form words. He dipped his tongue inside every few seconds just to hear Merlin's short gasps. Oh he loved how responsive Merlin was, it made Arthur want to smile and moan at the same time because Merlin was like this  _for him_. He would never feel like he deserved this.

The hand that Arthur had tucked behind Merlin's back, holding him safe, made its way to Merlin's left hand that was gripping the pillow rather tightly and he tapped at it gently, urging Merlin to loosen his grip. When he did, Arthur tried to take his husband's hand in his own, but he could only really hold his fingers from this angle. It didn't matter. The contact made him sigh into the crook of Merlin's neck anyway.

"I get terrified sometimes when I think about how much I love you Merlin," Arthur admitted, his voice quiet against Merlin's neck, but it was quiet enough in the small space between them that Merlin heard him perfectly.

"Me too," he said gently, caressing Arthur's fingers where they were joined with his on the pillow "Like I've said before, I'm terrified of how much I would do for you."

Arthur would see potential tears lurking in Merlin's eyes and he came down for a gentle kiss that was so soft it almost made them both whimper with the chasteness of it.

Finally, Arthur slowly settled his weight so he was mostly on top of Merlin, the space between them no longer acceptable when they could be touching completely.

Merlin sighed in happiness when he felt Arthur's warm body pressing against his skin, his cock nestled in the crook between his thigh and groin.

He tilted his hips up a little so Arthur's erection would grind gently against Merlin's inner thigh and he heard the King whimper above him, making him smile. Their hands were now fully joined, fingers laced together and Merlin squeezed Arthur's hand like a promise. And it seemed to be even more meaningful than the exchanging of the rings themselves. That simple gesture, that moment that clearly said  _I'll never leave you_  and  _You were made for me_ and  _I love you_.

"Aren't you going to remind me what other things we did during our first time?" Merlin murmured, smirking just a little to himself "I don't think I can remember..."

Arthur moved from where he had been idly nibbling Merlin's neck to look down at him with raised eyebrows "Well aren't you a little imp," he said affectionately, rubbing Merlin's nose with his own, laughing.

"But only your imp, don't forget that," Merlin said and he tried his best to direct Arthur head to his neck again, only not, because the place he was aiming for seemed to be a little higher up.

Arthur laughed when he realised where Merlin wanted him "Ok, ok love," he said "Have a little patience," and he proceeded to nibble at Merlin's earlobe,  _loving_  the short gasping sounds his lover made for him whenever he did this.

Merlin's eyes rolled back in his head as Arthur when Arthur licked at his earlobe and then slowly drew his tongue along the edge of his ear, biting a little along the way. He took his mouth off for a second to blow warm, moist air against the sensitive skin there and Merlin shuddered in Arthur's arms.

"I just love every part of you," Arthur whispered, kissing Merlin's ear once more "Even the parts of you that you hate" then he kissed the side of his head, making his way slowly across Merlin's skin " _especially_ those parts of you," then he kissed each one of Merlin's eye lids and he thought maybe he could feel them tingle under his lips, knowing that this was his favourite part about Merlin's magic- the way his eyes glowed. "In fact," he continued, now kissing his nose "those are the parts I love about you the most." He finished his journey by kissing Merlin on the lips and simultaneously rocking his hips down at a slightly different angle so his cock rubbed lightly against Merlin's.

" _Arthur_!" Merlin gasped, one hand digging into his back, the other tightly squeezing Arthur's hand.

"Merlin..." Arthur moaned back, rocking down again, wanting to feel the shivery good sensation of Merlin against him forever.

"Arthur  _please_ ," Merlin gasped as Arthur rocked down a third time.

"What is it my sweet?" he asked.

"I want to touch you  _please_!" He felt like he would die if he didn't get his hands on Arthur soon. And how could Arthur possibly deny him any longer after that?

He let Merlin manhandle him so he was lying back on the bed, the warlock draping himself slightly across him. Merlin smiled down at the king, his eyes bright with happiness rather than magic as he simply said, "Hi."

"Hey there," Arthur replied. He puckered his lips comically, inviting Merlin to come and kiss him and the warlock did so, laughing slightly.

As soon as their lips touched, Arthur swung his arms around Merlin's body, holding him shockingly tightly and causing Merlin to squeal in surprise into Arthur's mouth, but before he could do anything, Arthur simply used his weight to roll them over onto the opposite side of the mattress and then back again.

Somewhere halfway through their childish escapades, they broke the kiss and Merlin was panting in shock and Arthur was laughing, carefree and continuing to roll around in bed, wondering how long it would be until Merlin would get frustrated with him.

In the end Merlin took matters into his own hands and simply rolled on top of Arthur and kissed him hard, smiling as much as he could do under the circumstances.

Arthur was breathless afterwards, not only from messing around like an idiot but also from Merlin's swallowing kiss.

Merlin leant his forehead against Arthur's as if breathing in his essence. His eyes were closed and his breathing was heavy.

"Make love to me," he whispered.

How was it possible that even after all this time, Merlin still managed to take Arthur's breath away like that? Make his heart flutter and his soul ache with love for him. He took just a moment to stare down at Merlin and brush some hair out of his rather flushed face before placing a kiss on his temple.

"Let me just get the oil, love," he said, sliding off the bed and plodding over to the cupboard in search of the vial.

Merlin felt the butterflies in his stomach again, finally, after all this time feeling  _Arthur's_  and only his. He couldn't imagine a single day, second without Arthur  _ever_.

Before he knew it, Arthur was back, lying along his side and holding the small bottle of oil in his hands looking both parts triumphant and mischievous.

"Now I'm not letting you leave again," Merlin said happily, gently tugging Arthur down again for a light kiss and feeling him smile into it. He felt Arthur put the oil next to them on his gigantic bed, close enough to reach for it later, but for now they just wanted to be wrapped up in each other with no reason to rush.

"Do some magic for me?" Arthur asked him quietly when they pulled away and Merlin didn't really know what to do with himself having just heard that. His breath stuttered noticeably and he tried twice to force words past his lips but they refused to move, causing a light choking sound to emit from his throat.

"Are you ok?" Arthur asked.

And of course, Merlin couldn't really expect him to understand how he must feel. Merlin had never thought in his wildest dreams that he would be able to lie in bed with Arthur with no secrets plaguing them, nothing to hide. But more importantly, Arthur  _loved_  him. A few months ago he had all but thrown him out of Camelot for even the idea of Merlin possessing magic and now Merlin was lying in his arms about to do some magic for him because he had  _asked_.

"I just … I don't think you'll ever really understand how much it means to me to hear you say something like that after everything we've been through. I can't believe it. I can't believe how much has changed."

Arthur looked almost solemn, but answered anyway, "Not that much has changed" he murmured "you certainly haven't changed. Nor has Morgana – I'm the one that's changed for the better. Or at least I hope for the better."

Merlin cupped his cheek with a smile, "how could you ever think it's been for the worse," he chuckled quietly, not wanting to startle the tranquil silence around them. Arthur shrugged shyly and Merlin kissed him again before gently and slowly flipping them over so he was lying on top of Arthur, neither of them wanting to part their lips to acknowledge their change in position.

Without opening his eyes, Merlin conjured a circle of tiny balls of light to float above their heads. Arthur opened his eyes at that and detached his lips from merlin, sighing in happiness when Merlin's lips instead trailed down to his neck. He smiled in delight watching the firefly-like balls circling the canopy above their heads and brought Merlin's head back to his.

"Beautiful" he whispered, capturing his lips in another kiss.

Within the next few minutes, as Merlin's concentration waned, the flickering lights began to dim until they stopped shining altogether, but really, considering Arthur was almost trying to remould the shape of his mouth with his tongue, it was surprising Merlin could even remember his own name.

Merlin couldn't even remember the last time lovemaking had been this perfect and intimate. It took Merlin long luxurious minutes to kiss his way down Arthur's chest; stopping to linger on any places he already knew would produce a stronger reaction. By the time he reached the junction where his thighs met his groin, Merlin spent a little time nuzzling his skin there, kissing him softly – partly to tease, but partly just to drag this out even longer.

" _Merlin_ ," Arthur sighed, lightly gripping the sheets as he looked down at Merlin. He smiled from his position between Arthur's legs and kissed the base of his cock lovingly. Arthur looked wonderful. Flushed and pink cheeked from their mild touching so far and his lips were slightly redder than usual from the amount of times Merlin had kissed him.

"I was going to offer to suck you but…" he trailed off looking a little sheepish "I thought maybe we'd better save ourselves for something else?" Arthur smiled warmly, not at all disappointed. They would be able to do other things later, but for now, he knew what they both needed. And even though neither of them had to actually say it, voicing the words out loud always made both their hearts thump a little faster. So Merlin said,

"I really want you inside me." And then a little more quietly, intimately, "please"

Arthur ushered him up so he could kiss him again and with one hand grabbed the oil that they'd conveniently placed on the other side of the bed earlier.

"I love you" Merlin muttered into his mouth.

"I love you," Arthur answered back, almost before Merlin had finished speaking. It wasn't that he did it on purpose. It was just that with the dangerous life that they both lived, the fear of death hanging over them pretty much every day in all different forms, Arthur felt he  _had_ to tell Merlin how he felt, every second if need be. One of his biggest fears was one day losing Merlin or dying himself without having been able to tell Merlin he loved him back. So that he would never forget it.

"Do you want to? Or shall I?" Arthur asked, holding up the oil bottle. Merlin's eyes twinkled with happiness and he pushed the vial towards Arthur before moving to lay on his back with his legs spread eagerly.

Even though Arthur usually enjoyed being face to face with Merlin when they did this, it was far easier for him to do it right, get a better angle, making Merlin feel as good as possible, if he was lying between his legs. So with a parting kiss to his lips, Arthur scooted down to nestle between Merlin's legs, not being able to resist kissing the inside of one thigh, just quickly.

He coated his fingers liberally with the oil, not worrying about soiling the sheets and then stroked Merlin's hole gently with the pads of two fingers, just gentle enough to feel it flutter against them.

"Slow, yeah?" he asked, reaching for Merlin's hand with the one he wasn't currently using. Merlin nodded gently and closed his eyes, sighing and Arthur applied a little more pressure with his fingers, spreading the oil around his opening.

When he felt there was enough, Arthur slowly breached Merlin with one finger, stroking the Merlin's knuckles with his other hand. Merlin didn't really need him to be _too_ gentle. Even though they hadn't done this for a while, Merlin knew how to make his body respond to Arthur's touch, how to make himself as comfortable and relaxed as possible.

But Arthur still loved doing this. The slow build up of his fingers as they usually got to carried away to take it slow once one of them was inside the other.

"Oh God Arthur I love it. Love you," Merlin whispered, his eyes shut for now, and Arthur took that as a sign to add another finger. Merlin keened happily and opened his eyes to look down at his king, not being able to hide how overwhelmed and ecstatic he was to be here.

Arthur kissed Merlin's thigh slowly as he moved two fingers in and out of him, trying to find Merlin's prostate by curling his fingers and searching around.

"Arthur!  _Arthur_!" Merlin shouted, the loud noise echoing surprisingly in the quiet room. Arthur smirked happily and stroked over Merlin's prostate deliberately, not quite able to believe that someone else's pleasure could make him this light headed, make him feel this special.

"Perfect, so perfect for me, I love the way you trust me to do this, God Merlin I can't wait to be inside you, love you so much," Arthur mumbled into his thigh as Merlin made an ungodly amount of noise above him. "Do you want another?" he asked gently.

" _Yes! Please!_ " Merlin gasped, beginning to roll his hips slowly and Jesus how was Arthur supposed to concentrate when he watched Merlin take his fingers like  _that_? He managed to get a third finger in alongside the other two and couldn't help himself by leaning in to press a kiss to the base of Merlin's cock.

Merlin made a startled sound at the feel of three fingers now moving steadily inside of him and warm, wet tongue sliding over his shaft and he moaned Arthur's name, not knowing which way to thrust. His hand was still intertwined with Arthur's by his side, keeping him grounded and reminding him that he loved him more than anything and that they were  _married_ and that just made Merlin gasp louder, squeeze Arthur's hand tighter.

"Love the way you sound!" Arthur nearly growled as he lightly sucked on the head of Merlin's cock, just once. He didn't want to risk Merlin coming to soon. "Look at you. You're mine now and I can't believe I have you. Thank you so much, thank you."

Merlin couldn't even try to form a decent response, so instead he rocked his hips down harder, trying to show Arthur that he was ready, that he wanted to be close to him, needed him to be a part of him.

It seemed Arthur got the message because he removed his fingers slowly and came up to fit their mouths together and Merlin didn't even care how turned on he was, kissing Arthur was never a chore, even if he wanted something more.

Merlin smiled happily up at Arthur, but there was a twinkle of something playful and giddy that Arthur loved and what reminded him that they were still both so young, and yet they'd seen so much, experienced so many horrible and wonderful things that it was so easy to forget.

Merlin slowly rolled them over and Arthur beamed up at him, realising how Merlin wanted to do this. He adored seeing Merlin like this. He could see  _all_  of him much better and it made his heart flutter in ways that he used to mock before he had fallen in love with Merlin. But the first time they had done this, he couldn't believe how intimate it felt – how he loved being able to give Merlin back the control even though he could still be inside him the way they both loved. It wasn't often they did this (although Arthur made a mental note to ask Merlin why they didn't) and he was sure the excitement he felt was all too apparent on his face.

Merlin couldn't help but smile too and he leaned in to kiss Arthur just once before sitting back slightly to position himself right. He took Arthur's cock in his hand and tried to make eye contact with him and he slowly breached himself just with the head. They both made a quiet whimpering sound at the sensation and Merlin let himself rock back onto just the tip of Arthur's cock a few times, loving the teasing stretch of it and giggling a little when he could see how it was affecting Arthur.

He moved deeper, slowly, so slowly impaling himself onto Arthur and feeling lightheaded and giddy and so, so happy that he feared tears might begin to well in his eyes. He didn't need to worry about Arthur judging him on that score, as when he looked at him again, he could see the king was tearing up himself; biting his lower lip and staring at Merlin like he was the luckiest person alive.

He huffed out a small laugh at that, and Arthur laughed with him, taking him by the hand to try and ground himself. He needed Merlin  _closer_. So he gently tugged him by the hand so Merlin was draped over him. They both gasped as Arthur's cock shifted inside Merlin and the warlock whimpered Arthur's name helplessly.

"I know… I know… come on sweetheart, come on…" Arthur whispered against Merlin's lips and Merlin couldn't hold back anymore, lifting himself off Arthur and then back down slowly, groaning a little louder this time.

"So good!" Arthur gasped and Merlin nodded in agreement, repeating the movement. The feeling of being under Merlin was exquisite and he thought this might be his favourite position in the entire world. Being able to take care of Merlin and yet have Merlin draped over him, slightly in charge was perfect and loving and everything that made Arthur's toes curl with how good it felt.

Merlin rocked back on Arthur's cock slowly and leisurely for the longest time, groaning and muttering Arthur's name constantly, loving that he could physically hear Arthur's heartbeat against his chest. It was at moments like this, during their lovemaking that Merlin felt they were truly where they belonged – as one person, like it should always have been.

"Please," Merlin whimpered "Oh God  _please_  Arthur!"

Arthur wasted no time in sitting them both up, moaning loudly when his cock slipped in deeper to Merlin. He rocked them like that for a while, before settling Merlin onto his back and thrusting in almost immediately.

" _Yes!"_ Merlin gasped. As he lifted his hips a little, he felt Arthur hit his prostate and it made him writhe and moan louder.

"I'll never stop loving you," Arthur growled, driving in deeper, needing to be closer.

"Me neither.  _God_ Arthur I'm so close!" He knew it was a bit shameful for it to be over so quickly, but they'd both been turned on for ages and as emotional as they were now, stamina was not on their list of priorities.

Arthur came after Merlin, both of them nearly screaming with the intensity of it. It wasn't the most intense orgasm they'd had physically, but he could feel it  _everywhere_. In his heart, in his mind, and it felt incredible.

When they both came down from their high, Arthur gathered Merlin up in his arms and manoeuvred them back onto the right end of the bed, feeling that they would both fall back to sleep soon after their orgasms and considering it was still the early hours of the morning.

Merlin was shaking by the time they both got under the covers, and Arthur knew it wasn't just from the sudden chilliness in the room. He came closer to Merlin and wrapped his arms round him, also feeling a little shaky after what they'd just done.

Arthur felt like there was something he should say, but the moment Merlin gently took his hand, his grip loose due to his sudden fatigue, he knew that there was nothing that needed to be said. Nothing would ever lead him to nearly losing Merlin again or ever hurting him.

As they fell asleep in each other's arms, for now at least, they felt like everything might just be okay.


End file.
